by Helena Stone
Disgusted, she turned away from the mirror. When had she become this vain? The last time she’d worked this hard in the hope of impressing a man had been the first time Darren had taken her on a proper date. In fact, she’d been even worse then. She’d also been almost twenty years younger, of course.
Surprisingly, admitting she wanted to impress Jason didn’t worry her. She wasn’t afraid he’d change his mind, not really, but she didn’t want to leave anything to chance either.
She shook her head, marveling at her sudden and rather extreme conversion. Less than forty-eight hours ago she’d been sure she’d never revisit sex, only to find herself doing everything in her power to ensure it wouldn’t elude her now. It was as if someone had pressed a switch in her head.
She thought back to all the work they’d done after they’d returned from their outing. It had been nonstop. Jason had organized lunch and coffee in his office and they’d gone over his plans, his expectations and the guest list. Yes, the guest list. She’d expected most if not all of the names and had been surprised and relieved to find one name missing. She’d been sure he would top the list and wasn’t sure what his absence meant. Still, it was one potential headache less.
There had been one or two other things left to address, but those were details and could be ironed out closer to the date. For now, the catering had been organized and the preliminary timetable established. Being a party planner for the BDSM community meant you rarely needed to come up with a theme for the event. Still, they’d managed to divide the weekend up into several sessions with a different focus. Overall it had been a productive afternoon and it was good to know that all the basics had been covered.
She sighed. Except that with the work done, there was no reason to stay. The schedule had made perfect sense when they’d agreed on it. She was supposed to return the Monday before the weekend kicked off to finalize all the details. In theory therefore, she was good to go home. There was no official reason to stay here any longer.
Two days ago, when she’d driven up from Dublin, the only thing stopping her from turning around and driving straight back had been the knowledge it would only be for a few days. Now, with nothing preventing her from returning to Dublin, she wanted to stay longer.
A knock on her door stopped her from pursuing that thought further. That would be Jason collecting her for their dinner with Hector and Amber. Her earlier excitement about meeting them fought with worries she couldn’t suppress. They seemed nice but reminded her a lot of herself and Darren and she wasn’t sure how much she wanted that reminder now that she was about to give in to her lust for Jason. One last glance at her image in the mirror and she opened the door, only to forget how to breathe.
Jason looked overpoweringly male. The man standing in front of her personified dominance. She’d had her doubts about how dominant he actually was over the past few days—it was one of her worries about this party. Any reservations she might have had were gone. All her long dormant instincts kicked in. One look at this face and she lowered her gaze, felt her nipples tightening and her pussy contract. She wanted to fall to her knees and stay there, worship him—and only just managed to stop herself.
His hand underneath her chin had her looking into his dark eyes again. Shivers ran down her spine as his gaze skimmed over her body and back to her face.
“Beautiful.”
One word, in the tone of voice she recognized on an instinctive level, sent thrills through her.
“Jason, you look… Wow.”
She found herself completely tongue-tied, and the smirk on his face did nothing to alleviate her tension.
His kiss did help. When he pushed his tongue past her lips and pulled her flush against his body, she felt herself relax. Oh, God, she wanted this. She yearned for contact. The moan escaping her mouth still took her by surprise.
“So beautiful and so eager.”
Jason’s smile set all her nerves off again.
“Ready to have dinner with friends?”
“No. Yes, of course I’m ready.” His smirk told her he knew exactly what he was doing to her. She’d better get her shit together before they reached wherever Hector and Amber lived. She was liable to make a complete fool of herself otherwise. And Jason wasn’t helping. In fact, he appeared to be taking great pleasure from her discomfort.
The elevator felt too small for the two of them. Jason’s personality filled the space and Heather backed away. He didn’t give her an inch. Every step back was copied by a step forward until her arse hit the wall, their feet toe to toe and his face so close his breath touched her hair.
“I want you.”
Jason’s hand was in her hair, pulling her head back and up, his mouth on hers again. It was only a few floors, but by the time the doors dinged their arrival, Heather’s breathing sounded more like panting. Grinning, Jason took her hand and led her down the corridor, through a back door and into the garden.
In the early evening light, the colors were less vibrant than they’d been during the day, but the smell of recently cut grass combined with the wide variety of flowers almost overwhelmed her senses.
“Most of the permanent staff have apartments over there.” Jason pointed toward a large, two-story barn conversion partially hidden behind a line of trees. “Hector and Amber live over to the far side, close to the pond you saw this morning.”
The water in the pond was still and shone like a mirror. The deck chairs had been folded and piled away. Through a gap in a high hedge, Heather spotted the cutest cottage she’d ever seen. She stopped walking and took her time, drinking in the sight. The house wasn’t big, just about the right size for a couple. It appeared to be built from loose stones of various sizes. Plants in full bloom climbing up the walls gave the whole picture a fairytale feel.
“This is idyllic, Jason.”
“Isn’t it?”
The voice coming from her right, apparently out of nowhere, gave her a shock.
“We’re privileged to be allowed to live here.”
“Nonsense, Hector. I’m privileged to have the two of you working for me. This was the least I could do. The house was here anyway.” Jason seemed embarrassed by the other Dom’s praise.
“Heather, you haven’t met Hector yet. Hector Kelly, meet Heather Staunton.”
The Dom’s scrutiny made her want to squirm. “How are you, Heather? May I call you Heather?”
She knew her smile was feeble, but it was the best she could do. “Of course, S… I’m sorry, how would you like me to address you?”
“Call me Hector. I’m Sir to only one person in this world. We have to put up with guests who don’t know any better addressing me as Sir, but everybody else calls me Hector.”
This time her smile was strong and heartfelt. Knowing he wasn’t an egomaniac Dom made the evening less intimidating than it had been a moment ago. It also confirmed her first impressions of him had been right. She’d never been a fan of addressing men she didn’t know, and would never submit to, as ‘Sir’ and neither had Darren, but there were quite a few Doms who demanded it. She couldn’t help feeling it was because they weren’t too sure about themselves. Not that she’d ever say such a thing out loud, but the suspicion was there.
“Please, walk with me. We’ve set up for dinner in the back garden. The evening is too beautiful to waste inside.”
The walk around the little house was magical. The garden appeared to be wild, although Heather had no doubt a lot of planning had gone into making it look like a quirk of nature. This sort of garden, with all its corners and bushes in unexpected places, invited games like hide and seek, and the perfect climbing tree she saw near the far wall made her wish she’d put on trousers rather than a dress.
“You’ve got yourself a piece of heaven here.”
Heather was rewarded with the Dom’s huge smile. “We certainly think so. Jason may make light of it, but for us, having this house is what has made The Blowhole our home. Amber, love”—Hector turned to face the cottage—�
�our guests have arrived.”
Heather laughed out loud when she saw the beautiful girl walk into the garden. If they’d planned it, they couldn’t have worked it out like this. Amber’s outfit was an almost exact copy of hers although the girl wore all white for Heather’s all black.
“Must be a case of great minds.” Amber smiled.
“Or great taste.” The pride in Jason’s voice was mirrored in his eyes when Heather glanced up at him.
“What would you two like to drink?” Hector opened an outside fridge.
After beer and glasses of wine had been dispensed, they sat down and Heather took her time taking in the Dom and his sub. She recognized it in the small things. The way he touched Amber constantly. The adoration in Amber’s eyes whenever she looked at Hector. Only needing half a word before finishing the other’s sentence. The love between these two was so clear Heather could feel it in the air. This was a happy home occupied by two people who were made to be together.
Just for a moment, the sadness was back. A little sting in her heart.
“Heather, what’s wrong?”
Two voices asking the same question simultaneously made her smile and the pain faded away. She should have known she wouldn’t get away with stray feelings around two experienced Doms.
“I’m fine. It’s just that I recognize so much of what I had with Darren in you two.” She nodded at Hector and Amber. “It was the same, only much stronger last night.” She swallowed. “About last night. I apologize if I disrupted your scene. If I’d known I was going to react like that…”
“No need to apologize. You didn’t disrupt anything.” Hector hesitated. “While I hated seeing you in pain, it is always gratifying when our displays touch people.”
She thought about it and nodded. She wouldn’t have reacted last night if it hadn’t been for the obvious connection between the two players. Heather wasn’t sure why the knowledge made her feel better but it did, and she felt herself relax. “I’ll stop worrying about it then.” She shook her head. “Still, I’m glad you’re taking it so well. I’ve seen some Doms lose the plot over the slightest disruption while they work.”
“You know there are reasons for that, Heather. Distracting a Dom at the wrong time can have disastrous consequences for the sub.” Jason’s voice was stern.
“She didn’t interrupt the scene, Jason. Let’s not create problems where there are none.”
The more time she spent with Hector, the more she liked the Dom with the voice of reason.
Hector continued. “Besides, you’re both right. There are good reasons for frowning on interruptions, just as there are Doms out there who completely overreact when it does happen. Let’s leave it there. Jason, why don’t you give me a hand with the barbeque? We’ll leave the ladies to their drinks.”
* * * *
“Wanna talk about it?”
Jason tore his gaze away from Heather and looked at his friend. He wasn’t surprised Hector didn’t waste any time before getting on his case. “Not really.” He stared at the glowing coal as Hector put steak and chicken on the rack.
“What happened with Heather last night?”
“Not my story, Hector. Not for me to share.”
He hated keeping his friend at arm’s length, but he just wasn’t ready to talk about all the doubts and confusing emotions running through him. If he started talking about Heather, he’d eventually end up having to admit to his own feelings.
“Fair enough.”
Hector studied him and for a moment Jason knew exactly what it had to be like to be submissive. He almost wanted to open up to this man.
“You going to tell me what’s up with you then? You haven’t been yourself for weeks now.”
Jason sighed. “It’s complicated.”
Boy was it ever complicated. It had been straightforward until Heather had walked back into his life. He’d been ready to admit defeat. But now…he didn’t know what he wanted or needed anymore. All he knew was that he craved Heather, that she made him feel things he’d thought he would never experience again. He had no idea how to deal with all the conflicting feelings.
“And not something I want to talk about now.” Or ever. He couldn’t see himself ever admitting to having lost his drive.
“You know you need to talk, Jason. Don’t be a fool. Don’t shut yourself off.”
Hector’s voice sounded both stern and encouraging. Sometimes Jason felt like hitting the man. Why did he have to be so damned reasonable and almost always right?
“I know. Damn it, I do know. Just not now.”
Jason glanced away, focusing his attention on Heather and Amber, who were talking and smiling. Both women looked beautiful and relaxed. This was how Heather should be all the time, happy in her skin and at ease with the world. He couldn’t quite believe this was the same woman as the nervous creature who had walked into his office only yesterday.
Hector’s voice brought his attention back to the Dom next to him.
“I’ll let it go for now. But, Jason?”
Something in Hector’s voice warned him he might not like the man’s next words.
“I’ve known you for over a year now and I’ve never seen you look at anyone the way you’re looking at Heather. Whatever is going on, don’t be stupid. Don’t ruin it out of some idiotic sense of pride. And find me when you’re ready to talk.”
Jason nearly growled. The bastard didn’t even say ‘if’. ‘When you’re ready to talk’, as if it was a foregone conclusion. Keeping his thoughts to himself, Jason just nodded.
“I think that meat is ready to be eaten. Let’s join the girls.”
Maybe he was a coward, he just didn’t know anymore. He couldn’t talk about things he hadn’t worked out for himself yet. He’d get there. And when he did, he would talk—or not.
“Heather.”
The dominant tone in Hector’s voice took Jason by surprise. Heather had obviously picked up on it as well. Her reaction was as instant as it was automatic. Her eyes were down, her shoulders back and a small smile touched her lips. Then she was out of the zone again. Just like that.
“Yes, Hector?”
“Tell me about last night. What happened? I hate that we upset you.”
Jason held his breath. Would she open up and talk about her feelings with the three of them? They were virtual strangers. She’d no real reason to trust them with her emotions. He watched her intently as she looked from Hector to Amber and finally rested her gaze on him, clearly coming to a conclusion.
“You didn’t upset me, Hector, although the scene did unsettle me. You woke me up.”
Surprise, relief, shock flashed across her face, betraying her every emotion. He saw the big breath it took for her to continue and relished her smile when she found the courage.
“You two reminded me of Darren and me. It was the first visual reminder since he died. It shook me.” She shrugged her shoulders as if it wasn’t anything big.
For a moment he thought she’d leave it there.
“It was so beautiful. A reminder of what I used to have and a confirmation of all I’ve lost.”
“I’m so sorry, Heather. If I were to lose Hector—” Amber’s voice was a whisper and the sub’s eyes were filled with tears as she glanced at her Dom. “I don’t know how I’d go on living.”
“Neither did I.”
Heather’s honesty astounded Jason. Maybe she needed to work it all out for herself in the company of people who hadn’t known her husband.
“But last night and this morning—after I’d calmed down—I realized something.” Suddenly her smile was bright. “I’ll always have those memories, and I’ll always treasure them. But I can’t live my life on old memories.”
For the second time he thought she’d reached the end of what she wanted to share.
“And?”
Anger flared in Jason. Who was Hector to ask Heather all these questions and force her to share her pain? Without thinking about it, Jason picked up her hand and stroke
d his thumb over her soft skin.
“Enough about this. We’re supposed to be having a fun and relaxing dinner. All of us. Lay off the third degree already.”
Heather squeezed his hand. He looked at her. She was fine. She didn’t appear to mind. It was as if she was lighter. As if someone had lifted a weight from her shoulders.
“If I’m going to live rather than exist, it is time to start treasuring the memories I have while opening myself up to new ones.”
Jason would have been hard pressed to name the emotions running through him. She wanted to make new memories. Surely that meant she didn’t regret what had happened earlier. He knew what he wanted. Her, in his arms, in his bed, under him, above him, around him. And so much more. He wanted her on her knees, submitting to him, trusting him to give her everything she needed. If only he could trust himself, things would be perfect.
He felt more than saw Hector staring at him and ignored it, digging into his juicy steak instead. “This is great, just what we needed after an afternoon of party planning.” He was well aware he was less than subtle in his change of topic, but fuck it. The personal stuff had gone more than far enough. “You and Amber still up for one or two exhibitions during the weekend?”
Chapter Eleven
Heather took comfort from Jason’s arm around her shoulder. The garden at night took her breath away. The low lights, evenly spaced along the various meandering paths, gave her surroundings an almost mythical glow. It was as if she’d stepped into another world.
Heather wasn’t sure what to make of her sudden transformation. Only yesterday she’d been scared and sad. She didn’t know why she suddenly felt her life was once again filled with opportunities, but she embraced the feeling.
She’d occasionally wondered what moving forward would be like. And she’d been sure she would feel as if she were betraying Darren and their shared past. Now the moment had arrived, it amazed her how easily she’d slipped into this new phase of her life. She was excited. She’d even admit to being a little scared. The good kind of scared though. The scared you feel when you’re about to take a step into the unknown. The kind of excitement she associated with new opportunities.
