by Lilly Atlas
“Have a seat.” Striker directed Nick to an empty chair at a table. “Lila will examine your shoulder. You have until she’s finished to convince me not to kill you and dump the body in the lake.”
Amanda gasped. He couldn’t be serious, but then, from what Nick told her, both these men had good reason to want his head on a spike. They wouldn’t really do it though, would they?
“Take your shirt off before you sit,” Lila instructed, her tone all business.
From behind her, Striker snorted. “I don’t think so, babe,” he said.
With a roll of her eyes, Lila gestured to Nick to do what she’d asked. “Striker, what the hell do you think is going to happen? I’m going to be so overcome with lust I won’t be able to control myself? I see men in various stages of undress all day every day.”
Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say to her man because he narrowed his eyes and growled. “You’ll be paying for that later.”
Lila shot him a sassy wink and turned her attention to a lanky man who was walking through the door with Kat in his arms. “Bring her in the back room so she can rest in one of the beds. I’ll be right in, Gumby.”
Gumby? Despite the seriousness of the situation, Amanda almost laughed. The name fit him well. He was super tall with long limbs that looked almost stretchy.
“I’m so sorry.” The pretty doctor focused on Amanda. “I didn’t even introduce myself. I’m Lila, his wife,” she said as she inclined her head toward Striker. “I’m also an emergency room doc so I promise Snake is in good hands here.”
“Thanks. I’m Amanda.” She wanted to correct Lila. It was Nick, not Snake. But she kept it to herself.
“I’m good,” Nick said. “See to her first.” He pointed toward the hallway where this Gumby character disappeared with Kat.
Lila cocked her head and raised an eyebrow as she stared at Nick. Amanda would love to know what was going on in the doctor’s head. Lila nodded and grabbed her bag before heading down the hallway.
“Go with her, babe,” Nick said. “I know you want to see about Kat. I’ll be fine.”
She stood up and glanced at the five or so men in the room. If she left, would they hurt Nick? Would they beat him? Kill him? Her heart stuttered in her chest and she hesitated.
“No one’s gonna hurt your ol’ man, honey. You can go with Lila,” Striker said.
She looked into his eyes and saw honesty, so she nodded, squeezed Nick’s uninjured shoulder and took off after Lila.
“Okay, Snake,” Striker said once Amanda was out of earshot. He didn’t seem inclined to use the name Nick, like he wanted to make sure Nick remembered his past and who he was. “Start talking.”
He didn’t waste any time getting through the story. Nothing was left out, not how power hungry he’d been, not his ownership of the guilt and apology for what he did to Emily, and not the extent of his injuries. He owed these men the truth. It was a sign of respect, and respect was one of the most important things to an MC. The No Prisoners weren’t saints by any means, but they’d always had higher standards than his own MC. They steered clear of drugs and were more community oriented. They were good men.
The men didn’t interrupt while Nick spoke though they must have had questions. Every so often Jester grunted and his jaw ticked. Nick could now appreciate how hard this was for the man. He’d nearly killed John Michaels for much less than Nick himself had done to Emily.
“So,” he concluded, “I don’t know what the fuck I did to deserve it—hell, I know I didn’t do a damn thing to deserve it—but I’ve found something good. It’s a quiet, peaceful life with a damn good woman. I’m not sure it could be more different than my life was with the Grimm Brothers, but it’s good. Better than good.”
Amanda and Lila walked back into the room as he was finishing his story. She went straight to him and claimed the seat next to him. He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles.
Lila moved to his other side and set about cleaning the wound. He winced when the antiseptic stung the shit out of his shoulder but gritted through the pain. He’d had worse, much worse.
“Anyway, I had some demons to conquer and some amends to make. Just seemed like the decent thing to do. And since I’m trying my hand at being a decent human being these days…” He shrugged then his shoulders drooped. “I’ve done some bad shit, to all of you. Apologizing seems so inadequate, but it’s all I have now. I hope it helps, even a little to know I truly regret my actions and no one innocent will be hurt at my hand ever again.”
“Well, holy shit.” Finished bandaging his shoulder, Lila plopped into an empty chair next to Emily. Striker and Jester stood behind the women, leaning against the bar with identical crossed arm poses. “I believe him,” Lila said, her voice betraying her surprise at her own statement.
“I think I do too,” Emily whispered. “I can’t believe I’m even saying that, but I believe him too.”
The men weren’t quite as willing to admit any feelings of forgiveness or acceptance.
“I heard the Grimms had a bit of trouble yesterday,” Striker said.
“You don’t say?” One eyebrow arched as Nick gazed at Striker.
“Club’s fucked. One of their buildings went up in flames. Drugs, guns, money. All burned to a crisp. Heard it was some crazy shit,” Jester added.
“No kidding? I hadn’t heard.” Nick’s face was impassive, not that anyone was a buying it.
An awkward silence settled on the room. Amanda rose. “Well, we’ll, uh, get out of your hair.”
Nick stood and shrugged into his T-shirt with a small grunt of pain.
“With the sedative I gave your friend, she’ll be out for hours,” Lila said. “I’ll check on her throughout the day and you can come pick her up later. I suggest you get her to a hospital. They’ll help get her into a rehab program from there.”
“Thank you so much. You didn’t have to do any of this for us.” She hugged Lila. “We’ll take her back with us and get her the help she needs.”
“Come on, baby. We both need some rest. Let’s crash for a while at the motel and check on Kat later.” He curled an arm around her shoulders and guided her to the exit.
“Hey,” Jester called just as they stepped outside. He stood in the doorway with a hand extended. “We’re ain’t ever gonna be friends, but you saved Emily’s life today. I’d say that deserves at least a handshake.”
It was as close to a peace offering as the man could make, and Nick appreciated it more than he could voice. Amanda had been right. It felt good, unburdening his soul. Seeking absolution for his worst sins. He shook Jester’s and nodded before guiding Amanda to the truck.
They drove to the motel in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. When they entered the motel room, he pulled her straight toward the bed. She was too tired, too drained to argue and allowed him to guide her down to the mattress. He then pulled off her shoes and toed off his boots before joining her.
The second his arms wrapped tight around her and drew her against him, Amanda relaxed. For the first time in days he felt his own tension seep away.
“Are you going to let me come home with you?” he asked against her hair. He felt lighter than he had in years. His hands would never be clean, but thanks to Amanda, he’d die with them a lot less dirty than they could have been.
She nodded, her nose rubbing up and down along his chest.
“Are you going to let me stay?”
“Yes.”
“Forever?”
She lifted her head and looked him in the eye, probably gauging his sincerity. He’d never been surer of anything in his life. With Amanda was where he belonged.
“Forever,” she said.
Nick smiled and lowered his mouth until it was a breath away from hers. “I love you, Amanda. I’ve never said that to another person. To be honest, I don’t think I had the ability to love anyone before I met you. You freed me from the chains of darkness and saved me from destroying myself and many others.�
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Tears filled her eyes and she gave him a watery smile. “I love you too, Nick. No matter who you were or what you’ve done in the past, you’re my Nick now. Nothing else is important.”
“Nothing else matters,” he whispered as he captured her mouth.
He wasn’t fool enough to believe there wouldn’t be hard times ahead. Kat would need a lot of help in the coming months and he had no doubt Amanda would be there holding her hand through her entire recovery. The fact that he was officially a citizen and no longer a member of an MC would take some getting used to as well. He missed the brotherhood and may have a few dark days in the future. He may have changed, but he’d never be fully civilized. The road ahead was riddled with potholes, but Amanda believed in him and more importantly believed in them. He was confident he would never backslide into outlaw life as long as Amanda was by his side.
Nothing else mattered.
Epilogue
The house was quiet when Amanda returned from work. Most evenings, Nick was waiting for her on the porch with a cold soda or a glass of wine. She’d join him on the porch swing and they sit for an hour while they shared their days. Then they’d retire inside, cook dinner, relax a while, and spend the rest of the night either making love or just being with each other.
She absolutely loved their routine, but the hour on the porch was probably her favorite hour of the day. The happiness Nick always wore on his face when he first saw her was enough to make even the worst of days better. They had a good life. It was quiet and unassuming, but she wouldn’t trade it for the world.
That evening, though, Nick wasn’t on the porch. And he wasn’t on the first level of the house. Nor was there any call or text from him. “Nick?” she called as she ascended the steps and walked toward their bedroom.
Silence was the only response and nerves fluttered in her stomach. Had something happened to him? She’d been concerned about him for the past few days. Exactly one year had passed since the day Casper died. They hadn’t spoken about it, but there was no way Nick wasn’t aware of the date.
With a sigh, she crossed their room and stared out the window. Their bedroom was on the side of the house that faced the lake and way down by the water, a lone figure sat gazing out at the shimmering water. The person was too far away to be seen clearly, but Amanda knew in her gut it was Nick.
She jogged back down the stairs, grabbed two beers from the fridge and set out to see what was on her man’s mind.
Shortly after they’d returned to Idaho one year ago, Nick had told her more about his life with the Grimm Brothers. He’d never share all the details of his life prior to their relationship, and she’d come to terms with that. He didn’t want her thinking of him that way and she understood his need to protect her. They’d never spoken about his past with the MC again and even though he seemed happy with their life, she worried on occasion that it wasn’t enough for him.
It took her about five minutes to walk to where he sat, gazing out at the water as though searching for something. It was clear he was lost in thought and she hated to startle him, but didn’t see any way around it.
“Nick,” she said softly.
He jumped and swiveled his head around so fast he almost toppled his chair. “Shit!” He glanced at his watch. “I’m sorry, baby. I meant to be back before you got home.”
She waved it off and stepped closer to him. “No worries. Brought you a beer,” she said as she held the bottle out.
“Thanks.” He snagged her wrist and tugged her down to his lap, wrapping his arms around her as he twisted the cap off the beer. “Mind if we sit here for a while?”
She kissed him then draped her legs over the arm rest and rested her head on his strong chest. “Mind if we sit here all snuggled up with the most gorgeous view in the state? Nope. Not at all.”
Nick chuckled then tilted his beer up to his lips.
“Kat called today,” she said. It seemed a safer topic than asking what he was doing out there.
“How’s she doing?”
“Well. She’ll be staying with her parents for a little longer, but she’s working again and seems to be so much better. All the therapy really helped.”
“Good,” he said as he took another drink. “I’m glad her family was so willing to help her out.”
She nodded then fell into silence. After a while, the quiet began to drive her nuts. “You okay?” she asked, gazing up at him. His face was scruffy like he hadn’t bothered shaving in a few days. She always liked the feel of it on her skin.
He looked down and kissed her, long and slow and sweet.
“You remembered what day it is?” He asked after he pulled back.
She nodded. “Of course.”
“I’m all right, baby. Just thinking about stuff.”
Amanda sipped her beer as she worked up the courage to ask the one question she wondered about every so often. She’d promised herself she wouldn’t ask, because Nick had never given her any indication that he wanted to return to his MC life, but it had been his world for so long. Wouldn’t anyone miss something they’d put so much time and energy into?
“How about you? You okay?” he asked. “You’re usually much chattier.”
She laughed and some of the tension she’d been carrying the past few days dissipated. “You saying I talk too much?”
Nick chuckled. “No, I’m not that stupid.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, babe.” He held the beer in one hand and used the other to rub up and down her back. One thing she really loved about Nick was how he always seemed to be touching her. It made her feel wanted all of the time.
“I know you don’t like to talk about this stuff, but it’s been on my mind given today’s date.” She breathed in then blew out a deep breath. “Do you ever miss it. I mean, wish-you-could-go back miss it?”
“Miss what? Being in the MC?” His hand stilled and he frowned down at her.
She nodded.
“Shit, babe. Have you been worried about this?”
“Not really.”
He gave her a hard look.
“Okay, maybe a little.”
He sighed. “Well then I’ll make this easy. No. No, I do not wish I was back in Arizona with the club.”
Even though in her heart she knew he’d say that, it was still good to hear. She really had a good life with the man she loved and couldn’t ask for anything more.
Nick couldn’t believe she’d been stressing over his desire to remain with her. He felt like a heel. At some point, he must have given her a reason to believe he’d rather be back with the Grimm Brothers.
“I’m sorry if I made you worry about this.” He ran his hand up and down the feminine curve of her back. Touching her was one of his greatest pleasures, even if it wasn’t in a sexual manner. It was his way of reassuring himself that this new life he had was real. That Amanda was real and by his side.
Despite the fact that he hadn’t thought of himself as Snake in months, the life he now led still felt foreign on occasion. At least once or twice a month, he’d wake in the middle of the night, confused and convinced he was back in Arizona. The sense of relief that always accompanied the realization that he was in his bed with his woman was staggering. Now that he had more than just a taste of happiness, the thought of it disappearing sickened him.
“You didn’t do anything, I promise. I’m really not sure why I was thinking about it. I guess it’s just because you spent your entire adult life with the MC. It had to be hard to leave. And with this week bringing back some intense memories…” She shrugged against his chest. “I guess it just had my mind running away with me.” She pressed a kiss to his chest then rested her cheek against him.
“I guess we should have talked about all of this more, and that’s on me, but baby, you have to believe that I’m happy here with you. More than happy. Happy really doesn’t come close to describing how I feel. It’s just…sometimes I feel like there’s no possible way this could be
real. I don’t deserve this, any of this. I especially don’t deserve you.”
“Nick,” she whispered.
“I worry that it will all be ripped away. And that will be my punishment for all the things I’ve done. You’re right about this week. The past few days have just churned up all sorts of shitty feelings and memories.”
“I don’t think it works that way. I don’t think just because you’ve done things in the past that are questionable that you’ll have everything good in your life taken away.”
He grunted. “Nothing questionable about some of it, babe. Some of it was just downright wrong. And you ever heard of karma?”
“The man I know is completely different from the man you describe yourself as being in the past. You’ve done a one-eighty. You’ve atoned for what sins you could and have done a lot of good with your life over the past year. How many people have you helped with their repairs for a fraction of what you should be charging them? You’re a good man, Nick. I don’t think the universe is just waiting around for a chance to get even with you. Besides, you were beaten to within inches of your life, shot, and left for dead. Don’t you think you’ve been punished enough?”
He let her words roll around in his head for a few moments. Amanda, amazing woman that she was, must have sensed he needed a moment because she remained silent, supporting him with her quiet strength.
He glanced down at her beautiful face. Maybe she was right. Maybe the universe would spare him from further retaliation. He had to run with it because he didn’t want to waste a minute of the time he had with her. Waiting around for the other shoe to drop would do just that.
“Beautiful and wise,” he said in a playful tone.
Amanda chuckled. “You are one lucky man.”
“I am.”
Her head tilted up and she winked. “That’s what I just said.”
After letting his near empty bottle fall to the ground, he cupped the back of her head. “No, Amanda.” His voice was dead serious now. “I mean it. I’m one lucky shit. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that if I hadn’t met you, I’d have gone off in search of revenge and taken my club back. There’s a good chance my life would have ended with prison time or an early death. You saved me and I’m the luckiest sonofabitch around.”
