She flung herself into his arms and clung to him like a bur. “Oh, Warren,” she whispered as her shivering slowly abated. “I was terrified that the chase was what truly interested you. Not me.”
He growled his displeasure. “I will somehow prove to you my constancy and my love. I will erase these doubts, and you will never wonder again how I feel about you.” He held her head between his large palms, his fingers digging into her scalp. “I love you, Helen Clark. Now and forever, I love you.”
Her gaze was filled with wonder. “Helen Clark. I didn’t pay attention when Frederick spoke. I was too dazed after our kiss.”
He laughed. “You do wonders for a man’s ego.” He leaned forward, his mouth near hers, waiting for her to meet him. He sighed with relief tinged with pleasure when she stood on her toes to kiss him. “Yes, Nell, never be afraid to show me how much you like my touch. How much you want me to touch you.”
She pushed him away and took a deep breath. After a moment she met his gaze, hers filled with embarrassment and longing. “I want to make love with you again. I want proof that my memories were true. That I’m not consigned to dreams and fantasies for the rest of my life.”
He groaned and grabbed her hand, leading her to the bed. He stopped short when he saw her breathing heavily. “Dammit, I’m sorry, Nell. I’m acting like a ham-fisted teenager.” He dropped her hand. “I want this to be perfect, but I don’t know what to do.”
She smiled and leaned against him. “Hold me, Warren. Hold me for a little while.”
His arms latched around her, and he tugged her close. He stroked long fingers over her back, easing the tension a little more with each pass of his fingers. When she sighed into his chest, he groaned. “I want you, Nell. I can’t lie to you and say I don’t.”
She smiled. “I know. But I’ve changed. And I fear you won’t like the changes.”
He eased her from his arms, his thumbs on her cheeks. “The hint of your curves were present the last time we were together.” He leaned forward and kissed her reverently. “Now you are all woman. With curves meant to tempt a man.” His hands dropped to her shoulders and then her hips, caressing her flesh. “You are beautiful, Helen. Never let anyone tell you otherwise.”
She blinked away tears. “So are you,” she whispered. “Although I fear you already know that.”
He laughed. “Never tell another soul you believe I’m beautiful. It isn’t manly.” She giggled as he had intended. When he began to loosen her buttons, she stilled under his hands before arching into his touch. He whisked down her dress, frowning when he saw the next layer of cloth. “How many layers are there?” he grumbled as he ran a hand over her cotton slip.
He kissed her bared shoulder and teased the strap down her arm, meeting her amused gaze. “You are a goddess, Helen,” he whispered as he bent forward to kiss her corset-covered chest.
She gasped, grabbing the back of his head as she tugged him closer to her. “Oh, God, I forgot how this feels. Make me remember,” she whispered as she tangled her fingers in his hair. She screeched as he stood tall and spun her, intent on untying her corset strings.
“If I knot these, I’m cutting them apart,” he warned.
“Be patient, and they will come free without tangling,” she said, gulping in air as she was released from the confining garment.
“Patience,” he muttered. “Don’t know how a woman can speak of patience at a time like this.” He smiled against her back as she giggled, kissing his way down her spine as his mouth followed his fingers. When he’d freed her of her clothes, he turned her toward him. She stood naked in front of him, and he paused. His ardent gaze roved over her from head to foot. He caught her hands as they rose to conceal her. “No, Nell. No. You are wondrous. Thank you for trusting me with you.”
She attempted a smile and reached out to touch his mouth.
He kissed her fingers and smiled before spreading his arms wide. “It’s your turn.” He saw surprise and then delight in her eyes as she tugged at his tie and then his waistcoat.
She tossed his clothes to the floor, teasing him by taking her time with each button down the front of his shirt. She leaned forward and kissed his chest as he had kissed her back, her lips following her fingers.
“Unfair,” he rasped, dropping his head back and fisting his hands at his sides.
“Fair,” she teased as she nuzzled his belly. She pulled his shirt free from his pants and pushed it off his shoulders. She giggled again at having forgotten to unfasten his cuff links, and she raised his hands, one at a time, kissing each palm before freeing each wrist. Finally he was undressed from the waist up.
He met her questioning gaze and raised an eyebrow in challenge. She bit her lip and yanked at his belt, inadvertently tightening it. He yelped and bowed forward as it cinched him in delicate places.
“Oh, forgive me,” she gasped.
He batted away her hands and unfastened the low-slung belt. After a few deep breaths, he laughed. “Serves me right. Should know better than to tease the town healer.”
“Warren,” she whispered, choking back tears.
He caught her against him, burying his face in her hair. “Nell, nothing could ruin this night for me. Not even that could ruin my ardor for you.” He sensed when she stilled in his arms and realized his evident desire for her. “Come. Help me out of my pants and drawers. Then make love with me.”
He kissed her softly as her hands worked at the buttons of his pants. “Let’s dispel any doubts you have from three years ago.” He kissed her again, groaning as they were both naked. “Come to bed, wife.” He smiled as she blushed with pride, joy and anticipation, no shame or fear in her gaze as she took his hand and joined him in bed.
He lay next to her with her head pillowed on his shoulder. A contented sigh escaped, and he ran a hand over her shoulder. When he heard her sniffle and realized the moisture on his chest was tears rather than sweat, he stilled. “Nell? Did I hurt you? I meant to be gentle, but the reality of having you in my arms again was …” He stopped and heaved out a sigh.
She scraped her face against his chest. “No.” Her breathy exhalation of the word did little to ease his rising tension.
He moved so they lay face-to-face and cupped her head so she would meet his gaze. “What did I do? Why are you crying?” He frowned when her tears continued to course down her cheeks and she remained quiet. “I’m sorry.”
His whispered, broken apology brought her out of her mute stupor. “No, Warren. No.” She leaned forward and kissed him. She swiped at her tears and smiled.
At last he saw the joy hidden in her eyes, lurking behind the dazed wonder and surprise. “Nell?”
“I couldn’t believe it was better than my memories,” she whispered. “I’ve fed them, lived off them for so long that I worried I would be disappointed.” She cupped his cheek at his dawning jubilation.
She gasped as he pulled her toward him, kissing her again with fierce intensity. “I love you, Nell. I will always love you.” He waited, his ardor fading when she failed to speak. He looked into her eyes. “Why won’t you speak the words?”
She shook her head. “I have this fear that, when I say what I feel, what I most want will be taken away from me.” She buried her head against his chest. “I know it’s not rational. I know it’s childish. But I can’t shake the terror that I will lose you if I tell you how I feel.”
He stroked fingers over her cheek. “Nell, we almost lost each other because we didn’t speak up before. Because we gave into our fears. Be brave.”
She watched him with dawning wonder. “You need the words?” she whispered.
He nodded. “How do you feel when I tell you that I love you?” He leaned forward and kissed her nose.
“Like I could accomplish anything I set my mind to,” she whispered. “I’m filled with joy and giddiness.”
He watched her intently. “Does it feel like a trap? As though you are caged?”
She shook her head. “No, not at all.”
A wondrous smile bloomed. “I feel free, as free as I’ve ever felt, because you love me.” She sighed as she collapsed forward, fully into his embrace. “How did you know I was afraid of being trapped?”
He chuckled. “After all those years with your mother, I can only imagine what you lived through with her. And she relished her control of you. I imagine she will continue to try to control you, even though you are no longer under her roof.”
She pushed herself up, her expression one of absolute triumph. “She won’t succeed any longer.”
He basked in her radiant joy and smiled. “No, my love, she won’t.” He grunted as she fell into his embrace and kissed him.
“Make love with me,” she whispered. “All night long. All through the snowstorm.”
“Oh, God, with pleasure,” he murmured, his concern that she had refused to vow her love momentarily forgotten as he lost himself in his passion for his wife.
Warren poked his head into the kitchen, relaxing when he saw Frederick and another man sitting at the table. Helen followed him in, shivering from the cold. He poured two cups of coffee and stood beside Helen near the sink.
“Good to see it was worth shoveling you out,” Frederick teased. “Food’s in the warming oven, and Slims will be in soon to start the next meal.”
“Thank you,” Warren said. “You’ve been very kind.” He gripped Helen’s hand, noting her tension but uncertain how to ease it. “I’m afraid I don’t know you,” Warren said, holding out his hand to the man seated silently at the table, staring into his coffee cup. “I’m Warren Clark, the lawyer in Bear Grass Springs.”
The man jerked when Frederick hit him in his arm and noted the outstretched hand. He took it and nodded. “Dalton.” He saw Helen standing next to Warren as though attempting to disappear behind him. “Miss Helen. It’s wonderful to see you.”
“Mr. Dalton,” she whispered. “How are you faring?”
He shook his head, and his gaze glossed over as though lost in distant thoughts. “If it were summer, I’d be plenty busy. I could lose myself riding the range, looking for cattle.” He motioned outside to the occasional gust of wind and the snow blowing around, and shook his head again.
“I’m so sorry,” Helen whispered.
Dalton’s gaze sharpened, and she took a sharp breath, unconsciously grabbing Warren’s hand. “Don’t you go apologizing to me again, miss. I saw you. I was there. I know there ain’t nothin’ more you could have done to save my Mary. My babe.”
Helen sniffled. “It’s so unfair.”
Dalton nodded. “It is. But life ain’t fair. And, if you have any sense, you should grab onto any scrap of happiness you can find because, soon enough, life will kick you down again. Those memories of when you had it good will help you bide your time.” He rose, nodding to them before he strode from the room.
Frederick sighed and motioned for Helen and Warren to sit with him. “He’ll mourn her forever, although I sincerely hope he’ll find another woman to love.”
Warren gave an incredulous bark of laughter. “How in damnation is he to find another wife, living out here?”
“The men have their days off,” Frederick said. “They go into town.”
Helen sighed and eased into Warren’s side. “Dalton should try for a mail order bride. I’ve heard many have had tremendous success,” Helen said.
“And where would this woman come from? And why should a man believe what she writes in a letter? Why should she believe what he writes? The whole enterprise is fraught with obstacles.” Warren snorted and shook his head.
Frederick chuckled. “Reasoned through as only possible by a lawyer.” He took a sip of his coffee. “Living in the wilds of the West, it’s difficult to find a woman willing to accept the harsh realities of life without the modern amenities they are accustomed to in the cities.”
Helen shrugged. “Everyone can adapt.”
Warren gave her side a squeeze. “Tell that to the wealthy woman who suddenly must use a privy. Or lug her water from a well. Or wash her clothes at a creek bed.”
Helen turned so she could meet her husband’s dismissive gaze. “No matter what you say, I’m certain plenty of adventurous women will meet such a challenge. I hope Mr. Dalton finds such a woman when he is ready.”
Frederick’s gaze turned serious. “I know you had hoped to evade such talk, but the birth in town went well?”
Helen stiffened and then nodded. “Yes. For a few moments I feared it would be a repeat of what occurred with Mr. Dalton. However, after my initial panic, I realized the baby was in the correct position. Annabelle had a healthy birth.”
Frederick smiled. “I’m glad.”
“Frederick insisted I help Annabelle,” Helen said to her husband. “He wouldn’t let my fears over what I had been unable to do the last time interfere with what I could potentially offer the MacKinnons.”
Warren’s appreciative gaze met Frederick’s. “I’m glad. Some fears must be met sooner rather than later. When we allow our fear to build, it can freeze us into inaction.”
“Well, you’ll be much in demand soon. From what I hear, the old midwife is to leave town. Seems a miner caught her eye, and they are about to move on to Butte.”
“What?” Helen breathed. “I’m not ready. I need more time to train with her.”
Warren watched Frederick with an appreciative glint in his gaze. “You are well informed for someone who lives miles from town.”
Frederick shrugged.
Warren murmured to his wife, “When we return, I hope you will seek her out and spend as much time as you can with her, learning from her all you can. There’s no reason to hide your skills and knowledge now.”
They barely noticed when Frederick rose and left the kitchen. Helen played with the fingers of one of Warren’s hands. “What about my mother? What will she say?”
Warren grabbed his wife’s hand, stilling her nervous movements and waiting until she met his gaze. “You know as well as I do that it doesn’t matter what your mother thinks. What she says. What she believes. All that matters is that you have faith in your competence and abilities.” He stroked a finger down her cheek. “If you want to continue with this work, I want to support you.”
She leaned into his chest. “I love our time here. It’s as though we are in a fairy land, suspended from reality.”
He chuckled, kissing her head. “I know, my love. But soon we must return to town and face whatever awaits us.”
Chapter 9
Five days later, they returned to town. The fierce storm had left behind inches of snow and numerous snowbanks. Debate had raged at the ranch about the exact amount of snow that had fallen, but, with the fierce winds, it was impossible to know. Frederick had his hands ride into town ahead of the sleigh, clearing a path for Helen and her new husband.
Warren ensured Helen was covered in a pile of blankets, then shook Frederick’s hand and sat beside Helen. “Thank you, Frederick. We’ll see you this summer!” he called over his shoulder as the horses slid the sleigh into motion.
Helen snuggled into Warren’s side, content to cuddle as they rode through a winter wonderland.
The fierce storm had cloaked the valley in a dazzling white blanket. Tree branches groaned under the weight of the heavy late-winter snow. Helen raised her gaze to an intense blue sky without a cloud in sight. The brilliant sunlight glinted off the white snow, nearly blinding her at times. The evergreen of the pine trees in the distance remained muted from the fresh coating of snow.
“I’ve never seen it this beautiful,” she whispered. “Every time we’ve had a storm, I’ve been trapped in town.”
Warren murmured his agreement.
“Too often in town, we are consumed with clearing the boardwalk, running to the Merc to restock any supplies that are running low, and the new snow becomes muddy with footsteps. I’ve never taken the time to simply enjoy the beauty after a storm. Here …” She looked around. “Here it is paradise.”
“An incredibly c
old one,” Warren said as he urged her to sit closer to him. “I also like riding in a sleigh. Much more comfortable than the wagon.”
Helen murmured her agreement. “Not nearly as jarring. Although I wish we wouldn’t arrive so quickly.”
He held the reins with one hand a moment and gripped hers under the blanket. “You aren’t alone anymore, Helen. When you want support, all you have to do is ask for it.”
She curled against him, burying her face against his neck. “Please tell me that nothing will change,” she whispered.
“What do you mean?” He switched hands, holding the reins to warm up the other one.
“That you’ll still want me like you did at the ranch.” She buried her blushing cheeks against his chest.
His bark of laughter echoed around them. “Oh, Nell, of that you should have no concern.” He growled in frustration at not being able to kiss her, only her hat. “If anything, I want you more.” He waited for her to speak, but she remained silent. “I know you have doubts about me. About my ability to withstand listening to your mother’s toxic gossip. I promise you, my love, that I will seek you out and speak with you before I give anything she says credence. I love you. I trust you. I believe in you.”
After a few minutes of silence, he felt her hold on his arm tighten. “Thank you,” she whispered, and he realized she fought tears. They rode the remainder of the way into town in companionable silence.
After he dropped Helen at their home, built up the fires in the kitchen stove and parlor fireplace, ensuring she was otherwise settled, he drove the sleigh to the livery. He poked his head into the barn. “Alistair?” he called out.
After a moment Alistair waved from a stall down the main corridor of the barn. He emerged soon, his gaze brightening at the sight of his friend. “Warren!” Alistair said, shaking his hand. “If rumors are to be believed, congratulations are in order.”
Montana Renegade (Bear Grass Springs Book 4) Page 14
