Because passion alone left you wanting to run the other way when your needs were met. Something more had you wanting to stay. This was something more, Nate thought. But not sure Brooke would accept his revelation as anything more than some cheesy line—the kind her late “love poet” husband had apparently been full of—Nate stuck to the facts.
“I won’t stop wanting you,” he told her firmly.
Her expression clouded. “If you did, it wouldn’t be the first time it’s happened to me,” she said bitterly.
And once again Nate found himself paying for the sins of Seamus Mitchell.
“The point is—” Brooke picked up his discarded shirt and handed it to him “—it’s not a position I want to put myself in. Not again. I like you, Nate. I do.”
Wasn’t that what Seraphina had said when they broke up? Nate wondered, shrugging on his shirt, then pulling on his socks and shoes.
“I want us to be friends,” Brooke said, her expression determined, as she showed him to the door. “But friends and confidants are all we can be.”
“YOU WANT TO TELL US WHAT the problem is?” Dan drawled at five o’clock Friday evening, as Nate, Travis and Dan gathered in the large mansion kitchen. “Or just leave us to guess?”
In no mood to play games, Nate demanded impatiently, “What are you talking about?”
Travis lifted a brow. “Well, either you don’t like what Dan’s architect and my company’s construction crews have done to your kitchen, or you’ve got a problem elsewhere. And judging by Landry’s and Cole’s delight at the array of computer and electronic equipment that was just delivered and carted up to the second floor just now, it’s not with either of the boys.”
“They are happy,” Nate acknowledged. At least for the moment, he added mentally. That too could change on a dime. “And the kitchen is great.” Thanks to Brooke’s collaboration with the guys, it no longer looked like a caterer’s prep space, but a place where a family could hang out and cook together. The only problem was, the only woman he could envision there was not interested in being around long term….
“Then what is it?” Dan persisted. He exchanged knowing glances with Travis. “Or should we just say who…?”
Nate did not normally discuss his problems with women. However, these weren’t the usual circumstances.
He walked over to the window—made sure Brooke was still outside talking to the furniture company guys, who had just delivered a whole houseful of new furniture—then walked back to his friends and admitted, “It’s Brooke. I’m interested, but she just wants to be ‘friends.’”
Dan and Travis both winced, easily understanding his pain.
“No chemistry on her part, huh?” Travis guessed.
Nate would understand, if that had been the case.
“Then you have to keep trying,” Dan said. “Let her know you’re serious.”
“Build on the friendship and go from there,” Travis advised. “It’s what I did with Holly when we were ready for more.”
And it had worked, Nate recalled. Holly and Travis were spectacularly happy now, as were the rest of his married friends.
“Although you might want to delay the real pursuit until her work for you is done,” Dan said.
“You didn’t,” Nate pointed out. Dan had fallen in love with Emily and proposed to her while she was still working as a personal chef for him and his kids….
“Not waiting made it harder to establish a relationship, not easier,” Dan insisted.
“I’m not averse to challenge,” Nate said.
“That we know.” Travis grinned. “We’re just saying be careful not to let your impatience get in the way of what you really want here.”
Which was Brooke, Nate thought.
And not just, as she still thought, for the short term.
“SO WHAT DO YOU THINK, Mom?” Cole asked late the next afternoon. “Did we or did we not do the most awesome job ever setting up the computer and game rooms?”
“You guys did a fantastic job,” Brooke agreed, taking the tour of the two spaces with Cole and Landry. Her touches included the comfortable sectional sofas, shelving systems and computer workstations; Nate and the boys had selected and put together all the electronics. The end result was a state-of-the art study and social space, decorated in hardy fabrics and bright, teen-friendly colors.
“You are so lucky,” Cole told Landry. He looked around with an admiring glance. “I only wish I could have a setup like this in our house. But my dad would never even let me have a video game system.”
Out of the corner of her eye, Brooke saw Nate work to keep his own expression inscrutable. Embarrassed, she told her son, “I didn’t know you wanted one.” Cole had always acted as if Wii and PlayStation were for other kids.
He shrugged. “I figured you felt the same way as Dad did.”
She hadn’t. “I wish I’d known how you felt.”
“You never disagreed with him on that kind of stuff. So it would have been pointless to ask.”
Guilt hit hard. What else had Cole been afraid to talk to her about? “We can get one now,” Brooke promised. “When we go back home.” The live-in bonus she was getting on this job would pay for that and much more.
Cole grinned. “Way cool, Mom.”
“No problem.” Avoiding the concern she saw in Nate’s eyes, Brooke flashed a smile. “About dinner…”
“Uh…” Cole looked at Landry.
Landry took over. “We were hoping we could invite some of our friends from computer camp to come over tonight and check it out.”
“Maybe have some pizza,” Cole added.
Brooke glanced at Nate. Although he hadn’t said as much, she sensed he had been hoping for a quiet “family night.” But when he took in the happy, hopeful faces of the kids, he shrugged and said, “Sounds good to me. Start making the calls.”
By 8:00 p.m., they had ten boys gathered upstairs. Nate, who had been busy assisting with the fine-tuning of the game and computer setups, finally came down to the kitchen.
Despite the fact that he had been working with the boys for eleven hours straight, getting everything just the way they wanted it, Brooke thought Nate had never looked happier or more content.
He was such a dad.
Cole was right—Landry was indeed one lucky kid.
She was the one who was unlucky. Falling for the wrong guy at the right time, then the right guy at the wrong time…
She knew Nate had been surprised by her emotional withdrawal the day before, but what choice had she had? Their decisions could affect two kids. They couldn’t afford to be rash. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t take advantage of Nate’s temporary vulnerability by letting him think he could only be a good father to Landry if she were in the picture, too. Because it just wasn’t so. Nate and Landry would be fine, given a little time. Nate was a natural when it came to parenthood, even if he didn’t quite see that yet.
And she couldn’t let herself turn to him to help find her way out of the darkness she temporarily found herself in. Because the truth was, the situation with Iris Lomax and Seamus’s publisher would get resolved. And once this crisis passed, she and Cole would be fine, too.
In the meantime, it didn’t matter how tempted she was. It would be a mistake to lean on Nate, the way she had once leaned on her husband. She could get through this situation on her own. The last two years of widowhood had shown her that.
She needed to follow Nate’s lead and pretend that their lovemaking had never happened. Even if doing so left her feeling more alone than she had ever imagined.
Brooke turned her attention back to the task at hand. “How is the food holding out up there?”
Nate lounged against the counter. “All the snacks you set out are pretty much gone. Same with the soft drinks.”
As she passed by him, she was inundated with his brisk male scent. “The pizza should be here any minute.”
“I’m sure they’ll devour that, too.” He watched her unwrap a
stack of paper plates and set them on the counter, next to the napkins and ice-filled paper cups. “Listen, I hope I didn’t cause a problem for you—regarding the video-game system.”
Brooke held up a hand. “I meant what I said up there. I do intend to get Cole one as soon as possible.”
Nate nodded, his expression impassive.
Brooke felt compelled to explain, “I just didn’t realize he had ever asked Seamus for one.”
Nate’s brow furrowed. “Your husband wouldn’t have mentioned it to you?”
She shrugged self-consciously. “I doubt he felt it was worth his time. He wasn’t interested in any nonintellectual pursuits. And he had no patience for doing anything with children of any age.”
“I was under the impression he wanted a child when you married.”
Comforted by Nate’s steady male presence, Brooke explained, “It was more of an ego thing. Which isn’t to say Seamus wasn’t enormously proud of his son—he was. He made sure he took Cole to many a public event and introduced him around, which Cole loved. Seamus just never spent quality time with Cole, the way you have the past week.”
Which was yet another reason why she was attracted to Nate.
It wasn’t just his kindness and understanding attitude, it was his knack for integrating others into his life, even his capacity for love….
Whoever ended up living happily-ever-after with Nate was going to be one lucky woman….
“It’s been my pleasure to get to know Cole,” Nate continued sincerely. “You know that.”
His voice sent ripples of desire up and down her spine. “I do.”
Silence stretched between them.
She could feel his pull as strongly as the earth’s gravity. Brooke swallowed, aware she was seconds from reaching out for him, telling him her decision to rebuff him had been a terrible mistake. “Nate…”
Footsteps sounded on the stairs. Seconds later, Cole came bursting into the room, joy radiating from every inch of him. He sprinted to Nate’s side and wrapped his arms around him. “Nate! You gotta come upstairs and see this! Please!”
Nate returned Cole’s brief, impromptu hug and ear-to-ear grin. Oblivious to Brooke’s concern, he slung his arm around Cole’s shoulders and off they went.
BROOKE MANAGED TO KEEP her distance from Nate the rest of the evening. It wasn’t hard. Shortly after Cole had come down to get him, Landry had trotted down to retrieve her. Brooke had spent the remainder of the night alternately observing and officiating the teen tournament. When she wasn’t doing that, she was replenishing the food and beverage tables—a feat that sounded easier than it had been, as all of them seemed to have huge appetites and stomachs that were bottomless pits.
Finally, at eleven-thirty, the last of the parents arrived to pick up their sons. Nate helped Cole and Landry restore order to the upstairs rooms, while Brooke went downstairs to work on the kitchen.
Finished, the boys appeared there. Nate trailed after them.
“Need help, Mom?” Cole asked.
Brooke looked at their faces. The excitement of the day had finally caught up with them. Both teens looked ready to collapse. “Why don’t you guys head back to the cottage and hit the sack?”
Landry squinted at her, seeming to realize the kitchen was another fifteen minutes or more from being squared away. “You sure?” he asked around a yawn.
Brooke nodded. She stepped between the boys, caught their shoulders and gave them each an affectionate squeeze. “Positive. Now go. Before you fall asleep on your feet and I have to carry you both to bed!”
Cole and Landry chuckled, but didn’t argue. They seemed to finally realize how tired they were.
The boys departed.
Suddenly, it was just Nate and Brooke. “Surely there’s something I can do,” he said.
The idea of working side by side with him was appealing. Too appealing. Her pulse skittering as she thought about kissing him again, she turned away from his ruggedly sexy frame. “Thanks, but I can handle it.” She had to get a grip here. Stop fantasizing and pretending life was simpler than it was.
She went back to loading serving platters in the dishwasher. “You can go—” She stopped just short of saying Go on to bed. And wary of the implications of that, swiftly amended it to a lame, “do…whatever….”
“Mmm-hmm.”
There was a wealth of meaning in that presumptuous sound.
Perspiration broke out on the back of her neck, between her thighs, behind her knees, in the valley between her breasts.
Nate edged closer. He was standing behind her, so near she could feel the warmth of his breath on the top of her head.
Another ribbon of desire swept through her.
He waited.
Her head down, she kept busy cleaning.
“Why do I think I did something wrong?”
Brooke had to stand on tiptoe and reach across the counter to get the last platter. “I don’t know what you mean.”
When her fingers fell short of it, he leaned over, grasped it for her and set it in the sink.
Before she could pick it up, his fingers closed gently over her wrist, stilling the restless movement. “Stop cleaning for a minute,” he urged softly, “and just talk to me.”
Brooke forced herself to turn toward him. “My son looks at you with such hero worship in his eyes.”
Nate acknowledged this with a modest dip of her head. “And that’s a problem because…what? I’m not a hero?” he prodded drily.
That was the problem, he was!
And not just to the boys.
Telling herself she was not going to make the same mistake twice, Brooke frowned. “What’s going to happen to Cole when this job ends, as it will in another week, and he doesn’t see you anymore?”
Nate looked affronted. “He’ll see me.”
Brooke fought the urge to tear out her hair in frustration. “You know what I mean,” she insisted.
“You’re right,” Nate said grimly. “It won’t be the same.”
So it wasn’t just her, Brooke thought victoriously. Nate was thinking ahead, anticipating the difficulties and pitfalls, too.
Emboldened, she continued, “Landry’s like a brother to him.”
“And vice versa,” Nate agreed.
“And that’s great. But what happens if something damages their friendship or ours?”
Nate’s lips thinned in obvious irritation. “It won’t,” he stated plainly.
“But if it does,” she insisted.
He let out a long breath. “You’re borrowing trouble.”
Feeling on the verge of an emotion she couldn’t control, Brooke moved away, grabbing the spray bottle of granite cleaner and a cloth. Aware of the way Nate was suddenly studying her, sizing her up, perhaps plotting his next move, she babbled nervously, “Which is funny, really, because I never see trouble coming. I always get blindsided.”
Her parents’ demise, her husband’s infidelity and resultant death, the plagiarism claim…all had come with no warning.
Now she was seeing danger around every corner….
It was ironic, really. How much she wanted to take the risk and be with Nate. And how terribly, deeply afraid she was of doing just that.
If only she could be sure…. If only love came with guarantees.
But it didn’t.
And she couldn’t let her heart be stolen and smashed into pieces again.
Nate held out his arms to her. “Brooke…”
Tears of disappointment blurring her eyes, she rushed past him. “I can’t, Nate! I can’t….”
He closed the distance between them in two long strides and wrapped his arms around her. “You can take it one day—one moment—at a time,” he whispered, holding her close, making her want to believe it was so. “We both will. It’s the only choice we have.”
Chapter Ten
Nate hadn’t kissed her—hadn’t even tried. So why was she feeling so let down? This was what she had wanted. Yet…being separated f
rom him this way felt wrong, too, Brooke realized as she returned to the caretaker’s cottage and went on to bed.
She slept fitfully. And dreamed of Nate over and over again. Which was why, when the guys brought up the amusement park idea early the next morning, she found herself forgoing work and accompanying them and Nate.
Naturally, no sooner had they walked through the gates than all three males headed straight for the scariest roller coaster. Billed as the tallest, fastest coaster in the Southwest, it was twenty-four stories tall and accelerated from 0 to 70 in four seconds. Just looking at it made Brooke feel ill.
“Come on, Mom, you can do it!” Cole tugged on her hand and urged her in the direction he wanted her to go.
“Look at the way you’re latched in.” Landry pointed to the sturdy over-the-shoulder-and-chest contraption that kept riders in place even when they were zooming through the loops upside down.
Nate caught Brooke’s eye. He seemed to know her dilemma. She wanted to share in the fun with the rest of them, yet she was completely terrified. Prior to this, she had declared Cole not old enough for the most thrilling rides in the park. Now, given the way he’d grown in the last year, and the fact that he more than topped the height requirement for the ride, she had no such excuse.
“You’ll be perfectly safe,” Landry assured her.
Cole regarded her with hopeful eyes. “Please, Mom, don’t let us down! Say yes!”
Brooke thought about all the similar experiences Cole had been denied over the years, because Seamus had not deemed them worthy of his time.
All her son wanted was to be a kid. Forget he’d lost a father. And enjoy the fact he’d found a spiritual “brother” in Landry, and a “surrogate dad” in Nate.
What was a little fear, if not to be conquered? If she was honest, she could use a little distraction, too. She lifted a palm to high-five each of the boys. “Let’s do it!”
They hooted in delight and ran to get in the line, which didn’t look all that long right now, unfortunately. “Landry and I want to sit together,” Cole shouted over his shoulder as they joined the queue.
The Mommy Proposal Page 11
