"I can't believe a man can be such an animal!" Jesse shouted.
Shocked Shannon looked into his eyes and scoffed it off. "I survived. I learned how. My aunt and uncle wanted to make things up to me, for what he'd done. So when they saw my interest in medicine, they insisted I go to medical school. They thought I'd never marry. In school I learned so much. It was like a whole new world opening up for me. I got away from all the bad memories, and realized I could still have a future, a life."
"Why did they think you'd never marry?" Jesse asked.
She stared off into the sunset. "You haven't seen the scars."
"If a man loved you, he wouldn't care about the scars." Jesse pulled her chin up with one finger to look into her eyes.
"I heard them whispering one night, when they were talking about it. It was the first night I came home with her. My Uncle said, "No man would want to look upon me like that. We have to help her. We have to give her another life. And they did. I became a doctor, despite the opposition I faced. I relished it. I knew I could do it. When I heard about the need of doctors in the new territories, I sought out a wagon train and here I am. I thought it was a new and unsettled land and they wouldn't judge me as harshly as they did back in Boston. But I was wrong. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to accept a woman doctor. I have my degree. I've done my studies and worked at it. It doesn't matter; I'll find a place where I can practice in peace, someday." She swallowed the hurt inside her and started to walk away. "I'm just not sure it will ever be in Oregon."
Jesse stood there for a long time, the fury inside him festering that this woman had suffered so. She didn't realize how much of that hurt exuded from her eyes. Now he understood her better and his heart went out to her. She wasn't cold or unfeeling. On the contrary, she was numb from not letting herself feel anything.
How could they say she'd never have a life of her own? She was hiding behind her medicine but despite it, being a doctor had saved her, obviously.
Strangely, he wondered how bad the scars were and if anyone had ever kissed them to make them better. A slight smile curled his lips at the thought.
His wife, he thought. He had married her. She wasn't an easy person to get to know, but he accepted that, knowing his own complex character.
He vowed silently that night to help her in any way he could. She had put a purpose to his life now and she had no idea. He hadn't had a purpose before. The feelings stirring inside him now were confused with emotions and memories of his own childhood. He'd put it behind him long ago and he wouldn't be thinking on that. Shannon Lillian Cutler had given him a real purpose in life and he'd never see life the same again.
No man would ever hurt her again. Somehow, he'd see to that. Without her knowing it.
Jesse tried to relax and let his anger flow out of him. The one thing he didn't believe in was hurting a woman in any way. There were too few of them out here in the west, they were more precious than gold to a lot of men, him included.
Sometimes, like tonight, just looking at a woman filled his soul with hopes and dreams. But not just any woman…Shannon.
That night as he lay on his blanket, his head resting against his saddle he glanced over the firelight at her. Her eyes were closed and he could stare at her without her knowledge. She was a beautiful woman, but she seemed completely unaware of the fact.
He fussed at himself for being so emotionally drawn to her. But for goodness sake, she was his wife, why shouldn't he look at her?
The thought of how he might someday kiss those scars of hers, one by one, until they healed had him falling asleep with a smile on his lips.
Chapter Seven
The next day it rained, and the traveling was miserable. The men continued to gripe and complain about the conditions. Thornton was the loudest and constantly made snide remarks.
"Boys," Jesse glanced back at them all. "If you got some complaints, take them to your maker."
"You believe in God?" Shannon asked moving up to ride beside him now.
"Don't you?"
"I don't know. I wasn't raised to be. And if there is a God, why does he allow so much suffering?" She countered glancing at him. "I wish someone could answer that for me."
Jesse glanced at her emotionless face. "You can't have good without bad, sun without moon, hurting without healing." He explained simply. "That's the way I look at it."
"I never figured you for a bible toter." She spouted.
"I can't quote many scriptures. But…You live outside most of your life, you know there has to be something greater than yourself to have made the world. From the smallest insect to the biggest animals, man could never design all of this creation. It didn't just happen. There is a reason for everything, if you look hard enough to find it."
"Did your family bring you up in church, or something?"
"Or something." He moved on ahead of her.
She stared at his back for a long time. Jesse Cutler was a strange man. There was a peace inside him too, that she wished she could find. Maybe if she were around him long enough, some of it would rub off on her.
Billy moaned and she rode up to his side. He was riding double with Darrel now, able to sit the saddle for a few hours a day.
Jesse had tied him to the saddle so he wouldn't fall off.
His fever had broken last night, but he didn't look that much better today. He needed the transfusion. He'd lost too much blood.
"We've got to stop." She rode up beside Jesse once more. "He can't go on much farther."
"For what?" Jesse barked at her.
"Look at him. He needs blood. He's too weak to go on."
"Lady, at this rate we'll never get to Texas." Jesse fussed. "We've stopped for one thing or another since we started."
"He needs a transfusion. If I can give it, then he might make the entire trip. If not, he's going to die."
"I thought we'd been over that." Jesse glanced from her to Billy.
"He's going to die if he doesn't get one." Shannon reaffirmed. "Is that what you want?"
"What's a transfusion?" Darrel rode up to her side, after hearing the conversation.
"I've got to transfer someone's blood to him. He's lost too much; it's made him so weak he can't finish this journey without it." She looked about, her face white.
"He can have my blood." Darrel announced without a second thought.
Shannon looked up at him. "Do you mean that?"
"Sure…why not?" Darrel stared at her. "It won't kill me, will it?"
"No…of course not…"
"Then let's get it done." Darrel announced. When he saw how they were all staring at him, he looked right at Jimmy John. "He's my friend…"
"You gotta learn about dying, boy. Billy ain't gonna make it." Jimmy John shook his head.
"That's not true. With a transfusion Billy has a good chance of making it." Shannon protested.
Jesse sighed heavily. He dismounted and came up to her horse. He reached up and pulled her down. Their eyes locked for a moment in time, but Jesse quickly shook his head, as though to clear his mind. "Is this going to help him?"
"Yes, I think it will…"
"But you aren't sure?"
"It's hard to be sure of anything in medicine, but it will make him stronger."
Jesse looked at Darrel, "You sure you want to do this, son?"
"Why not. I don't want Billy to die." Darrel firmed his jaw. "He's just a kid. And…he's my friend."
"Then get it over with and let's be done with the nurse-maiding, okay?" Jesse fumed.
Darrel and Shannon both stared at him.
Jesse threw his hands up in the air. "Just do it, and get it over with."
Shannon understood his impatience, but the chance to save Billy's life, outweighed Jesse's frustration. She could do this.
As everyone again camped out and made coffee. Shannon prepared both Darrel and Billy for the transfusion. It was miserable working in the rain, but they found a shade tree that protected them some and she set D
arrel up beside Billy close so she could do the transfer.
She had all the necessary equipment.
"How long is this going to take?" Jesse watched her hook the tubing up.
"An hour, probably. And Darrel will need to rest afterwards."
Seeing his impatience, she frowned without apology. "We'll lose another day."
"I knew I should have left you in Bull Creek." Jesse fumed and stalked off into the woods.
Shannon couldn't bother with him right now. She had a job to do. Once she reassured Darrel, he began to relax. Billy was unconscious. The other men watched with fascination as she hooked them up and the blood began to pump into the tube.
"Would you look at that?" Elmer shook his head. "What do you call that again?"
"A transfusion." Shannon shot him a quick smile.
"I'll be dogged."
"Guess that makes them blood brothers." Jimmy John laughed.
"Will he start feeling better now?" Darrel asked after a while.
"I hope so. But we can't be sure. Sometimes the blood types are too different and it has an adverse effect on the patient. Are you feeling alright?"
"Sure. What does that mean?" Darrel looked worried.
"It means, he could die…" She glanced at Darrel.
"You mean I could kill him?" Darrel's face waded into a frown.
"Medicine isn't a perfect science, Darrel. However, yes, your blood might not mix well with his and could have a reverse effect. But it's his last chance to recover. He'll die irregardless without it." Shannon explained. "Blood transfusions were done as far back as 1667, by Jean-Baptiste Denis, King Henry XIV's physician. He transfused a sheep's blood to a fifteen-year-old boy, and the boy lived. So as you can see, we've learned a little since then."
"Did the sheep live?" Jimmy John asked with a snort.
"Actually, it did." Shannon smiled.
Darrel glanced at Billy. "I ain't gonna let him die, Mrs. Cutler."
Being addressed as Mrs. Cutler shocked Shannon. She turned to look at Darrel. She'd have to compose herself. She was after all, Mrs. Cutler. "I'm sorry Darrel; I should have explained it to you before we began. But…there just wasn't time. Billy's not recovering well. Your blood is his last hope."
"No ma'am. God's his last hope." Darrel muttered.
Shannon glanced up in time to see Jesse standing over them. She nodded and looked at Jesse. "Maybe you are right."
"Why don't you just shoot him and be done with it?" Jimmy John hollered, breaking the tension between them all.
Jesse whirled on his boot heels at Jimmy John. "Cut it out, Jimmy John, or I might be tempted to shoot you, myself."
"Go ahead, it's faster than hangin'." Jimmy John snorted.
"I've waited too long for this. You'll go to trial first." Jesse promised.
"What makes you so all fired sure I'll hang?"
"You shot five people, held up two banks. The money was recovered for one, not the other. You and these others will stand trial, and then you'll hang." Jesse affirmed.
"Would you stop it?" Shannon shouted her nerves stretched to the breaking point.
"Aw…you're upsettin' the lady, Ranger." Jimmy John laughed.
Billy moaned.
Shannon checked his heart.
"Is he…going to make it?" Jesse asked her.
"His heart is stronger already. I think he will…" Shannon got to her feet. "But…we'll lose a day of traveling."
Jesse nodded, without a frown this time.
Jesse went off into the woods again and she didn't see him for some time. Jimmy John had continued to shoot off his mouth, but Shannon ignored him and tended to the two boys.
Billy began to rouse mid-day and Shannon was elated. The transfusion had worked.
Darrel looked at her. "He's going to make it, now, isn't he?"
"I think so…" Shannon smiled into Darrel's eyes.
"I prayed he'd make it." Darrel smiled.
Jesse came back an hour or so later with a wild turkey in his hands.
Jimmy John licked his lips. "One thing about it Ranger, you sure provide well on the trail. Yes sir, traveling with you is almost a pleasure."
"Almost huh? Well, I'm hungry too." Jesse countered.
When Billy came to, he was feeling better and able to talk to everyone for the first time.
"The doc fixed you up good, Billy." Darrel was telling him.
"Thanks, doc." Billy managed to say as he stared at her. "Where did a woman doctor come from?"
Everyone laughed.
Darrel cut himself and Billy some meat, sat back against a tree trunk, and talked to Billy for a while.
"You did good…" Jesse offered Shannon some turkey.
She took the meat. "It worked…"
"Sorry I was short with you before. As you can see I'm anxious to get these boys to jail."
"You've been chasing them a long time?" She asked.
"Yeah, the first robbery was nearly two years ago. I nearly had them cornered once, but Jimmy John is a real sneak, he knows how to hide in the thickets."
"What are you going to do about Darrel and Billy?" She asked. When he didn't say anything, she added. "They are both just boys."
"Darrel's been a big help. I deputized him, so he won't go to trial, but Billy, I don't know. It won't be like the others. Jimmy John and the others will hang for sure." Jesse affirmed.
"It's hard to live with someone like this for days on end and then realize that they will be hung…" Shannon sighed heavily, weariness to her voice. "Can't get it out of my mind."
"It's a hard lesson in life to learn that justice has to prevail." Jesse attested. "They killed five people and stole money from a bank. They can't just walk off from that. They hurt innocent people. People with lives to lead. There are consequences for our actions, Shannon."
It was the first time he used her name, and the way he said it had her staring at him.
"I know." she agreed reluctantly, ignoring the softness in his voice. "The more intelligent side of me can understand, but the emotional side of me rejects it."
He walked around her, pulling a twig off a low hanging branch. He studied it a minute then added. "I once took a man I'd been chasing for almost as long as I have these and we rode back to Texas together. He saved my life, Indians ambushed us, and I took an arrow. I was injured and he doctored me and helped me to get well. I had to take him in; he'd killed a deputy during a robbery. We'd gotten to know each other pretty well. Turning him over to the authorities was hard. They hung him a week later. Things like that can sometimes change the way you look at people. I never forgot him. His name was Robert Campbell and by the time I turned him in, we knew a lot about each other. But turning him in, was my job. He understood it. He didn't hold a grudge and I think he realized in the end how hard it was for me to do that to him. I knew they'd hang him. I could have let that incident take the starch right out of me. When I put this badge on, I had to put my feelings away and do my job. Kind of like what you do. You doctor people no matter what they think about you being a female doctor, you do it anyway. It's your job."
She nodded slowly. "It's a hard lesson." She mumbled and walked off. "I wouldn't want your job."
He followed her.
"If your heart is in your job, there's not much difference. You make decisions every day that will affect your patients. Life and death decisions. If that person dies, no one blames you, but yourself." He added.
Shannon's head flew up and her eyes met his again. He had a way of understanding so much and his gray eyes turned almost sapphire blue when he looked at her. "I guess you are right."
"Will he be able to travel tomorrow?" He asked.
"Yes, he's doing much better now."
"I'm glad." He said and walked off.
Chapter Eight
They left Oregon that week, and crossed over into the tip of Utah. The air became drier; the trees began to disappear behind them replaced by rocks and dry dirt that stirred easily in the wind. Billy improved e
very day. Now Darrel had someone to talk to.
The sun seemed somehow hotter here even the air itself changed.
Jimmy John and the others still grunted and complained a lot, but they weren't so bad.
Shannon tried very hard to separate her emotions about what would happen to them when they got to Texas. She was rather fond of Darrel and Billy.
Still, when it came to her feelings for Jesse, she had mixed emotions. She liked him, respected him, but couldn't figure him out. On the trail he was all business, he rarely relaxed.
He hadn't said much about the marriage and Shannon felt displaced because of it. Had she been too hasty in deciding to come along? Yet, had he left her any choice in the matter?
She wanted to be able to trust him, but since he said little about the marriage, she didn't know what to think. Perhaps he was as eager to annul it as she was. She hadn't considered that.
Despite her uncertainty, the fact that he could be killed or badly injured on this journey made her less hesitant to feel guilty that she had barged into his life. At least by being here, she'd know what happened to him. Sitting back in her office in Bull Creek, she would have fretted every day and no telling how long it would have been before he came back, if he came back at all.
She wondered why he volunteered to marry her though. That had her stumped. Perhaps his only reason was to shut Ma up. But she wondered…
One evening she approached him as he walked away from the others. He often walked away after he set up camp. She wondered if he wanted to be alone, or what.
"Can I talk to you a minute?" She asked following him into the woods.
He whirled about to look at her, surprised she was right behind him. "Sure…I guess so."
Shotgun Bride (Book Six of the Brides of the West) Page 7
