"I think all he feels for me is responsibility," Shannon finally muttered.
"Sure he does, he's a decent man. But if he kissed you, there is definitely something more to it. And if I were you, I'd be finding out what that something is."
Margaret grabbed her back as she bent to make the bed, and Shannon made her sit down in the rocking chair.
"I could always just make one bed, and that might settle things…." Margaret giggled.
She had planned on Shannon sleeping in the bed, and making a pallet on the floor in the living room for Jesse. Shannon shook her head. "That's okay. We'll work this out eventually."
"How long you been married now?"
"Nearly two months." Shannon figured that out quickly.
Margaret smiled. "And you haven't slept…"
"No! Not together. No."
Phillip came in and saw them talking and making the bed. "That bed ain't big enough for two…" He intimated.
"We know…" They both answered and laughed.
"I better be putting this girl to bed. She's showing signs of being tired. She needs to rest." Phillip nodded to Shannon.
"Good idea. We can manage." Shannon added.
When she had made the bed, and then spread a pallet for Jesse, she went outside for some air.
Jesse was sitting on the porch steps. She joined him.
"Your beds made in the living room. Unless you'd rather have the bed. If so, I can sleep on the floor."
"That's okay, you can have the bed."
"They are nice people…"
"Yeah, I've known Phillip for fifteen years now. We've done a lot of riding together." Jesse explained.
"Really, was he a lawman too at one time?"
"No, but I deputized him once to help me. He's pretty good with a gun."
"His wife is lovely." Shannon said.
"Yeah, they were a real pair when they first met. Love at first sight, I guess you'd say. I don't know why, he was tall and gangly and with that red hair of his, I can't imagine what she saw in him. They've been married for five years now. It's about time they had a young one."
"I'm a little concerned for her right now. She's been having some back pain, and sometimes that is the first symptom of labor." Shannon told him.
"Maybe we should hang around for a few days until the doc makes his way out here." Jesse suggested. "I'd hate anything to go wrong. And with you here, it sure would take the worry off of them both. I saw Margaret's face when you told her you were a doctor. Instant relief."
"What ever you want to do. I'd like to tend her if I can. She's so ready to have that baby, it could happen anytime."
"You don't seem in such a hurry to get that paper taken care of. At least not like before." Jesse began.
"I was never in a hurry. It's just….I didn't want you running off, maybe getting killed and leaving me, not knowing what happened to you. That's no way to live. You being a lawman, anything could happen."
"You're right about that. And I understand now."
"Good. You're a good man, and I've come to understand you better on this trip."
He didn't say a word.
She clammed up like a turtle jutting his head back into a shell. Her heart plummeted because she thought finally he was going to say something, and he didn't. Why did he ever kiss her in the first place? She let out a long sigh.
"Then, I guess once I get the report made, and the money returned and everything tied up, we can tend to it." He muttered thickly.
"I guess so…"
"Goodnight…" He murmured.
"Goodnight." She replied, trying not to choke on the tears that were about to fall.
He went inside, and she stayed outside. She walked around the yard, letting her frustrations and helplessness escape through her tears. She almost had hopes of saving this marriage.
She remembered the day she married him, how nervous she'd been. How she wished something would stop the preacher's words. Now she was married, and she wished she could talk to Jesse…and make him see that maybe they could make the marriage work.
Pride was a bad thing, but she didn't know how to bend it, or change it. How could a woman tell a man she wanted to stay married, when he hadn't said a word to that effect?
And she guessed she'd end up an old maid after all!
There was one thing for certain, he hadn't declared his love for her. He'd never hinted that he loved her or even liked her for that matter. She was sure he felt responsible for her since she insisted on coming all this way. And she guessed men enjoyed kissing women. For he certainly seemed to enjoy kissing her. Perhaps all she'd been was a distraction from a distasteful job. That made sense. She shouldn't have known better than to get her hopes up. Back when he kissed her scars, she remembered that day so well. Her heart had gained a grain of hope.
The problem lay in that he opened her heart up to love, and she'd kept it so well protected all these years. Now she ached to be his, and he seemed to not even notice.
She was an adult, and if she could hide her heart away once, she could do it again. She'd be more careful next time not to ever get too involved with any man. It simply hurt too much.
Because somewhere between here and Oregon, she'd lost her heart to Jesse Cutler, and she was afraid, she'd never get it back.
Chapter Nineteen
That night, it was hot, the air wasn't moving, and she wrestled the covers off her. Margaret had given her a gown to wear and it felt good getting out of her clothes. She longed for a bath. Taking a spit bath helped, but it wasn't quite the same in settling the nerves.
Perhaps with all that had happened in the past two months, she'd become too emotional. She never used to look at things this way, with her heart, and not her mind. She was in love with Jesse Cutler…her husband. But she questioned that love. Perhaps it was just being thrown together so much. Only she doubted that. If she didn't admit her feelings, he might soon walk away from her and never look back. Who could blame him?
She had insisted on the annulment.
Examining her reasoning made her confront her uncertainties. Knowing Jesse volunteered to marry her just to get on with his mission, she felt compelled to demand an annulment from a man she knew had no feelings for her. It wasn't fair to him, nor to her.
However, time had changed things. They'd been through a lot together in these two months and it had caused her to look at herself more honestly.
She'd been using the scars on her back as an excuse not to love anyone. She'd actually thrown up her own barriers to finding happiness.
Jesse had forced her to look at herself, confront her feelings and fears.
When she did face them, she realized what she'd been missing so long in her life…love. The one thing she wanted more than anything.
How could someone so smart be so stupid, she reviled herself?
Jimmy John had changed in the course of two months. Billy had gone from being a victim to being a villain again. Susan had faced her worst fears and survived them. So what was wrong with her?
She sat up, staring out at the moon. It raised over the trees tops and kissed the sky. She marveled at the many times she had missed looking at it. How could one take something so beautiful for granted and ignore it?
She went inside. Jesse was asleep now on the floor. She walked passed him to the bedroom.
She heard a moan…from the other room and she stirred restlessly.
However, it wasn't to be a night of sleep, as Margaret screamed so loud it nearly shook the old house only moments after that moan.
Shannon grabbed her shawl and put it over her as she went out to see what was happening. She had an idea it was Margaret and the baby was ready to come.
She was right.
Phillip came to get her. "She's goin' into labor."
"Don't you fret. I'll see to her. Boil some water, make some coffee and bring me a blanket, and some scissors." She directed him.
Jesse woke up and came to stand beside her. "What's going on?"
"The baby is coming." Shannon smiled at him.
"Now?" He asked his brows shooting upward in question.
"Now," She grinned at him.
"What can I do?"
"Help him make some coffee, and get my bag off the horse, will you?"
"Sure thing."
Jesse put his boots on and rushed outside.
Phillip gathered the things she would need, and then turned to make a fire in the stove. When it had warmed, he put some water on the fire.
Shannon went inside their bedroom to see Margaret. "How are you feeling?" She said calmly, taking Margaret's hand that was outstretched.
"I think my water broke…" She looked distressed.
"That's good. But we should move you to my bed." Shannon instructed.
"Why, this one is already messed up."
"True, but no use you lying in a wet bed to have a baby." Shannon encouraged her. "It's also unsanitary. You just relax and let me do the worrying. You concentrate on having that baby tonight."
Margaret had another pain and she grabbed Shannon's hand. "I'm so glad you are here," she swallowed hard.
"Me too" Shannon waited for the pain to subside before she spoke again. Margaret was squeezing her hand so tight Shannon had to distract her somehow so she'd let go. "Now, do you have a special blanket for the baby when it first comes?"
"Yes, in that drawer on the bottom, it's the multicolored one…"
"Wonderful…now you relax and as soon as this pain goes away, we'll switch rooms." Shannon smiled at her. "We're going to have a baby, tonight."
"Oh Lord…" Margaret smiled and when the pain subsided, they rush to the other room.
"Why are you changing rooms?" Phillip asked.
"The bed's wet. Her water broke. You'll need to strip the sheets and put clean ones on, if you have them. If not, hang the sheets on the line to dry until I can wash them for her. She's not going to be up to chores today, I’m afraid."
Jesse came in with her bag and handed it to her. "Anything else?"
"Just make some coffee, please." Shannon smiled at him. "I need to stay alert, and I'm beginning to get sleepy."
He nodded and moved around Phillip who suddenly was all thumbs. Jesse took one look at the man and grinned. "Sit down Phillip; it's going to be a long night."
"How long does this kind of thing take?"
"Hours, so try to relax."
"How come you know so much about it?"
"I had to deliver one once myself, took the woman nearly a day and half to deliver it. She was stranded in her cabin during a snowstorm. I had come to talk to her husband about some bad feed we got that year. She went into labor, had no mid-wife, no doctor. So I took over."
Phillip looked at him strangely. "Why didn't the husband do it?"
"Look at yourself. Could you deliver a baby in your shape?" Jesse laughed. "Even the best cattlemen in the west can't deliver babies sometimes, especially their own."
"Oh…I guess not."
"You better get used to this if you plan on having many?"
"As many as she wants and the Good Lord gives us."
Margaret let out a few muffled screams, and Shannon was trying to sooth her. "Breathe Margaret, and try to relax between contractions, it saves your strength for the end…"
"The end…"
"Yes, when the baby comes."
Margaret nodded.
It was a long night. After a while, Jesse knocked on the door and handed Shannon some coffee. "Thanks, I need this."
"I kind of figured you might. How is she doing?" He asked trying to peak into the room.
"She's doing like most women in this predicament, she's holding her own. How's he doing?"
"The same." Jesse chuckled.
"The baby is in position, everything seems alright right now. I don't think we'll have any complications." Shannon assured him.
"Good, I'll tell him that, maybe it will settle him down. He's pacing, and drinking coffee and jittery as all get out."
"Most expectant fathers are." Shannon assured him. "I'd be more surprised if he wasn't."
Margaret let out another scream. Phillip rushed to the door. "Is she alright?"
"Yes, but you may hear a lot of those screams tonight. It's natural." Shannon told him. "Just like the bible says, women go through the gates of hell to deliver."
He nodded and went back to the kitchen.
Jesse eyed her a minute…then smiled that crooked grin of his. "So you do believe in God."
"Yes…of course I do." She smiled.
When he had closed the door, Shannon held Margaret's hand. "This is your first, isn't it?"
"Yes, we've been trying for a long time."
"Well, babies come when God wants them to."
"It was hard being patient. I began to fear I couldn't have children."
"You'll probably have a house full."
Margaret gripped her hand once more and Shannon almost shrieked from the pain she elicited. But child labor was not an easy task and Shannon couldn't be angry with her. Deep down, she envied her.
All through the ups and downs of the night, Shannon kept reassuring her that all was well; it just took time for a baby to be born.
"Have I told you how glad I am that you are here?"
"Yes, several times. You just relax and it won't be too long and you'll have the sweetest thing on earth, you're baby." Shannon assured her.
"How's Phillip?"
"He's holding up his husband duties well." Shannon assured her again.
"Do you want children Shannon?" Margaret asked trying to find a comfortable spot in the bed.
"I guess every woman wants them at one time or another." Shannon responded, a dreamy-eyed look on her face. Disappointment followed that dreamy-eyed look too. She doubted that would ever happen to her. She'd have to content herself with delivering babies.
Sadness gripped Shannon and she tried hard to chuck it away, but it kept gnawing at her.
Margaret's screams became even louder as the child bore down on her.
Shannon examined her and smiled. "It won't be long now, Margaret. Now, I want you to listen to me, when I say push down, I want you to push down, as if you're having a bowel movement. Push as hard as you can."
"The baby's coming?" Margaret shrieked.
"Yes, honey, the baby is coming…" Shannon smiled at her.
Margaret took deep quick breaths and expelled them for the pain was so excruciating that her face turned bright red several times.
"Now Margaret, push!" Shannon yelled.
Margaret bore down hard and Shannon's smile broadened, "Good, the baby's crowned. Now…push again."
"Oh, I don't think I've got the strength…"
"Yes you do…we're fixing to have a baby…."
All Shannon's coaching was working, Margaret despite herself pushed hard once more. This time she was rewarded with a loud cry…of her baby!
"Oh my God, let me see…"
"It's a boy…" Shannon took the baby and after cutting the cord, and cleaning him, she wrapped him in a soft, clean blanket, and then handed him to Margaret.
"I'll need to tend you, but I'm sure the father wants to see his son. So, I'll give you a little time, then we'll finish up." The expression on Margaret's face was like nothing Shannon had ever seen. She was so happy. So wonderfully happy.
The men heard the baby's cry and opened the door.
"Can we come in…?" Phillip peeked his head through the door.
"Yes, come meet your son." Margaret gushed.
After everyone had been properly introduced to the infant, Shannon left the room for a bit.
Jesse followed her.
"I want to give them a moment alone with the baby." Shannon smiled at Jesse. "I'll need to tend her, soon."
"I'm really glad you were here for her…"
"Me too…" Shannon sighed heavily…her head hung.
"Hey, you're wiped out tired aren't you?" He asked seeing the slump in her shoulders and the res
igned face.
"Yes, a little…" She tried to smile.
He went behind her and took her shoulders, massaging them slowly. His touch was easy and tender. Shannon couldn't help but relax. As she finally relaxed, her emotions began to spill over.
When he turned her around though, he wasn't prepared to see her tears.
"Hey…this is a happy occasion, not a sad one." He whispered near her ear.
"I know…It's a beautiful baby, and I'm happy for them." She groped to control her emotions. "I guess the trip is starting to take its toll on me. Now that it's almost over."
"They got a lot to thank you for." He said, staring into her face. "You've been quite the trooper all the way."
"Bringing babies into the world is one of the real joyful parts of my job."
"I know…but I somehow think there is more to these tears than just weariness. You want to talk about it?" He asked.
"No…" She answered too quickly. "Not right now."
"Alright, when you are ready, let me know…" he said and walked off.
She watched him move away and part of her wanted to jerk him around, kiss him silly and never let him go, but the other part of her, the reasonable part of her, knew she couldn't do that.
She felt hopeless. Lost. And that's when she bent her knee and started to pray. As tears washed her aching heart, she prayed for the answer. How did she tell a man she loved him when she had asked him for an annulment? How did she break down the barriers of pride and tell the truth?
When Phillip came out of the room, beaming with pride, Shannon went back in to tend to Margaret.
"Isn't he the sweetest thing?" Margaret blushed.
"Yes, honey, he is." Shannon agreed. She cleaned up everything and finally left her alone.
After she was sure Margaret could get around on her own, she told Jesse they could leave.
As Jesse and Phillip talked for a long while after breakfast, Margaret gathered her to her room and held her hand.
"I don't know how to thank you for what you've done?" Margaret began.
Shannon waved that compliment down. "Think nothing of it. I'm just happy the baby is here, healthy and you and your husband are too. I knew the minute I saw you I couldn't leave here until you had that baby."
Shotgun Bride (Book Six of the Brides of the West) Page 17
