“Is that what this is about?” Rose asked. “I have some ideas, Cassie. A few more now than I did a week ago.”
“What do you mean?”
“Helen told me a few things.”
Cassidy nodded. “What did she say?”
“Only that Alex did not completely leave her former job at the NSA. She did say that Alex’s father and Edmond were involved in the government and that Carecom supports some government programs.”
“The CIA,” Cassidy said bluntly. “It’s a corporation that supports the CIA.”
Rose’s stunned expression made Cassidy’s breath catch in her throat. She had attempted to rehearse in her mind what she would say to the woman before her. Perhaps, it would have been better to just allow Rose to see the truth as Cassidy had. Time to prepare might not be for the best. For Cassidy, she could not consider the option of deceiving her mother. On some level, she felt guilty for not running to the woman beside her immediately. There had been moments in the last two days when Cassidy had desperately wanted to do that. Cassidy had closed the bedroom door, shut her eyes, and fought the urge more than once to run to the safety of her mother’s arms just as she had when she was a child.
Rose had been Cassidy’s refuge for most of her life. She still was in many ways, but Alex had come to fill that role in a way that no one ever had or would again. And, Cassidy now filled that same role her mother had for Dylan and Mackenzie. That was life. It turned in cycles—birth, life, death. For all its upheavals and surprises, the cycle of life remained the constant that gave each person a sense of permanence and purpose. Where, Cassidy wondered, did the reappearance of someone you had mourned long ago fit into that equation?
“Cassie?” Rose took Cassidy’s hand. Cassidy’s tear filled eyes lifted to meet her mother. “What is it? You can tell me anything,” Rose reminded her daughter.
Cassidy’s smile did nothing to conceal the torment and regret that painted her irises. She closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe. Slowly, Cassidy opened her eyes and met the familiar, loving, compassionate gaze her mother held. “I could explain a million things to you,” Cassidy said. “And, not one of them would matter when you see the truth for yourself. I know that.”
“Cassie, what’s wrong?”
“What Helen told you is true. Alex’s father, Edmond….Jane’s father—they all worked in intelligence,” Cassidy said. Rose listened. Cassidy sucked in a nervous breath. “The thing is, Mom, it wasn’t just their fathers.”
“Cassie?”
Cassidy looked down and nodded as if to convince herself that she could continue. She looked back up at her mother. “Dad worked with them too.”
Rose smiled. “I know.”
“You knew?”
“No, I didn’t know. Your father was tight-lipped about a lot of things, Cassie. He never talked about work much. He preferred to concentrate on you and spending time as a family when he was home. That’s one of the reasons I loved him so much, I think. I never asked and I never cared—not until the drinking started.”
“Mom…”
Rose sighed heavily. “I took out one of your father’s old albums the other night to show Helen,” she said. “There was a picture of your friend Edmond and your dad. That’s how Helen ended up telling me about Alex and…Well, a few other things,” she explained.
Cassidy nodded her understanding. “Alex….Mom—Alex and Pip,” Cassidy faltered.
“Cassie, just tell me.”
“I don’t know how,” Cassidy whispered. “They have been working together for a while. Alex….They found some things….Pip, he went to go look….They…Well, they thought that Alex’s father might still be alive. Just…”
“What? How could he be….”
“Mom, please….He isn’t,” Cassidy said. “Pip did find someone. It wasn’t Nicolaus.” Cassidy watched fear color her mother’s expression. She wondered if somehow Rose anticipated her next words. “Mom, Dad…Dad is alive.” Rose appeared to go catatonic. “Mom?”
“That’s impossible.”
The hollowness in Rose’s voice and the haunted look in her eyes made Cassidy shiver. “Mom, I’m sorry. It’s….”
“They made a mistake.”
Cassidy fought to suppress her emotions. “No, they didn’t.”
“You can’t know that,” Rose argued. She pulled her hand from Cassidy’s and looked away.
Cassidy’s sadness finally eclipsed her control. “I do know. I’ve seen him,” she said. Rose’s eyes met Cassidy’s again. Cassidy wasn’t sure what she saw there now—fear, doubt, anger? She took a deep breath and reached for her mother’s hand. “It’s him. I promise it is. Mom, he’s here.”
“I…”
“Edmond is taking him to the cabin in our car now.”
“Why?” Rose whispered.
“He needs to tell you that,” Cassidy said.
Rose remained silent for long moments. Cassidy sat beside her, holding Rose’s hand. She half expected to see Rose’s temper flair. Her mother’s reaction surprised her. Rose was lost in a sea of emotion and confusion. It broke Cassidy’s heart watching the woman who had raised her. It startled Cassidy when her mother finally spoke.
“I’m so sorry, Cassie.”
“Sorry? Mom, you have nothing to be sorry for.”
Rose’s tears spilled over her cheeks as she finally allowed herself to look at her daughter again. Cassidy reached over and wiped her mother’s tears. “I can’t believe he would do that to you,” Rose said.
Cassidy smiled solemnly. “I’m all right,” she promised.
“You were everything to him—to both of us,” Rose told Cassidy. “I…I don’t…How can he…”
“A friend of mine told me recently not to try to understand. She was right,” Cassidy said. “I will never be able to understand him,” she told her mother. “But, it is him. If you don’t want to see him, I will have Edmond take him back to Helen’s.”
“No,” Rose said bluntly. Cassidy noted the quiver of anger in her mother’s voice. She hated it, but she preferred it to the despondent cadence minutes before. “No. I need to.”
“I understand,” Cassidy said. “Edmond will come back for you and Helen. Do you want me to be with you when…”
“No.”
“Mom…”
“No, Cassie. No. He came here with you?” Rose asked. Cassidy nodded. “You’ve talked to him?”
“At length,” Cassidy admitted.
“And, you believe him? Whatever he has told you?”
“Not completely. About the important things—yes.”
Rose shook her head. “This cannot be real.”
“I know.”
“You’re sure?”
Cassidy smiled regretfully. “There are a lot of things I am not sure about,” she confessed. “I’m so sorry, Mom,” Cassidy said. Against her will and under her mother’s gaze, she began to cry. “Please don’t blame me. I’m sorry.”
Rose pulled Cassidy to her. “Blame you?”
“I didn’t tell you when he…”
Rose rocked Cassidy in her arms. Internally, she doubted that any of what Cassidy said could be true. It seemed far too much like a bad plot in a soap opera. She felt Cassidy quivering in her arms, shaking as she had when her father had died. “Shhh, Cassie…It’s all right, Cassie. It’s all right. I promise.”
“It’s not, Mom. It’s not all right—not any of it.”
Rose let her tears fall unrestrained and mingle with her daughter’s. She had comforted her daughter through the greatest loss of both their lives. Now, she held her again as if someone had torn open an old wound that could never completely heal. “It is, Cassie. It is. It will be. I promise.”
Cassidy let her mother hold her. She had no desire to let go. She had intended to comfort the woman holding her. In a heartbeat, Cassidy had found herself reduced to the longings of a child who was unable to understand the reality of loss in life. As it had always been, her mother’s arms immediately s
urrounded her. Somehow, Cassidy understood that this is what they both needed. There were no reasons and no explanations that could heal pain. Time and love were the only remedies. That started here.
Alex stepped into the room, ready to tell Cassidy that Dylan was headed for his cast shortly. She stopped and held her breath at the scene before her. Could anything be worth this? Alex felt a tear cascade over her cheek. She made no attempt to suppress it nor to wipe it away. Nothing was worth this pain. Nothing. She silently slipped from the room unseen.
Alex looked up at the ceiling as her tears began to gather pace and intensity. She found herself speaking silently to the most unlikely person. “Dad? Why? Why? What could be worth all this?”
“Alexis?” a soft voice called to her.
Alex opened her eyes. Helen wiped Alex’s tears as Alex fell into her mother’s arms. “Why?” Alex choked on the word.
Helen closed her eyes and held her daughter. “I don’t know,” she confessed. “I wish I did,” she told Alex. “I love you, Alexis.”
“Mom?”
“I know, sweetheart. He loved you too. Maybe someday you will believe that,” Helen said. She kissed Alex’s head as Alex let the floodgate of emotion spill over. “It’s all right, Alexis. Let it go. Let it go. It will be okay. I promise.”
Chapter Eighteen
“No!” Claire sat up like a bullet shot from a gun.
Hawk flew out of her chair and to Claire’s side. “Claire?” she called. Hawk put her hand on Claire’s back and could feel Claire’s rapid, shallow breathing. “Claire? What is it?”
“You need to get Alex.”
“What? Why? Claire...”
“Hawk, please. Please. I think I remembered something. Why didn’t I see it?” she chastised herself. “You need to get Alex on the phone, please.”
“Why?”
“Please, Hawk. She doesn’t know. None of them do.”
“Claire, slow down. Slow down. What did you remember?”
“Fisher, O’Brien...Cassidy wasn’t his objective,” Claire said.
“What? What are you talking about?” Hawk tried to get Claire focused.
“My father, Hawk. You don’t understand. They didn’t want McCollum. That wasn’t O’Brien’s objective. Not Fisher’s. Not the same goal as my father’s.”
“Claire, I can’t call Alex with this. I don’t know what you are talking about.”
Claire’s answer stopped Hawk’s heart. “Dylan.”
***
“What the hell is Daniels doing here?” Eleana wondered aloud.
“Same thing that we are.”
“What are the chances we are going to find anything now?” Eleana asked. “Think about it, Jonathan. Don’t you think they will have destroyed or, at least, moved things by now?”
“I do. That’s why Jane pressed Alex for the merger, I think.”
“They were never going to let her…”
“Not easily, no. But, it did get us some access and it did spook Rand. That has put more things in the open then a lot of people intended.”
“You think this was all about forcing their hand?” Eleana asked him.
“Yeah, I do. Jane wants to know who killed John, who made that call. It’s an obsession. But, I think she suspects something she’s not telling any of us. And, I think it’s connected to this.”
“About John?” Eleana asked.
“Maybe.”
“You know, don’t you? Who had him assassinated, I mean.”
Krause sighed. “If I believe Claire, her father did.”
“She told you that?”
“She was out of it,” he commented.
“You don’t believe her?”
“I think she believes it,” Krause said. “And, it wouldn’t surprise me,” he admitted. “But, he wasn’t alone. There’s no way possible in that.”
“How do you know?”
“They called me to arrange it.”
“What?”
“It’s a long story,” he said. “We had it set up. Should have looked like the perfect failed attempt. It was a test.”
“A test?”
“Yep. As much as they wanted him out, and I still am not sure why they were so hell bent on that,” he said. “They also tested my loyalty. The ultimate test—love versus duty. What do you subscribe to?” He chuckled caustically as his sights narrowed on a figure in the distance approaching Daniels.
“I don’t get it.”
“Eleana,” Krause turned to her briefly. “There’s nothing to get. It’s a game.”
“It’s not a game, Jonathan.”
“Yes, it is. That’s all it’s ever been. McCollum and your father are right.”
“How can you say that?” she asked him in disgust.
“Because, it’s true. It’s all about perception. These people all feel entitled to do what they do. It doesn’t matter what I think or you think to them. They don’t care about that. You think people who would program their children to do their bidding give a shit about what happens to those children? That’s why they are called assets.”
“It’s cold.”
“It is,” he agreed. “People invest a lot of energy in these assets,” he observed. “That’s really the game. Like chess,” he chuckled as he waved Eleana to follow him a few steps toward a large delivery van.
“People’s lives are not a board game.”
“Um, you said people. I said assets. Who’s the pawn, the rook, the knight?” he asked her rhetorically. “Assets are pieces to move. If you don’t see yourself as human, but as an asset,” he said. “If life to you is just about that duty, which is really a game…Then what matters at all?”
“That’s depressing,” she said.
“It’s all some people have, Eleana.”
“You sound like you are defending them.”
“No, I’m just acknowledging the reality. You think your father and Cassidy’s father are the devil.”
“I think they are selfish,” she declared. Krause made no reply, focusing on finding a way to get closer to Ambassador Daniels and the man approaching him. “You don’t?” she asked him.
“I think they are misguided assets,” he said.
“You’re kinder than you think,” she mumbled.
He took a deep breath and looked at her. “No, I’m not. I’ve just seen more than you have,” he told her.
“You think what they did was right?”
“I think they did what they thought was right,” he corrected her. “And, I don’t believe they did it for themselves. That makes them different than him,” Krause nodded toward Daniels. “You’re not a pawn,” he looked at Eleana. “At least, not to your father, neither was Cassidy or Alex. Your fathers wanted you left off the board,” he said, turning back to Daniels.
“Your father didn’t want that for you either,” she said honestly.
“My father was a hard, demanding man, who made it clear what was expected of me early on.”
“I didn’t mean the one who raised you.”
Krause nodded. “I know. That is the father I knew,” he said. Krause saw an opening to get within hearing distance of Daniels. He took a moment to address Eleana again before moving them closer. “Eleana, people are what they know. You are who you are because of what you have seen, what you have been taught, what you have been shown. We all are. You think your father is hard, cold like mine was. Yet, you are soft and warm—caring and compassionate, like Cassidy in many ways,” he smiled. “You learned that because you were shown that. That is what Cassidy’s father meant by perception. You give and you love because at your core you believe people are giving and loving.”
“Jonathan…”
“It’s not difficult for you to love, to say I love you. Not like it is for me. It’s taken me a long time to learn and it is still foreign to me at times.”
“But, you did learn.”
“I’m still learning,” he said. “Perception does not shift overnight. Some people’s never w
ill,” he told her.
“Then why bother trying to change it at all?” she asked him.
“Because once in a while someone does change,” he said. “Once in a while, you are able to change it for one person. That’s really the best you can hope for.” He looked ahead again. “We need to get to that storage shed. Stay close to me. I want to hear this conversation.”
“Jonathan?” she tugged on his jacket. “We’re not our fathers,” she said.
“We are, more than you think.”
“I’m not…”
He leaned over and kissed her gently on the lips. “Who are you hoping to protect, Eleana?” he asked. She looked confused. “Why do you do it?”
“Because, someone has to. Someone has to try and leave this world better. To try and…”
“For who?”
“I don’t know. The people I love…for…Dylan and…”
“Ah, for your children?” he guessed. “Not so different after all,” he said.
“I would never.”
“Different paths with the same purpose,” he said. “Come on. Let’s see what our friend the ambassador has to say.”
***
Edmond pulled Helen’s car in front of the cabin. Rose sat looking out the window of the car. Helen had respected her friend’s need for silence. She held Rose’s hand in a gesture of comfort. “Do you believe it?” Rose asked Helen without turning toward her.
“That the man in there is your husband?” Helen asked. Rose nodded. “I do.”
Finally, Rose moved to face her friend. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
“You can,” Helen said.
“How can I?”
“Because, if nothing else, Cassidy needs you to,” Helen replied honestly.
“I don’t know what to feel.”
“You don’t need to know,” Helen told Rose. “Just let yourself feel whatever it is.”
“And, if I hate him?”
Helen smiled. “You have every reason to, frankly.”
“Would you? If it had been Nicolaus that they found?” Rose asked.
“I would have been angry. I might have thought that I hated him, but,” Helen sighed. “I still would have loved him.”
Rose nodded. “I’m sorry, Helen. I wish it had been.”
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