by Ashley Logan
Making the shushing noises he used to soothe me with, I pull his arms around my waist.
"I have loved you for three lost years also. I have made love to your ghost in my dreams and now my dreams have come true. There are many ways to honor me and make me feel safe, but all of them include coming inside my home, not abandoning me in a moment of need. Do you understand?"
He swallows visibly. "Yes."
"Good. Then come."
Unlinking his hands from the small of my back, I turn and led him inside properly. Leaving our light summer coats on my hook, and our shoes beneath, I lead him onward.
"This is a nice place," he says as I pause in the kitchen to get us both a glass of water before I retrieve a bottle of vodka from the freezer.
"Yes. Is warm, and clean, and full of wonderful people - when they are not at a party."
Smiling easily, he nods.
"They're very protective of you."
"We are protective of each other, yes. They are good people. Caring and respectful."
Watching me a moment, he leans back against the kitchen counter with a contented sigh. "I'm glad you found the family you deserve."
"Me too. And you, Niko? You have found some people?"
His jaw hardens slightly. "I found you, so maybe?"
Frowning, I step closer to him. "No friends?"
Raising one shoulder, he exhales slowly. "A few, I guess. One really. Serge is probably the only guy that hasn't given up trying to reach me in my..." He gestures to his earphones and swirls his hand through the air by his head. "Wherever I've been. Purgatory? I don't know. Friendly interactions haven't really been my strength these past few years. Or ever. I'm kind of um..."
Shaking his head, he keeps his eyes low and fidgets with one of his earphones. Clearing his throat, he takes a drink of water.
"You are not a monster, Niko."
Pressing his lips together, he gives a non-committal nod and doesn't look up.
"Not," I say more firmly, stepping into his line of sight. "You rose above your bad childhood to bring good things to this world. A monster does not do this. He does not save the women he is meant to brutalize. He does not save countless more from a stolen fate. If he hurts others, it is to protect the innocent from more hurt. You are loving, Niko. I know this, because you love me."
Grabbing his t-shirt, I jerk his attention to my face. "I have missed you and your love, Niko. What will you do with the woman you love, now that you have found her? Will you leave her alone to cry, or will you hold her close and let her feel your love? Real love," I emphasize, not caring how much emotion I give him. He can have it all. I've only ever given it to him.
"I need the love the doctors do not believe in. We do not need them to make us feel better; all we need is each other. Will you let me heal your broken heart as you heal mine?"
Stroking my face, he leans in close and gently kisses a tear from my cheek.
"Yes Natascha. I want that for us." Pressing his forehead to mine, he squeezes his eyes shut and kisses me lightly on the lips. "I'll respect your boundaries. Please just ask me to leave at any time you think I'm about to cross a line and I'll go."
"There are no lines Niko. You are welcome in my world, always. Actually, you are not to leave it ever again, do you hear?"
"I'm starting to think I couldn't if I tried," he mumbles into my hair as he hugs me closer. "I still can't quite believe you're in my arms." Breathing me in deeply, he releases a disgruntled rumble of words.
"What is it you say Niko?"
"I said I'm going to kill my handler, but I didn't mean it literally," he says, shaking his head at having to make that distinction. "I won't kill him, but I will bite his head off over the phone for telling me you were dead when I could've had you in my arms all this time."
"I want to bite him too," I agree with a smile. "Not the same way I want to bite you though. Come on."
Grabbing the vodka and our glasses, I take his hand and lead him to my bedroom, shutting the door behind us.
"Is nicer than your cabin, yes?" I smile as I set the vodka down on my sturdy desk next to the pile of unopened mail I've been avoiding. "No nasty squeaky chair in here." I pat the plush armchair and plump the soft cushions upon it.
Niko looks around my room in apparent wonder as he squeezes my hand. "It's the nicest room I've ever been in," he replies, looking at the photos of my friends and I doing normal things. One hand pulls me closer and the other strokes my arm as if he needs to continually touch me. "Much nicer than your old room in Tallinn."
Staring at him, I drop his hand. "Yes. Is nicer. I do not like that you have seen my spaces and I have not seen yours."
"I'll take you to mine tomorrow if you like, but you're not missing much," he admits with a shrug as he eyes my wireless speaker. "I have a one room apartment, a mattress with a blanket, my bag, a laptop, and an empty fridge."
"That is sad Niko."
Nodding, he sighs. "I've been a sad man Natascha."
"Where do your visitors sit?"
He frowns. "I don't have visitors."
"Not any?" I ask, probing into his recent past maybe more than I want to.
Watching me carefully, he shakes his head. "None. Nor do I visit others," he states clearly, having picked up my unasked question. "It did not feel right to do so."
He has not been with anyone since me either.
"You have invited me to visit tomorrow," I point out, stepping closer and running my hand down his chest. "Where will I sit?"
"You can sit wherever you please, my queen," he says with a naughty smile as he pulls me in for a quick kiss. "I can think of a few places."
"Hmm." I tap my lip thoughtfully. "Will I like these places?"
"You have in the past," he replies, nipping at my neck before nuzzling into it.
Giggling, I lean away from his tickling and continue the ruse. "That was a long time ago. Will you help me to remember?"
"I'd be honored," he whispers as his hands lift the skirt of my dress and we both moan.
"Bed," I mumble as his lips and fingers make my legs turn to jelly.
"What was that?" he asks, raising his distracted gaze to my face.
"Take me to be-"
His lips are on mine, hungry for all I'll give him. Fumbling for his belt buckle, I unleash it and fight to focus on the buttons of his jeans as my hands wander with a mind of their own, tracing the grooves between his muscles and the trail of hair that leads downward.
His breathing hitches and our mouths came apart.
"Okay?" I ask, unable to stop my hands from moving, as he seems unable to stop his.
Nodding, he presses his forehead to mine. "Just been a long time since anyone's touched me. Apart from you. It's been a long time since you've touched me," he repeats.
"I cannot stop touching either. I hope you do not mind," I say, pushing up his t-shirt until he raises his arms and I can pull it off.
Marveling at his beautiful body, I want for him to stay uncovered forever. Dropping his shirt to the floor, I giggle as I imagine it burning up.
"The floor is lava. Get me to the bed!" I cry, jumping into his arms and squealing.
Grinning, he shakes his head and kisses me.
When I'm able to wrench myself free of his lips, I'm breathing hard. Mostly in response to how he's made me feel more that from any actual effort.
"Your legs will burn," I warn.
"Let them," he whispers, taking my mouth again with even more need than before. Dragging my sweater down my arms, he drops it to floor. I imagine it sizzling on the surface a moment before sinking into the fiery liquid. My own temperature is soaring as his deft hands find the zipper at my back and as Nikolai teases it down in an achingly slow manner, I can't help but squirm against him.
"Niko."
It was a moan; a sigh; a plea.
Peeling the straps of my dress from my shoulders, he runs his fingers over my bare back and clutches me to him. His chest is warm against my breasts and I do
my best to shed the straps completely to quickly free my arms. I need to cherish his skin the way he does mine.
Too long we have been left untouched. We need this.
Burying my face in the hollow where his neck meets his shoulder, I inhale deeply and moan as a dozen delicious memories bubble up from the deep.
So real.
Kissing a line up his neck, I lick my lips, enjoying the hint of salt he's seasoned them with. Flicking my tongue over his skin to get a stronger taste of him, I moan again as his hot mouth tastes my skin too, sending pleasurable shivers through me.
My teeth graze his shoulder and he rumbles as he always did when he liked something I did. My fingers work into his hair, massaging his scalp. His eyes close, and he loses all momentum as he's brought to an entranced standstill. Purring again, the tiger begins to melt beneath me.
"Niko."
"Mmm?"
"Carry me to the bed."
His eyes open slowly to focus on my face.
"I can't think straight when you do that to my head," he mumbles, still trying to keep his wits as I twirl my fingers in his hair. Not quite long enough to wrap around my fingers, the tufts continually break free unless I tug on them. He likes that too.
Hissing a little, his eyes sharpen and he moves us to the bed as I'd asked.
I swing my legs down to stand on the mattress. "You like me touching you."
"Love it. Can't believe it's real. Can't believe how good it feels," he says, his tone somewhat distant.
"Me too. Take off jeans. I want to touch all of you with all of me." I shimmy out of my dress and my underpants in one movement.
Eyes glued to me, a soft whistling sound escapes him.
"You look good enough to eat too Niko," I tease, letting my bottom lip slide past my teeth as his eyes devour me.
He's so different from the men that ogle me in an audience. I don't want any of them, only the man in front of me, who seems to want me so badly he's brought the whole interaction to a halt just to enjoy me with his eyes - he seems almost hypnotized. Pressing my thighs together as his steamy gaze does things to my insides, I've had about all I can take. I step back down to the floor.
"I will help you out of your jeans. You are taking too long for my hungry body."
Finishing with the buttons I'd started on earlier, I peel back his jeans, brushing my fingers down his dark curls to release his velvety cock.
His breath catches as I touch it, and he watches, wide-eyed as I stroke its length.
"Is happening, Niko."
One eyebrow lifts a touch, as if he isn't sure he should believe me, but he nods.
His breathing becomes more ragged and his muscles tense. I let him slide from my fingers and he relaxes some as I trace the edge of his jeans and push them off his fine ass. Guiding the denim down his legs, I look up and met his eyes before taking him into my mouth in a long, slow pull.
Growling, he pulls me up and falls with me onto the bed.
"Ladies first," he mutters, sealing my mouth with his as our bodies wrap around each other.
His hands are everywhere, but his hard body is a constant against me as his mouth treats my nipples to some well overdue attention. I rub against him, helpless to do otherwise. I can't keep still.
My hands swirl over his skin, my nails digging in every time he shifts his weight, or sucks my nipples more firmly. I gasp my way closer and closer to climax and the look in his eyes is enough to tip me over the edge as he runs his fingers through my crease and rumbles in approval of how wet he's found me. Calling out his name, I cling to him as he softly strokes me.
"Beautiful Natascha," he whispers as his forehead nudges mine. Kissing my temple, he moves impossibly closer. "Again."
"You," I whisper back, still in recovery.
"Not yet."
Lowering himself between my legs, he runs his tongue in light circles over my clit, making my legs tremble at his ears.
"Mmm," he moans, having sucked my clit into his mouth.
I rise off the bed with a gasp. Catching me, he flips me so I'm lying on my stomach. Hoisting my hips high, he flicks his tongue through my crease as I tremble in his arms.
"Niko."
He does it again. "Does it feel good Natascha?"
Moaning in agreement, I'm liquid in his hands. He lowers my hips to the bed again and pulls himself right in close. His erection presses against the side of my ass as he slips one hand beneath me while the other strokes me from behind. I'm surrounded by pleasurable sensations.
"You like this way, Natascha," he whispers in my ear as his fingers slip inside me, encouraging me to grind against his other hand. "I remember."
Again, I can only moan in agreement as I feel myself building again quickly. He can feel it too, and pulls back each time I think I'm about to explode.
"More," I demand on another moan as I chase his retreating fingers.
"Are you sure?" he asks, his voice husky and raw with need.
"Yes. I love you. Take me Niko."
Hoisting my hips high again, he assembles himself behind me and continues the gentle pressure on my clit.
"I love you too Natascha," he whispers, sliding into me in one full, well-greased motion. Both of us stall and groan at the sensation. He fills me to stretching and as he draws back gradually and sinks slowly in deep again, I cry out.
"More!"
He increases his pace and it feels amazing as he angles himself just right. Nudging against his front hand, I'm out of control as he thrusts into me from behind. I move at twice his pace and he increases the pressure on my clit as he drives into me again and again until all the feelings he's been building up in me come crashing back ten times stronger.
The orgasm tears through me and I'm so grateful for his supportive arms around me as he rides those waves with me. They seem endless; and when he growls behind me, another head-spinning series of spasms spiral out from within as his release spills through me.
Clutching me to him, we collapse sideways and he bundles me in close. Face buried in my hair, his hands continue to travel my skin in a mesmerizing journey of rediscovery. Reaching behind, I weave my fingers into his hair to draw soothing circles over his scalp.
Neither of us says a word. It isn't necessary.
We're exactly where we should be.
"You want to shower?" I mumble, almost asleep in his arms.
"I don't ever want to move from right here," he whispers, kissing the back of my head and nuzzling into my hair.
I smile to myself. This is the best dream I've ever had.
Shifting a little as he tickles me, I'm reminded of how real we are when I feel him still inside me. "Mmm. You are right. Stay."
I snuggle in against him even more and he pulls me possessively to him. I moan again as I feel him growing hard and beginning to stretch me again.
"So good to have you back Niko," I whisper, unable to keep myself from squirming as he fills me completely. "Again."
"You're not too sore?"
Shaking my head, I nudge him backwards. "Not for you. Come on top. I want your kisses and to see your face while you love me."
With careful and flexible rearrangement, he's able to stay inside me as we change positions and as he moves into me from above, I'm able to bathe in the love that shines from his eyes.
"You are loving and good Niko. And a very beautiful man. Did I ever properly thank you for saving my life?"
"You saved mine, Natascha. How many times you'll never know."
"So we are even," I whisper with a smile. "Our love is true and we are made for each other, yes?"
His kiss is answer enough.
When he finally breaks away, there are tears in my eyes, and his are glassy with emotion too.
"I'm the luckiest man in the world to have found you. Twice. And I need to apologize in advance, because I'm never, ever leaving you again - probably not even if you want me too," he adds with a devious smile.
Smiling back, I stroke his chest. "You should no
t worry, Niko. I never want to not touch you again, so you will not ever get away. Actually, I plan on riding you anywhere I need to go."
Chuckling, he rumbles as he kisses me. "I'm the one riding you," he points out, drawing back and gently filling me again in illustration.
"For now," I agree, biting back a moan. "Next you will take me against the wall for a bit before I ride you to the shower and you finish us off there. Then you will probably need to just carry me back to bed, because I will be too tired and wobbly to be a wheelbarrow, but it will be my turn on top when I am recovered."
Grunting, Niko speeds up his gentle movement, as if in a hurry to complete the agenda. "I love it when you're on top."
"I know," I utter, gripping onto his biceps as my breathing becomes erratic. "That is why you will let me ride you anytime I want."
"Anytime," he repeats. "Forever. I'm yours Natascha. Always."
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
One shower, a nap and another ride later, we lie in each other's arms ready for more sleep. Cuddled into Nikolai, I rest my ear to his chest, being lulled into a trance by his steady heart. His fingers comb my hair out over my back and I sigh happily each time they play across my skin having reached the ends.
"You're perfect," he whispers.
"I am imperfect," I correct him with a smile as I draw lazy circles around his nipple, watching it pebble under my touch.
"Yes. Perfectly so. How else could you love me?" His tone is light, so I decide not to twist his nipple.
"You are right Niko. It is so difficult to love a man so kind and strong and good-looking. Yuck. There is definitely something wrong with me."
His belly shakes with quiet laughter.
"You're the only person in the world who makes me laugh, Natascha. With your sassy mouth and your crazy games and wild imagination."
"You like my imagination?"
