by N. K. Love
I climb into bed. Rubbing my leg and hand over the sheets on Beth’s side to take the chill from them. A minute later and she slips beneath the covers next to me and snuggles into her favourite sleeping position. With her leg raised across my waist, her hand strokes up and down, scratching her nails through the coarse hairs by her thigh.
“You saved me, Jaxson.” She whispers.
“Shhh.”
I stroke her damp hair, which she’s scraped back into a ponytail, trying to keep a check on that looming ball of hatred for what happened to her.
“You did.” Tilting her chin, she looks up at me, clearing her throat. “It’s given me a glimpse into the dark side of the world that is out there. Weirdly, it helps me understand more about why you loved the Unit so much. The things you did… I think I get that now.”
“Yeah? I wish I could be as optimistic as you. How did you manage to find something good out of what’s just happened?” She just shrugs. “So, if I told you that I’m not going to have Samara arrested, how would that make you feel?”
“I trust you. Do what you have to do.”
I don’t know what I would’ve done if she’d fought me on this. But, I’m glad I don’t need to find out.
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For a million things. But right now, for sticking by me and for loving me, in spite of everything—”
“Jax, I love you more because of everything. I may not be as emotionally resilient as you, but what I lack in practice, you more than make up for with experience. I know you’ll make this right.”
“I will… Beth, being here with Carmel will mean you’ll need to discreetly go off the radar for a few days without anybody asking questions. Is that gonna be a problem?”
“No. I figured as much. Work will be fine. I’ll shoot an email over to Eddie. As long as I call my mom for our routine Saturday chat tomorrow, she’ll be fine. Then I’ll just message Wills and say I’m staying at yours for a bit. It’ll be fine.”
“Okay, but you can’t use your phone. I’ve already switched it off. It’s in your bag, but it needs to be kept off. You can use Carmel’s.”
“Okay. Promise me you’ll be careful over there. I need you to come back to me in one piece.”
“So it’s just my body you’re after?”
“Jax, I mean it.”
“I know you do and I will. I’ll be back before you know it.”
Planting a soft, lingering kiss on my lips, Beth lies her cheek back down, hypnotically playing with the hairs on my chest, beside her face. She begins to tire more as sleep starts calling to her and her breathing slows.
“Do you want me to wake you in the morning, before I go?”
My question’s met with silence and I wonder if she’s drifted off.
“No.” She whispers, pressing her fingers into me and kissing my chest. “I love you, Jax.”
“I love you too.”
Chapter Eighteen
Saturday 13th June 2015
12:52pm
Beth
“Thanks for making lunch, Carmel. I’m sorry, I couldn’t manage it all.”
Standing up from the table, I take my plate of pasta over to the kitchen counter.
“That’s okay, sweetie. You’ve barely touched it though. Are you sure you can’t eat a little more?”
“Maybe later. I don’t have an appetite at the moment.”
I take another plate out of the cupboard and use it as a cover for my lunch.
“I know it’s hard, but you’re going to make yourself sick with worry. That’s not going to help anybody.”
I already feel sick with worry. My body has felt numb since I woke up to an empty bed this morning. I told him not to wake me, but as I drifted off to sleep, part of me believed I’d automatically wake up as soon as he got out of bed—I didn’t.
“I’ll just put this in the fridge and then, if it’s okay with you, I’ll give my parents and my friend a quick call.”
“Okay, but you know not to tell them anything though. Do they know where Jax lives? Just thinking, in case they decide to visit.”
“No, there’s no chance of that. Jax certainly mastered the art of being incognito.”
I put the food in the fridge as Carmel rifles through her bag and then hands me a phone.
“It’s fully charged, but it’s a pay as you go and I’m not sure how much credit is loaded on it. It’s already set up to conceal the number so it might be worth thinking of a reason they can’t contact you for the next week or so?”
“Week? Jax said it’d be a few days.”
“Just thinking ahead, Beth. Once they’re back and this is all over, you’ll probably want to have a few days together. Something as intense as all this can really take its toll… Trust me. I know all about wanting to take a rain check on your life for a while. It’d probably do you both the world of good.”
I nod in agreement because taking a rain check on my life sounds pretty damn good to me at the moment.
Wandering out of the kitchen, I cross the hallway and settle down on the small sofa in the lounge. Stupidly feeling nervous, I dial my parent’s house first. I’m feeling anxious because—aside from the enormous fact that somebody was trying to kill me yesterday—as well as not being able to confide in her, I’ve also got to deceive her.
Maybe one day I can sit her down and tell her. But that’s out of the question for any time in the near future. That goes for Willow and anybody else too.
After a brief chat with my dad, I spoke to my mom for about ten minutes. I’ve never been so happy to listen to her talking politics before. She’s started up a petition in her town, trying to make first aid courses compulsory to children in secondary schools. Not only that, she’s currently arguing her case with the local MP for having baby related first aid courses carried out in maternity wards prior to new mothers being discharged with their babies. She has always been the type of person to act on her beliefs. I love hearing her passion and today it was a welcome distraction.
Next, I call Willow.
“Hey, it’s me.”
“Oh, hey, B. Your number didn’t come up.”
“Yeah, my phone’s broken. I’m just using an old one of Jax’s. How are you?”
“Mmm alright, I suppose. Me and Peter hit a bit of a rocky patch this week, but I’m okay.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“I don’t know. I think maybe I’m a little out of my comfort zone with the whole commitment malarkey. It was all going great, but I’ve started to miss my sexual freedom—”
“You said the sex was epic.”
“It is, in its own right… But, you know I like to push those boundaries. I prefer to play outside of the box society loves to put us in.”
“So what are you saying? You’re missing having more than one partner?”
“Yeah… I mean, he won’t invite another man into the bedroom, but, as you know, we’ve tried threesomes a couple times. As much as I enjoy having another woman with us, he told me the other night that it doesn’t feel right.”
“You said he was loving it last time!”
“Exactly! I thought he was… Well, he was certainly whistling to a different tune when he was watching me eat out that chick whilst he was fucking me! Urgh! I thought women were supposed to be the confusing species!”
“In the heat of the moment, he probably was loving it… It sounds as though his mind kicked in afterwards, maybe… I can understand where Peter’s coming from, Wills. If he is committed to you, he isn’t going to want anybody else touching you—man or woman.”
“Why not though? I’m committed to him and I still want it.”
“Well, have your feelings changed towards him? Remember, in the beginning, you said he was the type of guy that permanently had you reaching for your hair tie and exercising your jaw!”
“Ha! Yes, he is… and I do, on a regular basis. I guess I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place… If I push him on this,
I’ll push him away. But I’m worried he can’t fulfil my needs long-term. I don’t want to feel as though I’m settling.”
God, she sounds miserable.
“Shit, Wills… How have you left it with him?”
“We talked openly about it all last night and he said I need to ‘reevaluate my priorities’—whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean! He’s going on like I’m young, dumb and full of come.”
“Well, youngish and you’re definitely not dumb…” Wills sighs, but I can tell she’s smiling. “The Wills I know and love, can pluck an orgasm from thin air! In my opinion, you don’t need another person in the bedroom. If sex between you two is great, why would you risk that? I know you’re falling for him and he’s a good, decent man, Wills. I’d think long and hard before you let this go over some pussy and a bit of extra cock.”
Wills bursts out laughing and I’m thankful to cheer her up a little, considering I can’t turn up on her doorstep with a bottle and a hug, which is exactly what I’d do under normal circumstances.
“Oh how the tables have turned my friend.” She giggles. “You’re right though, babe. I know you are. I need to get over myself and stop playing devil’s advocate… Whatever happens, it’ll be for the best… Fuck It Shit Happens! So anyway, how you doing?”
“I’m fine.”
“Fine? Sounds riveting!”
“No, I am. Just got a lot on my mind at the moment—with work and that.”
“Oh yeah, how did the rest of the convention thingy go?”
“Well, let’s just say that I got a lot more out of the weekend than I’d anticipated… So, how’s Will and Sonia getting along?”
“Urgh, don’t.” She scoffs. “They’re like lovesick teenagers. Absolute vomit on toast to be around them at the moment. He is really making an effort though; being around more, travelling less. My mom’s in her element. Actually, did you get the message from Dad before your phone packed up?”
“No. What was it?”
“Oh he’s invited you and Jax over to their house for drinks and a bite to eat, Monday night. He’s just landscaped the garden and they want to christen the new barbeque. Watcha reckon? You pair up for that?”
Shit. Yet more lies.
“Damn. Sorry. Can you send our apologies please? Jax is taking me away for a few nights.”
“Oooh, sounds dirty. Where’s he taking you?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“Even better. ‘Jaxson Carter the romantic’, I’d never have guessed it! Let’s hope it involves sex, sex and more sex. Knowing you two, that’s probably a no-brainer. Don’t forget to pack a cucumber, babe!”
“Of course… Jeez, remember when you suggested food sex for my list? I thought you were crazy!”
“Well, I’m glad we made that ‘Fuck It’ list of yours… Actually, how’s it coming along? Surely you pair have nailed most of them to the wall by now.”
“Almost. We have two left; phone sex and sex on the beach.”
“You’re kidding? I thought you would’ve got sand in your knickers in Devon… Maybe that’s his surprise; he’s taking you to the beach for a few days.”
God, I wish! That couldn’t be further from the truth.
“Maybe.”
“Well, if you do, seriously, watch out for those deadly bastard grains. They get everywhere and before you know it you’re being fucked by a roll of sandpaper and that’s gonna sting like a bitch!”
“Thanks for that top tip, Wills. I’ll be sure to take a blanket.”
“And on that note, I’m off to work.”
“Alright. I hope you and Peter manage to work through this. I really do. You could be onto something special with him.”
“I hope so too. Have a great time away and we’ll meet up when you’re back, B. Love you.”
“I love you, Wills.”
The phone goes dead and the silence surrounding me gives me a shove back into this surreal reality of mine.
Jax and Jack aren’t even halfway there yet. I’ve got to stop checking the time. Counting the hours is only going to drag this out more. I wonder what he is thinking right now. Is he nervous about what’s to come? Or is he confident? When will he—
“Everything okay, sweetie?”
Carmel joins me, squeezing my shoulder as she walks past and puts a glass of water on the table in front of me. Then she sits down on the matching sofa adjacent to mine.
“Yes, thank you.”
I smile, handing her back the phone, which she puts on the table in front of us.
“You look like you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders. Would you like some advice?”
“Yes, please.”
“There’s absolutely nothing you can do to help Jaxson and you can’t make time go quicker. So there’s no point stressing yourself out any more than you already are. Stop wondering where he is, what he is doing, when he’ll be back… Else you’ll drive yourself mad with worry.”
All she’s doing is echoing what I’ve already been trying to tell myself. I am going to try my best though.
“Sooo—what you’re saying is we should behave as though this is a girls weekend away? Crack open the bubbly, braid each other’s hair and watch chick flicks.”
“Oooh. Now there’s the smartarse I caught a glimpse of in the café a few weeks ago! Sorry, poppet, no champers here.”
“Did you at least brush up on your braiding skills?” I wiggle my eyebrows at her.
“No I did not!” She smirks. “It looks as though you don’t need any assistance. I don’t know how you cope with such long hair. This bloody bob is enough to drive me crazy.”
“I love your hair. I bet you go to the hairdressers all the time.”
“Of course I do. I haven’t got the patience to straighten it myself. Dean loves it. Believe it or not, but his hair is actually longer than mine!”
“Really? Have you got a photo?”
“He hates having his picture taken, but I’m sure there’s a few in here somewhere.”
Carmel starts swiping through her own phone.
“Tell me about him—if you don’t mind.”
“Sure, if it’ll help take your mind off Jaxson… Ah-ha… Here’s my favourite. It’s a couple years old, but I love it.”
Carmel leans over and hands me her phone.
“Wow! He is gorgeous. That long hair and scruff… I know you shouldn’t judge, but I would not have pictured you with a guy like this.”
“Well, they do say opposites attract. I bet you would’ve never pictured yourself falling for somebody like Jaxson either.”
“You’ve got that right. So how did you pair meet?”
“Dean and I met at a casino party about five years ago. He was looking particularly dapper in his suit with his long brown hair slicked back into a ponytail. He instantly caught my eye and I watched him for the rest of the night. The way he moved through the crowd; flirting with the women.” A sweet smile has crept onto Carmel’s face as she recollects how she met her fiancé. I take a sip of my water and lean back on the sofa, clutching the glass as I listen intently. “Within a few minutes I’d already worked out he was hustling. The Unit was picking off these guys who were scamming the casino out of thousands of pounds worth of chips every night. That night, I was working my usual honey-trap routine to get them into a vulnerable position so that they could be dealt with.”
“No way! So your fiancé was your target?”
“Yes. Sounds so wrong doesn’t it?”
“Not at all! I’m a little weird like that though, I think it sounds romantic.”
“You’re right—you are a little weird!” She laughs.
“Come on, what happened next?”
“I worked my magic, got him out of the casino and down the alleyway at the side of the building.”
“And then what?” I sip away at my drink, enthralled.
“I cut him and then I shagged him.”
My last sip of water finds itself spraying over my f
ace and lap.
“No. Fucking. Way!”
Carmel throws her head back, chuckling, utterly amused at my reaction.
“Afraid so, sweetie! I had a job to do… Business always comes before pleasure.”
“Jesus Christ, you are ruthless!” I wipe my face on my sleeve. “So, was it love at first fight?”
