The phone starts ringing again and I realize I completely missed the first call. Answering it, I see Jack's beautiful face bless the screen and smile.
"Hey, you," He smiles. I muster up a smile and wave.
"Hi. My baby there?" I ask wanting to see that she's okay.
He smiles and nods then turns the phone. Sitting on the exam table already is my Firefly. My baby. She's just laying there, her head resting on Jack's sister's hand, her breathing labored. I can tell just from the screen that she isn't feeling well and I can't even understand what Jack's been going through with having to take care of her all alone. I hope Ryley's been helping.
"Hey, Jenny," Joanna says sadly. "So you both are up to date on everything that's been going on with Firefly, right?"
We both answer and she goes on without waiting. The entire time I keep watching my baby, miserable and limp on the screen, wanting to hang up and run away. Fast.
I can't do loss.
"Well, we did some blood tests the other day, as you both know, and from the results…." She trails off and I hear her take a breath. Jack still has the phone on Firefly but I see his sister's hand rest on top of my puppy then rub down her back gently.
Shit.
I can feel my flight instinct kicking in but I hold it at bay, still praying for good news.
"I'm sorry to say, Jack. Firefly has Leiomyosarcoma."
"Layman terms, Jo," I hear Jack say in a very low voice.
His sister sighs and pets Firefly again. "It's a very uncommon form of stomach cancer. From what we can tell, it's pretty progressed with the rapid weight loss and vomiting. There's scans we can do... maybe meds.…" she trails off and I hear her take a deep breath.
Cancer?!
"What the hell's that mean? We can fix her, right? We can make her better. We have to. There's medicine. There's treatments. We have to—" Jack keeps rambling on but I've gone silent.
Cancer means death.
I don't do death.
"Jack, it's not that simple. It's very rare for puppy's this age to get this specific type of cancer, but once they have it… well…."
"Is she going to die?" I grind out fighting back tears.
"It's not that simple, Jen—"
"Is she going to fucking die?!" I yell, startling Jack.
The camera falls but the screen is soon replaced by his sister's face. She nods her head gently and I feel my walls coming up as soon as I hear Jack clear his throat. The same thing happened that morning when Ry called me. The same thing happened when my grandma died. I know this feeling.
"I'm sorry, you two. It's so far progressed…. We could try to help her with the pain—"
"Pain?" Jack chimes in, his voice raw. He clears his throat again, obviously holding back emotions and my heart breaks.
Shit, he's hurting and I'm not there for him.
"Yes. This type of cancer, when as progressed as it is, can be incredibly painful. Medication will help a small bit but there's not much else we can do." Her voice makes me sad and angry and everything I don't like feeling.
"Jack, I have to go," I say quickly, not wanting him to hear the hurt in my voice.
"Jenny wh—" he starts to say but I cut him off.
"I have to go, Jack. I'm insanely busy. I'll call later," I snip then hang up the phone.
Taking a huge breath, I stare at my phone before chucking it across the room and it shatters against the door. I lay my head on my desk for what seems like hours. I can't lose her. I haven't gotten to spend a lot of time with her, I love her, she's the perfect puppy. She's ours.
Ours.
Shit.
Moaning, I finally decide to pick up my bum ass and call my sister. She's been wanting to see me ever since I got back in town but I've been ignoring her. Really, I've been ignoring my entire family, mostly because I don't want to see their faces when they don't believe me that I've actually found a guy to be serious with.
"Hi," she says after the first ring.
"Wanna meet up for dinner?" I ask not acknowledging the fact that I've missed multiple phone calls from her.
I don't really want to hang out with her but I've ignored her so much lately that I almost feel guilty. Plus, I need something to take my mind off of Wisconsin.
We agree to meet up at the Tavern on Main in an hour, which gives me time to stop and grab a new phone on the way. Thanks to my temper tantrum earlier, my old one is shattered and still on my office floor. I really need to get my shit together. Work this week is about to get nuts and I need to focus on that. My livelihood.
"You've been quiet lately," she says as she quietly sips on her martini.
Such a stuck up whore.
"Busy. That's all." I shrug and pick at our nachos.
"How's Ryley and Liam?" She rolls her eyes while saying their names.
Another one in this hellhole that doesn't like them.
"Just fine. I had a great time up there. Made a new friend while there too," I grin.
"A friend in Jenny terms is never a good thing," she mumbles.
"Why do you have to be such a bitch all the time? For your information, you are the unhappy one with the gay ex-boyfriend and I'm the one with the incredibly hot lumberjack boyfriend."
Sure, it's a completely bitchy move, but I honestly thought we could hang out like normal sisters, when really it looks like she just missed the last few weeks of getting her jabs in at me. I'm not in the mood though.
She scoffs, then starts laughing. "Right, you'll have a boyfriend when pigs fly." The rest of her drink goes down after her statement.
She's really a miserable person. I shake my head, almost feeling sorry for the
"I do. His name's Jack, he's gorgeous, and I'm more faithful to him than any of your boyfriends have ever been to you," I snap. "I don't know why I thought this was a good idea." I huff getting up from the table. Throwing down a twenty I smile and shrug sadly at her. "I'm sorry you're such a miserable human being. Go hang out with mom and dad, they understand you more."
Walking out of the bar, I feel a massive rock lifting off my shoulders. I don't need a strong tie with my blood family in order to feel complete. I have everything and everyone I need already. They just happen to be hundreds of miles away.
***
By the end of the week I've managed to make it through all the patients I missed on Tuesday. My days were long, my nights were longer, but I've done it. Seven babies delivered this week, every patient tended to. I'm drained, but I managed to make everything I was supposed to make.
Sitting here I stare at my new iPhone, blinking back tears that I've lost all of my pictures of Firefly from breaking my phone.
Cancer.
I haven't talked to Jack about everything. We've went four days without a video chat and when he tires to talk through texts I have to somehow get around the topic of the puppy. He's got her and I can't do it. I've missed numerous calls from him but I can't hear his voice. He's texted, telling me he's okay and he just wants to talk, but I can't. I know it's going to be a conversation of whether or not we need to put her to sleep, but I can't. I can't make that call. I just want everyone to be happy and healthy and together. I want to be there for him but life doesn't work that way. Responsibilities don't work that way. I have too much to do.
My phone rings, bringing me out of my daydream of a happy like with Firefly and Jack.
"Hey," I answer.
"Hi to you, woman," Ryley snips. "Mind telling me why you've been so hard to reach this week?"
"Fuck, Ry, things here are just insane." I sigh rubbing my face and lay back on my bed.
"Right. I believe that, I really do. I also know you have someone here that is dying to talk to you. And a puppy that needs you," she warns. Fucking 'mom' voice.
"Ryley, I'm too busy—"
"No, Jenny. Stop. You're making this so much of a bigger problem by ignoring the fact that you love that dog and you love Jack. I know what you do when you face loss… remember Gage, Jenny?! I was there!"
She's getting worked up and I start to cry. "Jenny, you can't ignore that fact that she's dying." She sniffs.
"I know that, Ryley!" I yell then try to calm myself. "Sorry, but…."
"But nothing. You need to stop ignoring the fact that you're needed in an adult situation. Call him back, Jenny. He needs you." She sighs and I hear Able laughing in the background.
"How's Able taking everything?" I ask hoping to diffuse the situation.
"I haven't told him yet. He's been over to Jack's to see her but he just thinks she has a 'dog cold'."
"I'm sorry, Ryley," I whisper through my tears. "I can't do this."
"Just talk to him, Jenny. That's all I ask. He's hurting just like you."
Sighing, I agree. I know we need to talk about this, but I don't want to have to. I don't want to make the choice to end a life. I've done nothing to research what type of cancer it is, but whatever it is, it's probably way too expensive for us to try and treat. Which only means one thing….
Fuck, I hate this.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
WE REFUSE TO TITLE THIS CHAPTER CLEVERLY
JACK
I don't know if I'm losing Jenny or if she really doesn't give a crap about our dog. I knew I should have never agreed to keep her. The dog I mean. I know it's only been a few months but I've grown really attached and now my sister tells me I can prolong her life with drugs, but she'll die anyway. I'd do it but my sister said she'll still be in pain. I can't do that, but I can't exactly choose to put our dog down if Jenny won't even talk to me about it!
It's been three days since I video called Jenny while at my sister's. I've talked to Jenny twice since then and they've been five minute conversations. I have to make a decision about Firefly and when I tried to ask Jenny her opinion on it yesterday, she quickly hung up claiming she had a baby hanging out of a woman's vagina and she was certain it was time to deliver….
I'm not willing to lose my girlfriend and I don't know if it's the distance or if it's the stuff going on with Firefly, but I need her to talk to me about this. About everything.
I walk through the Porter front door and Firefly darts for Able. That's the most energy she's had all day and the second Able sees her, he's excited enough that it makes me frown because he doesn't know yet.
"Hey, Lumber-Jack." Ryley grins at me and my chuckle gives away I'm faking it. "Jack? What's wrong?"
"Have you talked to Jenny lately?" I eye her trying to hide my concern or sadness because I don't want Ryley trying to be a mediator between us.
"Um, briefly. You?"
"Nope." I head for the kitchen when I hear Able giggling away and Firefly yapping like a healthy puppy should.
"Jack…." Ryley follows and rubs my arm. "What's wrong?"
"She's avoiding me, Ry, and I don't know if it's the dog, or if it's the distance." I look up at her and the worry can't be masked. "I don't want to lose her."
"Firefly or Jenny?"
"Both!" I groan and open the refrigerator. "But I meant Jenny. I understand what has to happen with Firefly but if my own girlfriend won't talk to me about our dog, how am I supposed to make a decision? You think she's trying to dump me?"
"Noooo," Ryley says with her eyebrows high probably because we've never had a conversation like this. I've never had a conversation like this. "Jack, it's the dog. Jenny and sadness don't mix. She's not good at any emotions except bitchiness and not giving a damn about people's opinions."
I smirk because that's the truth and that's why I love her. Like her. Whatever I feel for her.
"So, Jack." Ryley steps closer and drops her voice. "I'm not trying to tell you what to do, or how to do things in your relationship, but… maybe." She starts picking at a banana. "If you're… more stern. More demanding that she talk to you about it? I mean you can't scream at her, but…." Her eyes are looking everywhere except me. "I don't know, like, just authoritatively be kind?"
I raise my eyebrows because I have no idea what that means. I mean, I know what she's saying but how do you authoritatively be kind? I almost laugh but I just smirk and nod because I know for a fact my girl reacts better to me taking charge, so that's what I'll do.
"Thanks, Ryley."
"You're welcome. Now go get me a sundae. Extra chocolate. Just call me when you get there because I don't remember what flavors there are." Laughter escapes and she's grinning at me rubbing her belly. "Uncle Jack," she coos and I laugh shaking my head.
"What about the little monster?"
"Just get him something chocolate. Thanks Jack. Here's an idea, call your girlfriend on your drive." She grins at me.
"Able!" I call out.
"Hey, Uncle Jack!" He runs for me and unexpectedly jumps into my arms because Firefly is chasing him.
We're laughing and I'm holding him away from her nipping and when I look down at her I can't help but wonder if she was misdiagnosed. This is a playful puppy, not my girl who my sister said was dying from a rare stomach cancer.
"She wants to eat me, Uncle Jack!" he squeals climbing up me.
"You better run. I'll be right back. Keep an eye on her." I set him down and he bolts.
I grip my cellphone and stare at it a second before hitting dial.
"Jenny Bang." She sounds busy but I'm going to demand we talk about this.
"You busy?" My deep voice carries and I hear her breath hitch.
"Um. Kind of. What's up?"
"You know what's up and we're talking about this. If I have to show up at your place, Jenny, I won't be happy. Stop avoiding me." I slightly wince because I think my tone might be too harsh.
"Jack," she breaths my name and this is her turned on breathless voice.
I hold back laughter while shaking my head. My girl is constantly thinking about sex.
"Let me call you right back, baby. I promise, and we'll talk about it."
"Don't forget." I hang up before she can say anything else, hoping that gives more authority to my demand.
If she would have told me to shove my phone up my ass I would have retreated with my tail between my legs, but I think this time she's willing to listen. We'll see if she calls back.
I walk into the empty ice cream shop and dial Ryley.
"What do they have? This baby is feeling some caramel."
I chuckle. "There's a turtle crunch—"
"Oo, what's in that?"
I bend to read the small label.
"Caramel, pecan clusters with chocollll…."
"Jack?"
I jerk to stand upright because a man just pushed his way between me and the glass case, smearing my face across his back. What the hell is wrong with this man!? There is no one else in this store!
I quickly turn around to who I can only assume is his wife standing on my back. She's so close that I bump into her.
"Jack?" Ryley keeps repeating and now I'm just spinning in circles completely at a loss because we are the only three people in this place and they were literally standing on me.
I can't believe this. I can't believe this day, this damn week!
"Ryley," I blurt. "I'll get you something." And I disconnect and storm out of the shop because I can't deal with this.
"Hello?" I bark into the phone as I whip into the parking lot of the next ice cream parlor.
"Jack?" Jenny says. "What's wrong, babe?"
I huff and relax at the sound of her voice.
"Mutants," I grumble and she chuckles.
"Um, what?"
I tell her about the man and his wife at the ice cream store and at least someone finds it hilarious I was violated all for ice cream. Her snorting laughter makes me laugh.
"I miss you, sweetheart." I sigh contentedly.
"I miss you too, and our baby." She lets a breath out and that's her defeat. We're going to have this conversation.
"I wish we could drag this out but Joanna says even if we get the drugs, she'll be in pain."
I listen to her quietly groan.
"We have to have her put down."
> "Yeah, fine," her mumbled words sound tired.
"When do you want to do it?"
"I guess whenever you have time," she snips and I close my eyes.
"I can take a day whenever, sweetheart. When can you come up?"
"Come up? Oh no, Jack, I don't have time for that."
The silence is buzzing in my ear.
"You don't have time to come up so we can put our dog to sleep together? Or you don't have time for me?"
"What? What are you talking about?" She's getting annoyed.
"Let's not drag out the inevitable here, Jenny. If you can't take a day and half to come up here and be here for me through this.… Jesus," I grunt and slam my hand on the steering wheel. "This is my first pet, Jenny. I didn't want a damn dog and you begged me to keep her and I did and now she's my damn dog! Our dog! I love her and you won't even come up here so we can have her put to sleep because she's sick?" I ask incredulously.
"I do not have the time," she grits out.
"Seems like you don't have the time for much of anything."
"What's that mean?" she asks like I'm being unreasonable.
"We've barely talked in three days. Maybe this isn't working out. A relationship takes a hell of a lot more sacrifice than you're willing to commit to."
"Excuse me?" she barks.
"You want me to spell this out for you? Maybe this isn't working out," I speak to her like she's hard of hearing and she scoffs.
"You know what is working?" she barks.
"What?" I snap right back and the line goes dead. Not even a minute later she sends me a text of her middle finger.
I didn't want this, any of this.
Shit.
I hit dial and get voicemail.
"Dammit!"
I pull it together to bring Ryley and Able ice cream then try to hang out for another hour because Liam's working late tonight.
It's the weekend and I spend Saturday with Firefly at the lake. I try to call Jenny again but she sends me to voicemail; it rang twice then her voicemail picked up.
"You've reached Jenny, if I want to talk to you, leave a message, if you're someone I flipped off the other day, pull that text back up after you hang up."
Bang: Challenge Accepted Page 19
