by Donna Grant
Chapter 20
So this was what happiness felt like. Even with her breakdown of tears and the shared stories, the day was the most amazing she’d ever had. He’d held her gently, soothing her until she’d finally stopped crying.
Abby looked over at Clayton as they walked the horses through pastures. She listened intently as he told her stories about the annual branding or the rounding up of cattle to sell. It was obvious he was trying to lighten her mood, and it was working.
The East cattle were some of the most sought after around. They were known for their hale and hearty stock with bloodlines—apparently, that was very important—that traced back to renowned bulls.
If she’d been impressed before, she was awed now. Knowing the ranch was steeped in history and seeing it firsthand were two completely different things.
Out on the land, looking over vast landscapes of rolling hills with enormous herds of cattle, it was easy to imagine how life might have been two hundred years earlier. To be tied to such a place boggled her mind and made her crave it all at the same time.
While Clayton told her tales of growing up on the ranch, she shared stories of funny times with her brothers. It was easy to talk to him and share things. After exchanging such accounts of heartbreak, they were able to laugh now as if the weight of the past had been removed from them both.
When they traveled to a separated pasture where about thirty horses ran free, she couldn’t take her eyes off the beautiful creatures. But the big orange ball slowly lowering in the sky drew her gaze away. She wished she had the power to stop time.
“What is it?” Clayton asked.
She didn’t wonder how he knew something was wrong. You couldn’t share your deepest hurts with someone and not have them know you. And, somehow, that made her feel good.
“I’m not ready for the day to end,” she confessed. It never entered her mind to lie or not speak from her heart.
There was a bond between them now that was as strong as the one they’d developed by sharing their bodies. Because revealing the things that hurt someone the most, created a connection just as strong.
“Neither am I.”
Their eyes met. It would be so easy to fall for him. Hell, she was already halfway there. If only she could stop thinking about all the ways he could leave her.
She was the first to look away. She recalled his words after they’d made love.
Abby, I want you. Always.
More than anything, she wanted to believe him. Not that she thought he was lying, but people changed their minds. She was sure he did feel something for her. Now. But what about next week or next month? Hell, next year?
Her own mother hadn’t even stayed. And wasn’t a parent’s love supposed to be unconditional? So what was it about her that made even her mother stop loving her?
“You’re letting the past in again,” Clayton said in a soft voice.
“I know.”
Diamond shifted beneath Abby and gave a loud whinny to the other horses. As one, the horses in the pasture turned their heads to them and let out whinnies of their own. And just like that, the past evaporated like smoke.
Abby stroked the mare’s neck. “I think I’m in love with her.”
“I can see that,” Clayton replied with a chuckle. “I do believe she feels the same.”
They continued riding. Abby asked about the cattle shoots she saw and learned all she could about ranching. Not that she needed to know any of it in order to take care of the books, but she wanted the knowledge.
Dusk soon settled over them, signaling the day was finished. Or so she thought.
“Want to check in on your brothers?”
Her head snapped to Clayton. “Yes. But, I don’t want them to see me.”
“Not a problem,” he said with a wink.
They veered their horses back toward the house, riding in silence as they approached the bunkhouse. She pulled back on the reins to halt Diamond when Clayton stopped his horse. It wasn’t until she began to dismount that she felt the pull in her leg muscles.
“I got you,” Clayton whispered as he came up behind her, a strong arm wrapping around her while he lowered her to the ground.
She winced as she tried to stand. Her legs were Jell-O, muscles she hadn’t known she had were tightening and throbbing with pain. “Goodness.”
“I should’ve warned you that you’d be sore.”
Sore? She wasn’t sore. She could barely move. Yet she smiled because it felt wonderful to be riding. Despite the pain, she wanted back on Diamond.
“It’ll pass soon. Promise,” he said.
“I didn’t think I was riding for very long.”
His lips grazed her cheek as he released her. “Just wait until tomorrow.”
“You’re enjoying this,” she said with a smile.
He shot her a wink. “Maybe a little. Come.”
His hand enveloped hers as he led her around and then behind the bunkhouse. A fire roared within a circle created by logs of various sizes. There were several men, including Shane, who sat with her brothers around the flames.
One of the men was telling a story that had her brothers listening with rapt attention. To see them like this made her heart full. They were utterly entranced, completely happy. The years of hardship and worry had seemingly melted away, leaving their faces looking youthful and vibrant again.
Whatever they had done that day had exhausted them. Caleb rubbed his eyes while Brice kept yawning, but neither of them appeared ready to call it a day.
“They’ll fall asleep in the middle of dinner,” Clayton whispered.
Abby almost wished she could see it. “Do you think they’ll sleep through the night?”
She could feel rather than see Clayton’s frown. “There’s nothing for them to fear out here. Shane and the men will guard them.”
“You misunderstand,” she said, turning her head to him. There was just enough light from the fire for her to see his face. “Neither of them has slept an entire night since Mom left. They check on each other and me to make sure everyone is still in the house. It’s why my brothers don’t have friends over or go to friends’ houses.”
In response, Clayton took her hand and squeezed it. “Should we bring them to the house?”
“They made it through last night. It should be fine.”
“Why didn’t you say something yesterday?”
She shrugged, shaking her head. “I didn’t want to remind them. Besides, they had each other. I don’t think they worried last night.”
“I wasn’t going to tell you, but I saw Shane this morning. The boys refused to go any further than the barn until they saw you this morning. Only then did they set out.”
The news wasn’t surprising, but it still made her hurt for her brothers. “They’re making progress though. They didn’t come in the house and look in my room for me.”
“I think they know in their hearts that you’re not going to leave them.”
Nothing but death could take her away from Brice and Caleb. She told them that all the time, hoping to soothe their fears. Maybe one day they would accept her words. She watched her brothers for a few more minutes before she motioned to Clayton that they could leave. When he said they were walking their horses to the barn, she shot him a grateful smile.
“How about you?” Clayton asked. “Do you sleep the night through?”
She shook her head and tucked her hair behind an ear. “I’m so used to waking up for my brothers that it’s now a habit.”
“You wanted to check on them last night, didn’t you?”
She grinned at him. “I did, but I didn’t leave the house.”
“A good thing since the alarm would’ve gone off.”
“That would’ve been horrible.”
They shared a laugh. And when his hand sought hers again, she was glad to interlace her fingers with his. It wasn’t until they reached the barn that he released her.
She followed him, leading Diamond to her stall. But when Clayton
began to unsaddle her, she stopped him. “I want to learn.”
His eyes crinkled in the corners as he gave a nod. With his instructions, she removed the saddle, saddle blanket, and the bridle. She refused to allow him to carry the saddle back to the tack room, wanting to do it herself. But halfway there, she was regretting her choice as the saddle was heavier than she’d expected—and her legs were killing her.
Still, she got the saddle and the blanket on its rack while Clayton hung up the bridle. Then he showed her where the feed was. She stood, wide-eyed, at all the different feed laid out before her.
Since each horse had different dietary needs, each one got different allocations. She scooped the designated amount into the bucket and carried it to Diamond, who waited with her head over the stall door.
Except Clayton told Abby to wait for the feed. Instead, he led her to the hay where she got an armful and put it in the feed trough. After, Clayton handed her a brush.
“Tell me what to do,” she urged him.
He closed the stall, locking her in with Diamond, while he rested his arms on the door. “You groom a horse before and after a ride. Before ensures the horse is clean. After is to remove any dirt or sweat and to check for injuries. Since we didn’t do any hard riding and the horses didn’t sweat, there isn’t a need to hose them off.”
She nodded, listening even as she lightly ran the brush along Diamond’s neck while the horse munched on the hay. “Got it.”
“Now, as you brush her, look for any rubbing or chafing where the saddle, girth, and bridle were. Also, run your hands down Diamond’s legs to feel for any cuts or bumps.”
Abby followed his instructions, learning more about horses in a few minutes than she thought possible. Riding one was vastly different than taking care of one. By touching the mare, Abby further discovered the animal and strengthened the bond they had already formed.
“Walk to Diamond’s back leg. Keep your back to her head and lean against her.”
Abby frowned at him, wondering what he was getting her to do now, but she didn’t question Clayton. Mostly because she wanted to know everything about horses.
“Lean harder,” he advised. “When you feel her shift her weight off that back leg, then you’ll know you’ve pushed enough.”
It took a couple of tries, but finally Diamond shifted.
“Great,” Clayton said. “Now lift her foot to check her hoof.”
She only hesitated a moment before she reached down and lifted the back leg. With Clayton looking over her shoulder, he told her what to look for. After she finished with that foot, she did the other three. And when she looked up, Clayton was gone. She paused and heard him murmuring to his mount.
Abby remained with Diamond, softly brushing the animal with long, sure strokes. When she looked over and saw the horse standing there with her eyes closed, Abby felt a kind of joy that she’d never experienced before.
“It’s pretty amazing, isn’t it?” Clayton whispered from the stall door.
Abby ducked beneath Diamond’s neck and walked to him. “It is. Thank you for this. Words can never fully express what you’ve given my brothers or me today.”
He grinned and opened the stall door to hand her the feed. Abby dumped the grain into the trough and reluctantly walked from the stall. Together, she and Clayton made their way to the house.
As soon as they entered, the smell of food hit Abby, and her stomach let out a loud rumble. Yet it was nothing compared to Justine and Ben greeting them.
Abby felt a part of something with Clayton and his family. And that was a very dangerous thing.
Chapter 21
The explosion of an RPG not twenty feet from Clayton shook the ground near his feet. Debris rained down upon him, clunking loudly against his helmet.
He raised his M4 rifle and fired off three quick shots, striking two targets right in their hearts. His ears were ringing, but he could still hear the shouts of his team.
A glance to his right showed Conaway kneeling over Cook while Ramirez and Sanders covered him while he attempted to staunch the flow of blood on Cook’s side.
Clayton quickly moved to help them, and along with Price, they formed a circle around Conaway and Cook. In between firing, Clayton looked down at Cook, who began to cough up blood. He clutched at Conaway’s arm, his eyes wide.
Sanders was struck in the leg by a bullet. He let out a string of curses and dropped down to his stomach and kept firing.
“They’re surrounding us!” Ramirez shouted over the gunfire.
This wasn’t the first time Clayton had been overrun by the enemy, and he doubted it’d be the last.
His left shoulder jerked when a bullet tore through it. “Fuck!” he bellowed.
Not because of the pain, but because one of the assholes had gotten a shot off.
Clayton changed out the magazine in his rifle and sprayed bullets in the direction where the shooter was. He saw a man fly backward after being hit.
Behind him, Conaway was calling to command that they had a man down in critical condition. Air support was thirty minutes out. Clayton knew Cook wouldn’t last that long. Conaway was administering medical, but Cook needed a doctor if he were going to live.
They had lost so many members of their team in the last year, and Clayton was tired of seeing his friends die while the terrorist numbers continued to grow. It felt like a never-ending battle.
The spray of bullets was interrupted by a grenade that landed five feet from him. The bang deafened him and threw him violently into the air.
* * *
Clayton’s eyes snapped open as he clutched the sheets. It took a minute before he realized he was safe in his bed at home and not in the middle of battle.
He untangled his legs from the sheets and swung them over the side of the bed before he sat up, covered in sweat. If he didn’t see the men he killed in his nightmares, he relived battles.
Every. Fucking. Night.
He rubbed his left shoulder, feeling the pain of the bullet ripping through his muscle and into bone as if it had just happened instead of two years ago.
After squeezing his eyes closed, Clayton looked at the clock. It was two in the morning. Three hours of rest. That’s all he’d get this night. He knew better than to try to sleep again. He’d just lay awake, tossing and turning as images of the nightmare replayed in his mind.
He pushed off the bed and stood before making his way into the en suite bathroom and turned on the shower to cold. Clayton stood beneath the icy water until his body finally began to cool down. Only then did he wash the sweat from himself and get out.
After toweling off, he yanked on a pair of jeans but left them unbuttoned. Then he walked from his room. He couldn’t stay in there. A stroll through the house, checking doors and windows was his only option.
But he got no farther than Abby’s room. He stood outside her door, staring at the knob. It had been hell to sit across from her at dinner and not reach for her hand.
Worse was when they sat outside with his parents drinking coffee around the fire pit as a new cold front moved in. He’d been beside her, all too aware of her scent, her smile, her laughter.
He’d wanted to pull her onto his lap and nuzzle her neck. To yank her up against him and kiss her with all the raging desire within him.
Instead, he somehow managed to keep his hands to himself—even when she had walked sleepily up the stairs after saying goodnight. Not giving in to the rampant yearning for Abby that consumed him had been the hardest thing he’d ever done.
Now that he stood outside her room, he was engaged in that same struggle. And losing.
Epically.
What kind of creep would he be to walk into her room and watch her sleep?
He closed his eyes and saw the battle in his nightmare, felt the heat and sweat of that horrible place—smelled the blood, death, and gunpowder. Clayton put his palm on the door. He needed something, anything to pull his mind from the nightmare.
With his forehea
d against the door, he tried to talk himself into turning away. Instead, his hand found the doorknob and silently turned.
Unable to help himself, Clayton opened his eyes as the door soundlessly cracked open. The first thing he noticed was that the curtains had been pushed wide open, and the pale blue light of the moon flooded the room.
His gaze went to the bed—only to find it empty.
In the next heartbeat, he found Abby standing against the wall, staring somberly out the window. She wore a short, black satin robe that hung open, and beneath it was a bright pink nightshirt that brushed the tops of her thighs and read, Single All The Way.
One leg was bent, her foot braced against the wall with her arms hanging by her sides. He wanted to know what she was thinking and even what she saw when she looked out the window.
Was she reflecting on their day together? How they’d made love under the sun, their bodies finding passion and pleasure? Because, suddenly, that was the only thing that was on his mind.
And the longing to claim her again.
He opened the door wider and stepped into the room. Her head turned to him, their eyes meeting. She held out her hand to him. It was all the invitation Clayton needed.
Closing the door softly behind him, he walked to her, taking her hand. He stood before her, basking in her beauty. He ached to have her in his arms and feel the comfort and calm that she gave him.
She put her hand against his cheek. With that one action, she told him that she saw his pain and was there for him. He was so used to hiding his grief and agony that it was second nature. But not around Abby.
She’d obliterated those walls without even knowing it. Hell, he hadn’t even realized it until it was too late. Now, he ached for her.
He wished he had the words to describe how lovely she looked with the moon tinting her skin blue. If only he had a poet’s tongue to let her know how her soul called to his—and that he willingly answered.
But if he didn’t have the words, he could show her.
He moved closer until their bodies were nearly touching while his cock began to harden. With a palm on the wall near her head, he used his other hand to trail his fingers over her cheek and down her neck.
