by Linda Ford
Blake rushed in, soaked to the skin and dashed upstairs to change before he ate. "This is good," he murmured. "Can you watch Amy this afternoon? I have to find the rest of my cows."
"What happened to them?"
"They moved with the storm. I expect I'll find them bunched up in some trees but I won't be able to relax until I find them all safe and sound."
"Amy will be all right with me. Aunt Betty seems content to sleep."
"Thanks." And he was gone before she could offer him dessert. Which was fine because all she had was ice cream and a can of fruit salad from the storeroom downstairs.
All the cows and calves were accounted for. Blake could go home, his mind at ease.
He hated leaving Darcy at the house all day. Not, he was honest enough to admit, because he didn't want her there, but because he wanted to be there with her.
He'd make it up to her with the new video Norma Shaw had given him. A chick flick. No doubt she'd planned he would ask her daughter, Jeannie, to watch it with him. But he didn't have the time and certainly not the inclination. However, the idea of watching it with Darcy while Amy slept upstairs in her bed and Aunt Betty snored in her own room...
He jerked the truck into park and strode across the yard. Half way across, he smelled roast beef and his taste buds urged him to pick up the pace. He forced himself to slow to a gentle stroll so he wouldn't race into the house, panting and drooling like a starved man.
Cinnamon and apple aromas joined the beef smell as he opened the door. Amy raced over to him. "I like roast beef and apple pie."
Blake swung her up in his arms. "Me too, squirt."
He met Darcy's eyes across the kitchen and winked. "We're a shameless pair when it comes to food."
Her eyes darkened to stormy blue and his heart took off like a cow headed for new pasture. He forced himself to wait until after they'd eaten and Amy had wandered away to ask the question burning in his brain. "Why don't you stay and watch a movie with me tonight?" At the startled look in her eyes, he added, "I owe you for watching Amy."
She frowned. "She's my sister too. And I am joint guardian."
What would it be like if she stayed? Blake pushed away the idea. It was stupid to set himself up to be hurt. All he wanted was an enjoyable evening with her. He smiled what he hoped was his more powerful smile. "A nice quiet evening... Just the two of us. It might be fun."
She squinted and tilted her head. "Is this a date?"
"Almost. A movie date at home. I might even be able to scare up some popcorn and old licorice."
She laughed. His heart did a quick two step as mischief flashed across her eyes. "An action adventure with lots of killing?" she asked suspiciously.
"Nope. A chick flick." He named the movie. "Have you seen it?"
She shook her head and studied him through narrowed eyes. "You're asking me to watch a romantic comedy with you?"
He nodded.
She let out a long, deep sigh. "I've been wanting to see that movie." She glanced at her watch. "It's a date, but I want to have a shower and change my clothes." She wrinkled her nose as if she smelled bad.
He could tell her she didn't. In fact, she smelled good enough to kiss. "Go ahead while I put Amy to bed."
She spun around and headed for the door, pausing to grab the old coat off the hook and slide her feet into her boots. He watched her puddle through the slush to her house, her shoelaces trailing in the water, and then he called Amy and got her into bed.
He set up the movie, then made popcorn. He'd given himself several pep talks and warnings. Be careful. Remember she'll be gone in a few days. Don't be begging for hurt and disappointment. But surely he could enjoy an evening with her and still protect his emotions.
He knew the minute she opened the door. The soft gentle smell of spring rain wafted over him. A good clean scent.
He turned slowly. She stood uncertainly in the doorway, a fairy tale princess in a luminescent pink shirt and white pants. Her dark hair shone like it carried its own secret supply of diamonds. She wore it loose about her shoulders. "You look good," he murmured, his voice hoarse.
"So do you," she whispered and he was glad he'd showered and shaved and changed into black Levis and a black tee shirt. He reached for her hand and pulled her to his side as he led her into the living room. He'd pulled the love seat around to face the TV and he settled her there. "Can I offer you something to drink? Coffee, tea, a soft drink."
"I'll have Coke if you have it."
He opened two cans of Coke, put the popcorn on the coffee table, and turned on the movie.It was the typical chick flick sort of thing with lots of girl-guy stuff but she twisted her hands in her lap and sighed.
He scrubbed his hand on his chin. "What's wrong?"
"I keep thinking of something I found this afternoon."
He managed to mumble, "What?"
"A letter my father wrote to your mother."
"You read something significant?" He could hardly resent this intrusion into their date. It was what he'd hoped for when he gave her the task.
She shrugged. "Maybe. I'll get it."
He stretched his arms across the back of the love seat and stared as the credits for the movie flashed by.
She brought a letter and handed it to him. "I probably shouldn't have read it but I was curious."
"Not a problem." He skimmed the pages. "It sounds like Rob." He didn't know where she was going with this.
"You were right. I need some answers."
He could have pointed out it was a little late to be looking for them but held his tongue. "Did you find them in this?"
"Some clues. More clues here." She held up a bunch of letters held with an elastic. "Address change cards from my mother. The most recent is fifteen years ago."
His mental skills were good enough to do the math. "That's when Rob married Mom."
She nodded. "I know." She sat beside him, the letters in her lap. "If only...."
He pulled her close and she rested against his shoulder, her fingers caressing the edges of the envelopes.
"I never realized how important it is for me to understand what happened. But I suppose it's too late."
He squeezed her shoulder, feeling her sadness, wishing he could ease it. "You could talk to Gene."
"The lawyer?"
"Maybe Rob said something to him."
She leaned forward, turning to grin at him. "Excellent idea. Why didn't I think of it?"
Because you need me. Out loud he said, "You probably would have." He almost wished he hadn't mentioned it because she sprang to her feet and crossed to the window, staring out into the dark. "I'll phone first thing in the morning and make an appointment." She headed for the door as if anxious to make the next day come faster.
He followed her. "I hope you find the answers you need."
"Thanks for the movie and the suggestion." Her eyes glowed with excitement. Unfortunately he was pretty sure it was over visiting the lawyer, not over the evening she'd spent in Blake's company.
Darcy parked beside her house and sat staring out the window. Blake must have been watching for her return for he strode across the yard toward her. She waited until he was beside her car before she climbed out.
"How'd it go?" he asked, searching her face.
She shrugged. "So so."
"Well, what did he say?" He touched her chin tenderly. "Was it awful?"
"No. Just confusing. He said my father said I'd know what Amy needed." She searched Blake's eyes. "I don't understand. How can I know what she needs? I don't even know what I need."
Blake gave her a soft understanding smile. "Maybe you know more than you realize." He touched her cheek.
She jerked away and instantly wished she hadn't. "Now you're going to talk in riddles too?" She tried to pull mental armor around her. This whole business was turning into an emotional quagmire. "I was very angry with my father for a long time. I couldn't help wondering why he didn't care about me. What was wrong with me? It could have ma
de me an angry, rebellious teenager if I hadn't been rescued by a very kind Christian lady. I just don't want to rake through all that stuff again. I don't want to derail my life if you know what I mean."
"I'm sure he cared for you."
"Really?" She made no attempt to disguise her sarcasm. "And your proof for this theory is what?"
"I just know Rob. He was loyal and loving and—"
"To you. Do you know how that makes me feel? That he could love another man's son more than his own daughter?"
Blake jerked back like she'd slapped him. "Maybe he just got tired of trying."
She recoiled. "As in I wasn't worth the effort?"
He pulled her into his arms. "No. I didn't mean it like that. I don't think that. You are a wonderful person, well worth knowing." She let him cradle her to his chest. She could find peace in this man's arms. She'd seen how loyal and protective and caring he was.
"You know how I thought the world of Rob, but I confess he acted like he had no past. Maybe he couldn't face whatever was back there. You have to see it was his failure, not yours that kept you apart."
"It was my failure too. I shut him out." His arm tightened around her as she shuddered. "I've never admitted it before but I made it impossible for him to contact me after graduation."
He stroked her head and pressed his palm to her back.
Realizing they stood in the middle of the yard in a tight embrace, she pulled away. "I just wish I could find some sort of closure."
"You will. You'll find a way." He stroked her cheek. She grabbed his hand and clung to it.
He had a lot more confidence in her than she did. Part of her wanted to drive away, push the whole thing into a dark corner and forget about it entirely. But now that she'd cracked the door, there was no going back. She had to find peace with her past.
"I think I'll take Amy shopping in Blissdale."
"Good idea. I don't think Aunt Betty is ready to deal with her yet."
Darcy refrained from pointing out that Aunt Betty never seemed ready to deal with the energetic six year old.
She found Amy, got her to change into clean clothes, and did her hair.
"What are we going to buy?" Amy asked.
"Something new and pretty for you."
Amy looked interested. "Something pink?"
"Sounds about right."
Amy chatted all the way into town, pointing out neighbors and repeating everything she knew about them. As they neared the town, she showed Darcy her school. It was obvious the child enjoyed her teacher and classmates.
There were only two stores in town with children's clothing. Darcy let Amy choose several outfits and helped her try them on. She bought two pink outfits, some hair doodads and a pair of glittering flip flops which Amy insisted on wearing. They had lunch at a little sandwich shop.
"Just like real ladies," Amy insisted.
Darcy laughed. Her little sister was a tomboy, raised in a man's world, yet she had deep feminine longings. Was that what her father meant when he said Darcy would know what Amy needed?
She didn’t know. Perhaps she never would.
She only knew she would miss this child like crazy when she returned to Seattle and she had to leave in two days.
Seeing a children's playground, she pulled over and spent an hour playing with Amy, storing up quality time and memories.
Finally, they had to call an end to the day and head back to the ranch. Darcy drove the length of the main street, then turned around.
Amy grew quiet as they passed a little white clapboard church. "Slow down," she said.
Darcy pulled to the curb. "What is it?"
Amy stared out the window. "That's the graveyard where Mommy and Daddy are. And Blake's daddy."
Darcy leaned over to look. A tidy little cemetery shaded by dark pine and poplars, in the pale green of early spring. "It looks nice." She studied the place with a deep ache.
"I go there to say goodbye. Sometimes we take flowers."
Darcy blinked. It was exactly what she needed. She'd take flowers and say goodbye. It would be her act of closure.
The next morning, Darcy delayed her trip to town until after nine so she could buy flowers. She ran an extra two miles in the morning just to deal with her nervous energy, pausing frequently to look around at the landscape. She loved the rolling hills, the fresh green of spring.
She tipped her head and listened as a bird sang. A meadowlark. The prettiest sound she'd ever heard.
She lengthened her stride as she turned toward home, eager to head to town. It was silly, she knew, but this trip beckoned like a royal visit.
She bought a large bouquet in a heavy vase at the local florist and made her way to the cemetery. Suddenly, not wanting to face her task, she wandered up and down the rows, reading the headstones. And then there it was: Robert John Hagen. His date of birth, his date of death. In italics, He lived well and left too soon. Blake must have picked out the inscription.
She set the vase on the cement pad under the headstone and knelt in the damp grass.
"Well, here I am," she whispered. Her words sighed away into soundlessness. She remained motionless, wondering what she expected. Bits and pieces drifted through her mind. Her father's smile. His flashing eyes. She couldn't say if they were from her memories or from the photos she'd seen in Blake's album. Or even seeing Amy and recognizing his resemblance in her.
He said he'd found peace here. Something he wouldn't have found with Mom. She moved too often for anyone to even get a chance to unpack let alone settle down and enjoy the surroundings.
Her father and mother had been unsuited for each other. Her mother simply wandered away too often, too far.
Darcy delved down into her feelings. She'd felt totally betrayed when he failed to come to her graduation. Now she knew it was because Kathy was pregnant with Amy and struggling with her failing heart.
"I forgive you," she whispered. "I understand there were more important things. And thank you for putting Amy first. She's precious."
She sat back on her heels. Then he got cancer. From what Blake said, he deteriorated quickly. No doubt all his energy poured into spending time with Amy, helping her cope. Blake said he tried to find Darcy. Couldn't. Ran out of time and energy. Blake had been angry about that.
"You did well," she whispered. "Amy is going to be okay."
Again she sat in silence. Birds serenaded from the trees. A child laughed. The whole place seemed bathed with peace.
Her father had found his peace here. He'd found love and acceptance. She was glad he'd found what he needed.
"Goodbye," she whispered. "I wish I'd forgiven you long ago so we could have enjoyed some time together. Thank you for giving me the house and making sure I got to meet Amy."
She paused. "And Blake. I understand why you loved him. He is so kind and steady."
Her father found what he needed here. So had she. She'd found her peace. She'd found a little sister. She'd found a man who—
A man she could love?
She chuckled softly. "Did you know this would happen?"
She loved Blake. She let the idea slide through her, like a healing balm.
She arranged the flowers a little, then pushed to her feet. "I don't think I'll find the happy-ever-after life you did." Blake wanted no more emotional risks in his life. She understood that. It hurt to love knowing you might lose the one you loved.
She stood in front of the headstone for a long time. Finally, sighing, she turned away. Tomorrow she had to head back to Seattle. But she wasn't walking away from everything she'd found here.
13
"Where's Amy?" Darcy asked Aunt Betty.
"Goodness knows. That child shouldn't be allowed to run helter skelter all over the place. I keep telling Blake she should be confined to the house or at least the yard. She has a very nice swing set and sand box."
"I'll see if she's with her cats."
"That's another thing," the older woman called after her. "Those cats are
probably diseased. If she brings in something that infects Missy...."
Darcy didn't hang about to see what Aunt Betty said. As far as Darcy was concerned, Aunt Betty's animal presented more of a disease risk than Amy's well-nourished, vigorous cats.
She found Amy in the supply room singing to the baby kittens. Darcy settled down beside her.
For a while they talked about the kittens and how they'd grown. Amy told what she'd named each of them.
"Amy," Darcy pulled the child closer to her side. "You remember that I'm leaving tomorrow?"
Amy looked down, silent for a moment. "Do you have to go?"
"'Fraid so. I have a job and responsibilities."
"I don't want you to go." The child kept her face tipped down.
"I wish I didn't have to. But—" She squeezed Amy's little shoulders. "I promise I'll be back."
"Something might happen to you."
Darcy knew this child had too much firsthand experience with loss to offer her meaningless reassurances. Bad things did happen. "Amy, honey, it would have to be something really awful to keep me from coming back to see you."
Amy leaned her head against Darcy.
There were so many things she wanted to tell this child, but her throat closed off and for a moment, she couldn't speak. She forced the tightness away. "I am so glad you're my little sister. I will see you every chance I get." She'd fly out for holidays. It was close enough she could fly out for a weekend. "I want to know when you have something special going on. If it's on a weekend, I'll be here. And soon you'll be big enough to come and visit me. I'll take you to the ocean and you can play in the water. We'll have lots of fun."
"I'll like the ocean, won't I?"
"Of course you will."
Amy faced Darcy, her lips quivering. "I'd sooner have you here every day than see the ocean."
Darcy pulled her little sister into her arms. "I'd like that too." Hot tears coursed down her cheeks. If only she could stay. But she couldn't. She'd committed to this race. She had a job in Seattle. And she really didn't belong here. Not in the way she wanted.
She spent the afternoon with Amy. She would have taken her home and cooked supper for her, but Aunt Betty already had macaroni bubbling on the stove. "Time to get washed up," Aunt Betty told Amy. "Be sure and scrub really well. I don't want barn germs in here."
