by MJ Haag
“You used her then come in here to boast about it to her husband?” I said to Tennen. “Her only fault was to believe your intentions honest.”
“You’re a whore just like her,” Tennen said.
Edmund’s hand on Tennen’s chest fisted then flew to connect with Tennen’s jaw. Tennen grunted as the hit drove him back a step. Edmund managed what I hadn’t the first time. He made Tennen bleed.
Tennen narrowed his eyes at the baker, but he didn’t move to retaliate.
“Get out,” Edmund said between gritted teeth.
Tennen narrowed his eyes.
“Remember what I said. I’ll tell everyone.” Then he left.
“Let me guess. Bread for life or he’ll tell everyone he’s the father of the babe?”
Edmund nodded.
“Don’t give in. As soon as you do, they have you,” I said, rubbing my hand. Hitting someone hurt.
“I know. His mother was already here to see me.”
I shook my head, troubled that the smith had sent his wife out again.
“The last baker was not a good man. I hope you’re better.” I glanced at the stairs before meeting Edmund’s gaze again. “I meant what I said. Bryn’s shame was in trusting Tennen. I know she’s not perfect. She’s selfish and lied to you about the babe, but she has some good qualities as well.”
“Name one,” he said flatly.
I felt badly for him. I knew what it was like to discover people weren’t who you thought they were.
“She can cook well. For a baker’s wife that’s a good thing,” I said with a small smile.
He gave a short, derisive laugh, showing just how much he was hurting.
“Everything she’s been through has been hard on her,” I said. “I don’t think she knows who she is yet. She’s been what we needed her to be. If you can forgive her, I think she’ll forgive herself and maybe find out who she can be.”
He studied me for a moment then looked away.
“Did you need any bread today?” he asked after a moment.
“No, I was just here for a visit. Is business doing well?”
“Not very. People here do not have the coin they did in the Water.”
“I hope your fortune changes soon.”
He nodded, and I left with nothing more to say. I wished Bryn would stop her whore nonsense. As her husband pointed out, we both knew I was not the whore.
Outside, I caught sight of Tennen, pacing before the smithy. I groaned. Being with the beast had made me impulsive. I shouldn’t have hit Tennen. I headed to the butcher’s.
“Hello, sir,” I said as I walked through the door.
“Benella!” The butcher’s glad smile lightened my heart. “I thought we might not see you again. I heard your father is now employed with the returned Liege Lord,” he said, wiping his hands on his apron.
“He is. I’d hoped to visit with Bryn, but she holds me accountable for what happened with the old baker.”
He made a sound of disapproval as Tennen walked past the butcher’s door.
“And, I need your help,” I said softly.
“It seems so. Why does he have such an issue with you?”
“The old baker hurt others as well, not just me,” I said quietly. “I saw something I shouldn’t have. Tennen knows. I think the smith knows, too.”
The butcher heaved a pitying sigh.
“How can I help?”
“Speak with Tennen while I slip out the back door? I just need a head start,” I said with a confident smile.
“Perhaps you should mention this to your father,” he said.
I nodded with no intention of doing so. After all that Tennen had done to me, I still didn’t have the heart to punish Sara by telling all. She might be sent away with her husband who would hold her accountable or, worse, make her do the same thing in another village. No, the punishment should lie solely on Mr. Coalre. As far as the son...well, perhaps he could be apprenticed to the south. Somewhere near the baker.
Slipping through the curtain that led to the butcher’s kitchen, I listened to the butcher cross the store and walk outside. I waited a few moments, then I peeked out the back door. Seeing nothing, I sprinted to the trees and used my old route past the cottage toward the estate. It didn’t take long for Tennen to shout my name, but thankfully it was in the distance. Then he shouted for Splane. Neither of them would have a chance.
I grinned too soon.
Splane stepped out in front of me, knocking me to the ground. He looked behind me nervously, and Tennen shouted again.
“You better have her, Splane!”
Tennen sounded closer, and I scrambled to my feet.
Splane watched me, but I could see he was torn. His gaze shifted behind me and then toward the estate. No matter what he chose, he would face either the wrath of his brother or of the beast. No, not the wrath of the beast. The beast wasn’t there anymore to protect me, and Splane’s brother was just behind me.
Lifting my skirts high to free my legs, I made an obvious feint to the right. Splane widened his stance to block me as we eyed each other. I kicked out, clipping him sharply between the legs.
“Thank you for the target,” I said as I took off, not staying to watch his slow fall to the ground.
Tennen yelled again, much closer this time.
I kept my skirts high and ran as I hadn’t in a long time. My side ached by the time I reached the gates. I flew past a very surprised Swiftly. There was only one place I felt safe.
Mr. Crow opened the door before I reached it, my pounding footfalls probably giving away my presence. I sprinted up the stairs into the dark interior and crashed into a solid chest with an “oof.” Strong arms and a familiar scent wrapped around me. In that instant, I felt safe.
“What happened?” Lord Ruhall asked.
The sound of his voice ruined my illusion.
“A moment...please,” I gasped, dropping my skirts and sliding from his arms. I leaned my hands on my knees as the pain in my side clawed its way into my lungs. I’d found in the past the position eased the pain.
Swiftly entered just then.
“Is she all right?” he asked.
“She’s out of breath,” Lord Ruhall said, still close. “What happened?” he repeated.
“I don’t know, my Lord,” Swiftly said. “She ran past me full out. I looked behind her but saw nothing. There was fear in her eyes, though,” he added.
I struggled to force slower breaths, knowing it would win me more air than the gasps.
“I feared,” I managed, “missing the meal.”
“Benella,” Lord Ruhall said with unmistakable warning.
Straightening with effort, I kept a bland expression.
“Did I already miss it?”
He rubbed a hand over his face and remained curiously quiet for a moment. He cleared his throat three times before he spoke in a slow, calm tone.
“Do you recall speaking with me just a few hours past?”
I nodded, wondering at his point.
“Then why did you leave the estate without taking Swiftly with you?”
“Ah! Not just for fishing then. Sorry about that,” I said. I turned toward Swiftly. “I promise to take you with me next time I go to speak with my sister. We’ll try not to discuss anything too embarrassing.”
Swiftly looked slightly uncomfortable. His gaze darted to Lord Ruhall, whose eyes had closed. A red flush was making its way up his neck.
I took the opportunity to leave. Mr. Crow gave me a slight smile. Perhaps he was on my side after all.
* * * *
I collapsed on my bed, sweat soaking my back and face. How I wished for a magical bath to appear. I needed a long soak and to think. I’d never before felt so lost and confused.
Konrall still wasn’t safe. Poor Sara was still being used by her husband. Bryn had turned her self-hatred on me. Blye wouldn’t speak to me, either. The Whispering Sisters no longer offered peace and guidance. Aryana, herself, had betrayed me. An
d above all, I missed the beast. I still had my father, but he had been burdened too much already in his life by trying to protect his daughters. Where did that leave me? With no one to talk to. Alone with my confused thoughts. Wondering what I should do with myself.
I stood and wandered to the adjoining doors, opening them. He didn’t have his side locked. The room looked the same. Smelled the same. I opened the door of his wardrobe. The same shirts hung there. I took one and left, closing the doors behind me.
Stripping from the gown, I washed with the cool water in the pitcher and changed into his shirt. With his smell wrapped around me, I crawled under the covers, ignoring the sun.
Nothing ever stayed the same. But tomorrow had to be better.
Chapter 4
The sound of my door pulled me from a light, troubled sleep where Tennen and Splane continued to chase me through the trees. Before I thought my dream reality, Alec spoke.
“Benella, are you awake?”
Had I actually slept, his soft words would not have disturbed me. Still, I pretended to sleep, hoping he would leave and wishing I had remembered to lock the door.
The mattress dipped as he sat next to me. His hands found my hair, undoing my braid, and the wood creaked as he leaned back against the headboard. His fingers combed through my long tresses and helped me forget the day’s chase, the dream, and my troubles.
At some point, he stopped sitting beside me and slipped under the covers. I woke with his arm draped over my side and his hand splayed over the skin of my stomach under my shirt. His deep breathing told me he slept. Yet, I frowned. His smooth skin wasn’t right. It made my skin crawl and my breathing shorten with dread.
I rolled to my stomach, seeking a more comfortable position while remembering the pleasant touch of the beast’s fur on my skin and fell back to sleep.
* * * *
Egrit woke me with a chipper good morning. I burrowed deeper and refused to open my eyes. She went on, undeterred.
“You’ve slept long enough according to Lord Ruhall,” she said with a laugh in her voice. “He’s waiting for you in the study.”
I groaned. Despite his warm presence, I hadn’t slept well. My dreams had returned to Tennen chasing me and the beast rescuing me.
“Please extend my regrets,” I said, pulling the covers higher. “I’m ill disposed.” To sunlight and men, I thought.
There was a moment of silence.
“I’ll leave the tray. If you feel better, you’ll want to eat.”
She left the room, and I remained in bed. My problem was two-fold. I missed the beast, and I missed the direction my life had while I was helping him. My father’s employment by Lord Ruhall was perfect. For him. Not for me. Seeing Lord Ruhall just made me miss the beast more.
Perhaps it was time I ventured into the world on my own. The thought terrified me as much as it did excite me. Yet, I wanted to feel useful again.
With a sigh, I rolled toward the window and opened my eyes. Lying in bed wouldn’t change my future.
I washed with the cool water in the basin then removed a plain gown from the wardrobe. I dressed slowly, thinking of the possibilities. They were too far and too uncertain. I needed to speak with my father. While I refused to burden him with my troubles in Konrall, I saw no reason not to seek his guidance regarding options for my future. In the past, his counsel always proved helpful.
I left my room and sought him out in the library. He had a small desk set near the fire where he liked to work. If he wasn’t there, he tended to hunt the kitchen for food or monitor the progress on the barn.
When I stepped through the library doors, he looked up from his ledger and smiled at the sight of me. He stood as I approached and leaned in to kiss my cheek.
“We missed you at breakfast. Are you feeling better?”
“I feel fine, Father. It’s my thoughts that plague me.”
He motioned for me to take a seat then sat beside me.
“Tell me,” he said.
I clasped my hands and thought for a moment.
“I’ve lost my purpose and am struggling to think of a new one. Bryn and Blye have both found their way. I’m old enough to find my own.” I hesitated for a moment. “I’m thinking of leaving.” I watched his expression, afraid what I said might have hurt him.
“Leaving?” He looked troubled and glanced at the study door, which stood open, then back at me. “Do you seek my blessing or my advice?”
“Advice.”
He sat back and stared at the flames for a while. I waited patiently.
“I believe the suggestion I would offer you now, might be selfish. I don’t want to lose you. May I have some time to think on this?”
“Of course.” I kissed his cheek. “That’s why I came to you. As much as I want to leave, I want to stay,” I said, standing.
My father remained there watching the flames as I walked away. I wandered the halls for a while, letting my feet choose their own path. Eventually, I found myself back in my room. I opened the window to let in the fresh air and leaned against the sill.
A crash followed by a string of cursing came from the adjoining room. I recognized Lord Ruhall’s voice and walked to the door. Something hit it with a thud and fell to the floor on the other side. I laid my hand on the door and smiled. It reminded me of the time I’d locked myself in his room. But the beast was gone, leaving behind a man I didn’t understand or very much like. Straightening my shoulders, I knocked.
The room on the other side silenced then the door swung open. Lord Ruhall’s disheveled appearance shocked me. He’d ripped the seam on the right shoulder of his jacket, his neckcloth hung askew, and his hair stood on end. His chest rose and fell with his rapid breathing.
“You wear my shirt to bed then tell your father you want to leave. Why?”
I blinked at him. I’d forgotten about the shirt when he’d entered the room last night.
“I wore the shirt because I miss him,” I admitted, tearing my gaze from his.
“Him?” he said with a confused frown.
A brief small smile lifted my lips, a sad offering of amusement.
“The beast. The very creature chosen to be your punishment, the one you loathed...the one I want back.” I kept my eyes on the ground, unable to look at him to see what he thought of me.
“Why?” He didn’t sound angry or upset anymore.
“He growled, threw fits, chased me about the estate, made all manner of inappropriate demands of me, but he also did something else.”
“What?”
My chest ached with the truth.
“He made me love him,” I said, finally meeting his eyes.
Joy lit his face, then after meeting my sad gaze, a somber frustration crept in.
“You stubborn girl,” he growled. “I am still that beast!”
“No, you are not.” It hurt speaking the words aloud. My heart ached with what I’d lost. The man before me was but a poor replacement for the beast who’d stolen my heart.
“You growl and yell at servants, yet you are stuffy and detached. The beast with all his anger and frustration didn’t hold back his feelings. Well, not much,” I added, recalling the many times he had in fact shown restraint.
“Are you calling me cold?” he asked, appalled.
I considered how he had stood in the doorway when he’d found me with the baker, how he’d helped Egrit and I clear the top floor, and how he’d sat through so many meals with me, speaking of nothing but estate affairs. His tantrum on the other side of the door just now wasn’t his usual behavior.
“Yes, I think I am.”
“I see,” he said.
I expected him to walk out the door. Instead, he turned the lock.
“Sir?” I asked hesitantly.
“Alec,” he corrected, removing his jacket.
“What are you doing?” I asked as he turned and stalked toward me.
“Changing your opinion of me.” With a slight smile, he reached up and unknotted his neckclot
h.
Panic flared in my chest as I understood his meaning, and I started to back away. He caught my wrist.
“I don’t think so.”
His thumb gently stroked the sensitive skin protecting my pulse, and my heart started to beat in fear.
“Please don’t do this.” My breaths started coming too fast. I felt the baker’s weight pushing down on me again. “I won’t let you do this.” Panic and desperation pitched my voice.
Horror filled Alec’s expression.
“Benella, no. I would never...”
Instead of stepping away, he wrapped his arms around me, pinning me to his chest.
“Never,” he whispered in my ear as I shook.
He made no further move, other than to run his hand over my hair. I breathed in the smell of him and closed my eyes, imagining I had the beast back. He held me tightly until the shaking stopped.
When he pulled back, he looked as lost as I felt. He dropped his hands to his sides and stared at me.
“I don’t know how to prove who I am.”
“You don’t need to.”
“I don’t need to because you think you already know.” His gaze reflected the pain I’d caused him. He shook his head and left, slamming his door.
For some reason, my eyes began to water.
I hoped Father wouldn’t need too long to consider my plight.
* * * *
An hour later, someone knocked, disturbing my musings. I opened the door and found my father standing just outside. Hope lit me from the inside, despite his grave expression.
“I cannot find Lord Ruhall. Do you know where he might be?”
Lord Ruhall? Keeping my disappointment hidden, I answered.
“Did you try his room?”
“Yes. Right after you left, a boy delivered this. I’ve been looking for him since then.” Father handed me a letter.
I fully expect you to hold with tradition and open the manor for the harvest feast with invitations sent to appropriate guests only. I will be watching. ~Rose
“Harvest feast?” I said, looking up at Father.
“I don’t have the details of what this means but with only three hundred gold to last until spring, I cannot see how the estate might host any feast. That she wants invitations sent...”
