by MJ Haag
I agreed, but I kept quiet. He already looked ready to yell. He didn’t need me to further his despair. He needed hope, at least until I could look at the ledgers to discover the cost of past feasts. So, I walked toward the desk and leaned in until we met eye to eye.
“As impossible as freeing a beast from a fifty year enchantment, I imagine. Allow me a chance to try.”
As his gaze swept over my face, the rest of the anger faded. Another expression took hold. Tenderness. I couldn’t call it anything else. My stomach flipped, and my cheeks warmed in response.
“Of course,” he said. “Tell me what needs to be done.”
I straightened, putting distance between us.
“Please speak with your teacher and inform him he will have students starting tomorrow. There are seven aged between four and twelve. Most cannot read. He should start teaching after they’ve eaten. The children are not to be given work during their schooling hours, and Mrs. Palant’s children aren’t to be given work by anyone other than their mother.
“Also, if possible, we need three of the five men to focus on hunting and fishing. We need a larger quantity of game to store in the next few weeks.”
Unable to maintain eye contact any longer, I cleared my throat, and met my father’s gaze.
“Father, I need you to work with Mr. Crow and determine a guest list from Konrall and the Water. Mr. Crow said that, in the past, they filled the ballroom. I’d like to be conservative with the invitations while still meeting Rose’s requirements. Next year, we can pack the room. As soon as you have a count, please let me know.”
Chapter 5
The daunting task of cleaning loomed before me. Even with the extra help, cleaning the ballroom, parlors, dining room, and main sitting rooms before the feast would be difficult. But not impossible. Since Egrit, Mrs. Palant, and the children would remain occupied with airing the attic until after dinner, I meant to make some progress in the ballroom yet that day.
In the laundry, I filled several of the large, empty vats and started a fire in the pit under the first one. Everything in the ballroom and parlors needed a dusting and a washing. Hot water would make the task easier.
Mrs. Wimbly’s voice reached me as I stepped into the hall.
“Seven more mouths to feed and she influenced Lord Ruhall to dismiss one of my staff? What is that woman thinking?”
I quickly moved away. Her tasks, to keep us fed and to store enough food for the feast and the winter, would not be easy. Yet, we couldn’t afford more help for her. I hoped we wouldn’t find ourselves missing a head cook.
In the ballroom, I stopped to look around and plan. The room needed more light to clean it properly. I checked the parlors and found the same problem. Though I was tempted to yank the curtains open, I did not. They were filthy like everything else and needed to be removed. I stared up at the hooks that held the drapes to the runner above the window.
“Need help?” Alec’s quiet voice startled me. I turned and found him just behind me, scowling up at the hooks.
“The curtains here and in the ballroom need to be removed, beaten, and washed.”
“Are you sure they will survive that?” He reached around me and plucked at the dust covered fabric. His arm brushed against mine, sending a tingle of awareness through me.
I moved away and studied the material.
“I hope so.” The estate couldn’t afford to replace them and winter without them would be chilly.
“I’ll have one of the men come in with a ladder and remove them after sundown. Perhaps you can join me for dinner, and we can discuss the details of what you plan.”
“Certainly. Father can join us and share his progress on the guest list.”
He gave a small sigh before he left the room.
I had an hour at least until dinner. Best to put the time to use.
* * * *
“He sent me looking for you,” Egrit said from the door. Amusement laced her voice.
I straightened, and my spine made a loud cracking sound. The furniture of the first parlor now sat in the ballroom. It had taken much effort to pull the pieces out, and more effort still to roll up the large rug that dominated the space.
“I think he expects you to dine with him,” she said.
“Yes. Of course.” I brushed my hands on my skirts. “Are Mrs. Palant and the children settled in?”
“Yes. And fed.” Amusement changed to barely contained laughter. “Are you going like that?”
Looking down at myself, I saw dust had made a muddle of my skirts. My sleeves, though rolled back, were dingy, and my bodice had finger streaks. I couldn’t remember touching my bodice.
“I’m afraid I am. I plan to return here as soon as I finish meeting with Lord Ruhall. I have resolved to keep cleaning until I lose the light.”
“Hmm,” she said, eyeing the room.
I saw doubt in her gaze. In the time I’d spent in the room, I’d made no progress actually cleaning it, just emptying it.
I wiped away a stray strand of hair from my face as I moved toward Egrit. While I knew I’d eventually make progress on the parlor, I still wasn’t sure what to do about the menu for the feast. Fish and game were only a start.
“I’ve been considering what foods to offer. In your jaunts around the estate, do you recall any fruit or nut trees?” I asked as we walked through the halls.
“Several actually. There is an apple grove and a couple stands of hazelnut trees.”
“Perfect. Tomorrow, I want to see them. But I’ll need you and Mrs. Palant to help in the sitting rooms and ballroom. Do you think Tam could show me the way?”
“I’ll speak with him tonight. I’m sure he can.”
At the library, she gave me a large smile then left me.
I strode through the doors and found Father’s desk empty and the study door closed. The whisper of my boots across the rugs sounded loud in the silence. What could Father and Lord Ruhall be discussing that brought about such a hush? I paused to knock.
Lord Ruhall opened the door. His tense shoulders and tight jaw told me he was upset. His eyes swept over me, lingering the longest on my face.
“Benella, what happened to you?”
“I’ve been in the southern sitting room off the ballroom and am pleased to say I’ve made good progress.” I didn’t clarify that the progress only included furniture arrangement and not actual cleaning. His daunted expression told me he already worried enough.
He stepped back and motioned me in. Several paces into the study, I stopped short. A small table with two place settings waited before the fireplace. The room was empty, save for the two of us. Behind me, the door closed.
“Where’s Father?” I said, turning to look at Lord Ruhall.
He scowled at me. There was no mistaking his surly mood.
“He has no progress to share yet and wanted me to remind you that he just started the list today.”
I nodded absently and edged my way toward the table. Lord Ruhall slowly followed. Why was I feeling so wary? Perhaps it was his focused attention or perhaps the expression he wore was similar to the one he’d worn this morning after he’d thought to show me he wasn’t cold. Right now, he looked anything but cold. His flushed face concerned me.
“Isn’t it a bit warm for a fire already, sir?”
“Alec,” he said, correcting me. “It was a little chilly in here after a day with the window open.” He trailed me, making a game of slowly chasing me around the room. It reminded me too much of the way the beast had stalked me on more than one occasion.
“I believe I’m not yet hungry.”
He stopped moving and narrowed his eyes.
“Benella, sit.”
“I think not.”
He ran a hand through his hair, looked ready to yell, but then took a deep breath.
“I made this myself,” he said, gesturing at the covered plates. Though his manner hadn’t changed, that he’d cooked piqued my interest.
“Really? You cooked
?”
“You know the extent of my skill,” he said.
My gaze met his. I realized he sought to show me that he and the beast were the same person. My heart lurched. He didn’t understand.
Logically, I knew they were the same. Yet, inside, I remained torn in reconciling the two. The man who had been held back by a simple hand on his shoulder, the man who had chosen his freedom over saving me from—I felt a heaviness on my chest and stopped the direction of my thought. That man was not the beast who had scared off Tennen and Splane so many times. Neither was he the beast who had risked Rose’s wrath to fetch me from her cottage. One side of him wanted me above all else, and the other sacrificed me for his own desire.
I closed my eyes against the ache in my chest. It wasn’t for loss of purpose that I wanted to leave the North. It was to avoid the pain of seeing the man who didn’t want me enough.
Lips brushed my cheek, and my eyes flew open.
He pulled back enough to meet my gaze.
“As a man, I can finally do the one thing I craved to do as a beast.”
“What is that?”
“Kiss you.” He leaned in once more to the other cheek. His touch was infinitely light. Warm lips, soft compared to the beast’s, yet still firm. A little bird took flight in my breast, beating its wings against its boned cage and robbing me of air.
His lips retreated.
“Sit. Please.” He pulled out a chair for me.
Sitting, I watched him walk to his place. He seemed more relaxed now. Why? Was it the kiss or that I’d agreed to dine with him?
He uncovered the plates, and I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face. The sad little egg tartlet wasn’t as burnt as the last time we’d made it. He was getting better.
“It looks delicious, my Lord.”
“Alec.”
“How did Mrs. Wimbly react to the use of her kitchen?”
His puzzlement over the name I’d used disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.
“Ah, the cook. I sent her and her assistant away so no one would witness my attempt.”
I took a bite. The flavor was there, and the texture not bad.
“Much improved,” I said after I swallowed. “Where did you find the eggs?”
“Tam and I left this morning to search for the game keeper’s cottage. I had recalled the estate having one. We found it.”
I nibbled on the tartlet as I listened.
“The cottage is in good repair, spared perhaps by the enchantment. Beside the cottage is an overgrown, fenced pasture. The grass had grown so high we couldn’t see the goats after we’d herded them in. It will help the winter hay last longer. On the other side of the pasture, we found a barn that can easily house the goats as well as several other animals. But the prize was the quail pen beside the barn. When we opened the door, Tam almost took a quail to the head. They flew out in a drove but didn’t go far. No one has been out there in fifty years yet the birds seem tame. Tam is working on the netting for their side pen.”
“This is wonderful news. Eggs and milk. The estate is on its way to self-sufficiency. How close is the cottage?”
“It’s a distance, near the east wall. Tam and I believe we found the old path to it. We’ll need to clear it again for a wagon.”
“Egrit told me the estate also has apple and hazelnut trees. I’ve asked if Tam can take me to them tomorrow. I’m hoping we can incorporate the fruit into the feast’s menu. If there’s anything to harvest, we will need Swiftly and Tam to switch from the main barn to those efforts. I plan to keep our new help busy cleaning in here. I’m reluctant to pull the hunters from their task until we have a full cellar.”
“A sound plan.”
I took another bite of my dinner and considered how the addition of eggs and apples might help the menu.
“Do you recall the food you usually served?” I asked.
He shook his head and shame painted his face.
“My mother handled those details. The last few years, I didn’t attend regularly; but when I did, I brought unsuitable company.” His words grew strained. “I was such a fool. I miss her,” he said.
I reached across the table and set my hand on his. I had no words to offer him. We were meant to make mistakes. We learned from them. But how did one console another for a mistake that cost him his mother? He turned his hand to hold mine. His thumb softly rubbed the back of mine for a moment before I pulled away. When he touched me like that, my heart felt too vulnerable.
We ate the rest of the meal in silence, and I was glad he didn’t ask for any further details of what I had planned for I didn’t yet have any.
If we had eggs, milk, apples, and nuts, we had the base for some simple fare. Father and Mr. Crow would handle the guest list, Mrs. Wimbly the cooking, and the rest of us the cleaning. Could it be that simple? What was I missing? I needed to look at his ledgers.
While I absently stared at the table and took a sip of my water, a missing piece fell into place, and I wrinkled my nose.
“Table linens, serving dishes, and something to drink.” I groaned as I thought of another piece. “And music. What kind of music?” I looked up and met his amused gaze.
“That wonderful head of yours never stops, does it?”
“As my father recently brought to my attention, when it does, I grow bored.”
The relaxed calm fled his expression as his jaw tightened.
“And boredom doesn’t suit you, does it,” he said softly. He straightened in his chair and, with an almost accusatory glance, continued our conversation.
“The linens we have—if time hasn’t damaged them—as well as the serving dishes. If there are enough apples, Mrs. Wimbly could press them for cider.”
“A perfect harvest drink,” I said in agreement. I itched to wander out to the grove now to see if there were enough, but I needed to start the actual cleaning of the southern parlor.
“Thank you for cooking for me, sir—Alec,” I quickly corrected myself after a hard look from him. “I want to continue working in the parlor until the sun sets. Did you want me to take the tray back to the kitchen?” I stood.
“Go,” he said with an annoyed wave. “I can take care of this.”
I didn’t try to guess what had irritated him. It was better not to delve too deeply. I felt his gaze on me as I left the library.
In the ballroom, just outside the sitting room, I found two buckets of ash. Inside the room, I found Egrit and Mrs. Palant hard at work. Soot no longer coated the fireplace, and the smaller rugs lay rolled up in the ballroom, leaving the sitting room floor exposed to their exhaustive effort. A good half of the area was clean.
“Thank you both,” I said, stepping into the room. “I didn’t expect you to work on your first night, Mrs. Palant. Are your children asleep?”
“Retta offered to put them to bed. I wanted to see what work needed to be done.”
“Make sure Retta and the children know they can seek you out whenever they wish. This isn’t a strict household and you working here should not deprive them of their mother.”
I picked up a wet rag and joined their efforts. With three of us laboring, we finished the floor just a bit after dark. As we were leaving, Tam and Swiftly entered with candles and a ladder.
“We just washed the southern parlor floor,” Egrit said to both of them. “Don’t dirty it with your boots or dripping wax.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Tam said with a wink.
Egrit shook her head at him and turned to me.
“I saw Lord Ruhall refilling the kettle when I went for the last bucket of warm water. There should be plenty for us to bathe.” She handed me a pail of dirty water. “I’ll run and get us something clean to change into.”
Mrs. Palant and I went to wait in the laundry where we worked together to fill a large washing kettle and the wooden tub with warm water.
When Egrit returned, she insisted I take the tub while they washed from a bucket. They’d somehow avoided wearing the grime
I wore. I willingly stripped and slid into the water with a sigh. Once I finished washing away the dust, I forced myself from the pleasant water and dressed in a clean nightgown and wrap before throwing my dirty dress into the bath water. Egrit and Mrs. Palant threw in the aprons they had wisely worn. At Egrit’s insistence, I left them to finish the laundry since Tam planned to take me to the woods at first light.
I padded barefoot through the halls but didn’t go to my room. Though I had an idea of what the feast might entail because of Mr. Crow and Lord Ruhall, I wanted specifics. I needed to read the ledgers.
In the library only a glow of coals remained in the fireplace, which didn’t surprise me. Father usually left after dinner unless Lord Ruhall requested something from him. Tiptoeing across the room in the moonlight, I focused on the dim study. An unlit candle waited on the desk, along with three ledgers. The three years before Alec’s enchantment. Each held a bookmark on a page with the feast’s accounting. Alec had obviously wondered the same thing and sought the answers in the ledgers as well. I quickly scanned the marked pages. The feast cost the estate dearly. Even the last year Alec’s mother had hosted it. Three hundred gold. An impossible amount. I would just need to find a way to spend as little as possible and keep Alec from worrying.
I left the study and quickly made my way to my room. Someone had turned down the covers. I slipped under them and closed my eyes.
* * * *
The bed moved, waking me. Alec sat back against the headboard and ran his fingers through my damp, unbound hair.
“Please,” he whispered, his voice raw.
My breath caught. Did he know he had woken me? I could think of only one reason he came to me in the middle of the night with such a pretty, desperate word on his lips. Panic took flight in my chest. Yet, he didn’t seem to notice the change in my breathing as his fingers continued to run through my hair.
“Please. Please don’t let her leave me.”
The desperation in his whispered words stopped the panic. My heart broke for him as I suddenly understood his anger in the ballroom and at dinner. He had been in the study when I had spoken to Father and knew I meant to leave him.
He truly believed he needed me. Perhaps he did. Rose’s letter regarding the feast made it clear she wasn’t done with him. I would need to assure him I meant to stay through the feast. But not now when his mood was so volatile. I remained still as his fingers ran through my hair until he lulled me to sleep once more.
