by Rachel
One day I was sat in our living room and from there you could see the staircase leading to the top of the landing, I was in there on my own, I think I had been told off or something and I was having a bit of a strop, kids aye!
I felt the room go chilly and I knew one of them was in the house, I stared out of the doorway and for some reason was focused on the staircase, I don’t know why but something in my gut told me to look there and then I saw him. The man.
A man in a smart dress, you know, shirt, tie and trousers, walking up the bloody stairs. He had a knife in one hand and a huge cut on the side of his neck which appeared to be so deep his head looked like it was hanging off to the side. He too was a colour of grey/blue and see through; there he was casually walking up my stairs.
Terrified I screamed running out of the room and I explained to my mother what I saw shaking and pointing at the stairs. She honestly thought I was insane. I mean I had basically told her I saw a man walking up the stairs with his head hanging off and a knife in his hand, of course saying that out loud would make you sound insane, no matter hold old you were.
My mother had, had enough of this by this point, the constant nightmares which not only affected my sleep but affected hers and my fathers too, me constantly saying I could see something or someone that no-one else could see and it had started to take its toll on everyone.
They decided to research this and try and see if they could find me some help to get rid of these, well, delusions as they called them. The only thing they could find was either hypnosis or a religious thing which was kind of like an exorcism.
Now, I’m not being funny but at eleven, not just me but any kid, you know what an exorcism is if you read enough books and to hear that your parents were considering this definitely put fear through your body. I wasn’t possessed, I just seemed to be able to see things that they couldn’t, I wanted it to go away as much as they did but my god I didn’t want some priest performing a scary ritual on me.
I remember begging them for the hypnosis, at least someone could make me forget this rather than try and terrify the shit out of me and seeing the fear in my face at the thought of that my parents agreed. They didn’t want to hurt me in any way, they just wanted to help.
We had to travel to London and see a woman who claimed her speciality was dealing with issues of the brain and the hypnosis she would provide would get rid of my so called delusions. My mum and dad, bless them, didn’t want to take me to a normal doctor in-case they sectioned me and like I said, they only wanted to help.
When we arrived at this office for the hypnosis it felt like everyone around me was staring and judging me, the receptionist looked at me as if to say ‘what a strange child’ as if the reason for my being there was written down in-front of her, charming!
I went into the room alone and the woman was very calming and friendly. You could see by looking around that she dealt with children a lot as there were children’s drawings and toys everywhere. What did she think was wrong with me? I could only guess what was going around in her mind. I was extremely paranoid back then thinking everyone was talking about me or calling me weird.
I don’t remember much about that appointment when I was in there with her except when we left I felt better and my mum and dad seemed very pleased.
As time went on I really did forget about this gift and I was not able to see the ghosts, I didn’t even remember back then I ever had a gift, that I was ever able to see or talk to ghosts, I don’t know what she done but it worked and I started to do better at school, I was more confident, I had friends and I wasn’t weird around them and I didn’t have any more nightmares, sounds perfect right? From eleven all the way up until I was sixteen I was living an amazing life, the life my parent's wanted me to have, with no stupid ghosts ruining it for me.
Even though back then I forgot about all the ghosts and when I look back I remember carrying on with life as normal like nothing ever happened, like my memories had disappeared and been replaced with happy ones but something inside me always felt like I was being watched, I couldn’t see them but I never felt alone, I didn’t understand back than what that was until I was older.
If only the hypnotherapist told my mother that there was always a chance all these bloody memories and my ability to see and speak to them would possibly come flooding back. But of course, she didn’t and later on I would discover that I may have been able to block them once, but I would never be able to permanently get rid of them.
CHAPTER 3
At sixteen and in my last year of school I hadn’t at that point seen a ghost or spoken to one in four years, but of course I couldn’t remember back then that I actually could, I had a proper boyfriend at that time in my life too, my first proper non-childish relationship.
He was eighteen however and had a full time job but my parents didn’t seem to mind him, he was polite and sweet and I was very mature for my age. I did like to act like a grown up but hey, I guess we all do when we’re young until we’re actually grown-ups and then we wish we could be younger, it sucks.
However, at sixteen when I believed I knew most things, like most teenagers do I guess, I was still a little naïve. His name was Alec and he seemed like the perfect man, well, what I considered at that time to be the perfect man. He had blonde hair and blue eyes, his body wasn’t athletic, in-fact he was a little chubby but he seemed to treat me well. I only saw him at weekends and never during the week as I was still at school.
I was still a virgin when I met him and I hadn’t even thought about having sex, I always thought that sex should be with the one you love, however, he was eighteen and clearly he wasn’t about waiting as he always went on and on about it. I wish I knew then what I know now because I would have said no.
So one night we were out with his friends, all of them older than me and all old enough to drink but back then, sneaking into bars under age was a lot easier than it is in nowadays. Of course I had been drinking and being young I hadn’t learnt when enough was enough, so I was pretty bolloxed if I do say so myself.
On our way home he was kissing me, but his kisses seemed different, they seemed, not forceful but more intense. I knew where it was heading but I wasn’t sure that I wanted to go down that route. Of course, when we got back to his place he spun me the ‘I love you’ line and I believed him, I actually thought I loved him too. How stupid was I?
Lying there on the sofa he started kissing me and unbuttoning my shirt, he asked me if I was on the pill but of course I wasn’t, I wasn’t sexually active so why would I need to be?
So he pulled out condom and seemed to take control. I didn’t remember how it felt, whether it was painful or nice and most girls I expect would like to remember their first time but nope, not me, I was too drunk to remember the feeling, sounds lovely aye!
When I woke up the next morning he was lying beside me all cuddled in, I honestly thought ‘aww this is nice’ as I watched him sleep. I believed I was happy, that this was love and that he really cared for me and would always be by my side. Those stupid fairy tale books!
I didn’t dare tell my mum and dad that I was no longer a virgin, I mean they would have killed me and my dad would literally have killed him.
As months went on we had sex more and more and I started going on the pill, I didn’t want a baby for sure but I always made sure he wore a condom, much to his protest.
It was seven months later and it had finally reached bank holiday weekend which meant I would go to Alec’s until the Monday instead of coming home on the Sunday.
I thought great, one more day with him but when I arrived off the train that day he seemed cold and distant. He had never been that way with me before, he always hugged and kissed me whenever I arrived or I got off the train and I hadn’t seen him all week so I knew that I didn’t do anything to upset him, putting it to the back of my mind we went to his house and done our usual thing of getting ready for a night out.
When we arrived at the club he still seemed dis
tant, he barely spoke to me or touched me or held my hand so I was starting to get pissed off and I left them all at the table and went to the loo. I must have been in there for ten minutes as I looked in the mirror trying to figure out what the hell was going on.
When I came out of the bathroom, to my surprise he was there waiting by the door, he grabbed me and kissed me so passionately that I forgot about his moodiness and weirdness and assumed that I was over-reacting, people have bad days I guess, even now I have them and think 'fuck off' to the world.
The night then went perfect and we had a really good time. Sat in the club though I began to feel nervous, I looked around and the music seemed to fade away in the distance, I thought I had, had too much to drink but I got the feeling that something was there with me that night and that it followed me home when we arrived back at Alec’s. I could feel the shivers going down my spine but like I said, I wasn’t able to see anything.
Throughout the weekend he seemed to blow hot and cold with me, one minute he would be kissing and hugging me and the next he would be distant, then we would have sex and all would be ok and then he would be back to weird. I swear to god it was like being on a merry-go-round, bloody ups and downs all weekend, it was mind exhausting trying to keep up.
On the Sunday we decided to take the dog for a walk, walking along he was quiet, not really saying a word and to be honest I had, had enough of the crap.
“Why are you being all weird?” I blurted out.
“I don’t think this is going anywhere and to be honest it’s over” he told me coldly.
What the fuck? All weekend he had been hot and cold but he had, had sex with me and now he was telling me he wanted to break up? Was I hearing this correct? I didn’t reply I just walked off to our friend’s house, well she was really his friend at first but since I met her we had become quite close.
When I arrived she could see I was really upset, I mean I wasn’t crying or anything but I was a little hurt, it was all over my face, I thought he really loved me.
“Oh my god he’s told you hasn’t he?” she said straight away as she opened the door to me.
“Yeah he has….” I assumed she meant that he wanted to break up.
“I can’t believe he cheated all this time I mean, we wanted to tell you when we found out but he insisted he would stop….” She blabbered on.
“Excuse me? He only told me that he wanted to break up not that he fucking cheated on me….all this time you say? WHAT? FOR SEVEN FUCKING MONTHS?” I shouted at her.
She looked at me with guilt; she had just given away his secret “Uhhh yeah, I’m sorry I thought you knew.”
I ran out of that house so fast not even The Flash could have kept up with me and I ran all the way back to Alec’s. He opened the door and let me in but before he could say anything I threw a punch at his face.
I then went upstairs to his room, I was full of rage inside, I couldn’t believe he would do this to me, I never even thought about it, all that time he was away from me he had been sleeping with someone else or well quite a few from what I was told. I had completely trusted this man, what a fool I was aye.
I picked up his PlayStation and threw it out of the window, it made an almighty bang as it crashed onto the concrete below in the back garden and Alec came running into the room.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING!” he shouted at me.
“How dare you fucking hurt me like this, if you wanted someone else all you had to do was say not fucking string me along for seven months and then tell me after you slept around that it’s over” I barked back as I threw things at him.
Tears were streaming down my face; I was inconsolable, hurt and broken. This never happened in a bloody fairy tale did it? No! The men were always decent and caring, they loved their princesses, is this what love was about? Pain and torture?
He came at me to try and give me a hug but instead I completely lost my temper, I punched that two-timing asshole right in the face again and this time I broke the bastard’s nose. He screamed in pain but that was nothing compared to how I was feeling inside. I grabbed my things, ripped up all our photos and left.
All the way home I couldn’t stop crying and I remember people staring at me as if to say ‘is she ok’ or‘ what’s wrong with her?’ but I just hid in my seat and I didn’t move until I reached my stop.
I walked home sort of like a zombie, dragging my legs and my bag as if it was all too heavy for me, I had my heart ripped out and had been cheated on by someone I trusted. The whole relationship had been a complete lie, everything he said was nothing.
When I got home my mother was sat there watching TV and she saw the redness on my face and my bloodshot eyes from where I had been crying and she immediately got up to hug me.
“What’s wrong honey?” she asked so benignant.
I burst into tears again “its Alec mum, he dumped me and then I found out he had been cheating on me, mum….I thought he was the one for me I really did, he told me he loved me so I let him have me and it was all a lie.”
My mum looked at me, she knew by those words I was no longer a virgin. I could see the disappointment in her eyes although she said nothing about it and just hugged me.
“Honey, I know it seems like the end of the world and I know you’re upset but he isn’t worth it if he did that to you, one day you’ll find the right one but there is no rush” her voice was so calm and tender.
She kissed me on the forehead and went downstairs, I could hear her telling me my dad, and as dads do when their daughters are hurt, he kicked off threatening to go kill Alec for hurting his little girl.
Inside I felt a little happy to hear those words, however I’d never wish him dead of course not but I did wish he would have more pain inflicted on him so he could almost feel how I was feeling inside at that time.
As I lied on my bed trying to console myself I could hear a whispering voice, I got up thinking I had knocked the TV on by leaning on the remote but the TV was off, I didn’t really think anything of it and lied back down.
I again heard the whisper and there was a slight chill in the air. I got up to check the windows but it was closed so I thought that maybe it was my mum and dad downstairs but then the whisper seemed close and my window frosted over as if a cold winter loomed outside. That wasn’t normal surely, it was warm and summer time as it was bank holiday weekend, I felt confused and slightly scared. I backed away from the window as the whisper then became a voice.
“We’re coming for you, we need you” the voice echoed in my room.
I looked around and saw no-one and as I tried to leave my bedroom door was stuck where it had frozen shut, I now felt like I was standing in an ice-cave, it was freezing and the cold air consumed the entire room.
I could feel my heart pounding and as I looked around several ghostly images or people appeared and seemed to reach out to me with one arm. Without thinking I let out a terrifying scream that caused my dad to run up the stairs and kick my door down.
Shaking and terrified I explained what I saw but as the words came out of my mouth I realised how stupid I sounded. Both my parent’s looked at each-other and then looked at me.
“What? What is it?” I asked them worryingly.
They took a deep breath and my mother turned to me, she looked so scared “It’s happening again.”
When I looked at her face all those memories came flooding back, like flash images of a video playing in my mind, I knew then that this sort of thing had happened before and from that moment in my life the ghosts never ever went away, in-fact they became worse, what my future would lead me to would be one of the most terrifying experiences anyone would ever go through.
CHAPTER 4
I was now seventeen and in that past year that had gone I had seen countless ghosts, been terrified to my very core and had rediscovered my ability.
My parent’s wanted to have me hypnotised again but I refused, I had blocked all this out before but when that dickhead hurt me and my heart was br
oken, all of my inner defences shut down, all those walls she had built in my mind fell over and I didn’t want them to go back up.
It wasn’t because I wanted to see these dead people because believe me I didn’t, but I didn’t want to forget about this to then have something bad happen to me to then remember again and have the same experience as before, it would be a never ending cycle.
I would rather know what I can do and be prepared as much as I could, so I carried on seeing them regularly but done my best to avoid talking to or acknowledging them. I had hoped that they would get the message that although I could see them, and they quite clearly knew that, that there was nothing I could do to help and I had hoped that they would eventually go away and leave me the fuck alone, but no, it was never ever going to be that easy, they wanted my help and one day they would get it, I just didn't know that then.
I was at college now and I was studying history and child-care. I wanted to be a teacher or something to do with kids, I loved them and one day I planned to have at least two, being an only child all this time I didn’t want to have just the one as I knew how lonely this could be.
I had, had a few boyfriends and it must have been a bad habit of mine as I tended to pick the assholes, the boy with the bad-boy image. I started to think that all guys were the same, a huge bunch of dicks! I had the abusive one, the cheater, which I already had, had before, the one that was nice then decided to be gay, the manipulator, so yeah, in my head, all men were the same.
I was sat in history and we were learning about world war two, now no offence, I loved history but I had learnt about this shit in school, I had heard it all before, we all know what Hitler done already, it was just a repeat and to be honest I started to feel a bit bored.
