by Ken Blowers
shops there, one by one. He evaluated each one until finally selecting a small confectionery retailer, Lea's Lollies, as his target.
Fearing a lone shopper might be just a bit too conspicuous; he decided it best to strike midweek just after lunchtime when he anticipated there would only be a small degree of shop traffic. He would not partake of any breakfast or lunch that day. The boy he was emulating was stealing out of hunger, which might well heighten tension and the associated feelings of excitement and fear, which he hoped to experience.
He smiled, amused and elated by the sudden realisation that the elderly Proprietor of Lea's Lollies was known to him, if only casually. Their wives sometimes worked together in the local Meals on Wheels service. This was excellent, since the boy in the story would also steal from a shopkeeper known to the family and stealing from people you know rather than from some 'faceless' company; would almost certainly increase the drama of the experience.
On the day he had chosen for the crime he changed into an old but comfortable tracksuit before leaving home, in the belief this would draw less attention, should he be forced to break into a run when making his escape. He sat in his car for a while to relax himself before driving down to the local shopping centre. Then having parked the car near the main entry point for a quick exit, he walked around the shopping centre twice in order to satisfy himself there was no obvious Police or other security presence.
Cautiously he made his way towards Lea's Lollies and in fact, walked right up to the shop entrance, but with his heart pounding and stricken by waves of fear and panic, he was forced to veer off at the very last moment. He rested a short distance away on a public seat, to fully recover his composure. He was somewhat surprised to find that even though he was somewhat over-excited, he was still able to make coherent mental notes on his feelings, even checking and noting his pulse rate!
About fifteen minutes or so elapsed however, before he felt confident enough to return to the task in hand. This time he stopped at the shop directly opposite Lea’s Lollies. There he found he could survey his target, beautifully reflected in the shop's window. He watched customers enter and leave. Then being satisfied that there were no more than two customers inside, he turned and walked boldly across to the shop entrance, this time entering without the slightest hesitation.
He moved to the back of the shop and positioned himself behind some display stands where he could familiarise himself quickly with the shop layout. He could hardly believe his good fortune when he spied a very nice and rather large, box of Cadbury Roses Chocolates displayed on the counter, right next to the cash register. A most inviting presentation!
As the two ladies in the shop were completing their purchases he moved up closer to the counter, very excited, his heart thumping and unsure of what to do next; wait or strike now? Then as the ladies moved to leave the shop together, there came the sudden, raucous, sound of a telephone ringing and the Proprietor turned away from the counter and stepped back into the doorway of the stockroom to take the call. Triumphantly James strode forward and snatched up the box of chocolates he'd targeted. Not knowing what else to do with it, he shoved it up the front of his tracksuit top! With the adrenaline pumping through his veins and his face glowing hot and red, he strode quickly out of the shop and hurried back to his car. With his heart pounding and his
hands shaking, he opened the car door with some difficulty and as he got in and closed the door, he began to shiver uncontrollably with fear. It was some minutes before he could regain his composure sufficiently for him to start the engine and even longer before he could bring himself to drive off and head for home.
When he eventually did get home, he went straight to his study and excitedly commenced to write up his notes. Trying his best to capture every moment of his bold act and his furtive escape and to record the full range of emotions he had experienced. It took some time to do this; first recording the major points as rapidly scribbled notes and then transcribing those notes into his word processor in a more detailed fashion. He was just about finished when his wife knocked gently on the study door. 'Darling,' she called. 'Mr Edwards is here, you know - from Lea's Lollies.'
'Oh! Oh, yes, what a nice surprise. I'm just coming,' he called out in reply. He felt shaken and weakened by this piece of surprising news, news that could suggest the game was up!
With his hands shaking and his heart pounding, he dropped his notes on the floor as he struggled to compose himself. Then he stood up, straightened his tie, brushed himself down and opened the study door. Forcing himself to smile, he strode bravely out into the lounge and through to the entrance hall, where his wife was engaged in small talk with Mr Edwards.
'Mr Edwards, darling, would just like to have a quick word with you.'
'Oh, really? How do you do, Mr Edwards? How nice of you to call.'
'I'm fine, thank you, especially now - now I've found my chocolates.'
'You what? You've found, your chocolates...?'
'Why, yes! Right here, on your hall table.'
'Darling. Are you alright? You look dreadfully pale. I keep telling him not to work so hard, Mr Edwards. But he takes no notice when he's started a new book. All writers are like that, I believe; so independent and headstrong. Now do come into the lounge dear and sit down, before you fall down. You must take a seat too, Mr Edwards, please.'
'Er, a drink, perhaps, for our guest, dear?' said James – his head in a whirl!
'Of course, how silly of me. Mr Edwards, you'll join James and have a small whisky, perhaps?'
'Why thank you, that's very nice of you. I'm so pleased I found the chocolates, Mr Paisley. You see, I got them out especially for you.'
'You did what? I... I don't understand.'
'No. No, I don't suppose you do. Well of course, I didn't know you were coming in to the shop today, did I?'
'I shouldn't think so. No, no, of course not.'
'What happened was, I got them out, the chocolates and put them on the counter to bring them here later today, on my way home. As a sort of a ‘thank you’, for the way your wife kindly jumped in to do my wife's Meals on
Wheels shift for her last week. Damned decent of her at such short notice. Got us out of an awkward spot, I can tell you. But, I was surprised when I saw you this afternoon, standing there in my shop.'
'Oh that's interesting, Mr Edwards. You didn't say anything about going shopping today, dear?'
'Oh, er, didn't I?'
'Ah. There you go! A short memory lapse, eh?' said Mr Edwards. 'Happens to us all you know! Oh yes, it happened to me, today in fact. Yes, indeed. That's what this is all about, you see. There I was thinking,' continued Mr Edwards, 'how very convenient, you know, you being there, in my shop, when the dashed phone rang! Now I distinctly remember that. But after, like, well… I couldn't remember actually giving you the chocolates. Funny, isn't it? Sort of mysterious too and yet they were gone and so were you! Anyway, it worried me all afternoon, not knowing for sure, what happened to the chocolates. Thinking, silly me, that perhaps some sleight-handed shoplifter had taken them. Ha, ha! But then, I'm always forgetting things these days. It must be my age. Another good reason for bringing forward my retirement, eh? At least, my wife thinks so and now, perhaps, I ought to agree with her.'
'Surely not!' said Mrs Paisley.
'Oh, yes.' said Mr Edwards. 'Yes, you see we've suffered quite a bit from shoplifting in the last year or so. It's getting so shop keeping is like, well, being involved in a never-ending war, these days. The offenders are not always down-and-outs either. No! Why you wouldn't believe it, but some of them look almost respectable!'
'No!’ Exclaimed Mrs Paisley, in disbelief.
'Oh, yes. I'm afraid so. Not at all like when I entered the trade, some forty odd years ago now. Ah, people were so much more honest back then, don't you think?'
'Oh we do, don't we darling? It's dreadful what small shopkeepers have to put
up with. Isn't it, dear?' said Mrs Paisley.
'Oh, er, yes. Yes, I suppose so,' agreed James.
'Sadly, I know all about this current shoplifting, this outright thieving.’ said Mr Edwards. It leads on to stress, you know and well, stress can seriously affect one's health. The early warning signs, so they say, are unexplained short periods of memory loss.'
'Oh, we do understand, don't we darling? Perhaps you could write something about that, James - couldn't you? Mr Edwards could help you with the research. You know, small shopkeeper pitted against the general moral decline.'
'No, no, we mustn't spoil his retirement. We've got to let the poor man have his little bit of peace after all those long years of struggle, that's what I say.'
'You know, Mr Paisley, you're a very upright and understanding man. Here,' Mr Edwards opened his briefcase. 'Now, have another box of chocolates. I brought this box along you see, in case, you know, I really hadn't given you the other one.'
'Oh, only on one condition,' said James. 'You see the truth is you didn't give me the first box! I didn't know you intended to. I saw them and I just picked them up to buy, of course. But you went to answer the phone and were gone for such a long time. Without thinking, without paying, I found myself outside the shop! So technically, I guess, I shoplifted them! I've been meaning to ring you to explain, but I got engrossed in my new book. So, I'll happily accept the second box, but only provided you let me pay for the first one! To put things right, as it were.'
'Well I must say, you know, it never ceases to amaze me how thoroughly honest and decent people some people can be,' said Mr Edwards. 'For a small shopkeeper, that's very encouraging. The good in this world really does make up for all the bad and you know what? Coming here has really made my day!'
'Here, let me pay you now.'
'Ah, no, not now, old chap. Next time you come into the shop. I mean, if I can't trust a man like you.'
'Oh.'
'Mr Edwards! I do believe you have embarrassed my husband. For once in his life, he appears lost for words!'
'Oh, really? Well, sorry and all that, but I must be going. So goodnight and thank you again for being so honest,' said Mr Edwards, as he shook James by the hand before going out the door.
'Goodnight!' Mrs Paisley called after him. Then to her husband she said, 'Well, that was a thought provoking experience, I must say.'
'Really? You think so?'
'Why, yes. Well, what do you suppose really goes through the mind of someone that shoplifts? Stealing really, from a small shopkeeper: a decent, hardworking man like Mr Edwards? I mean, you're a writer, you must know?'
'Thank you, darling.'
'No. No, I'm trying to be serious here. Well? You are supposed to know these things, aren't you?'
'Yes. Oh, excitement, then fear, then guilt, I'd say and roughly in that order. Then perhaps later, when they face the frightful recognition of what a thoroughly stupid and mindless thing they've done, they probably feel
an absolute dickhead! They'll feel an overwhelming urge to turn back the clock and undo it all, put things back the way they were. To recover, assuming this was their first offence of course, some semblance of their lost pride, their lost innocence, their respectability and their humanity!'
'Wow! My word! You said that with some feeling, darling. Been researching it have you? Come on! Something to do with your new book, I bet, eh?'
'Well, yes.'
‘What’s it called then, this new book - “The Thieving Experience”?’
‘Yes. Yes, something like that.’
