by Kim Loraine
Crushing his lips to hers, he let go of the strings tying him to his old life and vowed to move forward, to start living, and to give himself a chance to be happy. With Lauren.
Chapter 11
Alex’s lips were hot on hers, making shivers of anticipation race over Lauren’s body. His hands cradled her face and tentatively roamed her skin, never drifting past her neck and shoulders, as though he were afraid to touch her. She could feel the need behind his kisses, a desperation she was all too familiar with making itself known in his soft breaths and groans. Threading her fingers in his tawny hair, she pulled slightly causing him to buck his hips against her own. The evidence of his arousal was unmistakable and the feel of him, hard and ready, made heat coil in her center.
“Alex,” she murmured against his lips. “We should take this somewhere else.”
He only deepened his kiss, finally letting his hands drop past her shoulders to wrap around her waist and pull her more firmly against him. “I don’t want to stop kissing you.” His words were a breath whispered across her mouth, sending shivers down her spine.
As he trailed his mouth across her jaw and to the sensitive lobe of her ear, she let out a moan. “We can do so much more than kiss once we’re in private.” He tensed, but stepped back and smiled, confusing her.
Sliding his fingers down her arm, he linked their hands and pulled her away from the wall. “Go tell your sister you’re going home with me.”
With a nod, she headed toward the door, looking back at him over her shoulder as she stepped inside the bar. Her heart stuttered at the pained expression on his face, but when his eyes met hers, he grinned and the hurt was gone. Although unsure, she knew this was what she wanted, so she found Chassity and ensured her sister was settled happily with Sully for the evening.
Walking back into the cold evening air, she wrapped her arms around herself wishing Alex was keeping her warm. His truck was running, parked just across from the bar and when she pulled the door open, warmth enveloped her along with the scent of him. She couldn’t help but breathe him in, letting the supple leather of his jacket and the spice of his cologne make her almost swoon.
“Everything good?” he asked, taking her hand and bringing her knuckles to his lips.
“So good.”
As they drove, she watched and waited for him to react. Wanting to touch him, she slid her hand across the seat and brushed his thigh. Her stomach clenched as he stiffened and pulled his leg away. Hoping he was focused on the road and not changing his mind, she linked their fingers and gave a slight squeeze.
“Hey, it’s okay,” she whispered.
A frown creased his brow as he nodded, but he didn’t remove his hand. She couldn’t help but notice his free hand maintained a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel.
When they pulled into the driveway, she released his hand and stepped out of the truck, nerves getting the better of her. He remained silent as he led them up to the front door and her heart sank with every step.
“Alex,” she started, but didn’t know what to say, afraid that any move she made would ruin things.
He turned haunted eyes on her. “I’m sorry.”
Cupping his jaw in her hand, she brushed her thumb over the dimple in his chin. “It’s okay. I’m right here.”
“I don’t know how to do this.”
Frowning as confusion swirled in her head, she looked up at him. “What are you talking about?”
“I haven’t . . . since,” His gaze lifted away from her and focused on the sky. “I don’t—”
“So it’s been a long time. That’s okay. I don’t mind.”
Taking both of her hands, he stared back at her. “I’ve never been with anyone other than my wife, Lauren. I don’t know how to do this.”
Shock got the better of her. “Are you serious?”
Even in the dark she could see the color rush up his cheeks. “We met when we were kids. I never wanted anyone else.”
Biting her lip, she watched his fingers as they moved to worry at the wedding band he’d stopped wearing. “And you want me?”
His eyes met hers, the force of his desire making her shiver. “More than anything.”
She couldn’t deny the feeling those words gave her. A fierce pride rippled through her, but she couldn’t do this. Not yet. “You’re not ready. Anyone can see that.”
Panic filled his eyes. “Lauren, I am. I am ready for you, for us.”
“Are you sure? Because I can’t be with a man who is thinking about someone else. Dean wanted me to be someone else. He doesn’t think so, but I know it. I’m not a stand-in.”
“We can slow things down. Let me show you I’m ready for this.”
Placing a palm over his chest, she felt the fast beating of his heart. “I think that’s a good idea. I guess, um, I’ll say goodnight here, then.”
Even though all she wanted to do was have him take her inside and to his bed, she rose up on her toes and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. She pulled away, planning to end the evening on his doorstep. Instead, his hand gripped her nape and he brought her closer as he deepened the kiss. His free hand trailed down the line of her spine, sending electricity shooting through her veins.
“I said slow things down. Not bring them to a screeching halt,” he murmured between kisses. “Now come here.” His arm was under her knees, scooping her up before she could stop him.
“Oh,” she squeaked, surprised at how weightless she felt in his arms.
Winking, he grinned. “It’s okay. I’m a trained professional. I won’t drop you.”
“You’d better not. I’d have to sue the city.”
A chuckle rumbled through his chest. “I’d make sure you forgot all about it.”
Tension sparked between them when she turned her eyes to his. “Alex.”
“Stop talking and kiss me, woman.”
Sealing her lips over his, she wrapped her arms tighter around his neck and buried her worries. They had right now, they were together, and she would help him move on. At least, she hoped he could.
~ ~ ~
Alex’s lips tasted like strawberries when he woke the next morning. He was warm, and Lauren’s silky hair tickled his chin as he became aware of his surroundings. A soft moan filled the room as Lauren shifted from her position against him on the couch making him involuntarily pull her closer.
“Mmm, good morning,” she said, her voice still thick with sleep.
His heart felt full as he held her close. “Morning. Did you sleep okay?”
“Actually, I’m a lot more comfortable than I thought I’d be. Your couch is pretty nice.” She shifted her hips and brushed against the erection he’d been trying to keep at bay. “Oh, uh, sorry.”
Embarrassment mixed with arousal at her acknowledgement of his condition. “I’m sorry. I can’t really control it.”
Laughing out loud, she bumped him with her ass again. A groan escaped before he could stop it and he gripped her hips to still her movements. “I need to do something to take care of this. So that means you need to stop moving and let me get up, or . . .”
Sitting up, she grinned. “Or?” With a wicked gleam in her eye, her hand drifted down his chest to the edge of his shirt. She slid her fingers under the fabric, teasing the skin at his waist.
“Or, that.” His voice was rough as her touch ghosted over his abdomen.
The smile slipped off her face as she pressed her palm to his stomach, running her hand over his heated body. As her dark eyes locked on his, he recognized undiluted lust in their depths. Leaning forward, she pressed her lips to his and pulled his shirt up, breaking the kiss to lift the fabric over his head.
His head fell back and eyes closed as she straddled him. The feel of her nails lightly tracing the lines of his muscled chest had
him fighting the urge to thrust his hardness against her. Tingles of awareness raced through his senses with every movement she made—the swirl of her hips as she ground down on him, the faint brush of her hair when she lowered her head and pressed kisses to his neck and collar bone. Combined with the sounds she made as his hands blindly found their way over her waist and up to cup the swell of her breasts, he thought he might burst.
“God, Lauren.” His voice was harsh with need. “You’re beautiful.”
A soft laugh filled the air. “Your eyes are closed.”
“I don’t have to see you to know how gorgeous you are.”
Opening his eyes, he watched her body move over his. She was the most breathtaking thing he’d ever seen. The thought sent a hot lance of agony through him. He wasn’t supposed to feel this for another woman. She must’ve seen the panic rising in his expression. Her face softened, eyebrows lifting in a sad acknowledgment of his pain.
“Come here, Alex,” she whispered, gripping his shoulders and pulling him up to a seated position.
His chest pressed into hers, chin nestled between her shoulder and neck as she held him tightly. Her fingers ran through his hair while she murmured soft noises of comfort.
“It’s all right.” Her voice was soothing and gentle.
Wrapping his arms around her, he pressed a kiss to her collarbone and worked to keep the swell of emotions under control. He would not lose his shit here in front of this woman. There wasn’t a chance in the world that he’d recover from that.
Taking a rough breath, he let himself revel in her scent before carefully pushing her away and lifting her off his lap. He couldn’t look at her without feeling guilty.
“Tell me about your wife.” Her voice sounded so small, but strong at the same time.
His heart stopped for a moment. How could he put that on her? There was too much to tell.
Her hand gripped his tightly. “Please, Alex? I need to understand, and I think you need to talk to someone.”
Raking a hand through his hair, he closed his eyes and sighed. “Roxie was the love of my life. I fell in love with her when I was a teenager. She was the first—the only girl I ever loved. We’d planned to raise a family here. But things don’t always work out the way we want them to.”
“What happened?”
“We lost a baby.” He heard her sharp intake of breath as soon as the word baby fell from his lips. Unable to face her, he pressed on. “I lost her. Then she lost herself.”
His hands clenched as he tried to keep his gaze away from her face. He didn’t want to see the pity he knew would be in her eyes.
“She was clinically depressed long before the baby. They tell me it was the catalyst. She’d lost so much, she couldn’t bring herself back from the dark. And I . . . I wasn’t enough.”
A tear escaped and fell down his cheek, landing on his jeans. He watched the moisture darken the denim, spreading through the fibers. He hadn’t cried once since the baby, not one damn time.
Lauren’s warm palm ran wide circles along his back. “You’re enough, Alex.”
A shudder ran through him at his need to believe her. He wanted so badly for it to be true. But if he’d been enough, Roxie wouldn’t be gone.
Standing, he shook his head and walked to the window. Shoving his hands in his back pockets to stop them from shaking, he stared at the tall magnolia tree in the center of the front yard.
“I need you to go.” Harsher than he’d wanted, his voice broke as the words spilled out.
“What?” Disbelief colored her tone.
“I’m sorry. I need to take a step back. If we don’t stop now, I’ll do something I’m not ready for. When we’re together, I want it to be only you in my head.”
He watched her reflection in the glass as she stood, arms folded across her chest. Instead of walking to the front door, she came up behind him, pressed her cheek to the bare skin of his back, and wrapped her arms around his waist.
“You’re punishing yourself. I get it. But Alex, you aren’t responsible for your wife’s choices. That’s not how people work. You can’t fix their broken pieces. You can only be there to help them if they want to be helped.” Pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades, she sighed and stepped away. “You know where I’ll be.”
His chest ached as he listened to the door open and close. Through the window he watched her walk, her dark hair swinging with her steps. A flash of Roxie, smiling at him from the walkway, nearly sent him to his knees. Not because he missed her, but because for the first time, he didn’t feel crushing grief when he thought of her. He felt hope.
Chapter 12
Two days later, a knock on Lauren’s door had her heart in her throat. With shaking hands she slowly turned the knob and removed the barrier between them. She knew who would be waiting on the other side. Even so, when she saw Alex standing on her front step in a white T-shirt and jeans, hair still wet from a shower, and barefoot, unbridled lust hit her without warning. She’d missed him more than she thought possible.
“Hey,” she breathed.
He wouldn’t meet her gaze. Instead, he stared down at his feet with his brow furrowed, the light of the moon casting a soft glow behind his large frame.
“You want to come in?” She tried to disguise the hope in her voice, but knew she’d failed the moment the words came out.
“Yeah, I really do.” The relief she saw in his eyes when he finally looked at her made her heart flip.
As he stepped over the threshold, his hands cupped her face and he backed them inside until her knees hit the bed. She chuckled as he looked around the small space. “For the first time, I’m so fucking glad this place is small.”
“I only needed a studio apartment.”
“Like I said.” He hadn’t removed his hands from her cheeks even as he looked around the space that served double duty as a bedroom and living area.
“Are you going to kiss me or just hold my face all night?”
His grin made her weak. “Maybe I want to do both.”
Her voice was just a husky whisper. “Then get to it.”
As his lips brushed hers, he lowered her onto the bed and seated himself between her legs. His big body hovered over her, mouth claiming possession of her. God, he smelled good. His damp hair fell into his eyes, leaving droplets of water on her cheeks.
“I missed you,” he said, breaking their kiss.
“Good. I thought maybe you’d realized you don’t really want me.” The self-doubt in her tone was obvious, making her wince inwardly at the transparency of her words.
His eyes flared with surprise as he sat up and pulled her with him. “What? Why would you think that? You’re the only thing I can think about.”
Uncomfortable with the compliment, she changed the subject. “Did you have duty the last few days?”
He traced the line of her neck with one finger. “Yeah. I got a little overtime in. It gave me a chance to think.”
“About?”
“Us.”
Her gut clenched. “And, what do you think about us?”
Easing away from her, he sat back on his knees. “I think we need to give this a shot. But, Lauren, I need you to really understand how much baggage I’ve got. It’s enough to drag me down and you with it.”
Holding up a hand, she stood. “Hang on. Let’s do this somewhere less tempting.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him into the kitchen. “You sit there, I’ll pour us a drink, and then we can talk.”
A frown turned down his lips as she filled two glasses with wine and sat across from him.
“I’m afraid to tell you everything.”
Her heart ached for him. “Why?”
“Because you’ll look at me different after this. You’ll understand.”
Reachi
ng across the table, she linked their hands. “Alex, nothing you can tell me will make me like you less.”
Heaving a heavy sigh, he stared at the table, breaking the contact between them, and ran his finger up and down the jagged crack in the center. “We were together for fifteen years, married seven.” He had to stop, shake his head and clear his throat before continuing. Her heart squeezed as she watched, already grieving for him. “For the first few we tried everything to have a baby. She kept having miscarriages, never making it past the first trimester. It nearly broke us. Then, when my brother John died five years ago, we saw it as a sign that we needed to leave Golden Beach. There were too many losses here for us. Too many people who knew our struggles, who offered their well-meaning advice. So, we moved to Richmond.” He let out another harsh breath, taking a drink from his wine glass. “Things were good. Then, two years ago, she got pregnant.” Lauren couldn’t stop her gasp. It wasn’t fair. Why did two people have to lose so much? Knowing what was coming, a sense of dread sat heavy in the pit of her stomach.
He’d curled his hands into fists, knuckles white from the tension. Reaching out, she stroked a gentle hand over his and offered a sad smile when his tortured gaze met hers. “You don’t have to tell me if it’s too hard.”
Shaking his head, he blinked and a resolved look covered his face. “I need to do this.” He gripped her hand, intertwining their fingers as he started speaking again. “It was completely accidental, and she almost didn’t tell me, but I found the test in the trash. We kept it to ourselves for the longest time. Both of us were so worried something would happen. But when she passed the first trimester, we finally started believing it would be okay.” His chin trembled as he took another shuddering breath. Raking a hand through his hair, he continued. “It was a girl. She was a girl. We found out a week before in the ultrasound. Everything looked great. Then I called her one day after work. Just because. I wanted to hear her voice. Such a fucking selfish reason. I didn’t even need to talk to her about anything important. She answered while driving, never saw the God damn car blow through the stop sign. She lost the baby because of me.”
