by Sofia Grey
Was that a flash of pain on his face? His hand closed gently around my upper arm, I couldn’t move away from him even if I wanted to. “Suki, baby, you are not crazy. Believe me.”
I laughed. I think there was a slightly hysterical note to it. “Believe you? And for the record, I am not your baby.”
“I explained.” His voice was patient, his eyes warm, his fingers almost burning through my sleeve. “I told Gabriel I saw you at Anita’s. There’s no confusion.”
How I wanted to believe him, but I struggled. Gabe had been so insistent and he had no reason for lying. I met Joe’s gaze and saw the longing in his eyes. It probably mirrored my own. “Tell me what you meant. You said you dream about the house.”
Blue eyes rose to look over my shoulder at the house behind me. “It’s always the same dream. I’m in that bedroom, it’s night time and I’m looking out of the window at the sea.” He paused for so long, I began to wonder if he’d forgotten me. “You’re there, with me.” He stared at me again, blazing heat from his eyes. “You’re my lover.” His voice roughened.
I shivered, despite the heat from the sun. “I’m married,” I whispered. “I love my husband.”
“I’ve had this dream for years, yet I saw you for the first time the other week. And it was only when I drove past it, that I knew the house.” He licked his lips. I longed to kiss him again. “I can’t ask my parents. They’re dead.”
I felt my mouth drop open. The pain in his eyes looked genuine. “I’m sorry. What happened?”
He made an awkward gesture with his hand. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Still he held my arm, his fingers loosely circled around my arm. His other hand rose to my face, one finger stroking a feather light trail along my jaw. My knees felt weak but I stood firm.
“It’s just a dream, Joe. Nothing more. It doesn’t mean anything.” I stressed the last few words. Was I talking about the kiss or his dream? I don’t know. I knew I had to walk away from him, from this dangerous, delicious man, before I was tempted to do more than just kiss him.
“It’s Josh.”
“Huh?”
He spoke slowly, as though I dragged the words out of him. “My name. It’s Josh Delaney. Joe Summers is my, ah, working name.”
“Shame, it suited you. I thought you tasted like summer.” I clamped my mouth shut before any other embarrassments tumbled out. He’d heard me though, the wary look being replaced by the sexiest smile I’ve ever seen.
“Do you want to see what a Delaney tastes like?” That wicked twinkle, the little laughter lines crinkling around his eyes. This was a man used to getting what he wanted, just like my husband. I need to think about Gabe.
I shook my head with just the right amount of polite regret. “Thanks, but I’ll pass. If you don’t mind, I’d like to head back to Anita’s now.”
Minutes later, strapped into his car, he turned to me before driving away. “I can’t explain it, Suki, I feel a connection to you. I can fix your headaches, calm you when you’re stressed.”
My hands lay in my lap. I twisted them together, then separated and sat on them. If I left them loose, they’d go wandering across to Joe’s side of the car. Or Josh’s side. God, that was confusing.
“I knew when you were trapped in the dark. I felt it.”
I felt an icy shiver oozing down my spine at his words. I glanced across to him, he stared intently back. “What do you mean?”
“I was in the gym and then… I was beyond scared. I couldn’t breathe, I was convinced I was going to die—and I knew it was you. So tell me Suki—how can I know this? How can I feel you like this?”
* * * *
Anita’s eyes were huge as she goggled at me across the table. “You kissed him? Or did he kiss you?”
I shrugged. “Does it matter? I think he kissed me, but I didn’t fight him off.” I touched my lips, remembering the feel of Josh, the connection with him. He’d been right about that, even if there was no way I’d admit it. From the first time I saw him in the café, when he held my hand, I saw something in him that called out to me. My mind swirled in a crazy spiral, pausing as each new thought emerged. How could he have known about me in the cupboard? Why would he lie about that?
Anita’s fingers curled around the wine glass. She couldn’t take her eyes off me. “What are you going to do about it?”
“Do?” I feigned nonchalance. “I’m not doing anything. It didn’t mean a thing.” The lie felt ugly on my tongue. Did he really dream about me? I didn’t tell Anita about that, only about The Kiss. “It was one of those in-the-moment things. I feel embarrassed more than anything.” I produced a shrug, but she didn’t look convinced,
“I still think he took those bloody pictures. It had to be him.” She frowned. “I know you like him, Suki, but I think there’s more going on.”
I held up my hands in surrender. “It’s okay. I told him to get lost. I’ve no intention of talking to him again.” I meant what I said, so why did the idea make my chest hurt?
We sat amidst the debris from dinner. Mindy was asleep in her bed and Josh was presumably at the guesthouse, if he hadn’t already left for home, wherever that was. I’d insisted he drop me at the stables where I could spend the rest of the day with Anita and he’d driven away after I’d refused to talk to him. I’d felt a great urge to speak to Gabe, to anchor myself back to my marriage and I’d sent him a few texts, but he’d been busy. I’d resorted to asking him about Josh in a text.
Hi. Do you know which mag this Joe Summers is writing for? How much detail should I cover with him? How is Paris? Miss you. S xx
His reply, hours later, had been vague.
Summers is freelance, not sure who he’s writing for. Go into as much detail as he wants. Paris is busy. Don’t forget your pills, hope u feel better now. C U later, Gx
As for the pills, I didn’t want to take them. I distracted myself spending some time surfing the Internet searching for ‘Joe Summers’, but couldn’t find anything with his by-line. I also Googled ‘Josh Delaney,’ but couldn’t find anyone who seemed to match his details. It was as though he didn’t exist.
9.2 Gabe
The Diazepam tablets had travelled with me, hidden in a bottle of vitamins. Now that Suki had her own supply of tranquilizers, I’d had an idea about trying them on someone else. Getting Jon Craigowan to take them would be significantly more difficult than Suki, though. I enjoyed the challenge of figuring out how to do it.
In the end, it was ridiculously easy. We’d been ‘celebrating’ his nomination for Sportsman of the Year. The ad agency was thrilled with this extra publicity and insisted that we have a couple of drinks after dinner. Like me, he didn’t drink to excess, so, I reasoned, his tolerance for alcohol would be quite low.
We were staying in the opulent George V hotel and the bar had an excellent selection of obscure beers. I clapped him on the back and held out a tall glass of dark ale. “Try this. I can recommend it.” I handed out similar drinks to the rest of the party. He didn’t suspect a thing.
9.3 Josh
Right up to the point where I’d kissed her, I’d still been half-convinced my recurring dream was just that—a dream. But Suki… she’d blown me out of the water, and as much as I longed to take her in my arms and repeat that kiss, over and over, I had another voice yelling in my head now. Run, it urged. Run as far and as fast as you can.
My mind flashed back to the stilted conversation in the car. Her wide, frightened eyes. Her disgust at the thought of me dreaming about her. The way she’d clammed up completely and retreated as far from me as possible. She’d requested—no, demanded—that I drop her at the stables, and insisted I never contact her again. Frustration and hurt rampaged through me. Way to go, Josh. I deserved a gold medal in fucking-up.
My feeble justification for staying another night was purely in case Suki had another nightmare or panic attack. I’d promised to help her and I’d stick by that promise, at least while I figured out some longer game plan. I was sprawled in
the guesthouse lounge staring into space when I saw Anita arrive, Mindy in her arms, and Suki by her side. Anita was clearly upset, handing her sleeping daughter to her mother while explaining something with rapid words and gestures. As I waited, unsure whether to interrupt, Suki turned to me.
“It’s Jon. There’s been an accident in Paris, at his hotel. He’s been rushed to hospital and Anita needs to get there as quickly as possible.” She rubbed her forehead, and then looked up to meet my eyes, before ducking her head. I craved her touch, and reached out to catch her hand.
“Please, let go of me. I need to talk to Gabe.” Then emptiness, as her hand disentangled itself from mine.
The story came out in bits and pieces. Gabriel had gone to Jon’s hotel room for something, finding him inebriated and threatening to throw himself off his balcony—on the sixth floor. It seemed that Gabriel was the hero of the hour, coaxing Jon back into his room and calling an ambulance. Anita appeared shell-shocked. “He doesn’t drink,” she repeated, over and over, “he never drinks. Two glasses of wine or beer is his limit. I can’t understand it.”
Suki terminated a call on her phone, anxiety written clearly across her face. “That was Gabe. He’s been trying to sort out a flight for Anita, but there aren’t any more until tomorrow morning. The earliest is 6:30.”
“God.” Anita swayed slightly, her face crumpling.
“What about Alex?” Her mum spoke. “Would he be able to help?” I glanced at Suki. She sat across from me in the lounge, her arms wrapped around herself. Our eyes met and she shrugged. As we watched, Anita dialled another number and held a quiet conversation. I moved round to Suki and spoke to her in an undertone.
“You been okay today, Suki?”
“Yes.” She finally met my eyes and offered a tiny smile. “I’m okay, thanks.” Meanwhile, Anita had finished her phone call. She sank into a chair opposite, fingers twisting through her hair. She looked exhausted. Feelings of panic and fear swirled around her.
“That’s our flight sorted.” She gave us the ghost of a smile. “Alex, a friend of ours, is seriously loaded and he’s making arrangements for a private jet to take us to Paris. We just need to get to Manchester. He offered to drive us, but they’ve got a little baby, and he’s being so kind anyway.” She looked across at me, a question in her eyes and I nodded firmly.
“I’ll drive you, we can leave as soon as you’re ready.”
While she settled her daughter, I grabbed my bags and went outside to load up the car. There, standing in the shadows, was Suki. Need coursed through me, but I waited for her to speak.
“Thank you, Josh. For doing this.” Her hands were firmly tucked into her pockets and she gave an awkward shrug as she spoke. “I meant what I said earlier. I don’t want to continue with the interview.” I wondered who she was trying to convince.
At that moment, the only thing I wanted to do was to haul her into my arms and kiss her senseless, but I managed to stop myself and load my bags into the car. Slamming the trunk, I turned to see Suki leaning against the car door, watching me. Jesus. She looked beautiful. I moved closer. I itched to touch her. She tilted her head back, a look of trusting vulnerability on her face and licked her lips. It was only the sound of footsteps that made me pause. Anita and her mother.
***
Suki and Anita huddled in the back of my car, whispering to each other while I focused on the road, or tried to. Everything I thought I knew had changed. Somehow, I had to have Suki, and not just a quick shag. I wanted more. How much more was still unclear.
We arrived at the Manchester airport in the dead of night, but it bustled with activity, shops and coffee stalls open, tired passengers hauling bags around the concourse. I dumped my car in the short stay car park rather than dropping the women at the entrance, and walked with them to the Enquiries Desk. They both looked pale and anxious, Anita trembling with the strain of not knowing what had happened to her beloved husband. I recalled the photo of them together, their love wrapped round them so clearly. I wondered for a moment if I could ever have that with Suki? If it wasn’t for her husband, maybe. I conveniently ignored the barrage of lies I’d told. Dragging myself back to the present, a sudden thought hit me.
“I can come with you if that’d help? I speak French fairly well.”
Suki looked set to refuse, but Anita nodded and put her hand on my arm. “Yes, please. I’d appreciate that.” There was still no news on Jon. Gabriel said he was being treated in hospital for alcohol poisoning.
The plane was a small business jet, eight seats in a well-appointed cabin. While Anita tried to get some news on Jon before we took off, I spoke again to Suki. I’d noticed she was pressing her fingertips to her temples. “Do you have another headache?”
She flashed a tired smile. “I think it’s just stress.”
“Come here, let me work my magic on you.” I gave her a cheeky grin. “I’m cheaper than Panadol, with none of the nasty aftertaste.”
She yawned as she got up from her seat, sitting next to me now and allowing me to wrap her in my arms. Her pain was little more than a dull ache and I felt it dissipate quickly, but to my relief she stayed nestled in my embrace.
Anita put her phone away. “I’m going to try and get some sleep.” By now it was almost 1:00 a.m.. It didn’t take long before Suki nodded off, her head resting against my chest, heavy in her slumber. As the world slept, I held her safe, and wondered if I had no other choice, would I have the strength to walk away from her?
9.4 Suki
I remember every minute of the flight to Paris. I cuddled into Josh, his body angled so that I could lean comfortably against him, my head pillowed on his firm chest. He curled one hand protectively around my shoulders, the other absently caressing my hair. It felt as though I’d landed in heaven.
Gabe hated prolonged cuddles. Josh, it seemed, was the opposite.
I’d never been a good actress, but I hoped my ‘sleep’ was convincing. In a few hours, I’d have to make it very clear to Josh that I didn’t want to see him again. Until then, like a greedy child gorging on sweets. I wanted to have him to myself, to savour the sheer pleasure of being with him. He was temptation itself. Not just his looks—the handsome face and beautiful eyes—but the gentleness and affection pouring from him. His scent. I inhaled it delicately, knowing whenever I smelled this crisp, summer fragrance I’d think of him. If I lived to be a hundred, I’d never forget the exquisite feel of his lips.
I refused to think about Gabe, to consider what horrors may be waiting for us in Paris, or to wonder if he’d somehow been involved in this incident. He may well dislike Jon, but I still couldn’t believe he would deliberately hurt him.
Right now everything else was on hold. Nothing existed apart from Josh and myself.
We stumbled off the plane, yawning and sleep fogged, every sense dulled. True to his word, Josh found us a taxi and directed the driver to the hospital with the minimum of fuss. The quiet of the night streets was a shocking contrast to the noisy horde of paparazzi gathered around the hospital entrance.
“Oh God,” Anita shrank even further into her seat. “I can’t face them. What can we do?” I gazed helplessly at Josh. He nodded in reply and leaned forward to talk to the driver. His conversation was rapid, the sweeping diversion equally swift.
“The back entrance,” announced Josh, as we pulled into a small parking area, deserted, apart from a couple of nurses smoking in the darkness. “Now, let’s find him. Do you have any idea where he is?”
We didn’t, so I made a quick call to Gabe. Putting my phone away, I forced a smile for Anita. “He’s coming to collect us. He’ll be here in a minute.”
Anita was already climbing out of the cab. “Come on, we’ll wait inside.” She paused, reaching out to press a hand against Josh’s arm. “Thank you.” Her lip wobbled and she pulled away again.
I found my tongue. “Just give me a moment, please, Anita. I’ll be right with you.”
Josh glanced down at me, intent and curi
ous. My fingers curled into his sleeve. The soft jacket felt cool beneath my fingertips, I could imagine the heat of his skin underneath. I struggled to remember the little speech I’d been rehearsing in my head. “I can’t see you again, Josh. I’ll tell Gabe we’ve completed my part of the interview. I’m sorry.”
His lips were curved in a little smile. I don’t think he understood. “I’m coming with you both.”
“No.” I shook my head, unwilling to drag my eyes away from his face. “I think it’s best if you just go home.”
His brows dipped in a frown, tiredness cutting lines across his face. As I gazed at him, helpless and silent, having run out of words, he yawned and rubbed one hand over his stubbled jaw. He looked dishevelled, rumpled and undeniably gorgeous. My mouth dry and stomach tying itself in knots, I licked my lips and wished things were different.
“I want to see you again, Suki. I’ve only just found you, I’ve no intention of walking away.” They were confident words, arrogant even, but I saw the flash of anxiety in his eyes, the tensing in his jaw. A little muscle jumping in his cheek.
Exhaustion threatened to overwhelm me. This was just too much to cope with. “I’m sorry,” I repeated, my voice cracking. He offered so much, seemed to know me on a visceral level my husband could barely guess at, but I could not risk seeing him again.
There was an uncomfortable moment as I turned to climb out of the cab and Josh tried to hug me. I sidestepped, slipping out of his reach, seeking Anita waiting inside the building. Feeling his eyes on me, I had to look over my shoulder. I couldn’t not.
He stood next to the cab, hands shoved deep into his pockets. Watching me. His face blank. Hurt clawed at my chest—it would be so easy to go back to him, but I couldn’t. How would I feel if Gabe dumped me for a woman he’d met two weeks earlier? I couldn’t be so cruel. He’d done nothing wrong. My marriage was one of the cornerstones of my life and, in comparison, this was just a stolen moment.
