by Sofia Grey
Anita’s soft voice. “Josh, what happened?”
I pondered how best to answer. I fucked up? Suki knows I’m a man-whore and now hates my guts? Suki thinks I used her? I felt numb. Every emotion closing down, withdrawing into myself. I hadn’t felt pain like this since I was a small child.
For once, I told the truth. “I hurt Suki. I’m no better than Gabriel. I’m just another bastard.”
14.4 Gabe
I stumbled down the corridor, my face ablaze with pain, and my fury gathering round me like a storm front. Christ. I hoped I didn’t bump into any fans, although they’d not recognise me like this. I looked out for Suki, but she’d done another disappearing act. Bitch. And what the fuck was all that about with Delaney? I’d hit a nerve somewhere, but fuck knows what. My car was still there, the doorman now looking shocked at the sight of me. He opened the door, fussing round me in a manner reminiscent of my mother.
Staring at my mangled face in the rear view mirror, I cursed again, dabbing at the remnants of my nose. It had to be broken. Fucking Delaney. This was assault. I’d have his arse on a plate for this and a hefty damages payout. The beeping of my phone interrupted my thoughts of revenge. It was a text from Jon Craigowan.
Don’t even think of pressing charges. Anita and I will swear it was self-defence and you attacked Josh first.
I swore again, hurling my phone onto the floor and patting again at my ruined nose. Fuck! It hurt. My shirt was drenched with blood and I looked as though I’d gone ten rounds in a boxing ring, not just taken a single punch. He had some strength in that arm. I took satisfaction in deciding that when I saw him next, I’d return the compliment. He would rue the day he ever decided to get one over on me.
Back at the hotel, I applied an ice pack to my nose and contemplated whether or not I needed to go to hospital. In the end, I rang my manager and arranged a private doctor; much more discreet. There was still no sign of Suki. My mother stayed away, too. So who else would I piss off today?
By the time the doctor had prodded and poked, applied cotton wads to both nostrils and dispensed painkillers, it was almost dark. I figured the only place Suki might go, would be to the Craigowans. I held her passport, so she couldn’t go home. In fact, she had very little with her. I had her phone, all her clothes, her precious contraceptive pills and her tranquillisers. Until she grovelled to me, she wouldn’t get any of it back.
Thinking about her phone, I fired it up. There was a string of anxious text messages from Jon and Anita, asking her to call them. I smiled for the first time in hours. So they didn’t have her after all. With luck, she’d be walking the streets getting soaked and trying to summon up the courage to apologise to me.
An hour later, I’d changed hotels, taking everything with me. I’d registered under a false name, explaining that I’d had some difficulty with the fans. Nobody thought to question me. I sent my mother a text, but she didn’t bother to reply. After that, I settled in for a long night.
14.5 Josh
For the first time in a very long time, I felt the need to get royally pissed. Completely off my head.
Jon mooched around my room, making and taking calls while I packed away all my equipment with great care. I needed to do it while I was sober.
“Do you want to come back to our room for a while?” I hated the pity in Jon’s voice. I shook my head. He watched me as I locked the briefcase, giving me a sympathetic smile. “If you want to talk about this, you know where we are. Just don’t do anything rash, okay?”
I snorted. “Rash. Like going after Gabriel, you mean?”
“Yeah. Exactly like that. I might not be there to stop you next time.”
“I’ve got a friend waiting here for me. First name Jack, second name Daniels. We’re going to be getting acquainted for the rest of the night. Believe me, I’m going nowhere for the next few days.”
This merited another worried glance. I clapped him on the shoulder as I guided him towards the door. “Relax, Jon. A minute ago you were worried I’d go after Gabriel, now you’re fretting that I’m going to get shit-faced. Which is it to be?”
“Neither of them is a solution.” He gave me a sideways glance. “Hey, I’m not preaching, I’m speaking from experience. Trust me, it’ll all look different in the morning.” I’m sure it would. He’d wake up next to his wife in the morning, while Suki would probably wake up next to Gabriel. Personally, I had no intentions of waking up until I absolutely had to.
* * * *
Jack and I were getting on just fine. I’d forgotten how easily the liquor slipped down. Most days I just drank beer or wine. I was far from the state of inebriation I’d hoped for, though, when Jon sent me a text. For Chrissake, it was only 10:00 p.m.. Why the fuck did he care so much? Especially after what I’d done. Oh yeah, he didn’t know everything.
Did I want to read it? I’d humour him.
Need your help. Ring me—urgent.
A sobriety check perhaps? What the hell. I reached out to turn down the music. I had Event Horizon playing in the background. AJ, the lead singer, had been drunk through most of his career, if the rumours were true. He was a good role model if you fancied going on a bender.
Oh yeah, Jon. I squinted at the phone, selected his number and pressed CALL.
“Josh, how sober are you?”
“I can talk and maybe walk.” I thought about it. “Why?”
“There’s still no sign of Suki and I’m worried. I’m going to drive around some more to see if I can find her. I want you to come and help me.”
Could I? Definitely. But hang on, there was a problem with that. I slowly pondered this turn of events. “Jon, she hates me. She thinks, well, she knows, I’m probably an even bigger arsehole than Fuckwit. I can tell you, I mean—”
“Josh, just get your ass in here.”
* * * *
Anita pushed another coffee into my hand. I shook my head. Jon snapped his phone shut and swore under his breath.
“Are you sure she hasn’t gone back to the hotel?” Anita’s steady voice didn’t match her worried expression.
“Gabe’s checked out of their room. Fuck knows where he’s gone, but I bet Suki hasn’t gone with him.” He took a quick breath. “I’ve rung round the hospitals and thankfully she’s not been admitted. Or, at least, as far they can tell.”
“Josh, you need to tell us what happened. Why she was so upset? It might have a bearing on what she’s done, where she’s gone.” I just shrugged. She tried again, her patience thinning. “If she means anything to you, please, tell me. She’s my friend. And I thought—”
“Whatever you thought, you were wrong.” I tried not to snarl at her. “I’m bad news, Anita. I appreciate your concern and I’m worried, too. I’m scared to fucking death where she might have gone. Gabriel will hurt her. Badly.” I stopped at her frightened eyes and moderated my tone. “He locked her in the cupboard—it wasn’t an accident. If he can do that, and everything he did to Jon, he’s dangerous.”
Mindy chose that moment to wake up, a wail coming from her bed. Anita went to comfort her as Jon sat down next to me. His face was grim, his lips a thin line. “Okay. I gather something went down that flipped her over the edge, and it’s none of our business. But, for fuck’s sake, will you help us to look for her? Even if only to keep her out of his hands.”
I felt sure that if she ever saw me again, she’d run in the opposite direction, but the thought of her out there somewhere, entirely alone, tore at me. It was all my fucking fault and I had to fix this. I nodded. “Yeah. Let’s go find her.”
14.6 Suki
The rain mingled with my tears and they washed together down my face. It didn’t matter now that I wept, there was nobody to see me. Or, at least, nobody that knew me. I could walk for hours and blend with the tourists and locals.
I dodged into a café eventually. My feet hurt and I’d run out of tissues. I stared at my reflection in the ladies room. My eyes were swollen and red, my nose puffy and my clothes drenched. Stran
gely, I didn’t feel cold, just bone-achingly weary. I looked like a stranger; I didn’t know the woman in the mirror. Suki Bridgewater was confident and smart. This woman was a broken shell.
My purse held a small amount of money, probably enough for a coffee or two, and after that, I’d have to use my credit cards. After finding a dark corner well away from the windows, I huddled over a coffee, drawing it out as long as I possibly could. There were things I had to consider, decisions I needed to make and things I shied away from. I tried to sort them logically in my mind.
First and foremost, where did I go from here? Back to the hotel and Gabe? I shuddered at the thought. Not Gabe. Not now—not ever. The memory of being locked in the dressing room emerged and I shoved it back in its box. I’d think about that later. I could go back to the Alexander perhaps, to Jon and Anita? But what if I saw Josh there? I skittered away from that train of thought, too.
Home. I longed for our house, the warmth and comfort, the familiarity of everything. If only I could get up from this table and just walk into our house, to see Gabe watching TV or playing one of his stupid shoot-em-up games. To be able to stroll back into our marriage as easily as if I’d just stepped out for some groceries.
An image of Josh swam into focus. His smile. The feeling of his lips. I’d wanted him, wanted to believe he was different, that he cared. Only to find that all he cared about was his bank balance. How stupid could I possibly be? I knew about the photos of Anita, that tale of his was bullshit of the highest calibre, yet I’d swallowed it. He made a convincing liar.
Time passed. I spent my last coins on another coffee and spun that out until the café had to close. I examined my watch, feeling light-headed. 11:00 p.m.. When had I last eaten? Where was I going to sleep tonight? Squaring my shoulders, I walked briskly along, trying to look as though I knew where I was going, ignoring the downpour. The first hotel would do fine.
Only, it wouldn’t. The receptionist smiled apologetically at me as she swiped my second credit card, then my third and final one.
“I’m sorry Madame, they are not valid.” I smiled weakly as I retrieved the useless pieces of plastic. Gabe had cancelled our joint cards. I had no passport, no money—nothing. If this was yet another lesson in humility, I’d had my fill of that class for one day. I stepped outside into the rain, yet again.
I wasn’t going to let Gabe get away with this.
CHAPTER 15
15.1 Josh
Jon drove while I tried to sober up. We cruised along the streets, hoping for a glimpse of Suki. Close to midnight and most of the cafés and restaurants were closing, but the bars and clubs would be open for hours yet. We’d have to start searching the bars, going inside and physically looking for her. Jon selected a car park central to the nightlife, and we set off. Minutes later, his phone beeped—a text. From Suki.
Don’t worry, I’m with Gabe. Everything is fine. Sorry to have bothered you. S x
“That is utter bullshit.” I kicked at a piece of rubbish on the pavement, taking out my frustration on an empty beer can. “That’s Gabriel up to his tricks again.” Jon agreed. He’d tried to call her back straight away, only to find her phone was now switched off.
Jon looked wiped out and I reminded myself he had to be up early in the morning; he’d mentioned practice laps for his race this weekend. “You go back,” I suggested. “I’ll trawl through the clubs.”
“Nah, we’ll stick together. Let’s give it another hour.” Even as we walked the streets, Anita was busy phoning the hotels asking if Gabriel Bridgewater had checked in. I had to be impressed by Suki’s friends; they weren’t giving up on her. And neither would I.
We were just entering another noisy bar when his phone rang. Jon’s face lit up and he grinned across at me, reaching out to grab my arm and steer me to the exit. “That was Anita. Suki’s turned up, asking Anita to pay her taxi fare. She’s in our room.” He sighed, gave a massive, jaw-cracking yawn. “Thank fuck for that.”
I could only close my eyes in relief. She was safe. She wasn’t with Gabriel.
* * * *
We agreed she’d come back to my room with me. Jon desperately needed some sleep if he was going to be safe on the track in the morning. Right now, she lay sprawled on the couch in Jon’s room, eyes closed, Anita gently blotting her hair with a towel. Jon rolled his eyes when he saw me staring gooey-eyed at her. “I was going to suggest you carry her, but maybe I’d better.”
I shook my head. “I’m good.” I was now. “So what happened?”
Anita sat on the floor next to the sofa. “The night porter phoned and asked if he could send her up. She didn’t really say anything, just asked if I could please pay her cab fare, then snuggled down on the sofa and went to sleep.”
I moved cautiously to her side, scooping her into my arms, struck by how little she weighed. She didn’t stir, just muttered something I couldn’t hear. “She’s definitely asleep, not drugged again or anything?”
“Dunno.” Anita yawned. “She didn’t look doped, just tired. She soaking wet though and freezing, she needs to get out of those wet things.” She fixed me with a fierce stare. “Can we trust you to look after her, Josh?”
Could they? Stupid question. I nodded. “I would never hurt Suki. If you don’t believe anything else, that, at least, is the truth.” Damn. I was still pissed. But I was pissed with Suki in my arms and that was a million times better.
15.2 Suki
This had to be a dream. I lay warm and dry beneath a mountain of bedding, pillows stacked around my head, music playing softly in the dimly lit room. The curtains were not closed properly, it was still dark outside and I had no idea of the time—or indeed, of where I was. I wriggled my toes, enjoying how snug and comfortable I felt, and then stretched as I listened properly to the song. Event Horizon, Thanks Be, from their seventh album.
Hang on.
The last thing I remembered was curling up on the sofa in Anita’s room. A cursory glance confirmed I was somewhere else. I took a quick peek under the bedclothes. I wore my knickers and a huge Event Horizon t-shirt. So where was I?
Movement beside the bed made me pause, burrowing silently back into the bedding. From behind the curtain of my hair, I watched as a hand lifted a remote control and pointed it, the track instantly replaying.
More curious than alarmed, I leaned forwards and peered around the pillow. Josh. Sitting on the floor, leaning back against the bed, humming softly to himself and sipping what smelled like fresh coffee. Such a tranquil scene, even though I had no idea how I got here. I lay there a few minutes longer, cocooned and safe, happy to pretend that everything was okay. I knew with painful clarity that as soon as I spoke, I’d break this little spell and have to return back to reality. In all its ugly glory.
I couldn’t put it off forever. I snuggled into a position where I could see his face in profile, shadows playing across it, his features blurred. “Why are you listening to Event Horizon?”
His head jerked slightly; I must have startled him. He didn’t turn around. “Why not?” His voice sounded croaky. “Who better to sing about love, life and everything in between?” He didn’t look at me, just took another sip of his drink. I rolled over onto my stomach, propping myself on my forearms, chin resting on my hands.
“It just seems funny, with the t-shirt and all. Did you, um, undress me?” Strangely, the thought didn’t worry me.
“No!” He sounded shocked, finally twisting to look at me, before staring away again. “Anita did. It’s her shirt.”
“That figures.” I couldn’t keep the amusement from my voice. Maybe this really was a dream.
“Why’s that?” Dark eyes flicked over me again. “Is she a big fan?”
“Well, yeah, but she knows the band.” I smiled as he stared at me in surprise. “You know the private jet her friend chartered? That was AJ. She’s friends with AJ and his wife Sizzle, the bass player.” I pushed my hair back, enjoying the grin on his face. God, he was gorgeous. “When they’re not on s
tage, she knows them as Alex and Sylvie.”
He laughed. “I’ve met them. I thought he looked familiar.” He smiled at me fully now. “Can I get you some coffee?”
“This is your room, right, so why are you sitting on the floor?”
I could hear the smile in his voice when he answered. “I didn’t think you’d appreciate me sharing with you. And Jon asked me to look after you, and I couldn’t do that if I was flat on my back snoring.” He tipped his head back. “Coffee?”
It felt so easy talking to him like this. I was still desperately clinging to my ostrich-head-in-sand-approach to the day. “I’d prefer tea, if you have some.”
“Sure.” He scrambled to his feet and disappeared out of view. I heard clinking and a kettle hissing. “How d’you like it?” he called.
“Weak and quite milky, please, no sugar.”
Minutes later, he appeared with a steaming cup and a plate with some biscuits. “I didn’t know if you were hungry and it’s a bit early for breakfast.”
As he set the cup down, I saw his fingers—the knuckles scraped and raw, a bruise blooming over the back of his hand. I gasped, his eyes flicked to me. “What have you done to your hand?”
He followed my eyes, and then stuffed his hand into his pocket, an embarrassed look on his face. “I’m surprised your husband didn’t tell you.”
I shook my head, already shrinking back into the nest of pillows. “I haven’t seen him. Not since I left here yesterday afternoon.”
Josh stared down at me, a resigned expression on his face. “You didn’t send that text last night, did you? Saying you’d gone back to… Gabriel?” He stumbled over his name.
