by Sofia Grey
There had been no calls from Suki.
I’d seen my mum earlier, we’d met briefly at lunchtime. She wanted to know which hotel I’d moved to as my father would be joining us this weekend and she thought they might transfer, as well. She was concerned at the state of my face and even more shocked when I told her Jon Craigowan had been responsible.
I lay back and massaged my temples. If Suki were here, I’d ask her to give me a back rub. She often obliged. It chewed at me that she hadn’t called yet. I knew she was angry with me, but this was silly. My gaze alighted on her laptop case, stacked against the wall with her other bags. I had her phone, so that limited her contact with the outside world, but I hadn’t checked her email account for a couple of days. The keystroke logger was useless while she wasn’t using her laptop, but she might use someone else’s computer to access her Hotmail account. And her psycho-sessions.
After a long soak in the bath, and a call to room service for food, I settled down with her laptop. Her only outgoing emails were to her shrink, setting up another session on Friday. The day after tomorrow. She’d booked this a few days ago. I had to conclude she hadn’t accessed her account since then and probably wouldn’t tonight. I flicked an email to Babs, asking for an urgent session, as soon as possible. Within the hour, I’d logged into the chatroom. I was getting rather good at pretending to be Suki.
Obsession27: Hello, Babs. I’m not having a good day today. I feel very down.
B.Brunheim: Hello, Obsession27. What would you like to talk about today?
Obsession27: I’ve been seeing another man and thought he was in love with me, but I was wrong. I feel so stupid. I told my husband I want to leave him and now I have nowhere to go. I don’t think I can carry on.
B.Brunheim: That’s a big step Obsession27. But even big steps can be reversed. Do you have the option to return to your husband?
Obsession27: He would love me to come back, but I feel too ashamed. And this other man—I want to kill him for how he tricked me.
B.Brunheim: Let’s talk about your feelings of shame. Do you know where they stem from?
Obsession27: I feel stupid and useless and I keep thinking about ending it all.
B.Brunheim: Marital discord can be very distressing, but these feelings of despair will pass.
Obsession27: I don’t think they’ll go until I’ve made him hurt, like he hurt me.
B.Brunheim: I’m concerned about your state of mind Obsession27. You should know that hurting other people would only cause more pain for yourself.
Obsession27: You may be right, but I’ll have the satisfaction of taking him with me. Tonight one of two things is going to happen—either he dies or I do.
B.Brunheim: Please consider what you’re telling me, Obsession27. I want you to take a deep breath and let go of your anxiety. I’m glad you came to me tonight. I’m going to help you to calm down from this state of mind.
Obsession27: Sorry, Babs. My mind is made up. I know we’ve never used my real name so far, so I’ll tell you now. My name is Suki Bridgewater. And tomorrow I think you’ll see me in the newspapers.
< session logged out >
16.2 Suki
Sex with Josh would be… just what I expected. I already knew, with a sinking feeling, that I’d probably have to fake again. Feelings of anxiety began to overwhelm me and I froze in his arms. He noticed straight away and backed off a little, dropping tiny kisses across the corners of my mouth and burying one hand in my hair. “It’s okay,” he breathed. “We’ll only go as far as you want to.”
The trust glowing back at me from his eyes gave me another, albeit smaller, epiphany moment. I wriggled free of his arms to sit upright. In one fluid move, I tugged the giant t-shirt over my head, holding it bunched in front of me, enjoying his look of delight. Feeling terrified and excited at the same time, I dropped the t-shirt to the floor. Josh breathed deeply, his eyes devouring me.
“God, Suki. You take my breath away, baby.” One hand rose to stroke the outside curve, tracing the underside and sketching a rough circle around the nipple. I shivered, a thousand nerve endings tingling. I couldn’t take my eyes off his hand, now pressing the palm flat against my breast, fingers closing round it, warm and smooth. His free hand was shifting the lumpen mass of duvet that lay bundled between us. He pushed it blindly to one side, exposing my thighs, my lower legs. I wriggled, freeing my feet, which were now lying on top, closer to him than ever before. I could feel the heat radiating from his body.
“You are so beautiful.” He shifted until he knelt between my legs, the scratchy denim coarse against my inner thighs. “Which one first,” he murmured to himself as he examined my breasts, caressing and teasing with his fingers. “This one?” He closed his mouth around one nipple. I gasped. The moist heat, the flicking tongue, the scratchiness of his bristles—I burned for him, revelling in the exquisite torture he inflicted. All too soon, he’d moved, but not before blowing a soft breath across the damp oversensitive flesh. I trembled in anticipation. He made me wait. “This one again?” He flicked his tongue back over the same nipple. I moaned. “Or this one?”
“Aaah.” Relief as he teased the other neglected breast, but now with his hand joining in. I hissed as his teeth grazed against my skin, a new fire igniting in my blood. God. I fumbled with his t-shirt, trying to lift the hem, desperate to feel his flesh against mine.
“Ah ain’t done ravishing ya yet, honey,” he drawled in a ludicrously overblown Texan accent. I giggled, smiling further at his cheesy grin.
“You really are a cowboy. You even speak the lingo.”
Bright eyes gleamed at me while he seared my nipple with his lips. “I’ll have you know, I’m multilingual,” he murmured against my breast, before stealing a kiss that made my heart race. As he deftly wound my arms around his neck, he trailed a series of hot kisses down the side of my throat, his tongue swirling against my collarbone. A whisper. “I speak French.” Kiss. “Ma petite chérie.” Kiss. He reached the valley between my breasts. “Italian. La mia bella.” Kiss. His thumbs brushed over my nipples, I shivered and trembled against him. “Spanish,” he continued, his lips working their way back up again. Kiss. “Mi amor.”
I surged with him, my back arching against the pillows as he pressed his mouth across my stomach. Little nibbles and more tongue swirling, one hand sliding down, stroking me as it skimmed across my hipbone, a finger slipping beneath my tiny knickers. His hair felt soft and thick beneath my fingers, my other hand searched across the tautness of his shoulders, touching, exploring, smoothing over the back of his neck, rippling through the fine hairs.
Before I realised where he was heading, his mouth had closed over the lacy triangle that passed as a pair of knickers. Moist heat seared me, I bucked against him. Memories of Gabe going down on me flooded my head. The bitter disappointment when I’d failed to respond. I’d hated it. I didn’t want this from Josh, I couldn’t… Panic bubbled… “Oh,” I gasped in surprise, a rush of warmth pooling between my legs, “what… how… Jesus.” One finger speared the curls nestling there, inching the lace further down, his mouth, his lips… Oh God. I forgot how to speak. I forgot how to think. I existed in a puddle of sensation, mute and blind to everything except Josh and the magic he wrought between my legs.
He was speaking against me, lips vibrating, a muffled whisper. “Je t’aime, je t’aime.” I groaned, burning for him as he blew a gentle breath across my clit, a million nerve endings flaring up and screaming in pleasure. I was drowning in him. He slipped my knickers down my legs. I twisted and wriggled to help him, on fire, more alive than I’d ever been. Spreading my legs wider, he buried his mouth against me, tongue lapping and bathing my inner lips, his fingers dancing and teasing. Raising my hips, needing to feel him, I wanted more. Desire surged, tightening in the pit of my stomach, coiling and squeezing. I needed more. I bent one knee, hooked my ankle behind him, scraping my foot along his spine.
“Please,” I whimpered, unsure what I was asking for. Shuddering as
he blew again across my clit, the warm breath followed by his eager tongue. Slowly, with infinite patience, he slipped one finger inside me, teasing again as I arched my back and tried to draw him in deeper. “Please,” I repeated, my whisper inaudible. Lightning crackled between us. I swear I saw stars.
When he finally slipped a second finger inside me, I cried out, gripping his hair, my hands moving without thought, grasping wildly. There was a moment of clarity. The realisation that I teetered on the edge of something huge, a chasm opening before me if I dared to jump. Josh’s tongue flicked against my clit and I leapt, my mind going dark as I thrashed and cried beneath him.
16.3 Josh
“La petite mort.” Suki whispered as I moved back up her body to reach her lips. “I never understood before.”
“Understood what, baby?”
“Why the French call the orgasm ‘a little death’.”
I cupped her cheek, my thumb brushing against her. “The spiritual release that occurs when you come.” I kissed her deeply, a profound feeling of satisfaction at the desire on her face. “You taste like honey, Suki. I think this is what ambrosia must be like.” I licked around her lips, and dropped a playful kiss on the tip of her nose. “You’ve given me godly powers.”
“I have?” She teased me right back, nibbling across my fingers, holding them to her mouth.
“You have. I’ve made you boneless for starters.”
Her head fell back as she laughed, her throat exposed for me to kiss. “Yes, you have, cowboy. I don’t think I can move.”
“Aw, shucks. Y’all says the nicest things.”
“There’s a problem, though.” I glanced at her, she didn’t sound serious. I tweaked her nipple as I waited for her to enlighten me. “You’re wearing too many clothes. And I can’t reach you like this.”
“That’s two problems.”
“Another of your godly powers. I’ve forgotten how to count.”
Eager hands helped to pull off my t-shirt. I sat back to unfasten and remove my jeans, stripping away my boxers, my overexcited cock springing free.
“Josh, you’re beautiful.” She trailed one hand across my thigh, stroking my cock from hilt to tip with one finger. I groaned, hardening almost to the point of pain. She spotted my tattoo, small and discreet on my shoulder, and leaned forward to examine it. “What’s this? Some ancient language?” I hesitated. Another secret I kept from everybody.
She traced the symbols.
רָפָאֵל
“Is it Arabic?”
I took a deep breath. “Hebrew. It’s the name Raphael in Hebrew.” Puzzled eyes met mine and I produced a smile. “It’s not important.” Ouch, another lie, but one I could fix later. I wanted to distract her, claim her attention back. “Boneless, you say? So, I can move you how I like?” A giggle. I pretended to move her arms into strange positions, treating her like a large doll.
She played along. “Hey cowboy, I hope you’ve got a condom stashed somewhere.”
“It’d be rude not to.” I leaned over to my abandoned jeans, dug out my wallet, pulled out one of the condoms I always kept there. Fitting it took seconds and I turned back to see her reclining against the pillows, a glorious smile on her face, dimples flashing. My heart turned over. Mine. More slow kisses, my hand crept up her inner thigh, raising her leg and resting her foot on my back. “Jesus, Suki. You’re so wet, you feel incredible…” I swallowed, for a moment she looked as though I’d given her something magnificent.
“Take me, Josh, please.” She reached for me, closing her hand around me, drawing another heartfelt groan. Oh God, please don’t let me blow this. The only woman I’ve ever really wanted—please let me satisfy her.
“I have to be inside you, right now.” With her fingers guiding me I nudged into position, pushed and slipped inside in one smooth thrust. Jesus. Her little moan as I eased back threatened to unhinge me. Rotating my hips, I thrust again, and again. Time seemed to stop with Suki. We existed outside of normal time and space, creating our own reality. A reality where I buried myself in her body and she gave herself to me, meeting every surge. Panting, our bodies slick with perspiration, my hands splayed across her body, hers clinging to my shoulders as we rode each other. I kissed her, claiming her, nails digging into my flesh as I drove harder, climbed higher.
Suki gripped me so tight, pressed her mouth to every inch of skin she could reach, moaning, crying my name. She was close. I tried to hold back, determined to make this memorable, our first time together. Every second of this was imprinted on my memory. The way her hair was mussed, falling across her face. Her dimples, the heat in her eyes, her heartbeat rapid in her pulse, the scent of her skin, the softness of her breasts, the sweetness of her mouth.
I freed one hand and slipped it between us, drawing it across her swollen clit. It was enough. Pulsing and twisting beneath me, she howled my name, almost sobbing as her orgasm flashed across her, ransacking her with aftershocks, contracting with unbearable pleasure around me. It was more than I could cope with. I exploded into her. “Suki.” Mine.
We lay tangled together, time still on hold. If I could capture a moment, bottle it for posterity, it would be that one. Suki’s body wrapped around mine, skin to skin, our fingers entangled, palms damp, the weak light filtering through the gap in the curtains and playing across her face. Move my head an inch to the right and she was lost in shadow, move to the left and I could see her properly again. The musky scent of our lovemaking.
I drew a ragged breath, unwilling to move. Suki looked as dazed as I felt. I dropped a kiss on her shoulder, a wave of exhaustion sweeping over me. I wanted to stay here forever.
“That’s my favourite song.” Suki whispered and I paid attention to the Event Horizon playlist still running, AJ now singing a delicate ballad about his wife. It seemed appropriate—I crooned along, my voice rusty.
You light up every room
You are my sun, you are my moon
When you smile my world spins faster
My heart beats to your tune
You are my sun, you are my moon
Yawning, catlike, Suki pressed the back of her hand to her mouth and then snuggled against me, lifting one of my arms and stroking it, walking her fingers along until she reached my hand. I meshed our fingers together again. The music had gone quiet, that must have been the last song in the playlist. We both heard a soft buzzing noise. Suki frowned. “What’s that?”
“My phone.” I tossed up whether or not to check the message. It might be Jon or Anita. With a deep parting kiss, I rolled to the edge of the bed and rummaged around, finding it hidden beneath my t-shirt.
It was from Jon. I scowled when I read it.
I spoke to Gabe. He insists that Suki phone him, or she won’t get her passport back. And I need to talk to you. Ring me.
16.4 Gabe
I frowned at the knock on my door. Room service had been and gone, my dirty dishes stacked outside for collection. I was reluctant to leave my comfortable position sprawled across the bed, dozing in the early evening light, the sun finally showing itself after a day of heavy rain.
It could be Suki.
“Coming.” I hauled myself up, stretched as I went to open the door. It was Suki. She stood in the strangely dark corridor, staring at me—through me. Her eyes pale and lifeless, her skin waxy.
“Suki?” I wanted to take her arm, drag her into my room. My hands seemed frozen at my sides.
“I love Josh. I’m leaving you for Josh.”
I reached out one hand, it swept through thin air where she’d been standing. What the fuck?
I opened my eyes, jerked awake as though with an electric shock. Christ. I was dreaming. The knock at the door was real though. Rubbing my eyes, my heartbeat still racing, I scrambled off the bed and went to see who was there. My mum.
“Gabe.” She offered me a smile. “Can I come in?”
“Sure.” I shrugged, stepped back and went to sit on the edge of the table, waiting as she sat on the sofa. As a
lways, she was composed, smartly-dressed and groomed, not a hair out of place.
“Your nose—is it okay?”
“Yeah.” I waited some more. As a family, we’d never mastered small talk.
“Have you heard from Suki?”
Rolling my eyes, I stepped away, reaching for my phone. “Let me check the last thirty seconds…” I flicked through my Inbox. “Ah, no. She’s still out playing with her friends.” I hoped she’d wither under my sarcasm, but she stood her ground this time.
She leaned forward, a worried look on her face. “I saw on the news, a young woman’s body has been pulled out of the River Maas.” Her eyes met mine. “I wanted to be sure it wasn’t Suki.”
A shaft of fear pierced me. Suki? Dead? Surely not. I cleared my throat. “As far as I know, she’s staying with the Craigowans.”
“Are they here? In this hotel?”
“No.” I was dismissive. “They’re at the Alexander.”
“Could she have gone home?”
I shook my head. “I have her passport. She goes nowhere without me. It won’t be Suki.” My confident words hid the anxiety welling up inside me. It couldn’t be Suki.
Mum stood up and stepped towards me, touching my arm with an oddly affectionate gesture. “Let’s just check a few things. Have you made sure you still have her passport? Show me.”
