by Dawn Martens
God, I hope so!
My fingers are crossed, hoping he is still going to ask me to marry him tonight.
AGE 21
Stepping out of my car, I sigh. My feet hurt. I didn’t think it would be this hard, being on my feet all day. I’m used to it from beauty school, but after today, I’m never wearing heels again. Flats all the way! How do the other girls work all day in these damn shoes? Partying in them? Yes. Dinner in them? Sure. Working on your feet all day? Hell no! This has been fucking torture! I was hoping to spend some time with Liam tonight, but it seems more and more that he never has time for us. He’s always working or has a commitment elsewhere.
I take off my black shoes before I even get to the apartment building. I’d rather cut my feet open on whatever is on the damn ground than wear these heels for a second longer. The cool ground feels amazing on my feet. I’ll probably end up getting sick from this, since it’s just about winter, but I don’t care. Immediate comfort is needed more than worrying about what I might catch.
It’s probably going to snow soon—smells like it is anyways. I’m strange like that. Everyone always told me they couldn’t understand how I could smell the coming of seasons changing, or snow and rain, but it’s a gift I have, and strangely, it comes in handy from time to time.
I start up the winding stairs, wondering if Liam will grab something after work. I called him an hour ago, saying I wouldn’t be home until late and to eat without me, but I wound up getting off a little earlier than I thought. The client I had tonight ended up changing her mind about the color she wanted, decided it was too risky, so we ended up just putting colored extensions in her hair instead.
Thank God too, because by four o’clock, I was almost in tears because of these damn shoes. Now I wish I had made plans for Liam to grab us some fast food on his way home. I make it up the stairs and down the hall to my apartment. Bending down, I flip up my grumpy bitch mat and grab the key. I stopped keeping the key on me months ago because I always lose the damn thing. Liam was growing tired of me always needing him to leave work to let me in, and some days he couldn’t get away.
Opening the door, I step into our dark apartment. It isn’t overly huge, just a simple one bedroom, and the living room and kitchen are basically the same area. The whole place is totally open in a loft style. Liam had already lived here for a year before I moved in with him, so I haven’t really had my say in the décor. The only way you would know a woman lived here, is if you were to go into the bathroom and see all my hair products and tampons.
I flip on some lights and notice his phone on the counter, though I didn’t even know Liam had been home already. Maybe he went out to bring home food. Liam really needs to get a better handle on his phone. I swear he loses it constantly, or he just plain forgets it here. I drop my bag on the counter and go to the fridge, pulling out the bottle of White Zin. After the day I had, I more than deserve this bottle. A girl has to treat herself, and I need to unwind. I don’t care if it’s only Tuesday. Now, if it was Thursday, Friday, or Saturday, it would be the hard stuff. No one can say shit to me about only drinking wine during the week.
Not even bothering with a glass, because what’s the point in that? I’m the only one that drinks wine. Taking the bottle with me, I go to my room, flip on the light, and then set the bottle on the dresser. Whipping off my shirt and unhooking my bra, I release with it a big moan in the process. God, I hate bras. I wish I never had to wear one; they are the most uncomfortable contraptions in the world. Giving them a little relief after being cooped up all day, I gently massage my tits.
Shimmying out of my jeans, I open the top dresser drawer to pull out one of Liam’s tee shirts. Missing him, I bring the shirt up to my nose and inhale his scent. After slipping it on, I grab the bottle from the dresser and go out to the living room. Plonking my fat ass on the couch, I haul my feet up on the coffee table. I’m there for only a minute, ready to have a taste of my wine, when Liam’s phone goes off. Thinking it could be work, I go to pick it up.
He’s been working hard lately at his father’s office, so it wouldn’t surprise me if it’s something to do with whatever he’s working on at the moment. At first, he wasn’t going to go work with him, but then decided he couldn’t pass up a sure ride. Of course, sometimes this means long hours, and by the time he gets home, he’s too tired for sex. Even when I offer to do all the work, he still turns it down.
Staring at the screen, I realize it’s my sister calling him. Why would Michelle be calling him? They hate each other. The two of them haven’t been able to stand being in the same room as one another, in part because of my relationship with my sister, but still… I must have taken too long to answer the phone, because by the time I go to hit the talk button, the phone stops ringing.
A few seconds later, a text comes in instead.
Hey, baby, you’re late. You said you would be here a half hour ago. You get lost, or did sister dearest come home early?
“What the fuck?” My heart rate starts to speed up. Baby? Deep breath. Maybe she hit the wrong number, but she was calling him right before the text came through.
Surely they aren’t doing shit behind my back. No way. My sister and I might not get along, but no. She wouldn’t do this. Would she? Deciding to brush it off, I set the phone back down. Maybe she just needed his help? Or maybe they were talking because he was going to do something nice for me, and she was helping? After five minutes, my head is thinking too damn much, so I pick his phone back up and start going through his messages, just like any insane, jealous girlfriend would.
My heart sinks. There is message after message between the two of them, setting up dates while I was working or during the times he was supposedly working late; messages of I love you, and messages of how they need to break the news to me. My world has just completely tilted upside down.
I feel stupid. How could they do this to me, especially Liam? We’ve been together since I started high school. Ok, yeah, statistics show that high school sweethearts rarely make it, but I thought we were different. I thought he was the one I would spend my life with. What about all of our plans? What about the life we were meant to share? My head is spinning as I try to think of my next move. I try not to look around our home—our home that is filled with so many memories, the wedding dress that I have sitting at my parents’ house. Hell, we’re supposed to get married in two months. How could he do this?
Deciding to be a bitter bitch, I text my lovely sister back.
He left his phone at home. Fuck you both! Can’t believe you would do this shit to me. Hope you’re very fucking happy together!
After hitting send, I click the phone off.
Fuck them! I run to the bedroom, ignoring the pain in my feet as I slip my shoes back on, and make my way to the closet. After pulling out the luggage, I empty my dresser and closet as fast as I can into the suitcases. Snapping the cases shut, I go to grab them off the bed.
Obviously, I’m not fast enough, because the apartment door crashes open, and I hear Liam yelling for me.
“Babe, please,” he says, breathing heavily at our bedroom door.
“I take it you finally made it to your whore’s house then? You must have been there all of, what, five seconds before you got caught?” I say, sneering at him and spitting the truth in his face as he steps further into the room.
“Let me explain, please,” he says, stepping close to me. His baby blues are on the brim of tears, but I don’t care.
Crossing my arms over my chest, I let loose on him, “How could there possibly be an explanation to being cheated on, Liam?” I look him directly in the eye. He has the decency to look ashamed. “No, there isn’t, is there, and I’m not fucking stupid. I’m leaving. I don’t know where to yet, and right at this minute, I don’t care, but I’m so out of here. We’re over, in case you were wondering,” I snap at him, while pulling the suitcases off of the bed and storming out of the apartment and down to my car.
He doesn’t follow me, but I
can’t really be surprised, can I? It bothers me that a part of me wants him to. When I get down to my car, I see Michelle pulling up. I can’t believe she has the nerve to show her face to me!
Stepping out of her car, she comes toward me slowly. “Alix, I’m sorry. We just…we didn’t mean for this to happen,” she says, nervously holding her palms up in surrender, like that is supposed to calm me, to lessen the blow. They just ass-fucked my entire world. My sister has always been jealous of me; she has always wanted anything that was mine, even though she is older. I don’t understand why she makes this play. Our whole lives have been nothing but a competition between us in her eyes. Why should I have thought Liam would be any different? I never thought he was capable of hurting me, not this way at least.
“Shit like that doesn’t just happen, Michelle! You’ve always, always been jealous of me. If I got a new haircut, you had to have one. If I had new clothes because I outgrew them, you suddenly needed new clothes. So what? I have Liam. It’s closing in on my wedding day, so you just had to take that from me too?” I have never been able to understand the bad blood between my sister and me. She is beautiful and could have any guy she wanted. Why him? Why Liam?
“Alix, it’s not like that! I promise you. Please, let me explain,” she begs.
“Don’t worry about it. You aren’t worth it, neither of you are. I’m gone. Have fun together because you deserve each other,” I say as I close my trunk. Walking around to my car, I pull off my engagement ring and toss it at her. “You can have that too.” I sneer.
I climb in my car, start it up, and squealing my tires, I peel out and head toward my parent’s house. On the drive over, I realize that I need a vacation. I haven’t used any sick days or vacation time from the salon since I started, so I know I have more than enough saved up to be away for a while.
I think about Kellie; maybe I can go visit her. She finished college abroad, got into some fancy school in England, and is now working as a personal assistant for some huge ass company.
My parents must have gotten a phone call from Liam or Michelle, because as I step out of my car, they come out to get me.
“It’s going to be okay,” my mom says, hugging me tightly.
“I’m gonna fuckin’ kill him,” Dad growls out, “after I finally give Michelle some real discipline.”
“Now, now, stop that! There has to be a reason for this. Michelle hasn’t been the best sister, I know that, but for her to do this?” Mom says when she takes a seat on the couch.
Mom and Dad argue back and forth about the situation, and I tune them out.
“When does my money from Gramps’ will come in?” I ask after everyone stops talking.
Dad clears his throat. “You should have it this weekend. Why?” He eyes me curiously.
“I’m gonna do some vacationing, go see Kellie for a bit I think,” I say quietly.
No one speaks at first, but it’s Dad who speaks up after a while. “Are you sure this is what you want to do? Running away won’t solve any problems,” he tells me.
I nod. “Yeah, I think it will be good for me, not having to see or hear from him or her,” I spit out.
“Don’t do something so drastic, Alix! How about I call up Michelle and we just all sit down and talk about this?” Mom says.
I stand up and glare at her. “After what she did, and has been doing my whole life? No. I want nothing to do with her.” I shouldn’t be surprised Mom is ready to step in and smooth things over and sweep Michelle and Liam’s transgression under the rug.
“Calm down. I think, as your parents, we need to step back in this situation,” Dad says. He’s right. Although one of his children just destroyed the other’s life, I can’t expect them to ever take sides. That’s not fair for either one of us.
I excuse myself from the room and make my way to my old bedroom that my parents still have done up for me.
Tomorrow will be a new day. I can plan my next move and possibly forget about all this shit, and most importantly Liam.
AGE 22
We got good news today, the chemo worked. Mom is cancer free. We wanted to throw a huge party for her, but she turned it down, instead deciding that she and Dad were going away for a few days, which leaves the house open for a party of our own this weekend.
Shaun invites his buddies, and I invite mine. Party is in full swing, and Shaun is already trashed beyond reason. I hope they don’t ruin the place. Mom will kill us. I made sure I put her special breakables away. When mom first got sick, we started buying her glass angels since they seemed to cheer her up. I don’t care if I have to clean up some beer bottles and stuff, but if someone pukes on the couch, I am not cleaning that shit up. Blood doesn’t bother me, but vomit? Nope, I can’t handle it.
Looking around the room, I see Liz and Sarah chatting near the kitchen. Liz will be leaving next week to go to college in Ontario, and Sarah and Bobby are planning their wedding. I move my gaze to see Simone yelling at a drunk Sam, and then he’s crushing her body to his, kissing her heatedly.
Those two, damn, they really need to get their shit together.
A few minutes later, Marnie, the town slut walks in, dressed in a skimpy purple dress, and her eyes zero in on my brother. Shit, this isn’t good! She’s wanted my brother for years now, and has tried at every turn to get him, but he’s turned her down every single time, which just has her more pissed off. Liz and Shaun have been fighting a lot lately too. He doesn’t want her leaving for college, but she wants to get her nursing degree.
I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn around. “Hey there, handsome,” Jazmine purrs in my ear.
We’ve hooked up a few times, even tried dating, but it didn’t work. The sex though? That works, and it doesn’t hurt that her body is banging either. She has the best rack out of any of the girls that were in my high school class. I look down, narrowing my eyes on her tits. Her cleavage is popping out of her shirt, showing a hint of her white lace bra beneath. She’s wearing a pair of cut-off denim shorts that show off her tan lean legs. Pushing her blonde hair from her face, I kiss her roughly.
Pulling her with me, we head to my room. She makes fast work of unbuttoning my jeans, yanking them down, and freeing my cock. Her tongue darts from her mouth quickly as she begins to nibble and suck.
She sucks it deep too, but just as I’m about to blow in her mouth, I hear screaming. Pushing Jazmine off me, I yank up my pants and go down the hall. Oh shit! Liz is screaming, crying, and has Marnie by the hair, while Shaun is drunk with his pants down to his knees. Guess I wasn’t the only one getting a blow job. I shake my head. I can’t believe my brother could be so stupid.
Moving quickly, I pull the girls apart, fingernails, from I don’t know who, digging into my arms. When they scrap, it’s always scratching and hair pulling. Dudes just start swinging.
“How could you, Shaun?” Liz asks, her voice shaking. Her chin is quivering as her tears start to fall.
Shaun says nothing, just sinks to the floor, head in his hands. There is no way he can defend this mess.
“I loved you! God, I loved you, and you had to go and screw her! You could have just done the right thing, broke up with me first, not become scum,” she says, her voice cracking. “I need to get out of here.” She breaks free of my hold and runs out of the house. Sarah, realizing what’s just happened, moves away from Bobby and runs after her.
“I’ve lost her,” is all Shaun manages to say.
Jaz wraps her hands around my waist. “See, that’s why we work—no feelings. No one gets hurt.”
I shove her off me. “Right now, I really don’t want to hear your mouth.” Moving through the house, I tell everyone it’s time to leave. Some already left once they realized what happened.
“Want me to help clean up?” Jaz says from behind me.
“No, get out,” I say, opening the front door for her and waiting for her to leave.
She huffs. “I don’t see what the big deal is. God, it’s not like it’s the first time S
haun cheated on her.” With that admission, I’m floored. What the hell is wrong with him?
“He what?” I hear whispered from behind me. Oh shit, I didn’t realize Sarah came back.
“Sarah, not right now,” I tell her. I know she wants to come to Liz’s defence. Hell, so do I, but Shaun is my brother. This isn’t him, so I don’t get it.
She doesn’t listen to me, just storms in and goes to where Shaun is still sitting on the floor and kicks him, hard.
“Shit, Sarah!” Shaun groans, rubbing his shin.
“How could you do that? After what she went through last week, you go and hurt her like that? Liz is right. You are scum! One day, when and if she comes home, I hope like mad she’s married to someone else, because you are never going to get her back. I’ll make that my vow,” Sarah says, sneering at him.
Shaun goes even paler than he already was, and leans over, throwing up on the floor.
Sarah passes me and puts a picture in my hand. “That was their baby,” she spits out. Shit, last week, Liz found out she had lost the baby she was carrying. Shaun’s behavior goes back further than just last week though.
Sarah storms out of the house, slamming the door shut behind her.
“Why, Shaun?” I ask him, holding on tight to my lost niece or nephew.
“I don’t even know, Jordan. The pregnancy, her moving away, it scared me. Then Liz loses the baby, a baby I didn’t want, but now that it’s gone, it hurts! I don’t think I’ll be able to fix this,” he says raggedly.
“No, man, I don’t think you can,” Bobby says angrily from behind me.
This is all sorts of fucked up.
3 YEARS LATER
My phone rings, waking me up. I move away from the body pressed tightly to mine and answer it. “Hello?” I croak, trying to clear my dry throat.
