by Piper Stone
So what if Stoker didn’t want her? There had to be plenty of cowboys who did and maybe they’d know how to treat a lady, with care and love. She wiped away the tears, angry with herself for acting like a child. You make your bed; you lie in the crap. Well, the saying was more her own, but she’d taken a chance and lost – big time. Maybe the loss was actually Stoker’s. Neither of them would ever know.
The sound of her cell phone yanked her out of her misery, but not her increasing anger. If the asshole didn’t want her because she tried to help, fuck him. She eased the guitar onto the couch and walked toward the sound, answering on the fourth ring. “Jessica.”
“Howdy darlin’.”
The country accent she didn’t recognize but was obviously fake. “Who is this?”
“How quickly you forget about your manager? Jasper?” The male voice sounded incredulous.
“Jasper. What are you doing calling me?” she asked through clenched teeth. The man no doubt wanted to tell her that she was a huge failure, never to work in tinsel-town or anywhere else in the world for that manner.
“Jesus. I went by your house. I checked your social media. No Jessica. Took me a while to figure out you’d run away to Montana.”
“I didn’t run away. I was offered a chance to get away, you know, like a vacation?” Some freaking vacation this had turned out to be.
Jasper chuckled. “Well maybe God’s country did you some good. Hopefully, they don’t have newspapers or magazines up there.”
“Ugh. I don’t want to know.”
“Well, the shit was ridiculous for the first couple of days, but, honey, you’re yesterday’s news.”
“Thanks ever so much, Jasper. Why I love you. You cut right through the bullshit.” Jessica walked into the kitchen and studied the open wine bottle. While tempting, even at this hour of the morning, she opted for water. Something stronger would come later after she bought out a liquor store.
“That’s why you hired me. No fluff, darling. That’s what I told you from the beginning.”
“Why are you calling me?”
“Fine. Fine. Look, heard through the grapevine you’re playing music again.”
She stopped short, hair raising on the back of her neck. “Who in God’s name told you that?”
“You might be in the middle of nowhere, but I have friends everywhere. No matter. I’m glad to hear it and if what I was told is true, you might have yourself a brand-new career,” Jasper cooed.
Jessica realized that given she’d agreed to a night at Ziggy’s, the beautiful but calculating owner would get the word out. “As what, a washed-up country crooner?”
“Now you’re talking, except for the washed-up part. You have a beautiful voice. I always told you that. You just lost your way.”
Now, she burst out laughing. “You were the one who pushed me into rock and roll, leather pants and all. I’m not certain I want a new career. I didn’t have much success with the last one.”
“Look, you don’t have to give me details. Play. Sing. Do whatever country bumpkin thing you’re doing there, but if you’re playing a gig, keep the date. There might be a very important person there specifically to see what you can do. I strongly suggest you don’t fuck this up.”
“Thank you ever so much for the words of encouragement, Jasper. You make a girl’s heart soar.”
Exhaling, he waited before speaking. “Will you trust me for once? Please?”
“I’ll think about it. That’s all I’ll promise.” A scout coming to see her? Was she already reduced down to some ingénue? Great. Her life was complete.
“All I can ask. I’ll be in touch by the weekend.”
“You do that.” Groaning, she ended the call and slapped the phone against her forehead. “You’re stupid. Stupid girl. Crazy. Nuts.” When the phone buzzed again, she answered with attitude. “Jasper. What else could there be.”
“Hi.”
The wind knocked out of her, she fell against the counter. “Cody?”
“Hi, baby. God, I’ve missed you.”
Swallowing hard, she reached for the wine, yanking the cork and taking a glug before speaking. “Why are you calling me?”
“I told you. I’ve missed you so damn much. Life without you just isn’t the same. You’re all I think about.”
“Cody, we can’t have this conversation,” she whispered, unsure of what to say or how she felt.
“Baby, please just listen to me and don’t hang up. I don’t want to lose you.”
“No, I’m through talking.”
“Baby, just two minutes. That’s all I ask.” Cody begged.
She held her tongue and brushed her fingers across her lips, remembering the good times. “Fine. Two minutes. Then I’m hanging up.”
“That’s all I need. First of all, I love you.”
Jessica listened, allowing him four minutes instead of two. When the call was over, she slid the phone down her chest, managing to find a spot on the counter after two tries. Her heart racing, she walked to the living room window, staring out at everything and nothing. She lifted her left arm, glaring down at her hand. Flexing her fingers open, she sniffed back tears.
“Marriage.”
“Did you hear about Tom?” Garcia asked as he turned off the water in the shower.
“I saw him in here the other day. Looked damn good,” Stoker said as he grabbed a towel.
“Yeah. He’s doing great. Wants to come back.”
“What’s the issue?”
Garcia shrugged. “Captain didn’t think he’d be ready this soon. Already made an offer to a recruit.”
“What?” Stoker asked, surprised as hell. “I’m shocked.”
“Don’t be. With the kind of injury Tom received, the guy should be down for the count for months. I think the man is fooling himself if he thinks he’s ready to come back.”
Stoker walked out of the shower. “What about my position?” Did he even have a position?
“Have you been asked to stay on?”
“No.” The thought had never occurred to him. Yes, there’d been an invitation, but he was still very much on probation. His stint could end with the stroke of a pen. He opened his locker, a slice of fear sliding into his system. “Shit. What if Tom is ready to come back?”
“Then I guess it’s him or you,” Garcia said, his face solemn. Then he smiled. “Relax, buddy. The captain doesn’t want to lose you. None of us do. You’re a great team member. Remember, we’re a slim staff. Captain is working on getting the budget expanded so he can form another team.”
“What about Tom?”
Garcia leaned over as the other guys came into the room. “Look, he was a great guy, just getting older. Don’t tell anybody about this but he was also drinking and I don’t mean on his days off.”
“Ouch. He seems like such a great guy,” Stoker grabbed his jeans. What did anyone really know about another person?
“Hey, he still is. I might be new here, but I never noticed anything myself. You know the guys. They talk.”
“Yeah. Talk.” Stoker glanced at the others. They were already becoming like family, with the exception of Antonio. Even without his suspicions, the man was tough, a loner.
“Have you talked with Captain Banyon at all, to let him know you’re staying here?”
“No, guess I was keeping my options open. You?”
Garcia grinned. “He knows. He figured it was just a matter of time before I was forced to make a choice. You should talk to him. That’ll make certain you stay right here, where you belong.”
The thought was troubling, adding yet another issue to worry about. While he hadn’t wanted to rejoin the jumpers, he couldn’t think of another place he’d rather be.
“You are coming out tonight. I don’t give a shit what you say,” Garcia huffed as he fastened his belt.
Stoker shook his head for the fifth time since his buddy had asked him the question. He was in no mood for drinks with the guys, even if he had nothing better to do
. “Have things to do.” He yanked on his jeans and grabbed his shirt. Training had been particularly brutal that morning. They were all in waiting mode, concern increasing throughout the department as well as in town.
With no viable subjects and no new evidence, everything was on hold. Nothing had panned out, including his suggested arsonist. Stoker remained determined to get to the bottom of it. His thoughts shifted to the nightmare. His muddled brain was piecing together the truth from the crash and he wanted nothing more than to shove the damning memories out of his life completely. Karma wasn’t going to allow any such thing. She was ready to kick his ass. At least he now fully understood why Cooper was so enraged, ready to slaughter the world. Because of him.
“Like what, wash your hair? Christ, buddy. Live a little.” Garcia growled as he snapped the towel in Stoker’s direction.
Stoker kicked the oncoming barrage away, giving him a hateful leer. “You guys go out. Have fun.”
“Dude, what is with you? I heard you were a party guy. That a lie told by one scrawny Mexican?” Boone teased as he popped Stoker on the back.
Giving him the finger, Garcia rolled his eyes. “Such comedians. He is an old man. That’s the issue. Well, that and his new girlfriend is out of the picture.”
“Ooh…” A collective sound rushed through the changing area as the smokejumpers gathered around.
“Tell us more about her,” Antonio insisted as he leaned against the lockers.
Stoker was furious, but given the basic camaraderie the team had, he was learning to keep his cool. “Nothing to tell. We weren’t cut out for each other, but if you touch her, so help me God I’ll kick your ass.”
Antonio moved closer, narrowing his eyes. “Maybe the lady needs a real man.”
“Don’t start any shit, boys. I’ll take you both out,” Riker intervened, his eyes narrowing.
Enraged, he glared at Antonio then realized his reaction was giving away his true feelings. Damn the shit.
“Yeah. Whatever,” Antonio huffed and took a step back.
“Heard she was a beauty,” Sawyer said quietly.
Turning, he noticed Sawyer’s face was clouded. What little he knew about the man indicated the reflective jumper was just as lonely as he was. “She is.”
Garcia moved closer, pulling on his shirt and giving him the evil eye. “Then talk to her. Whatever happened, you two had chemistry and she wouldn’t enjoy an Italian brute,” he half yelled over his shoulder.
Antonio held up his finger.
“We need to meet this girl,” Riker said then held up his hands. “If you don’t want her.”
“Very funny. Any of you guys touch her, you die. Got it?” Stoker allowed a half grin.
“The man is in love,” Boone said as he winked.
Stoker exhaled, desires soaring. Love was a tentative word. He’d never been so angry with anyone in his life. Yes, he’d thought about going to see her a half dozen, maybe two dozen times, but he had no idea what to say. He could never forgive her. Never. “Not any longer.”
“Uh-huh,” Garcia muttered as he moved closer. “Liar.”
“Come drink with us,” Boone insisted. “Promise we won’t talk about her. Will we, Giovanni?”
Antonio held up his hands. “Not a word.”
There was no way he was getting out of this. Maybe a night out would ease all their moods. He adjusted and fastened his belt, then grabbed his bag. A few hours to himself was also in order. “Fine. I’ll come, but no business and no crap. Deal?”
“Deal.” Sawyer answered for all of them.
Stoker held back a grin as he walked toward the locker room door. At least he’d made one decision for the day. He was going to fight for this job. Whistling, he shoved open the door. Then he jerked to a halt, his heart kicking into overdrive. “What are you doing here?” Seeing Jessica again ripped a hole in his soul. She never looked more beautiful.
“Hi, Stoker. I wanted to have a chance to talk with you. I figured you’d be here,” Jessica said as she walked closer.
As the rest of the team filtered out, Stoker heard their not so subtle exclamations, but they moved away, giving him space. “You could have called.”
“I did and you know that. I tried several times. You refused to take my call.”
“I don’t have anything to say.”
“Then you’re going to let me do the talking.” Jessica closed the distance, a determined look on her face.
Stoker noticed the way the others were hanging around. This wasn’t going to happen here, in front of them. “Fine. We can talk outside.” He took long strides and was outside in two seconds. Just seeing her again brought up so much anger, the entire package of anguish. “Say what you’re going to say then leave.”
“Jesus Christ. Stop wallowing in your life. You have everything right in front of you, including people who care and you shove them away as if they don’t matter. Yeah, I understand you went through some shit in your life, horrors you can’t explain and I doubt ever will be able to, but do you really think you’re the only one with a wretched past? Do you think you own the word martyr? Stop hiding.”
He hadn’t anticipated the nasty reverberation. After dropping his bag on the ground, he crowded her space. “Who do you think you are, lady, asking me those questions?” He was shocked to see her level of vehemence. “You do pretty damn well hiding behind a thick door, your entire life closed off, terrified to get hurt. You were the one who ran away, not me.”
“Oh, no?” Planting her hands on her hips, her eyes spewed fire and brimstone. “I may have come to find myself here, but you’ve been hiding in plain sight for years, terrified of your own shadow.”
The echo of her words roared into his ears. Stoker was vaguely aware the others had walked out, hearing the crux of the argument. “Damn you.”
“Damn me for what? For wanting more for you? Maybe for us? Damn me for telling you something so private, letting my guard down? Damn me for trying to help you with what I understand to be the most difficult period of your life? Damn me for finally taking a stand when no one else around you would? If that’s the case, then I’ll gladly take your damnation.”
“Whew,” a voice came from the side.
Stoker’s entire body shook as anger became an uncontrollable rage. “There is no us.” Nothing he could have said would have caused any more pain than the four simple words. The light in her eyes dimmed as her expression changed, hurt becoming complacency.
“I came here today to tell you that I heard from my ex. He wants me to marry him.” Jessica laughed as she took a step back, wiping her mouth. “Imagine that. He told me that I’m the most important thing in his life. He apologized for everything.”
“Is that it? Then you did. Goodbye.” Clenching his fist, he took a giant stride backwards.
“I came here,” she started then her voice faltered. When she spoke, her voice and tone were strong. “I came here to find out whether or not…” Clearing her throat, she looked away briefly. “Whether or not there might be a chance for us and if I should stay. That’s why I came.”
Nothing could have stilled him more or driven his entire being into a black hole. He longed to rush to her, wipe away her tears, but he didn’t have the resolve. “You need to leave. This isn’t your home.” He allowed the bitter words to linger in the air. Defiant, he yanked his bag off the ground and turned away from her.
“Thank you for your honesty. I only have one more thing to say to you. You are a coward and I’m so sorry I met you.”
Stoker heard her sobs, knew that she’d come here to ask for forgiveness, something she didn’t need to do. As she drove off, he finally looked in her direction. Then he allowed the tears to fall.
“Honey, men can be absolute assholes. Trust me, just fuck ‘em and leave ‘em. That’s my motto.”
Jessica groaned as she lowered her head to the bar. Shannon was trying to cheer her up, but there was nothing anyone could do to make her feel any better. “He’s a world clas
s jerk.”
“Stoker is just like all men.” Shannon huffed as she wiped down the top of the bar.
She lifted her head, sick of rethinking everything she’d said to him. “Stoker is hurting. I took advantage I guess. I don’t know. I just wanted to help. We were getting along so well. He’s just an amazing man. I don’t know any longer. Ugh.”
Shannon slapped her hand on her hip. “You’re in love with him.”
Shifting, Jessica gave her a frown. “Not anymore.”
“Jesus Christ. I should have seen this coming. You two are perfect for each other.”
“Obviously not or he wouldn’t have told me to leave town and I wouldn’t have called him a coward.”
“You called him a coward?”
“In front of his smokejumping team.” Jessica slapped her hands against her head. “What was I thinking?”
Shannon chuckled then patted her arm. “You have guts. I like the hell out of you. You told me about Cooper coming over. Did Stoker really explain to you why he can no longer see Cooper again?”
“Some bullshit about the mission in Afghanistan. Honestly, I don’t have any clue what really happened. He’s gone around the bush and Cooper might as well be a damn ghost. He said nothing.”
“Stoker is angry. After the plane crashed, he was taken as a prisoner. The only reason I’m telling you this is because you’re leaving. This is Stoker’s story to tell, but no matter what Stoker believes, Cooper is my friend too, although he has little to say to me lately. He’s not the same man who left here. I’ve never seen anyone so damn angry, ready to take on the world. I fear he’s going to kill someone or take his own life. I just wish he could get some help.”
