So, ignoring her snipe, I threw my hands in the air. “Hallelujah, she’s speaking to me!”
Clara finally turned her complete attention to me. “What? You think this is some kind of joke? I lost our baby, and I can never have kids again. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
I moved forward. “Of course it fucking does! What do you take me for? I’m trying. By fuck am I trying, but you keep pushing me away. I have never felt scared to touch you before, but I’m petrified to go near you just in case you reject me. I’m your husband, and I see you’re suffering, but you won’t let me in. How do you think that makes me feel?”
Clara stepped forward and pointed a finger at me. “How this makes you feel? You weren’t the one who got shot. I did. You weren’t the one who lost a baby—”
“Yes, I fucking did!” I growled back. I felt like a fucking asshole for snapping at her, but she had to see. “This was my baby, too. I was the father. How do you think I feel knowing that you got shot because of me? How do you think I feel knowing that our baby was taken away from us because of me? I know you’re suffering, but I’m suffering, too. I not only feel like I’ve lost our baby, but I also feel like I’ve lost the one and only person who means more to me than life itself.”
For the first time in a long time, I saw tears, and although I hated every single moment of it, I knew it had to be done … for both our sakes.
She grabbed the kitchen island for support and shook her head. “You should divorce me. You shouldn’t want me anymore.”
I gasped, and my eyes widened at her confession. “What the fuck are you talking about? And why in the hell would I do that? I fucking love you!”
She snapped her head to look at me. “You shouldn’t love me. How can you? Everything that makes me a woman has been taken from me. I can’t give birth to your babies anymore. What fucking use could you possibly have for me?”
So this was what it was all about?
“Do you really think I could feel that way about you? Fuck, Clara, are you insane?! You’re my wife. In sickness and in health, remember?”
She carried on shaking her head. “It will never be enough. In time, you’ll grow sick of me. You’ll see other men’s wives pregnant, and you will want that for yourself. You might tell me at first that it doesn’t bother you, but in time, it will tear you apart, and in the end, it will tear us apart. I’m just giving you the green light to leave now. Get it over and done with before you cause too much pain down the road.”
It was my turn to shake my head. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “You say one more fucking word like that, and I swear I’m smashing something.” I picked up a plate to let her know I meant business. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing, but I was surprised when she grabbed it from me and hurled it to the floor.
“There. I fucking did it for you.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Feel better?”
She pursed her lips at me. “No.”
I grabbed another plate. “Here, have another.” She took it from me and smashed it to the floor. By then, others had heard the commotion and had come in to check. I put my hand up to tell them everything was okay, and they quickly retreated. I wasn’t going to let anyone disturb us. This was our time.
“Feel better?” she shook her head no again, so I handed her another plate. In fact, I took out as many plates, mugs, and glasses as I could find and handed them all to her. “Get it out of your system, baby.”
One by one, she took those plates and glasses and threw them at the floor. With each one, she screamed her frustration and anger. “I fucking hate him. I hate that he killed our baby. I hate that he did this to us. I just fucking. Hate. Him!”
I watched as the fire in my wife’s eyes danced back to life. With each smashed plate, a renewed energy built. I could finally see it in her; I could see a tiny version of the woman I had married. “You never have to worry about him again. He’s gone, Clara. I watched the life drain from him with my own eyes.”
She smashed one last plate. “I hope you made him suffer,” she bit back.
I smiled. “I did, amore mio. You bet I did. I even cut off his dick, stuck it up his ass, and told him to go fuck himself.”
At first, I thought I had gone too far. She just stared for a moment—not saying a thing. But then, the best sound in the world left her lips.
Her laughter.
She laughed loud and hard, and at first, I just stood there, enjoying the moment. It wasn’t long before I was laughing along with her. But then, her laughter stopped, and then the tears sprang to life. I watched as my wife took a few steps away from the mess and collapsed to the floor, sobbing.
She howled out gut-wrenching sobs, clinging to herself as if that was the only thing she could cling to. She had me, though. She always had me.
I rushed to her, wading through all the broken plates and glasses. A few scraped my ankles, but I didn’t care. As I dropped to the floor beside her, I gathered her in my arms, and this time, I knew she would let me. She gripped my arms to her as I witnessed my wife’s suffering flow out of every pore of her. I felt her take in some breaths, and I knew she wanted to talk. I knew she needed to get it all off her chest.
“What am I supposed to do now? How am I supposed to live my life? My purpose was to build a family with you, and now I can’t do that. The thought fucking kills me, Luca. It fucking kills me.” Fresh sobs wracked her body as I found myself desperately trying to keep it together. My wife was in agony, and I felt powerless to do anything. As I stroked her hair, I felt wetness pool down my cheeks. I hadn’t even realised I was crying.
I pulled her away and brushed her hair away from her face. I wiped her tears, cupping her cheeks in my hands. She sniffled a little, looking up to find my eyes. Once she saw my tears, her shock was evident. “Listen to me, baby. We’ll get through this, okay? You and I—together—as a team. We’ll fight this, and we’ll come back stronger than ever. If you want to have that family, then we will. I promise you that nothing else will stand in our way. But first, I need to know you’re on my side. I need to know I have my wife back and that she loves me just as much now as she ever did. I can’t fight this battle without her. I need her right there alongside me.”
She sniffled some more, nodding, before she rested her head against my shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”
I smiled, kissed her head, and started stroking her hair again. “You don’t have to be sorry for anything. I love you, amore mio. And, I’m going to make damn sure you realise that every minute of every day of your life. When you met me, it all stopped. Nothing will move past us. We will take each other’s hands and move forward together. I never want to hear that talk about me leaving you again. Do you hear me?”
She chuckled a little, but I felt her nod her head. “Yes, my overbearing oaf, I hear you.”
I smiled, kissing her head, as I tightened her to me. “Now, why don’t you sit down for a moment while I tidy this mess up? When we’re done, we can go shopping for some new plates. I didn’t like those anyway.”
She laughed again, and it was the best sound in the world. “It sounds like a plan.” She pulled away and looked up at me. “Thank you for being patient with me. I don’t know how long I’ll be like this, but I’ll try my hardest to get better as quickly as I can.”
I stroked her cheek again, smiling. “You take as much time as you need to get over this. All I ask is that you don’t shut me out. If you’re feeling angry, sad, happy—anything—I want to know. You have me whether you like it or not.”
She chuckled again. “Because, I’m yours.”
I nodded, smiling back, and leaned in to kiss her. “Because, you’re mine.”
Clara
So much happened in the eight months after I was shot. It took a while to heal, and I still was healing, but with Luca by my side, it was easier. I shut him out at first because I thought I was going to lose everything. I kept thinking no man would want me unless I was all woman. I knew Luca wanted children
, and it killed me to think I could never carry his child. Luckily, the doctors froze my eggs, so I was still able to have a child I could truly call my own in the future, but I didn’t think it would be the same. As always, though, Luca put me at ease. He just wanted me to be happy. He didn’t care if that meant no kids at all. He just wanted us. As long as we had us, he would be the happiest and luckiest man alive he had said.
However, I did truly want kids. Luca and I talked about finding a surrogate mother, and I was shocked when Chiara openly offered to become one for us. In fact, she practically begged us. She felt she would be a part of something truly special. She would be carrying her niece or nephew. It was a bit strange, but if I was being honest, I would rather it be her than a complete stranger.
For the time being, though, I was happy to keep things the way they were. Maybe in another six months I would be ready, but I was still healing. Luca kept saying he wanted whatever I wanted, which was a little weird at first. Normally, Luca was making the demands and calling the shots. It was a new side to Luca, and I wasn’t sure whether I liked it or not. It sometimes made me laugh to think that way. I was as stubborn as they came, so of course I would want to have things my way. It just felt a little weird that Luca gave in to me so easily. The one place he never did, though, was in the bedroom. It did take time to get our sex life back on track. Luca was extremely patient for someone with such a high sex drive. At times, I thought he would get frustrated with me, but he never showed any signs that he was. I had this thought running through my head that after what happened, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy sex anymore. At times, I wanted to try, but I was frightened to death that I would hate it. Again, I kept it in. But, in the end, I knew Luca would be angry if I continued to keep it to myself. We sat down, and I expressed my fears to him. As always, he was the rock I needed, and he told me that he was there for me no matter what and no matter how long it took. He assured me when he cuddled me that I was in no way to feel frightened that he would automatically push it further. I wasn’t sure if he was trying reverse psychology, but it worked. The very next time he snuggled up to me in bed, I went one step further, kissing him and touching him in places I hadn’t touched in weeks. I was surprised by how alive I felt when I did it, so I pushed further. After a few more weeks, our sex life was back on track, and I finally felt as though I could be the wife Luca deserved.
I won’t say all has been easy, though. I had nightmares that woke both me and Luca up at night. Luca insisted on counselling, and at first, I refused it. But then, the nightmares got worse, and I had to admit defeat. I never in my life thought I would ever need counselling. I always felt I was a strong person, and a person who admitted to needing help was considered weak. I was wrong, of course, and had been learning a lot along the way through my recovery.
Aunt Trudy was my rock throughout it all, too. She came over more often, which I was grateful for. I told her of my plans to change the business, and she was with me one hundred percent. In the next month, The Castle would be turned into a venue for weddings. I told all my girls a couple of months back. Some thought it was great, and others—like Jessica—grumbled at the idea. She, along with some of the others had already left. The sex within these walls was dwindling down, and I think a lot of Luca’s men were happy about that. I knew Luca would be, and I also knew Alessandro and Tony would feel the same. They were still with Belinda and Mia, and both couples were going strong. I knew Alessandro had some issues with Mia, but I believed they were still working things out.
I was happy again because I had already booked my first official wedding before I had even made the announcements in the newspapers and on the Internet. I was even happier that it was for two people I loved. There was no guessing who that couple was. It had been in the cards ever since Luca and I got married; Belinda had caught my bouquet after all. I was happy for them, and I was happy that my two favourite girls wanted to stay with me and help build my new dream. Changes were coming, but instead of being frightened this time, I found myself looking forward to them. For the first time in a very long time, my future seemed bright. I felt brighter just knowing I still had a thriving business and friends and family who loved me. I even had Sophia on my side, and we had been getting on better than ever. In a sense, I was glad I told her my little story. It was something shared with her that she would keep, and because of that, we shared a special bond. I don’t mean to say that we never locked heads on occasion. She was just as stubborn as I, so of course she and I squabbled at times. There was no doubt it drove Luca crazy, but I knew he secretly loved it. I think, as far as he was concerned, it all meant that we were a true family.
I smiled at that thought. We were all a little dysfunctional in our own little ways, but we were family.
And, quite frankly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Again, I never know where to begin with acknowledgements. I can write stories until my heart’s content, but I always stumble when it comes to thanking people.
I have to start with Shannon Steed. Not only is she a great editor, but she is also a fantastic person. My emails are filled with her name going down the screen, but I think that’s great. I love our little chats, and what makes it even better is that she’s such an easy person to work with. I hope she feels the same about me too, but I should imagine that half the time, I drive her crazy, lol!
However, I have it on excellent authority that my editor, who has endeavoured to edit these acknowledgements, does indeed feel exactly the same way about me, and no, I do not drive her crazy at all (at least not any crazier than she already is)!” ~Shannon
I also want to thank Tee Cullen again for proofreading the second book. You have also been pimping me, and again, I am truly grateful.
Amanda Perrie, my PA, is always there on hand when I need her. I will be meeting her for the very first time in Liverpool this year, and I can’t wait!
My pimping queens, Cheyenne Davis and Dawn Vickers: I can’t express how much it means to me to see the endless list of tags I get on a daily basis. It must take up a lot of your precious time, so, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you.
Kellie Dennis from Book Cover by Design: Thank you for designing all of the covers, banners, 3D images, and teasers of both parts one and two of Luca. Your talent is amazing!
Leigh Stone from Formatting by Leigh: Thank you again for formatting Because You’re Mine. You are always quick to answer any queries, and you put up with any amendments. I will look forward to meeting you in Liverpool too.
A special mention to my girls: Sabine Willems, Line Nørgaard Fallesen, Serena Kett, and Cara Ross. I know you have been waiting well over two years for the second book, and for that, I am sorry. I wasn’t going to publish the Luca books, but you ladies gave me that push I needed; so, I thank you.
Sophie Eloy, thank you for agreeing to beta-read this one. You are fantastic at spotting things. It seems that no matter how many times I go through a book, there are always those little mistakes that were missed the first, second, and even the third time around.
Hooked On Books, you have my thanks for arranging the Cover Reveal and Blog/Review Tour. You were a big help when I needed you.
I also want to thank my #Hashtag Minxes. You ladies make me giggle with your foul mouths, but I love you for it!
Jo and Isa from Joandisalovesbooks, you are amazing ladies. You both go above and beyond to help authors. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: You guys rock!
Sally-ann Hall, my fellow ninja knicker-flicker (don’t ask)… What can I say? You stalk me in ways I never thought possible. I wouldn’t have it any other way, though, you saucy little minx! I can’t wait to meet you in Liverpool this year. Just go easy on the balloons and After Eight Mints. I’m a closeted innocent, so have mercy on me!
I would also love to thank all of the bloggers who signed up for both Luca one and two. If I missed thanking any of you, it certainly wasn’t intentional. Sometimes, I get notifications from Facebook, and other times, I don�
��t. Very strange. Anyway, I just want it to be known just how truly grateful I am to you all. I know how tirelessly you work to accommodate as many authors as possible. I do—and always will—take my hat off to you.
And last, but not least, I again thank you, the reader. You’re all amazing people, and I always love hearing from you. You are the reason I sit at my laptop for the best part of the day and tap, tap, tap. Without you, I wouldn’t have such purpose. So, thank you, thank you, thank you!
Take a Breath, and Take it Deep – Both have been pulled from Amazon for rewriting and editing. Release dates for both to come.
Until I Met You – Released 1st June 2014
Her Guardians – Released 31st August 2014
DEVIANT – Released 31st October 2014
Her Guardians Lost – Released 19th December 2014
Redemption – Released 3rd April 2015
CHAINED – Released 17th July 2015
A Step Too Close – Released 17th September in 2015
Luca (You Will Be Mine) – Released 15th January 2016
Luca (Because You’re Mine) – Released 26th February 2016
Her Guardian Found – Release date to come
After the devastating loss of her parents and subsequent depression, Olivia Brown decided a move from her parent’s family home in Cambridge to a house in London would give her the fresh start she so sorely needed.
Living off her inheritance, Olivia didn’t need to work, but she knew she needed something to make her feel like life was worth living. Painting was her one true love, but that wasn’t enough. So she started a part-time job in a bar, and the rest of the time she spent at a local soup kitchen, feeding the homeless. In the mornings, she bought hot beverages for her homeless friends, but there was one who never asked. This man, having the most facial hair she’d ever seen, the most captivating eyes she’d ever stared at, remained aloof. He never said a word to anyone, and never once looked her way. However, all this did was make Olivia want to find out more about this mysterious man hiding behind a face full of hair.
Luca - You Will Be Mine (Sicilian Mafia #2) Page 25
