“Your mother in her not-so-subtle way has been telling me all the things I need to make amends for if I want our marriage to work.”
Anger pushed through her shock at his confession that he’d actually done something wrong. “Oh, I see. You’re only here because Mom has forced you.” She rose. “I have an application to complete and not a lot of time. Thanks for coming by, but you don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine.” With her hands balled at her sides, she started for the kitchen where she had her paperwork spread out on the table.
“I’ve hurt you again. I’m not very good at this.”
She halted and pivoted. “At what? Making me feel as though I come in second in your life? You’ve always been very good at that.”
“Please take a seat and listen to what I have to say.”
The beseeching look on his face nearly undid Alexa. Her anger deflated, but she remained standing, only a few feet from the kitchen door.
“I wanted you to do what I wanted, but I’m finally realizing I should have listened to you about what you wanted. Your mother said she told you about my first wife, Irene, and my son who died in a car wreck. After that I swore I would never love anyone that much. I held my little boy in my arms as he died. With his death, I thought my dreams had died, too.”
Her knees went weak. Trembling, Alexa covered the distance to the nearest chair and sank onto it. The love she heard in her father’s voice ripped her heart in two. She’d never heard that from him. Part of her wanted to cry at his loss; part of her wanted to wail at her loss—at the opportunity she and her father had never had.
“When I met your mother, I thought I could have the family I always wanted, but not have to give myself totally to the relationship. I’ve skated along for the past twenty-five years in my marriage on my terms. Your mother has informed me if I want to remain married, that will have to stop. When she left me five weeks ago, I thought she’d come back. Then she didn’t. At first I was mad and dealt with her leaving in my usual way—silence.” He dropped his gaze to the coffee table, swallowing over and over. “My silence pushed you totally away, and it was going to do the same to your mother.” He fixed his attention back on her. “I’m not good at expressing my feelings. Never was, even with Irene, but with her death everything I learned from her died, too.”
A lump lodged in Alexa’s throat. She put her hands on the arms of the chair and shoved herself to her feet, then closed the distance between her father and her. She hovered in front of him, not sure what to do or say as his pain poured off him and encased her.
“I never told you I loved you, but I do. My bad attempt at showing you my love was trying to control your life, to show you I cared what you did and only wanted the best for you.”
“It was your best, not mine.” Alexa sat on the coffee table in front of her dad. “As I got older, I wanted some say in my life, but you never would listen. It was your way or no way.”
He hung his head. “I know. I still think you’d have made a great doctor. You have such compassion.” He looked up at her. “Obviously you got it from your mother, not me.”
“But I didn’t want to help people that way.”
“All I could see was completing the dream I had when my son was born. I wanted him to go into practice with me. We’d heal the world together. Have a practice like none other. I couldn’t let go of my past, and it has nearly destroyed my future. I’m going to work to win your mother back, and if you’ll give me a chance, you, too. I love you, Alexa.”
Tears leaked out of her eyes. She’d waited all her life to hear her father say that. Could she forgive him the twenty-three years of heartache at not hearing the words?
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. The verse from Ephesians swamped her with feelings she had suppressed for five years—how much she’d wanted her father’s love.
“Can you forgive me for what I did?” Her father grasped her hands.
She nodded. Tears knotted her throat and streamed down her face. She fell into his arms and hugged her father—really hugged him for the first time. The feelings of love and awe deluged her with a peace she hadn’t experienced as her anger had grown over the years.
“I have too much pride. I let it get in the way of our relationship,” her father whispered.
She leaned back. “What are you and Mom gonna do?”
“I don’t know. We’ve talked. She wants to work. I guess I just thought I could provide everything for my family.” He gave her a rueful smile. “And I’m discovering I haven’t provided anything, really. It has been hard for me to accept. Yesterday she told me she’d only come back if she and I went to a marriage counselor.” Shaking his head, he pushed to his feet. “I don’t know if I can air my dirty laundry to a stranger. I’m going back home. I’ve been here longer than I’d planned and I have patients to deal with. And I’ve got some thinking to do.”
She understood where her mother was coming from because in a lot of ways she’d been in the same situation with her father. She’d had to leave to begin discovering who she really was. Pressing her lips together to keep her opinion to herself, she rose and faced her father. “When are you leaving?”
“Right now. If I drive into the night, I can get back to see my patients tomorrow.” He came to her, his arms straight at his sides. “I didn’t want to leave until I’d at least tried one more time with you. You’ve been hard to pin down lately.”
“I’ve been avoiding you.”
He grinned. “I know.” He took her in his embrace and gave her one final hug before parting. “Will you walk me to my car?”
Not a command, a request. “Yes.”
Outside on the porch he settled his arm around her shoulders and descended the steps. “I’ll call you two and let you know I got home all right. But not until tomorrow morning. No sense waking you up in the middle of the night.”
“Always the practical one.”
At his vehicle he opened his door then shifted toward her. His gaze snagged on something behind her for a few seconds then returned to her face. “I think that car is on its last leg. You should look into getting a more reliable one. I can help you if you want. Get something new.” He delved into his coat pocket, pulling out his checkbook. “I can give you a down—”
She put her fingers over his mouth. “No. When I get a new used car, it will be because I can pay for it. I appreciate the thought, but this is something I have to do for myself.”
“I’m doing it again, aren’t I?”
“What? Trying to tell me what to do?”
“Yes.”
“I figure you won’t change overnight. And besides, finding out your concern comes from love makes all the difference in the world to me.”
He kissed her on the cheek and slipped behind the steering wheel. “Hopefully time will break me of that habit.”
As Alexa watched her father drive away, she didn’t know if he would ever completely change, but for the first time she felt optimism in their relationship.
“They’re gonna be here soon. What if my friends don’t have fun? Don’t want to come over again?” Jana stood in the middle of the den, her teeth digging into her bottom lip.
The past week Jana had been a bundle of nerves as they all had prepared for her birthday party and sleepover. She’d helped Alexa fix the food for the dinner, had gone with her to pick out the cake being served and had helped select the movies to watch.
Alexa started to reply, but Ian walked into the room from the kitchen and made his way toward his daughter. He clasped her shoulders. “It’s going to be fine, pumpkin. Alexa and I will be here if you need us, but only if you need something. Otherwise, you’ll have the run of the house.”
Her eyes large, Jana pivoted toward Alexa. “But aren’t you helping me with the manicures and pedicures?”
“Yes. I wouldn’t miss it. We can do them after dinner, but before the movie marathon.”
; The doorbell chimed.
“I’ll get it.” Jana raced toward the foyer with Sugar on her heel.
Ian stared at Alexa, moving closer to her. “I feel like I’m getting my daughter back. Lately she’s been excited about getting up in the morning, doing activities, going riding at the ranch. Ever since you came into our lives. Are you sure you aren’t Mary Poppins in disguise?”
Alexa laughed. “Hardly.”
The sound of the bell announced another arrival. Before long, six girls occupied the den, all chatting at once. Ian grabbed Alexa’s hand and tugged her toward the kitchen.
“My head is already swelling with all that racket.” Ian tapped his temple as if that would shake loose all the chattering that filled it. “Did you do this when you were a child?”
“Only once. My dad didn’t like having more than one sleepover. I think it did him in.”
“Have you talked with your father this week?”
“He calls every night and talks to both Mom and me. He’s wearing her down. But he hasn’t quite yet agreed to counseling. I think he feels it’s a reflection on him that he can’t solve his own problems. He’s never been one to accept help easily.”
“It can be hard to admit you’re wrong.” Ian leaned his hip against the counter. “At least you two are really talking.”
“Yes, and it feels right. He’s actually behind me concerning the scholarship and hopes I get it. He thinks some time abroad will be good for me.”
Ian’s eyes darkened. “We’d better get the food out for dinner. I do know if the others are like my daughter they’ll be ravenous as soon as they stop talking long enough to hear their hungry stomachs growling.”
His expression closed down—not one emotion on his face as he turned away from her and headed for the refrigerator to get out the fixings for the tacos. She wasn’t sure what to say. Ever since the Valentine’s Day party at the ranch, he’d withdrawn some from her. Not that they were dating or had any kind of relationship between them other than employer/employee, but she still hated the wall he’d erected as though it were important to him to keep her at a distance. She missed their talks and camaraderie these past couple of weeks.
She took the meat Jana and she had cooked beforehand and put the glass bowl in the microwave. “My mother won’t say anything to my father, but she’s lonely. She’s gone all the time either working or doing something with a new friend, but I can see it in her eyes when she’s home. It won’t surprise me if any day I find her packing her bags and returning home.”
“How would you feel about that?”
“Glad to get my house back. Sad to see her go. Hopeful that my parents might be able to work things out. In other words, mixed feelings. It’s been great getting to know her now that I’m an adult, but she doesn’t belong here with me. She just hasn’t figured that out yet, or maybe she has and is waiting on my dad. Marriage can be so difficult.”
Ian set the shredded cheese on the counter next to the diced tomatoes. “I can attest to that.” He glanced toward the den, but the noise coming from that other room hadn’t decreased. “I thought my marriage was fine, and I was totally wrong. Yes, we had problems, but what marriage doesn’t? But to find your wife gone one day and worse, have her run off with another man, makes a person take a good hard look at his perceptions.”
The beep on the microwave echoed through the room. Alexa removed the bowl and set it on the counter with the other ingredients for tacos. “If a marriage is broken, both have to be willing to fix it, not just one. It’ll never work. My mother’s situation has taught me that, if nothing else. If my father doesn’t agree to work with a counselor, I’ll have a permanent roommate.”
“Dad, is dinner ready? We’re hungry,” Jana shouted from the den.
Alexa chuckled. “I guess they stopped talking long enough to hear their stomachs rumbling.”
Ian walked to the entrance into the den. “Dinner is served.”
He couldn’t step out of the way fast enough. A flood of girls poured into the room with Ian stuck in the middle of the onslaught. For a second, panic made his eyes saucer round. His gaze swept from one child to the next.
For a short time Alexa had glimpsed the Ian she had been getting to know before the Valentine’s Day party. Although the subject matter had been serious, there had been a connection between them, a relaxation of barriers. She wanted that back and wasn’t sure how to get it.
“If I had to listen to one more movie about high school girls, cheerleading and puppy love, my eyes were going to cross and my brain was going to shut down.” Ian plopped onto the couch in his office and propped his feet up on the coffee table in front of it. “Thanks for suggesting we escape here.”
Alexa’s mouth dropped open. She’d never seen Ian put his feet clad in shoes up on the furniture like that. “You must be sick.” She moved to him and laid her palm against his forehead. “Mmm. Normal. Are you one of those people whose standard temperature is below 98.6 degrees?”
“Cute. Why do you think I’m sick?”
She pointed to his casual pose then flicked the tips of his tennis shoes. “Not only are your feet up, but you hardly ever wear tennis shoes, except when you jog. Most of the time you wear a pair of loafers.”
“I didn’t realize you kept track of my attire.” A sparkle in his eyes accentuated his amusement.
Heat scored her cheeks. She stepped away, desperately wanting to fan herself but refraining. Whatever possessed her to touch him like that and admit she paid attention to what he wore? She didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. “I’m very observant. A teacher has to be. It’s part of the training we receive.” If any more excuses tumbled out, she would die of embarrassment. She spun around and searched for something to take his mind off her keen observation skills when it came to him. “I see you have a chess set.”
“Do you play?”
“Well, no. But I play checkers.”
He laughed. “Not quite the same thing.” After putting his feet back on the floor, he rose. “But wait here. I’ll be right back.”
Two minutes later he reentered his office with a checkers set. “Let’s play. I had to go through the gauntlet of questions to get this, so we’re going to use it.”
“Yes, sir.” She flashed him a smile.
Ian pulled up a chair across from the couch with the coffee table between them, then he set the checkerboard up. “Red or black?”
“I love bright colors, so red.”
A cheer came from the direction of the den. “I think the boy finally got the gal. Do they not see it’s the same plot as all the other teen movies?”
“Ah, but it’s love. And girls are in love with the idea of finding Mr. Right.”
“At eleven and twelve?”
“Probably before that. I had a crush on a guy in third grade, and he wouldn’t give me the time of day on the playground.” She made her first move on the board.
Ian plowed his hand through his hair, managing to mess it up. “This is gonna be a looong night.”
“Yep.” Alexa checked her watch. “But I’ve got to leave in an hour, or I’ll turn into a pumpkin.”
“Wasn’t that the coach in the fairy tale, not Cinderella? Or was that Snow White? Or Sleeping Beauty? I get those fairy tales mixed up.” On his third turn, he jumped her red piece.
She countered by hopping over two of his black ones. “It was Cinderella, and I guess I should say I’d turn into a raggedly dressed servant girl, limping home with only one shoe on. Which, with my car, could happen.”
“When you get home, call me to let me know you arrived safely. You really do need a more reliable car.”
“You sound like my father.”
“That would be something a father says to his daughter. We only want our children to be safe.”
“Yeah, I know, and when he told me that right before he left to go back home, I didn’t get upset.”
Ian glanced up from the board and pinned her with an intense look that held her entranc
ed until he grinned, peered down and made a move, jumping her red pieces three times then saying, “King me.”
The rest of the game went quickly with Ian winning. Alexa couldn’t keep her mind focused on any kind of strategy to counter him. All her thoughts revolved around the man across from her, his tousled hair, his long sleeves rolled up on his button-down shirt, the worn-looking jeans with tennis shoes peeking out of the bottom. Casual. Relaxed, with a smile deep in his warm blue eyes. Totally riveted on her at the moment.
Her heartbeat accelerated. She drew in a deep breath, than another one. He reached across the expanse and clasped her hands. As he rose, he tugged her up, too. His gaze still trained on her, he skirted the coffee table and drew her against him.
“So little time before you have to leave. I’ve tried to keep my distance.” He combed strands of her hair from her face, murmuring, “But it’s not working,” then framed it with his large hands, his palm prints like a mark, searing his claim. “I’m beginning to feel like Prince Charming at the ball.”
He bent toward her and brushed his mouth across hers once then twice, tentative explorations, before his arms encased her in a tight embrace and his mouth declared his intentions. His lips, like his palms, branded her his in that moment. His assertion blasted through all her defenses and seized her heart. She was his.
“Dad,” Jana called from the hallway, “it’s midnight and we want you to tell us that great scary story you know.”
Jana’s voice floated to Alexa, nipping at her consciousness. She needed to do something. But what? Then suddenly the fact that she was hugging Ian, his mouth whispering kisses across her cheek, flooded her. She quickly stepped back as his daughter appeared in the doorway. Alexa swept around to mask her flaming-hot cheeks.
She pressed her hands to her face while she heard Ian say, “I’ll be there in a sec.”
“What have you two been doing?”
Alexa fortified herself with a deep breath and turned slowly, praying she’d managed to school a calm expression on her face. “Checkers.” The little squeak at the end was a dead giveaway something else had happened besides the game.
Love Lessons Page 13
