He gave me another hug, and I watched his bulky form move away until the crowd consumed it.
Toby collected an unusual assortment of friends, each one eclectic in their own way—myself included. It took a special person, a common denominator, to draw such a varied following of misfits together—someone who was patient, generous, and above all, open-minded.
I felt the sharp pang of loss before I remembered Toby was headed off somewhere with another one of his misfits—Leah. I gave the piña colada to Liz.
Donna and Danielle asked us to go to another place, a dance club, but I turned them down. As I expected, Andrew did, too. We were ready to leave. The mid-March weather was still rather cold as Andrew walked Liz and me to the parking lot. We saw her off, and then he walked me to my car.
He chivalrously opened my door for me, but when I went to step around him, he stopped me.
“Claudia,” he whispered putting a hand under my chin and making me look up. “I don’t want to rush you, but I’d like to spend more time with you.”
His appeal sat uncomfortably in my chest. This was a man who was nice, stable, older, and respected. He liked me, but his height, his build, his soft, narrow hands, they felt so strange, and wrong.
It’d been two months since the breakup. I supposed when viewing it from the outside, two months seemed enough time to move on, but from my viewpoint, no time seemed like it would ever be enough.
I wasn’t being fair. Andrew’s touch wasn’t wrong; I amended myself, just different. It would take time to get used to the feel of someone else. And Andrew was the perfect candidate for the task.
“I’d like that.” I mandated my lips to comply with a smile.
“Exceptional.” His answering grin made me feel better about my choice. “I didn’t want to say anything in front of Liz and the others, but I’m taking a ride up to Boston tomorrow to look at the new facilities. Take the ride up with me?”
* * * *
I came out of the bathroom from washing my face and brushing my teeth to find Mom in my room.
“How was your night?” she asked.
It was still weird to discuss guys with my mother. We’d never really had that ‘girlfriends’ kind of relationship I’d witnessed between other mother and daughters.
But I wanted to try.
“Andrew invited me to go to Boston with him tomorrow to meet with his partner and do a walk-through of the new facilities.” I said matter-of-factly, at the same time, shrugging on a sleep shirt and flannel bottoms.
“I hope you told him yes.” Mom sat taller, interested. “Sayville is such a closed off place. You should get off the island, get a fresh start, and open your eyes to all the opportunities out there. Boston is so full of history and the perfect place for a young professional.”
And perfectly without Toby.
“I told him I’d text him an answer before I went to bed. I’d be staying the night.” I took off my earrings, briefly wondering about the sleeping arrangements.
“Go. It’ll do you good.” She patted my leg. “It’s getting late, and now we both have to get up early for our trips.”
“Mom, when you left Daddy, did you ever think about taking me with you?” It was the question I’d forever wanted to ask but had always been too afraid.
“Of course, I did,” she replied instantly. “Your father wouldn’t consider it. It was for the best, though. I didn’t know where I’d turn up or how it’d work out. It was the first time I had to truly trust myself, trust that I could figure it out and make it work alone. You needed stability. You were better off here.”
“Now I’ve become as rigid as him,” I said.
“You are like him in that you stand tall for your traditions, but there’s a little bit of me in there, too—at least the me I am now. Even if you’re afraid, you don’t let it stop you from trying.” She gave me a playful knock on the chin. “When you feel strongly about something, you dig your heels in and get it done no matter what.”
I smiled, taking pride in her evaluation. “You and Dad raised me that way. You’ve always held me accountable for myself.”
“That’s true.” She nodded. “You’re nothing like the girl I used to be. You’re assertive and smart but also have a deep sense of compassion, too. You’re giving of your time and energy. I’m very proud of the young woman you’ve become.” A hesitant, wistful smile crossed her lips. “This little episode was scary for your father and me. We’ve been so spoiled. You’ve always been the perfect child. Always. You kept your room clean and helped around the house, and your grades were spectacular. I gushed with pride at every award ceremony.” She glanced around at the sparse items on my usually packed shelves. “Speaking of, where are all your awards?”
“I put them away.”
“Why?”
“Seeing them only reminds me of how hard I always tried to excel in everything—to get the best grades and be top of my class, organizing and volunteering for everything, all so I could be perfect.”
“And you were. You weren’t like the other girls your age. You weren’t interested in boys or crushing on hunky celebrities, though there was that one incident in middle school.” She glanced over her shoulder at me. My cheeks warmed at the reference to the puerile game of truth or dare gone embarrassingly wrong. “You were an enigma of a little girl so grownup and focused. That’s not something to be ashamed of.”
She opened my desk drawer and found my stash. Pulling out a few medals and an award plaque, she arranged them back on the shelf.
“Maybe so, but being perfect has its drawbacks, too.” Without expecting it, tears burned the back of my eyes. “I bypassed a lot of the good stuff, stuff that other kids my age were doing—going to parties, dating, goofing off—stuff that should have been a right-of-passage for me.”
“Oh, honey.” She faced me. “I know we expected a lot of you, but you’ve done so well. You’re on a path that will lead you to meaningful work, and your father and I were, and still are, so very proud of you.”
I’d made my parents proud. Was that all I’d ever be able to say about my life? I studied my shell pink toenails before looking up at her again. “I don’t want to look back on my adulthood like I do my childhood. I’m tired of feeling like my life is full of nothing but regrets.”
My mother sat down next to me, tilting her head so that it rested on mine, and combed her fingers through my hair. A small place inside me buckled under her motherly touch. “Sweetheart, for now, focus on your career. When the time is right, you’ll meet someone.”
“I suppose you’re right.” I feared her words were nothing more than a pat pep talk, but I wanted to believe her. “And how about you? Will you meet someone, too?”
“Actually, I have,” she said.
My gaze sailed to her face. “Seriously?”
“Yes, his name is Ron. We’ve been seeing each other for several months,” she said. “It would be great if you could come to San Diego over the summer and meet him.”
“Does Dad know?”
I felt sad for my father. My mother’s life kept moving forward, whereas his remained inert.
“I told your father tonight. He wasn’t thrilled, but he’s more annoyed at me for something else.” Mom tugged on the hair at the back of her neck. “I accused him of sabotaging your future, of using his injury to hold onto you.”
“He’s not,” I said.
She stopped by the door and gave me a nod of approval. “Good, then go to Boston.”
Chapter 30 • Toby
I woke up alone Saturday morning and got up to run a few miles to clear my head. Back home, I shuffled through my growing pile of bills, one newly imprinted payment booklet and a cashier’s check that would use up the last of Julia’s insurance money. My stomach rolled when I thought about the giant financial risks I was making, not only for myself but for Abe, too. After I’d finished their closet, Nora and he invited me to stay for dinner, and I had shared my business plans with them. Abe agreed to co-sign o
n a bank loan.
I glanced around the house and hoped Julia wouldn’t hate me for putting the house up for sale. I was both excited and nervous, but I knew if I wanted to get ahead there was no better alternative. Risks had to be taken.
The work on the staircase renovation was almost finished. I put on a final coat of paint on the walls and puttied the nail holes in the molding. The steps shined with a new coat of stain and two coats of polyurethane. All that was needed were some final touches like a few family photos on the wall, or better yet, a couple of pieces of artwork. I wanted it to be showroom ready before the real estate agent came to take pictures for the listing.
My cell rang.
“Yo, man,” Dario said. “I haven’t talked to you in a while. Been crazy with this wedding stuff.”
“Good to hear your voice, amigo,” I said and meant it. I smeared putty into a divot with my fingertip. “Been wanting to ask you. Am I supposed to buy you a blender or something?”
“Get me a nightie for the honeymoon. Blue goes best with my complexion.” He laughed and then quieted down. “Hey, I heard Claudia was thinking about moving to Boston. She’s up there this weekend scoping out some job.”
Last night, she’d told Bones she was doing well. It was obvious with Berger beside her she’d moved on.
“You okay, buddy?” Dario asked.
I hated the worry in his voice.
“Yep.” I scratched at dry clump of putty. “Guess we’re all moving forward. Put my house up for sale and got Ol’ Abe Bernbaum on board with a business plan. We’ll get together soon, and I’ll tell you about it. But right now, I got to go. Felicia flew in this morning with my nephew. I’m on babysitting detail this weekend and psyched about it. Haven’t seen the little guy for almost a year. Expecting them any moment.”
Thankfully, I didn’t have time to fixate on Claudia being in Boston because a car pulled into the driveway. Dropping everything, I tore out the front door.
Felicia, my brother’s old girlfriend, looked exactly the same: same big blonde hair, tight clothes, and high heels. The only difference was the rock on her ring finger.
She lifted my three-year-old nephew out of this car seat and set him on the driveway. At first he skirted behind Felicia’s legs, peeking at me, unsure. Felicia knelt down and whispered something in his ear, and he inched forward. I knelt down and held my arms open. He ran towards me as fast as his tiny little legs could carry him. My heart rolled over in my chest. He didn’t seem afraid of me at all even when I scooped him up and hauled him under my arm like a football. Maybe he didn’t remember how I’d lost my cool with him the last time I’d seen him.
“Little man, you’re getting big,” I said, ruffling his baby soft, blonde hair.
Felicia shut the car door and pecked my cheek. “On the way here, we practiced saying your name.” She looked at Dylan. “Say Uncle Toby.”
“Unka Toadee.” He nodded his head triumphantly, his little, gap-toothed smile wide.
I threw my head back and roared with laughter. Christ, I loved the kid.
“I’m signing him up for speech therapy as soon as we get home.” Grinning, Felicia held out a backpack covered in primary colored cartoon dinosaurs. “This is his stuff. I really appreciate you taking him. It’s hard to have a romantic weekend with a little kid.”
Felicia was going away with her new fiancée, a guy I’d never met, a guy I didn’t care to meet as long as he was good to Dylan. She assured me he was.
“I’m taking him to see my brother tomorrow,” I told her. “It’s been awhile, and Al keeps asking about him.”
She ran her hand over her son’s face and nodded. “You’re right. He should see his kid. Let me give you his car seat.” She looked over at my Jeep and rolled her eyes. “You still driving that piece of crap? When are you going to get a new car?”
“Don’t knock the Jeep. She runs good, and she’s paid for.” My car was the least of my worries. I lowered Dylan to the ground and held out my hand. “Come on, buddy. Want to meet my dog? She’s gonna lick your face.”
Though I’d thought of the countless ways something could go wrong while babysitting an active toddler, I was beyond excited to have Dylan with me the next few days. I would get through the weekend one step at a time.
Chapter 31 • Claudia
After Mom left Saturday morning, Dad was kind of quiet. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was going away or because of the ‘Ron’ news my mother had dropped on him.
“Cheer up, Daddy. Everything’s going to be alright,” I told him, giving him a hug goodbye when Uncle Vinny came to pick him up. Since I was going to be out of town, he was spending the weekend at my aunt and uncle’s. When he left, I felt a bit guilty thinking how nice it was not to have to worry about him for a few days. Aunt Gia had assured me she and Uncle Vinny would take good care of him.
Andrew drove the few hours to the new senior center in Boston. The place was beautiful. An open house tour revealed a state-of-the-art facility staffed with energetic colleagues.
We sat in on an informal board meeting, and several questions were posed at me. Andrew had prepped me in the car, telling me the board would want to get a sense of my vision of the health wellness manager position I was to fill. By Andrew’s smile, the board was impressed. We lunched together with a few others, swapping war stories in an air of comfortable professionalism, and I took pride in knowing I would easily fit in here.
Since Andrew had proposed the idea of us spending more time together, I expected at some point he might try to hold my hand. Walking the cobblestone streets of Copley Square, everywhere a sense of an old world tucked in amongst the busy and new, I might’ve even enjoyed that. I left my hand closest to Andrew free, just in case.
But it didn’t happen.
Andrew had arranged for us to stay at his associate’s luxury apartment in Back Bay, and the night ended with a cocktail party there. He gallantly slept on the couch letting me have the guest bedroom. Sunday morning, we got on the road early and headed home.
“What did you think?” Andrew asked. It was the only time his eyes left the road.
“I think the place is amazing, and Boston is great,” I said, thinking how Toby would enjoy the architecture.
“Good.” Andrew’s smile said he was pleased with my answer, and finally, he reached for my hand.
* * * *
Andrew and I had zipped home, and I walked into an empty house. On a high, I cleaned and did laundry until I heard Dad come in with Uncle Vinny. I offered to make French toast for them. A done deal as Uncle Vinny never passed up a meal, and I drove into town for ingredients.
Unfortunately, Stop & Shop had neither challah or egg bread in their bakery area, so I headed down the bread aisle in search of a suitable substitute. I turned down the aisle and stopped short.
Before I’d even seen him, I sensed him. My heart leapt when my eyes confirmed it. Toby was leaning over, scanning the shelves of peanut butter, a box of cereal in one hand, and in the other, the hand of a small, blond boy of about three.
If I didn’t know Toby, I would’ve assumed he was a young father shopping with his son. It was like getting a glimpse of what could have been our reality. I wanted to slip into the scene with them, to hold Toby’s hand, and let it be our life.
The cherubic little boy peeked up at me with bright blue, almond-shaped eyes, and I could see he had inherited many Faye-dominant genes. My body swayed slightly off balance as I openly stared at him. He took me in briefly before curling his chin inward and tugging at Toby’s right hand.
“Toadee.” His whisper was loud enough for the whole aisle to hear. “There’s a wady wooking at me.”
Toby twisted around, smiling—until he saw me.
The smile waned.
He was the single, off-kilter element in my life I couldn’t right. We’d gone so far off track I didn’t know how to begin to correct it. I gripped the handles of the shopping basket and walked closer, squatting down to Dylan’s eye-level.<
br />
“You must be Dylan,” I said.
Keeping his chin down, the boy nodded.
“I’m Claudia.” I smiled at him. “Your Uncle Toby and I are friends.”
I peered up at Toby, waiting for him to dispute my claim, but he was looking down at Dylan who’d latched onto his leg and was hiding his face in the fabric of his uncle’s jeans, pretending not to see me.
Toby swooped the boy up into his arms. “You remember Claudia, champ?”
Dylan pressed his face into Toby’s chest, refusing to make eye contact with me, and shook his head. Did we honestly expect he’d remember it was me he had drooled on when he was only six months old?
“Turns out PB&J is his favorite sandwich, and I didn’t have any peanut butter in the house.” Toby bit his lip as his eyes raked over the many brands on the shelves. “I don’t know what kind to get. I’m thinking the natural stuff is better, but what if he doesn’t like it? Maybe I should buy two different ones.”
I reached past him for a specific brand from the shelf.
“We use this one. It’s sweetened naturally,” I said, holding it out to him. “My father likes it, and he’s pretty finicky.”
“Thanks, and happy birthday by the way.” He took the jar and lowered Dylan to the ground, then unsealed the box of cereal and held it open for the boy. “I didn’t expect to see you around. I heard you were in Boston for the weekend.”
I blinked twice, wondering how he knew. “We finished up last night and came back early this morning.”
He nodded as if this was all the explanation needed. I wanted to share how excited I was about the new position, but I didn’t think he’d be interested.
“Gank you, Toadee.” Dylan grabbed two fistfuls of cereal with his chubby hands and hummed cheerfully popping cereal bits into his mouth.
“Toadee, huh?”
“Yeah. Apparently Uncle Toby is a bit too ambitious for a little tongue.” Toby playfully mussed the blond waves atop of Dylan’s head. “He’s got speech therapy in his future, but until then, Toadee it is.”
Keeping Claudia (Toby & Claudia Book 2) Page 27
