“Ohhh,” we breathed simultaneously, both of us appreciating the way his rigid male part pressed hotly against my soft female one.
The sensation made my insides tighten with a feral need, my fingertips tingling to rake his skin, catlike and covetous. This was more than a mere physical act. I wanted to love Toby with everything I had, all of me, and I wanted to make sure he knew my love would never again be frightened away.
I would leave no room for doubt.
“There isn’t anything that will make me leave you,” I said, gyrating my hips with intention. I’d stayed on the pill, and slick and pliable, I was more than ready when I pushed back onto him. The head of his erection pierced me stealing the air from my lungs. I dropped my head back and mewed at my indulgence. Toby’s hands shot out, tightly gripping the flesh of my hips, impatient to drive into me, but I bucked against his urgent demand. “I know you want me, but first I need to show you how much I love you.”
He released his hold on my hips, and I took over. Anchoring myself on his chest, I controlled the rhythm, lifting and lowing onto him, slow and drawn out.
“Look how we fit together. We were made for each other.” His gaze shifted to the connected length of our bodies coming together in the dim firelight, and then, returned to my face. “It’ll only ever be you, Claudia. Only you.”
His pledge washed softly over me, and I bowed over him, netting my fingers in his hair and squashed my mouth to his, conjoining us as one at our mouths and hips.
His brand of love was overpowering and sweet, intense and gentle. We had spent the last year infuriating each other, making each other crazy, and yet we were perfect for each other. I captured his face feeling cherished and secure in knowing there no one was better suited to me than Toby Faye. Emotion rose over me in a crest of pleasure, swelling to the point I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time.
“Help me,” I whispered and reached for his hands. Lacing his fingers with mine, he steered my hips, pushing and pulling, helping me rise up and come down on him. We kept at it, over and over, sensation mounting, the two of us struggling to defer the ultimate pleasure as my moans turned into begging pants.
He bent up to kiss my breasts, his mouth clamping hungrily around a nipple.
I came, a moan exploding from my lips. His eyes went dark, and he pulled forcefully at my hips. I sank down onto the full length of him. United as one on an ethereal plateau, time stopped, and the whole world spun away.
I cried out his name as he thrust into me once more deeply. He pulsed inside me, and I folded into him, overawed with sensation, but determined to seal the final moments of our union with a kiss. His eyelids fluttered closed, mine following suit as both our bodies shuddered in unison, a perfect symphony.
I collapsed atop him, my hair in his face. Neither of us had enough energy to move. Our lovemaking brought me to a sweet place, but as exhausted as my body was from the physicality of our love, I was overcome more from the depth of emotion we shared and wept silently.
He kissed my face, his lips smearing my tears. My fingers raked over his torso, catching on swelling bruises until I spotted an unusual one over his heart. The pad of my fingers detected the soft fuzz of new ink.
“You got a new tattoo?”
He nodded and rolled closer to the firelight to show me. The light revealed two miniature feet swaddled by a pair of angelic wings. It looked very much like the little angel figurine that sat on the ledge of Mrs. Faye’s headstone.
I traced the outline, emotion strapping my throat. “You did this for our baby?”
His shoulders rounded, and he crumpled on top of me as if my discovery pulled a plug, causing the energy in his muscles to languish. I threaded my fingers through his hair and tilted his head back so I could see his face.
“But why? I thought—”
“I know I didn’t act like I wanted it—Christ, I was scared. No kid should have to grow up in a house like mine,” he said, pressing my hand to the tiny feet branded into his skin. “But it was our baby—a part of you and me, made from our love, and that could never be wrong.”
A tear fell from the corner of his eye, and I wiped it with the back of my hand, staggered by the depth of his emotion.
“I never once stopped loving you, but I was selfish. I was so wrapped up in my own anxieties and issues that I couldn’t truly appreciate how hard it might’ve been for you,” I whispered. “Oh, babe, I’m so, so sorry for that.”
“I don’t blame you.” He shook his head. “It made us both look back and see where our parents failed, but, Claudia, as nervous as I am about being responsible for a family, I want to prove I can do it. I want to have babies with you.”
A coughed out a small laugh. “Babies, as in plural?”
“I was thinking it might be cool to have one of each—a boy and a girl.” His lips tweaked with a hopeful grin. “Is that okay?”
“Absolutely.” I grinned, tears stinging the corners of my eyes.
“Claudia, I’ve never been so damn exhausted, but I’m so, so freakin’ happy. I love you.” He slid up against me and wrapped me in his embrace. After kissing me softly once more, he sighed and rested his face in the curve of my neck. The sweet undertones of his words filled me with hope, and inexplicably content, my eyes drifted closed. Sleep fell like a plush blanket around us.
* * * *
I woke up alone. The room was bright with daylight. The thrumming sound of the rain and grizzly thunder gone, replaced by chirping birds and the distant sound of the rolling surf.
I lay still straining to hear the sounds of Toby in the house, but it was quiet. I found a note in the kitchen saying he was down by the beach. I stole a sweatshirt from his duffle bag and left the house in search of him. Outside, the sound of the surf grew to a thundering roar.
I headed towards the beach, barefoot, picking over downed branches and piles of slick leaves that littered the boardwalk. Warm gusty winds loitered in the aftermath, but the storm had moved on.
Toby was perched at the top of the beach access steps, his guitar in his lap staring off at the ocean. He was strumming the chords, no particular melody, and I sat down alongside and leaned into him. Inhaling his scent mixed with the briny ocean air overwhelmed me with a needling pulse of want. Last night had been amazing; my whole body still tingled with the electricity of our lovemaking. I swept my hand across his chest and let it settle on the groove between his neck and collarbone, content just to touch a small part of him for now.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I guess, sort of praying,” he said.
“I didn’t think you believed in that sort of thing.”
“Just because I don’t go to Sunday Mass doesn’t mean I don’t believe in anything. I don’t want someone to tell me what to think, what to be afraid of, or how to feel. I want to come to those conclusions myself.” He lifted his hands and motioned to the sky and water before us. “Besides, I like to think of this as my church.”
Once again, he made me see something I hadn’t considered—unconventional didn’t mean bad or wrong.
The dawn had a restorative effect on the beach. The morning air clear and crisp, and the coastline appeared much less threatening. The beach, though barren, was a picture perfect panorama. The waves had died down and were now a third of the size they’d been last night. Except for a few wisps of clouds, the sky was an endless ceiling of vivid blue.
“I like your church. It’s pretty.” I twisted towards him, encircling my legs around his waist, one leg over his hips, the other behind his back, and pressed my nose into his chest.
“Yeah, it’s pretty awesome,” he agreed, leaning his guitar upright against the wooden rail, and scooping an arm around me to tuck me closer. He tilted his head to lean on mine, his voice hoarse with petition. “Claude, do you think when you die it’s peaceful? Like suddenly the mystery of death is revealed, and knowing it, you pass with, I don’t know, a sense of serenity?”
“I hope that’s how it ha
ppens.” I put my hand on his face and made him look at me. “Toby, you need to let whatever guilt you feel about Lacie go. For whatever small part you played, you need to believe you’re forgiven. And you need to forgive yourself.”
He turned his face in my hand and pressed a kiss into my open palm. “You’re right. I’m working on it. Do you think I should go back to counseling?”
“If you think you need to talk to someone, you should, but I’m not going to tell you what to do.” I traced the outline of his chin before brushing my fingers over his lips.
“Sometimes I like when you tell me what to do.” He nipped teasingly at my fingertips. With a laugh, I leaned forward to kiss him, but he locked his hands on my wrist, stopping me. “Claude, I hate that I left you alone on Christmas. It was such a shitty thing to do. I will never do that again.”
“That was months ago under very different circumstances,” I said.
“Yeah, but we’ll go through difficult times, and I don’t want to ever mess this up again. If I hurt you, promise me you won’t push me away. Promise me you’ll talk to me and give me a chance to make it right. I want to make you happy and proud of me and be the man you need me to be.”
The urgency in his plea made me desperate to reassure him. I locked my hands around his upper arms and looked into his blue-grey eyes. “It’s important that we always remember, each of us processes things in ways unique to who we are. We’re going to have our share of the bad along with the good, and we’re going to learn to love each other through it.” I brought my hands to his shoulders and leveled myself with him. “You’re the love of my life and my best friend, too, and I promise to do that, Toby. I promise to love you through it. Whatever forever means, through the highs, lows, good, and even the challenging times, I want that with you.”
“Okay, that’s enough.” He pulled out of my grasp and stood. “You’re saying all the stuff I want to say, and you’re ruining it.”
“Ruining what?” I watched, puzzled, as he picked up his guitar without answering.
Raking his bottom lip with his teeth, he concentrated on the placement of his fingers on the neck of the guitar. Toby’s practiced fingers moved over the guitar strings, creating the familiar caressing notes of "Your Song." He lifted his face, his smile shining on me, and began to sing.
I clapped excitedly and leaned back, face arched to the sun, letting the sound of his voice curl warmly around my senses.
He sang through a few verses, stopping suddenly to sling the guitar around his back and dig inside his front pocket. His hand came out curled around a familiar, white jewelry box.
“Claudia,” he said with a nervous smile, and reaching for my hand, he did something I was quite unprepared for him to do.
He dropped down on one knee.
“Oh, my gosh!” I slapped a hand over my gapping mouth. “Are you really going to—”
“Shhh, be quiet for a moment. Let me do this.” He hushed me. “I want you to remember the moment I asked you to be mine forever.”
“Okay, okay.” I obediently quieted down and mimicked zipping my lips, but as soon as he cleared his throat, I cried.
A gentle, sweet expression unfolded on his face. “Baby, hold it together for a few minutes, okay?”
“I can. I will,” I promised, sniffling in an attempt to hold back the all-out sob-fest welling in my tear ducts.
“I’m not big on traditions, but even I have to admit they do have their place, I figured this is one of those times.” He resettled himself and took my hand. “I’d pretty much settled on life being mediocre. Then you came along. Claudia, being with you the last few years has exposed me to so much. The first time you dared to smile at me, I knew being by your side would be an incredible journey.” He brought my shaking hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss onto my knuckles. “You challenged me and made me believe life could be more. You gave me hope and made me search for purpose in life. When I look at you, I see my future unfolding before me, an amazing one I never imagined possible. You are my hope, my light, my everything. I don’t want another day in my life to go by without the promise of having you beside me.”
He pulled back the lid of the velvet box and held it up to me. It was not Mrs. Faye’s ring. A princess cut diamond with pear sapphires winked at me—the one I’d fallen in love with at the jewelers. He wiggled the delicate ring loose from the box and lifted my hand, his fingers shaking almost as much as mine.
“Promise me forever and let me love you every day for the rest of our lives.” With his eyes locked on mine, the world quieted away, and he asked me one final question. “Claudia Chiametti, will you marry me?”
Chapter 42 • Toby
“Yes! A million times, yes!” Claudia catapulted to her feet grasshopper-like, tackling me, and the two of us tumbled to the landing of the beach steps, laughing.
She sat up and smiled through a downfall of tears and impatiently wriggled her left hand out at me. “Put it on me.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I sat up and slipped the ring over her trembling finger, slow and more composed than I expected to be because it all felt right. Perfect, in fact.
She dosed my face with kisses before resting her forehead to mine. “Toby Faye, you’ve made me a very happy woman. Thank you.”
I mentally cataloged the sweet flush in her face, the sparkling ring on her finger, and an overwhelming sense of pride expanded in my chest. This girl was mine. Truly mine. I was keeping Claudia.
And she, keeping me.
We raced back to the house to make love in the bed this time. Our energy renewed with the promise of forever. I lay on my side afterwards, stroking her hair down her back as we lounged across the mattress in our birthday suits.
“I still can’t believe you came across the bay in that storm last night.” I shook my head and chuckled. “That was cray-cray, baby.”
“Sometimes you have to let the crazy out,” she replied with a shrug.
Her answer was unexpected, and I laughed.
“You really keep me on my toes. I like that,” I said, nuzzling the arch of her shoulder with my lips.
“Will you be disappointed when we grow into an old, boring couple who finishes each other’s sentences?” she asked.
I rested my head on my bicep, and looking at her, considered the question. Staying together meant aging together. I tried to imagine the candid set of her bright blue eyes, the soft enticing bow of her lips, and the splatter of freckles across her nose I adored, years from now. Over time, her hair would gray, and her eyesight would fade as would mine. Those freckles would fold into the wrinkles of her face, but I’d no doubt the physical changes or even the monotony of our day-to-day, year-to-year life would ever cool my love for her.
“That’s okay with me,” I said. “Hope you won’t mind having to trim the wild wiry hairs that will inevitably sprout from my ears and nose. Happens to all old guys, you know.”
“I’ll happily trim your wiry old man hairs.” She tugged playfully at my earlobe. “I’ll no doubt have a few wiry old lady hairs, too—probably sprouting from my chin.”
“No worries. By then, I’ll need binoculars to see two feet in front of me.” I coiled her in my arms. Giggling, she collapsed into me. “Even when I’m old and gray and bat-shit blind, you’ll be as beautiful to me as you are now.”
She smiled and flicked her hair over her shoulder. “Bet you say that to all the girls.”
She was teasing. I knew it, but I tightened my arms around her. “Claudia, you alone own my heart. I don’t want it back, but at the same time, I can’t live without it, which means you have to stay close and hold it for me. If we become an old, boring couple, I’ll be the happiest old boring dude there ever was.”
Her eyes pooled with unshed tears. “We’re going to have a great life together—our very own happily ever after.”
Claudia pieced together a breakfast for us out of my meager food supplies and without electricity. The storm wasn’t nearly as bad as forecasted, but the power was
still down. She spread peanut butter on a couple of granola bars, purring like a well-loved cat. I watched her while I called Sal to find out the name of the island’s service provider, and again, my chest puffed with pride.
Christ, I loved that woman.
We scarfed down our cold breakfast and then went to task of cleaning the house of our activities. Together we folded blankets, swept the storm debris from the front porch, and collected my stuff.
We stepped out of the house, and I checked to make sure the door was locked, already looking forward to the next time we came back.
“Did you volunteer to babysit this house, or was the overtime pay too incredible to resist?” she asked.
“Neither.” I took her hand and drew her down the walkway to my truck parked near the main walkway. I unlocked the door and tossed my stuff onto the back seat.
“Wait. That’s your truck, not the company’s, right?” She arched a perfectly shaped brow. “Only construction trucks and owner vehicles are allowed to drive on the beach.”
“Yeah.” I leaned up against the truck, waiting while she connected the dots. She glanced back at the house visible through the early spring vegetation.
“The ‘For Sale’ sign is gone.” She whipped round, fixing me with a curious gaze. “What did you do?”
“I did promise not to keep anymore secrets last night, didn’t I?” I twisted my mouth, trying not to smile too wide. Her eyes were glued to mine. “Hmm. Guess I’m gonna have to come clean then.” I shrugged, but despite my best attempt, there was no concealing my grin anymore. “I bought it.”
“What?” Claudia stumbled, falling against me, her face flushed as she stared up at me. “You own the beach house? Seriously?”
I put a steadying arm around her waist and nodded.
“But how? How could you possibly afford it?”
“With the rest of Julia’s insurance combined with what I made from overtime, snow removal, and side jobs, I scraped up just enough for the down payment. I made a deal with Abe, and he cosigned the mortgage. It’s a major loan, but with the rental income, it’ll pretty much pay for itself and then some. All of the previous renters are returning. It’s rented for almost every week of the summer.” I held up the set of keys and jingled them. “Except for the few weeks I saved for myself… well, for us.”
Keeping Claudia (Toby & Claudia Book 2) Page 41
