by Sarah Black
“Travel?” Gabriel was wearing his stone face, and John silently took the chair that was offered. “Lebanon, Iraq, Somalia, and Afghanistan in the ten years before law school. Some beautiful country there.”
“Oh, really?” President Wainright’s voice was a bit weaker. “Well, please, have a seat.” He turned to John. “So, General, I understand you have a report for me to look over?”
“I sent you a copy two days ago, President Wainright, so you could have a chance to read it before the meeting today.”
“Oh, yes, of course. I was able to read most of… really very concerning…. But please, call me Simon.”
“Thank you. And I’m John.”
Simon rubbed his hands together. “Good, fine. Now we’re all comfortable, let’s go through this, shall we?”
John stood up, lifted his briefcase. “Perhaps we could use the table, Simon?” He gestured to the conference table that took up the left side of the room. “There is a good bit of documentation, if you were to require it.”
John laid the paperwork into four piles. “You have a faculty member who is preying on young gay men, Simon. He has a history of assault and has not been held accountable.”
“John, why do you suppose, if this has been occurring, he has not been, as you say, held accountable?”
“Because the victims are young gay men, as I said. They are vulnerable in so many ways in this community, wouldn’t you agree? To ask for help, or justice, may open them to greater threat. This instructor is in a position of power as a member of this faculty. His father is also in a position of power relative to this university, and this may serve to protect him.”
Wainright was pale now. “Surely you are not suggesting that anyone has…?”
He stopped speaking when John lifted the first group of papers. The reports included photographs from the emergency room at University Hospital of three of the victims, and he laid these out in front of the president. “I became involved when he assaulted my nephew, Kim Baker. Kim is a graduate student at this university. I’ve raised him since his parents were killed in an auto accident five years ago.”
“You must be very close to him. He’s Korean, isn’t he? Adopted from a Korean orphanage when he was a baby?”
“He’s an American, Simon.” John smiled, felt the other man recoil a bit. “One of your students. A student who should feel safe on this campus. A victim of a predator who has been allowed to prey on boys on your watch.”
John handed over the report from the PI, then lifted the small tape recorder from his pocket and turned it on. The department head from Fine Arts spoke. “We all know what he’s like, but we’ve never been able to make anything stick. The boys are afraid of him, and afraid to talk, you know? And he seems to be able to pick up the gentle ones, the sweet ones who won’t….”
Simon frowned at the tape recorder. “Is that legal? I mean, to tape a conversation without the consent of all the parties?”
Gabriel picked up the tape recorder and played it again from the start. John’s voice was clear, saying, “I’m going to record this conversation so there is no confusion later about who said….”
Simon was nodding, his hands out, patting the air. John sat silently for a moment, then handed a copy of the summary page across the table.
Simon took it. “John, what I need to explain to you is that this faculty member has, as you say, been in this situation before. Things are not quite as cut and dried as you make it seem. Now, I’m not saying any of these poor boys were complicit, but they exercised bad judgment. I know two of the boys were using drugs, and according to my professor, were equally abusive toward him. Another boy tried to steal his car, though Professor Walker never pressed charges. These incidents seem to be related to alcohol, and you know how things always seem to escalate under the influence of the grape! I’m not saying your nephew was doing anything like these other boys, but we may not have all the facts of the case. There are always two sides to these things, do you agree?”
“He is a professor at this university. He hit a student he was having an inappropriate relationship with, in the face, and he has done so before.” John stood up, and Gabriel stood as well, began gathering the papers and putting them back in John’s briefcase. Simon watched them with alarm. “I’m not talking to him, Simon. That will be a different conversation. I’m talking to you. I’m asking you what you will do as the leader of this community. This is not a matter two consenting adults need to work out privately.”
Gabriel closed the briefcase with a sharp click and looked at John. “How long?”
John glanced at him. “Forty-eight hours?”
Gabriel nodded. “President Wainright, I will contact you then, if I may?”
Chapter 6
THEY walked across campus to John’s office. John felt like he had a belly full of ice, but he also had a graduate seminar in an hour, and he was never late for his classes. Gabriel set the briefcase down next to the desk.
“What do you think?”
“He’s a politician, John, not a leader. He’ll try to figure out who has the most power, and who is most likely to cause him damage if he makes them an enemy. I’m not sure that’s you.”
“That’s what I thought. Give me some options.”
“Send copies of the report to all the members of the board of supervisors. Moderate chance of successful resolution. These are old boys and you’re still an outsider. Powerful, with resources, but not one of them. Two, we could talk to Kim about making a police report, using the criminal justice system. Unlikely to succeed. Three, involve national authorities. The GLBT lawyers from the ACLU would climb all over this. High chance of success and Kim would have fun with all the baby lawyers. Some nice-looking boys in that group.” John sighed. “Four, involve the local media. There are a couple of mad dogs who would love to sink their teeth in a nice juicy cover-up that may involve the powers that be in Santa Fe. That would end your relationship with this university fairly quickly. Five, we could….” He hesitated, and John looked up at him. “We could handle this the way we think would be most effective, and not let Kim know. Finding backup would be no problem.” They exchanged a look.
“He would figure it out.”
“Probably so. Six, we could let Kim figure out the way he wants to deal with this, and support him in his efforts.”
They leaned back in their chairs and thought about the options. John shook his head. “I have always believed in trying a diplomatic solution first. But diplomatic solutions will fail when you have a failure of courage among your leadership. The follow-through is critical. A diplomatic failure will just energize this fuckhead, give him permission to do it again. That I cannot tolerate. I’ll give Wainright forty-eight hours, and then we’ll find another solution.” He studied Gabriel. “So, how are you?”
Gabriel shrugged and smiled at him. “I’m good. Tired, probably because I was up half the night fucking my boyfriend.” John stared, felt the heat start to creep up his neck, a heavy thump of lust slide down his spine. What had gotten into him? Gabriel never talked like this. “I just wanted to say that, just once. You should see your face, John. So I found a studio just a block from my office. That will be a safe and quiet place for me to ride out the storm. I have room for the kids to sleep over on a fold-down couch, but I imagine Martha is going to keep that from happening.”
“How can she keep you from seeing the kids?”
Gabriel set his jaw. “She’s going to say I’m homosexual, and my lifestyle isn’t appropriate for them.”
“How does she know that, Gabriel?”
He shook his head. “She’s not a fool. I haven’t been with her as much as she expected I would be, and she wants to know why. She’s not like a lot of women who would blame themselves. She’s blaming me, saying I kept her from having the chance to be loved by a ‘real’ man. That I used her to keep my military career. Maybe she’s right, I don’t know, John. I expect some mad-dog divorce lawyer will let me know soon enough. All
I am sure about is that it’s all my fault. I had, what did you call it? A failure of courage. A failure of leadership.”
“You were never one of those men climbing the ladder. You didn’t do it for a career. You wanted a family. Who doesn’t? Everybody wants a family, people to love, a home where you belong. Somebody waiting for you at the end of the day.
“You were doing the work the country asked you to do. It was important. And they wouldn’t have let you do it if anyone had thought you were gay. Gabriel, do you remember what it was like? It’s easy to forget the way it used to be, the hazing, the violence. I’ve not forgotten. There was work that needed to be done, and you and I were the people who needed to do it. And I would have been kicked to the curb, and so would you have been, and so would the rest of the men and women who sucked it up and kept it under cover. Lived a quiet lie, so they could serve their country. It’s a new world, Gabriel, but this was never our world. It’ll be better for Kim. But don’t forget what it was like for us.”
“You think it ever will be our world? Are we too old now to change? Let that warm sun of acceptance shine on our faces? I can’t even imagine what that would be like.”
John felt helpless at the longing in his friend’s voice. “I don’t know. Maybe the good stuff doesn’t change. Maybe we could still go to Munich and eat the best sausage in the world.”
That got him a smile. “I’ll pencil it in. I better go. I’ll call you in a couple of days, okay? When I hear back from El Presidente.”
“Call me anytime. Don’t forget, we’re backup to a gay bar on Friday night. You don’t have to come with. But it would be more fun with you there. More fun for me, I mean. But don’t come if you think….”
Gabriel was biting down on his lower lip, trying not to smile. John reached out and tugged him a little closer by his black suit coat, wondering how hard it would be to change. Just a little. Enough to kiss openly, out in the world, in the sunshine. It wasn’t hard at all, he discovered, and Gabriel smiled at him with tired eyes and kissed him back.
GABRIEL called Friday afternoon to report that President Wainright had blown them off for the weekend. The admin, Cecilia, said he’d been “in a mood” since their visit. He also reported he was coming with them to provide Kim’s backup.
Kim was excited and a little nervous, John thought, more about introducing his uncles to his favorite watering hole than anything else. Did they still call them watering holes? John wasn’t sure, and he was not used to feeling so out of his element. This gay dance bar was not the Officer’s Club, that much he was sure of. Kim floated into his room to check on what he was wearing. John had been instructed not to shave that morning, so he would look extra tough, but he didn’t think Kim understood that whiskers coming in more gray than brown did not intimidate anyone. He’d shaved like usual.
Kim held his arms out and showed off his new tee shirt. It was black with a gold foil Buddha on the front. “It’s the Compassionate Buddha,” Kim explained. Then he turned around so John could read the writing on the back: If you’re new in town, follow my GREENPEACE PETA PACIFIST BUTT into this bar!
“It was too good a line, Uncle John. I couldn’t waste it.”
“Out. I need to get dressed. And I need a little peace and quiet.”
“So what are you wearing?”
“Out.”
Kim was back in five minutes, holding a small glass of tequila through a crack in the door. John took it without a word and closed the door. It was good, he thought, taking a sip. Patron Silver, with lime juice and soda water, with a curly twist of lime peel. Kim had a knack for this.
He put on an old pair of camo pants, faded and banged up from actual use in a combat zone, black boots, and a black tee shirt. He wasn’t going in looking for trouble, but he wanted trouble to take one look at him and head for the door. Gabriel knocked on his door five minutes later, holding his own glass and wearing camo pants, boots, and a dark brown tee shirt. “Hey.”
John gestured with his glass. “This is good, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. Not too sweet. Nice and bitter on the tongue. Kim made these?”
John nodded. “I wonder if he wants to go to cooking school.”
Gabriel took a seat on the edge of the bed. “Cecilia seems to think Wainright is just trying to get an okay from somebody up the chain before he gives us any sort of reply. But I don’t think she really knows what’s happening. She just wanted to chat.”
“You’re a handsome man. I’m sure lots of ladies want a chat.”
Gabriel sighed, took a sip of his drink, and John stood in front of him, pushed a knee in between his legs on the bed. “Can you come back with me tonight?”
“Sure.” Gabriel looked a question at him. “If we’re not in jail.”
John shook his head. “It’s getting pretty damn hard to sleep without you in my bed. All of a sudden, I’m staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night, wondering where you are. Wondering why I can’t sleep.”
“Yeah, me too. Lot of things changing, I guess.”
John wondered if he was pushing too hard, or maybe not pushing hard enough? “You just tell me what you want me to do, Gabriel. What you need from me. If you need me to back off and give you some space, just tell me.”
“It’s not the same with you as with Martha, John. I feel like there’s this lifetime of missed chances to work through. Missed opportunities. I’m not ready to peel you off with this old skin and find a new life. I liked my old life just fine.” He hesitated. “Maybe I wish we could have had something more. I think back all those long years, and all I can remember is yearning and loneliness. Wondering where you were, if you were safe. When I would see you again. Waiting and waiting and waiting some more, hoping for just five minutes of your company.”
John reached for his hair, slid his fingers into the silky dark. “I wonder why I’ve been feeling so, I don’t know how to describe it, so dissatisfied. So unhappy. I mean, I’m exactly where I wanted to be. Where I planned to be. And this life feels a lot more empty than I expected it to feel. I’ve been thinking about you too. About all those missed chances.” Gabriel looked at him, and John leaned over, tasted the cool drink on his mouth. “I know you’ve got a lot going on. A lot to work through. Don’t let me push you into anything you’re not ready for.”
Gabriel tugged him back down for another kiss by a handful of his tee shirt. “I’ve been ready for you to push me into something for years.”
Kim stuck his head in the door, gave a low wolf whistle when he saw them. “What is with you two? You’re making out like teenagers every time you drink tequila.”
John looked over his shoulder. “Could I suggest you not be so quick to speak when a random thought floats through your empty head?”
“Okay, fine, fine. I’m just saying. Horse-Lord, did you see my tee shirt?”
“I did. Please don’t make me look at it again.”
The split lip had healed, but there was still a little smudge of discoloration under his eye. John wondered if he was going to cover it up with makeup, but Kim just slid some Cherry Berry lip gloss over his mouth and stuck the tube in his pocket. “Ready, Uncles? We’re going to Effex downtown. They’ve got a rooftop bar and a dance floor down below. You’ve love it.”
A taxi dropped them off on Central, and Kim led the way through a group of rowdy young men and women, already partying on the street. Downtown was glitzy at night, the neon pulsing and the lights twinkling brightly, the whole scene shiny and hip. John and Gabriel walked about five steps behind Kim. He seemed to know every person on the street. He had to stop and kiss a few boys, big smacking kisses that looked like five-year-olds playing, and he let some goon in a white sleeveless tee suck on his neck while he giggled and studied the stars. He reapplied his lip gloss and pushed open the doors.
“Friend or foe?” Gabriel was studying the goon. John shrugged. They had worked out a code, a “save me code,” as Kim called it. If he dropped his lip gloss onto the floor, he wanted his U
ncle John. If he dropped a dollar bill to the floor, that meant he needed emergency egress. Kim had explained these signals so carefully John’s heart cracked a little in his chest, remembering the baby who’d needed to be picked up and carried safely above the world.
John and Gabriel took up position next to the bar. The main floor of the club had a DJ supplying the music, and there was a second floor with a wide balcony circling the dance floor below. As far as John could see, the balcony was for strolling hand in hand, seeing and being seen. There were stairs to an outdoor rooftop bar on the third floor. Gabriel had checked it out, said it was the place for old guys like them to hang out. The music up there was straight out of 1968.
John leaned against the bar, studied the balcony, nodded at his guy watching them from above. “Everything set?” Gabriel nodded yes.
Kim floated over to them, giggling at something one of his friends was whispering in his ear. He leaned over. “I’ll come tell you if I leave the dance floor, okay? Maybe later on we can go up to the rooftop? You’ll like it up there. It’s quieter. I know the music is kind of loud down here.”
“Come get one of us before you go to the head.”
Kim nodded at Gabriel, his face troubled. “That’s where he did it, you know. In the men’s room.” His face brightened a bit. “Hey, you want to dance?”
Gabriel reared back. “God, no.”
“Uncle John? How about you?”
“The bodyguards never dance.”
“You can have some fun too. You don’t have to watch me every minute.”
“It’ll be more fun watching you than anything else I could be doing tonight.”
Kim gave him a look like he wasn’t quite sure what John meant, then a quick hug around the waist and he plunged back onto the dance floor. Gabriel ordered them a couple of beers, and John pulled two pairs of yellow foam earplugs from his cargo pocket.
IT WAS a couple of torturous hours later when Brian Walker came onto the dance floor. John had seen pictures of him in the faculty handbook, and the PI had taken some photos as well. John touched Gabriel on the shoulder, and Gabriel moved across the floor, disappeared into the crowd on the far side of the bar. John nodded to his guys on the second floor, gave them the thumbs-up.
