After I Fall

by Amity Hope

  I shook my head. “Do you just try to come up with ways to make me hate you?!”

  She flinched at my words. I felt guilty for a moment. But only for a moment. When she tapped the manila folder that rested in her lap, my guilt evaporated, replaced by anger once more.

  I jumped up and pointed at the door. “You need to leave!”

  “I’m not going anywhere,” she stubbornly replied.

  “Well, then I’ll go.” I headed toward the door but she followed. She latched onto my arm, holding me in place.

  “You need to hear what Jim found. Eric’s been lying to you. His mother is in prison.”

  I shook my head. “No, she’s not.”

  “He’s been lying to you EmLynn. His mother is in prison for manslaughter. She killed two children. I know that’s not easy to hear but you need to hear it.”

  I felt myself go limp. She slowly released my arm when she realized I didn’t have the energy to go anywhere. Her words were like the worst kind of weight, weighing me down, holding me in place.

  “He told me his parents died.”

  “I know. He lied to you. She didn’t die. But two children are dead because of her. She killed two kids while driving drunk. They were six and nine years old. A brother and sister. And his dad—”

  I started to shake my head. I wanted to do something childish, like stick my fingers in my ears so that I could block out the sound of her voice.

  “His father is just as bad. He’s been in and out of prison. He’s out at the moment but that doesn’t really make me feel any better. He’s involved in drugs. His last conviction was for grand theft auto. He’s a thief EmLynn. These are the people who raised Eric. Does it really seem so farfetched that Eric is following in their footsteps?”

  I hated the fact that my thoughts were so tangled I couldn’t form a reasonable argument.

  “As for Eric, it’s a small miracle he’s even passing school, considering how many absences he’s had. He was suspended twice last year alone. Both times for attacking a fellow student on school property. He broke a classmate’s nose, EmLynn.”

  “How do I know you’re not just telling me this? How do I know that you aren’t just using what happened to him to drive a wedge between us?”

  “You need to open your eyes, sweetheart. You’re not seeing this boy clearly. He’s not the boy he’s been pretending to be. I can show you the report from Jim. I’m sure with a little bit of research on your own, you can confirm it. I have newspaper articles about the car accident. I have a copy of the obituaries. I have the names of both of his parents, his school records.”

  “How long have you known this?”

  “Not long. Just since this morning. I asked Jim to start looking into it the day Eric was arrested. Most of this information wasn’t hard to come by. Not for him, someone who knows where to look. I asked him to find out if Eric has a prior criminal record but because he’s a minor that will take a bit longer.”

  “Because juvenile records are sealed, right?” I asked with a harsh laugh. “Is that legal? To look into them?”

  “I think I have a right to know who my daughter is really dating,” she said calmly.

  “Now who’s partaking in criminal activity?” I demanded.

  “I’m sure that Jim will be very scrupulous with his findings.”

  “Considering the amount of money you are probably offering him? I’m sure he’ll be able to find whatever horrible thing it is that you’re looking for.”

  “It’s not as if I want this information to be true.”

  “Don’t you?” I asked. It came out somewhere between a sarcastic laugh and a sob. “You’ve disliked him from the start. You were probably just waiting for this. I bet it really made your day.”

  She shook her head. “It didn’t, actually. It breaks my heart to see you so upset. But that’s why I know that you needed to hear this. You need to be able to make a clean break from him. Things are only going to get worse for him from here.”

  I raked a hand through my hair. I wanted to argue with her. I wanted to assure her that it was a mistake. That he was innocent. I wanted to tell her that I stood behind him because he ought to be seen as innocent until proven guilty.

  I couldn’t say any of those things. He’d lied to me.

  “EmLynn, he’s going to be in a whole lot of trouble for what he did. So you can blame me all you want, but if he’s sent to…a juvenile facility, or wherever kids like him go, you won’t be able to blame me for keeping you two apart. He’ll have done that all on his own.”

  I realized then that she had no idea about the deal Phillip had made. As far as she knew, Eric was still in a lot of trouble. I decided not to enlighten her. I just wanted to get rid of her. If she knew he was free, she’d just continue to bombard me.

  “Fine, Mom, you’re right. If he gets sent away, he’ll be out of my life. Now, will you please get out of my living room?”

  “Em—”

  I held my hand up. “Just don’t. I don’t want to hear anything else. You’ve done and said plenty. Now just get out.”

  “I know it seems like a horrible thing right now, but you’re young. There will be other boys. Other boys who are better suited to you,” she reasoned.

  A sharp laugh escaped from my mouth. “You married your high school sweetheart so how can you even use that excuse on me?”

  “Because Phillip is nothing like Eric.”

  “Whatever. Just get out.”

  I thought she’d protest but to my relief she moved toward the door. She opened it, but before letting herself out, she turned to me once more.

  “Phillip has invited the Deverouxs over for dinner the day after tomorrow. I can’t imagine why, he would do that, but he’s requested the presence of the entire family. That includes you.”

  She left without saying another word.

  I stood there, wondering if this day could possibly get any worse.

  * * *

  Mom’s words had the damaging affect that she’d hoped that they would have. I couldn’t stop wondering if Eric really was guilty. I didn’t think he’d lie to me, but he had. What if he’d been lying to me about the robbery?

  What if he’d been lying to me and Phillip had bent over backwards, and then some, to help me?

  Sure, he’d stolen a bouquet of flowers for me. He’d snuck out in the middle of the night and he’d violated curfew. Did that mean he was capable of breaking and entering? Was he capable of not only the robbery, but the destruction?

  He’d broken a kid’s nose.

  Maybe he was capable of all of it.

  Maybe he’d been putting his good side forward, but maybe his bad side was slowly trickling through.

  I paced the short length of my living room. Eric had plenty of opportunities to tell me about his parents. He was going to tell me something before I left the Zierden’s. I had assumed that he was going to talk about the car accident that I had assumed his parents died in. Was he finally going to tell me the truth because he knew it would probably come out in this whole mess anyway?

  It didn’t make me feel any less angry to think that he was going to tell me the truth now, when he was so close to being caught in his lie.

  That wasn’t the only thought going through my head. Eric had hurt someone, really hurt them? He’d been suspended not just once, but twice for violent behavior.

  I didn’t want Mom to be right, but maybe she was.

  I didn’t really know Eric at all.

  When my phone broke into song on my coffee table, I was hesitant to answer it. Especially when Eric’s name flashed across the screen.

  When I answered, I could hear the relief in his voice. Not over the fact that I’d picked up, but he said he had something to tell me. I was sure I knew what he was going to say. Regardless when he asked if I could come over, I told him I’d be right there.

  I had plenty to say to him, too.

  Lisa answered the door. She was beaming.

  “Hello! Eric is in
the backyard. He’s down by the lake,” she said.

  “Thanks. I’ll go find him.”

  My heart rattled around in my chest as I made my way around the house. Eric was in the hammock. When he spotted me, he rolled out of it and walked toward me.

  He was beaming.

  I was not.

  “You’ll never believe what happened!” he said.

  “The charges were dropped. I know. You can thank Phillip for that.” My tone was tense. I crossed my arms over my stomach, trying to hold myself together.

  “What?”

  “You heard me.”

  “Why would he do that? How did he do that?”

  “He did it for me. Because I asked him to,” I explained. “I asked him because I believed in you. I believed you were telling the truth!”

  I hadn’t intended to tell Eric this. I didn’t want him to feel guilty, or indebted. But I was in an awful mood. I was being as callous as my mother often was.

  “I was telling the truth,” he said in a slow, cautious tone. “You think I was lying? What’s this about EmLynn? What’s wrong?”

  “What’s wrong? You lied to me!”

  “No. I didn’t,” he said, his confusion evident.

  “Where are your parents?”

  I could tell the question took him by surprise. The color drained from his face. He shook his head and blew out a breath.

  “You told me your parents were dead and they’re not! Who does that?” I pulled in a heaving breath. “What kind of person lies about something like that? Especially when I told you about my dad?”

  “The kind of person who wishes his parents were dead.” The moment he said it, I could tell he regretted it.

  I just shook my head. I would give anything to have my dad back. I couldn’t imagine wishing something so horrible upon him, or anyone, but least of all my family. Mom and I didn’t see eye to eye most of the time and Phillip and I’d had our share of differences. But I’d never wish that on them.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I took that too far. But you don’t know my parents. What they’re like. They haven’t been a part of my life for years. Other than to step in and screw it all up.”

  “What they’re like,” I repeated with a sharp laugh. “Of course I don’t know what they’re like. I didn’t even know they were alive.”

  “I never said they were dead. You just assumed.”

  “You never corrected me! You lied by omission! Lying by omission is still lying. At least it is to me.”

  “I was trying to tell you when you were at the Zierdens.”

  “Because you figured it would all come out? Because you knew you were going to get caught in a lie?”

  “No. Because I knew I had let this go on for too long. I knew I messed up.”

  “You sure did.”

  I thought about all of the times I’d tried to talk to him about his parents, his family. He’d always shut down the conversation. Every single time I’d felt as though he were trying to shut me out.

  “I get that you probably feel really betrayed right now.”

  “Don’t patronize me,” I snapped.

  “I’m not. I’m just…” He faded off.

  “What?” I asked with raised eyebrows.

  He shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to say or what to do right now.”

  “I don’t think there are enough words to just explain this away,” I said.

  “I know that. I also think that you’re so mad right now—and with good reason—but you’re so mad I don’t think you’re going to listen to me anyway.”

  I gritted my teeth, not wanting to admit that he was right. There was an old country song on the station my dad used to listen to. The lady belted out a tune about just wanting to be mad for a little while. I got what she was saying. I was livid. I needed to be mad right now. I needed to work through these feelings.

  “Did you think you would just be able to get away with this?” I asked.

  “No. I just didn’t know how…or when to tell you.”

  “So you waited, and put it off, and waited some more. You thought it would be best to wait until after I fall for you? So that way, you could break my heart that much more.”

  “No,” he said quietly. “No. That’s not it at all. You know, I’ve fallen for you too. I felt myself falling deeper and deeper in love with you every day. And then I didn’t know how to bring it up. I didn’t want to lose you. And now I’m going to anyway, aren’t I?”

  I ignored his question.

  “Did you really attack someone at school? Break their nose? I mean, do I even know you? Do I know anything about you?”

  “Who told you that?” His expression was pained. He scrubbed at his face. “You know what, I don’t care. What happened at my old school isn’t relevant to my life now. It sure as hell isn’t relevant to you and me.” He spoke softly. He took a tentative step toward me.

  “You want to know how I found out? My mom hired a private investigator! I had to hear it from her. I should’ve heard it from you.” My voice cracked and my eyes were prickling with unshed tears. I hated crying. I certainly didn’t want to cry in front of Eric. Not now, not after all of this.

  He shook his head. “You’re right. Give me a chance to explain.”

  “I gave you all sorts of chances to explain! I told you about my dad because I thought you would understand. I thought you’d been through the same thing! Not once did you explain a damn thing!”

  “I had my reasons,” he said quietly.

  “You know what? I don’t want to hear them. I’ve heard enough excuses and lies from you.” I started walking backward toward the house.

  He started to follow but I held up my hand, indicating he needed to stay put.

  “Don’t follow me or I’ll ask Phillip to have the charges against you reinstated. In fact, I should probably do that anyway. I’m not so sure anymore that you’re innocent after all.”

  I spun on my heel, ignoring his protests as I hurried to the sanctuary of my car.

  Chapter 21

  I was proud of myself for finally getting into the habit of locking my door. It meant Mom couldn’t just barge in. Her knock gave me at least a few moments warning, a chance to mentally brace myself for facing her.

  Only this time when I opened the door in response to the person knocking on the other side, it wasn’t Mom. It was Eric.

  “We need to talk,” he said. He pushed past me while I was still too stunned to stop him.

  I closed the door and turned to face him. I had cooled off some since yesterday. I’d lied when I told him I didn’t want to hear about his past. Last night, I’d nearly gone crazy wondering. At the same time, I was still furious that he’d lied to me by omission, if not outright.

  He shifted from one foot to the other. His expression was pleading. I crossed my arms over my stomach the way I always did when I felt like I was going to fly apart.

  “Look, Em, I am sorry. I cannot even tell you how sorry. I didn’t mean to lie. It all just got out of control. If I could take it back, I would. But I can’t. And I swear, the robbery? I didn’t do it. I don’t know how the pendant got in my car. I don’t. And I know how suspicious it sounds but I don’t know what else to say.”

  I didn’t know what to say either.

  “You are the best thing to ever happen to me. Please just try to forgive me. Please tell me that we can move on from here.”

  When I realized he wasn’t going to elaborate from there, I finally spoke up. “I just don’t know how I’m supposed to ever trust you again. To be honest? As far as the robbery, I don’t even know what to believe. I mean, I want to believe you, but why should I? Why wouldn’t you tell me about your parents? Why did you just let me believe they died?”

  “Before I met you, I felt like my life was in a freefall. Finally, I landed here, in Roseville. For the first time in my life…I was actually looking forward to my life. I wasn’t planning on making friends here. I sure as hell wasn’t p
lanning on falling in love with someone.” He shrugged, looking helpless. “I just wanted to forget about my past and all the baggage that went with it. I didn’t want to talk about it, or bring it up, to anyone. That was my plan. In fact, I thought I’d just keep my distance from everyone. I thought it would be easier that way. But then you came along…”

  “And?”

  “And I liked that you didn’t look at me the way the kids at my old school looked at me,” he said quietly.

  “What does that even mean?”

  “It means, when your mom gets drunk and plows into a family, and two of those kids end up dead…people look at you like you’re the monster. Yeah, I broke a guy’s nose. But he attacked me first. It was self-defense.”

  I didn’t say anything. I just let his words sink in.

  “I never meant to lie. It’s like when you let me think you were the nanny. It started out innocently.”

  “And I corrected you!”

  “After I already found out! But that doesn’t matter. I know it’s not even close to the same thing.” He blew out a breath and dragged his hand over his face. “I just need for you to understand I wanted to leave my old life behind. As far as I’m concerned, my parents are dead to me. I want nothing to do with them. Thanks to them, both of them, my life has been hell. Especially for the last few years. I just wanted a chance to start over, without anyone knowing all the dirty little secrets in my past. Is that so bad?”

  Was it? I didn’t know.

  “Try to put yourself in my place,” he pleaded. “I just met this amazing girl. I didn’t want to scare her off. I didn’t want her to see me differently because of something I didn’t even do. I just wanted a clean start.”

  “Okay,” I said.

  “Okay as in…we’re going to be okay?”

  “No…I don’t know. I just meant, okay, I’ll try to put myself in your place. I’ll try to understand.”

  “I know how much you loved your dad. And I know you love your mom, even if you do have issues. It’s clear she loves you too. I’d give anything to have that, issues and all. But my parents? Em, they’ve never been there for me. I’m not being melodramatic when I say they really could not care less about me.” He was quiet, letting his words once again sink in. “Your mom and Phillip love you. I would give anything to have that. I got tired of acknowledging parents that wished I didn’t exist.”