by L. Wilder
“Because you aren’t listening to me!” I replied. “I know you don’t like Brady, but I love him, and I’m not giving up this baby!”
He took a step towards me as he growled, “Well, listen to this. If you leave and move in with this boy, then you’re on your own. It will be your decision, and you’ll have to live with the consequences. Don’t come crawling back to us when everything goes to hell.”
I was surprised by his reaction, but the look on his face told me he meant every word. “Dad, please don’t do this. Don’t make me choose between you and him.”
“It shouldn’t be a hard decision. We’ve never failed to be here for you when you needed us. Can you say the same for him?”
“That’s not fair.”
“Of course it is, Ellie. So, what’s it going to be? Are you going to do the right thing? Are you going to stay here with us and let us help you get through all this, or are you going to walk away?”
Thinking back on my past made me realize that family was so important—it was everything. I had it made. I lived in a nice town with a family who loved me, and then I screwed it all up when I chose Brady over them. If I could go back in time and take it all back, I would. I would do it in a heartbeat, but that’s the thing about the past: There’s nothing in the world you can do to change it. If I could just go back, I would’ve stayed there with my mom and dad that day. I would’ve let them help me and let the cards fall where they may. If I had, I might’ve actually had the baby, graduated from college, and had the life I’d always dreamed of. Unfortunately, none of that happened, and to make matters worse, I no longer had my family for support. There was no way I would’ve gone to them now anyway; I couldn’t pull them into my nightmare. Not that it mattered anymore, but I had to figure this out on my own.
With the snow falling even harder than before, I just kept driving. I had no idea where I was going. I just knew I had get as far away from Ellensburg as possible, so I headed into the mountains and prayed that I’d end up somewhere safe. Several hours later, I was running low on gas, and the roads were getting worse by the minute. My eyelids were becoming heavy and my entire body was weak from exhaustion. Even though I needed to find somewhere to stop, I just kept pushing forward. I didn’t have a choice. I had no idea where I was, and there were no gas stations, restaurants, or even a house, anywhere in sight. The longer I drove, the harder it was to keep my eyes open, and the minute I closed them, I lost control of my car. It happened in an instant. I felt like I was floating through the air as the car slid towards the edge of the road. Overcome with panic, I tried slamming on the brakes, but it did nothing to stop me from heading towards the embankment. With a terrifying jolt, the car rocked to its side and started to flip—over and over again. I barely had time to scream before the air bags knocked me back and my head slammed against the driver’s side window. The sound of breaking glass and crumbling metal was deafening as the car continued to tumble down a long, deep ravine. The whole thing happened in slow motion and seemed to last a lifetime before it all stopped. The car eventually slammed into a thick of trees, leaving me surrounded by silence.
Chapter 3
Diesel
When we pulled up to Lou’s Restoration, there were several old cars parked out front, and even more inside. Where we had the construction company and the dock, they used the garage and the diner to launder their money; from the looks of it, they were doing pretty fucking well. I followed Clutch as he sauntered forward, passing several guys who were busy working, each one of them calling out to him to welcome him back. He’d return their greeting, but he didn’t stop. Just as he was about to open the door to the office, it flew open and we were met by a blond-haired guy with an unruly beard and a wide smile. He stepped forward and gave Clutch a quick, firm hug as he said, “Clutch! My man. How’s it going?”
“Hey, Blaze. Good to see you, brother,” he told him as he patted him on the shoulder.
Blaze turned and went back into the office and asked, “How was the trip down?”
“Not too bad, if you like driving in a fucking blizzard.” Clutch motioned towards me as he followed him into the office. “I don’t think you’ve met Diesel.”
I extended my hand to him. “Nice to meet you, brother.”
Blaze shook my hand and smiled. “Good to meet you, Diesel.”
Once we all sat down, Clutch said, “Looks like things are going good here at the shop.”
“They are. Things have really picked up over the last few months.”
“What about Duggar? Is he back to work?” Clutch asked.
“Yeah, but after the wreck, he hasn’t been able to do as much as he used to. His leg gives him all kinds of trouble, so he’s taken a step down and left all the fun stuff to me,” Blaze grumbled. “Running the show isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”
“Yeah, that’s what I’ve heard.” Clutch chuckled. “But from what I can see, you’re doing pretty well with it. You’ve got them lined up outside.”
Blaze ran his hand through his thick hair as he groaned, “Maybe so, but it doesn’t leave me much time for anything else, especially with Kevin. He needs me to be around, and I wanna be with him as much as I can, especially with everything that’s been going on with him. It just makes it tough to balance everything out.”
I could see the concern in Clutch’s eyes as he asked, “How’s he doing these days?”
“He’s gonna be eight in a few months. He’s growing like a damn weed. Hell, I can’t keep the kid in shoes. He grows out of them in just a few months, and he’s smart. Hell of a lot smarter than I was at his age, especially with those damn electronics. There’s nothing that kid can’t do, and he likes to rub it in my face whenever he can.”
“Eight? Damn. I bet he’s a handful.”
Blaze smiled. “Yeah, but he’s a good kid. Makes me proud every damn day.”
“Is he doing okay … health wise?”
“Yeah. He’s still in remission, and the doctors are hopeful he’ll stay that way. He seems to be doing okay, although, I can’t help but worry. He’s all I got, you know, and I don’t want to lose him.”
Hearing them talk made me think back to when we first found out that my mother had breast cancer. By the time she was diagnosed, it was too late. The doctors suggested several different experimental drugs, but she quickly realized that the side effects were worse than the actual cancer. The disease took its toll on her, making her death long and drawn out. No one should have to go through that, especially a child, and I hoped for Blaze’s sake that his son remained in remission. I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard Blaze ask, “Sam told me that Liv was expecting. Congratulations, brother.”
“Thanks. I’m still trying to get used to the idea. I can’t believe I’m gonna be a father,” Clutch replied proudly.
“It’ll be the best thing you’ve ever done. Any idea what she’s having?”
“It’s a girl. She’s due in about eight weeks. We’re planning to name her Casey.”
“Let’s hope she looks like her mother.” Blaze teased.
“Don’t you know it.”
“Well, if she’s tall like her father, I bet she’ll be one hell of a basketball player.”
They continued to talk for another half hour, and then we headed over to see his buddy, Sam. He was older than I’d imagined, with a long, thick, white beard and deep wrinkles around his eyes. Those eyes lit up when he saw Clutch, and without saying a word, he reached for him and gave him a hug. “It’s good to see you, Sam.”
His voice was strained as he replied, “I was hoping I’d get to see you while you were in town.”
“You know I wouldn’t leave without coming by to see you. Liv would have my ass.” Clutch teased. “Gus said you’ve been helping out a lot in the garage.”
“I have. It’s been good to use my hands again,” he explained. “And they need as much help as they can get around here.”
“How are things at home? You still staying in touch with your
daughter?”
Clutch had told me about Sam having some trouble dealing with his wife’s death. He had friends and family who he could turn to, but he just couldn’t cope with the loss and ended up living on the streets, doing what he could to escape from the pain. It wasn’t something that most would understand, including his daughter, but after everything that happened with Liv, he was able to get his life back on track. I was pleased when I heard him say, “Yep. She’s doing good. Met her a fella, and they’re talking about getting married.”
“That’s awesome, Sam. Glad to hear it.”
As I stood there watching them talk, it was clear that Clutch was well-liked and had left a highly-regarded impression on the brothers, and they’d equally affected him as well. He’d forged friendships that would last a lifetime, and it made me proud just to witness them all together. Once they were done catching up, Sam gave Clutch another big hug and wished him and Liv good luck with the baby. We made our way back out to the truck, and Clutch drove us over to Daisy Mae’s. As soon as we walked in, I was hit with the smell of home-cooking. At this point I was officially starving, and my mouth started to salivate at the thought of eating a big, thick cheeseburger and fries.
I followed Clutch to the front counter, and we’d barely sat down when I heard, “Clutch. Hey there, brother. It’s been awhile.”
“Cyrus. It’s good to see you, man.” Clutch smiled.
He smiled back and heartily shook Clutch’s hand. “Gus said you two were going to be staying upstairs tonight.”
“That’s the plan … if it’s okay with you.”
“More than okay, but I got someone staying in the apartment where Liv and the kids stayed, so you two will have to take your old place.”
Clutch told me that Cyrus ran the diner with his sister, but that was about it. He was a big guy, covered in tattoos with dark hair and a dark beard to match. There was a look in his eyes that made him seem older, even though he was just a few years older than Clutch.
“That’s fine.” He looked over to me as he continued, “Diesel here can take the bed. The sofa’s more comfortable anyway.” Clutch snickered.
Cyrus looked over to me and said, “He’s full of shit. Never heard anyone complain about that bed until he came around, and that’s only because he’s so damn tall his feet hang off the end.”
“I’m sure it will be just fine. Hell, I’m so tired I could pass out on the damn floor and sleep like a fucking baby,” I told him.
Clutch chuckled then asked, “So, how you been doing?”
“Making it the best I can. You know how Louise can be … always riding my ass about something.” He joked. “You’d think she’d eventually wear herself out.”
“Nah. Not Louise. She’s a tough one, brother.”
“You got that right.” He rolled his eyes and sighed. “Can I get you two something to eat?”
“Absolutely. How about two sweet teas and a couple of cheeseburgers with fries.”
“You got it,” he told him as he turned and put in our order. When he came back over with our drinks, he asked, “How are Liv and the kids doing?”
“Doing good. You know, Charlie will be a senior next year.”
“Damn. Already?”
“It’s hard to believe. And Hadley’s growing up fast, brother. Doubt you’d recognize her.”
“I don’t know, man. She’s got a smile that’d be hard to forget.”
His cheerful expression quickly changed when a beautiful brunette came walking through the back door. She was a hot little number, around my age and was dressed to the nines with her short, snug-fitting black dress and high heels. Her long, brown hair was down around her shoulders with soft waves that framed her heart-shaped face. She looked over to Cyrus, and her eyes roamed seductively over him like she was about to devour her last meal. When he opened his mouth to speak, she quickly looked away, ignoring him completely as she continued past us. She reached for the handle of the front door and stopped, pausing for a moment like she had something on her mind. I thought she was going to turn around and say something, instead, she suddenly pushed the door open and disappeared into the crowded street.
Once she was gone, Cyrus growled, “Damn.”
“Who was that?” I asked.
“No idea. Just know that she’s renting the apartment next to your old place.”
“You might want to find out more about her … cause the way she was just looking at you, she either wants to put a bullet in your head or have you for dinner,” Clutch taunted.
“Maybe so, but I don’t have time for a woman’s bullshit right now.” He grabbed our burgers from the kitchen window, then slid them over to us. “With everything that’s going on with the club, I don’t even have a fucking minute to think, so she’ll just have to take that shit somewhere else.”
“Damn, brother.” I snickered. “Things must be rough if you’re gonna pass up a chick like that.”
“A chick like that is a distraction I don’t fucking need, brother.”
A concerned look crossed Clutch’s face. “Gus didn’t mention anything. Is something going on?”
“Same old bullshit. It’s bad enough with the fucking gangs in the area, but now we got a new MC sniffing around. We don’t need more bullshit,” he grumbled. “Just gotta keep these new boys in check and make sure they know what’s what.”
Clutch took a bite of his burger, then said, “I’m sure Gus will handle them.”
“Hell yeah. You know Gus. He don’t fuck around. One false move, and he’ll string them up by their balls.”
“Got no doubt about that. I’d hate to get on his bad side.”
“Don’t you know it.” Cyrus agreed.
Clutch nodded. “And that’s why the gavel stays in his hand.”
“Damn straight.”
We continued to talk as we ate, and an hour later, Clutch and I headed upstairs. It was still early, but we were both wiped from all the traveling. After a hot shower, I collapsed on the bed while Clutch crashed on the sofa. I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of his voice as he talked to Liv on the phone. He asked her a million questions about her day and how she was feeling, leaving no doubt that he was crazy about her. The thought of having kids never really crossed my mind. I’d had a few steady girlfriends in high school, but since then, I rarely dated anyone more than few months. I didn’t have the time nor the desire to invest in anything more, but hearing the excitement in Clutch’s voice when he talked about the baby had me wondering if I was missing out on something. As soon as he started telling her about his visit with Sam, I finally dozed off.
It felt like I’d just closed my eyes, when Clutch nudged my shoulder and said, “Let’s roll.”
I turned to face him and yawned. “What time is it?”
“It’s time for us to get on the road. Now move your ass,” he growled.
Reluctantly, I threw the covers back and pulled myself out of the bed. I padded into the bathroom and did my business, splashed some cold water on my face and brushed my teeth before I got dressed. After I pulled my boots on, I announced, “I’m ready.”
“It’s about time,” he scowled as he started towards the door. Shaking my head, I ignored his irritable mood, grabbed my things, and followed him out to the truck. As soon as we got outside, and my sleeping brain realized that it was still pitch black, I checked my phone to see what time it was. “Fuck, Clutch. It’s 4:30 in the damn morning.”
“And?”
Knowing he was eager to get back, I grumbled, “Nothing. Let’s get home.”
“That’s what I thought.”
As soon as I got in the truck, I glanced over at Clutch and cringed when I noticed the look of determination in his eyes. Damn. I was going to be in for one hell of a ride home.
Chapter 4
Ellie
I was stuck in a dream—a dream I didn’t want to be in. I was back in the old apartment that Brady and I moved into right after we’d gotten married. Not only was I trying to ad
just to being a newlywed, but I was also dealing with the fatigue and influx of hormones from my pregnancy. I wasn’t handling it so well, and Brady wasn’t making it any easier. He wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps and become a police chief, so he went to the academy. After he graduated, he tried to get a job at our local police department, but he didn’t make the cut. He worked hard to prove himself, giving it everything he had, but it just wasn’t enough. Since his father was the chief in a neighboring city, he was able to pull a few strings to get him in. Knowing that he hadn’t gotten the job on his own changed something in Brady. He became more determined than ever to make a name for himself, but his lack of patience to earn his way up the ladder, along with a derisive attitude towards some of the guys, made him highly unpopular with his colleagues at the precinct.
He quickly became frustrated and angry, and soon developed a habit of stopping off at the bar on his way home. At first, it was just every now and then. He’d drink a few beers, and then he’d come on home. But over time, it became an everyday thing, and to make matters worse, he wasn’t the best at handling his alcohol. After spending the night drinking, he would come home and either pass out on the recliner or he’d turn into a raging lunatic, cursing and yelling about everything that was wrong in his life. Unfortunately, the latter happened more often, and I was usually the brunt of all the negative things that were going on.
While I wasn’t exactly eager for him to come home that night, I’d fixed dinner and was becoming anxious that he hadn’t responded to any of my texts. It was well after dark, so I finally gave up on him and ate dinner without him. Once I was done, I went to the living room to watch TV. I’d just started to doze off when I heard the front door open, and Brady came stumbling into the kitchen. He clambered and banged around for several moments before he finally slammed the door behind him. I sat up on the sofa when I heard him grumble, “Damn it!”
