“I dress simply,” he said.
“I know that but it’s not the cheap kind of simply. For instance look at the watch on your wrist.”
He didn't even bother looking down at it. “It has a simple leather strap.”
“That watch costs almost four thousand dollars. My friend was thinking of buying this for her ex-boyfriend just a few months ago.”
“There are dupes everywhere,” he said, and I met his gaze.
“Perhaps,” I shifted my weight unto the other leg. “I don't think it would be appropriate for us to work together. If you really need this job, then I will understand. I’ll quit without any hard feelings.”
“Why would it be inappropriate for us to work together?”
“We were never meant to see each other again…”
“Why not?”
His boldness surprised me. Why was I the only one turning pink? I straightened my shoulders and replied defiantly. “You know why.”
“I truly don't,” he said.
“I only gave you one night...”
“And what if that one wasn’t enough? What if I want more?”
I wasn’t conscious of my next response. “I can only afford one.”
“Why?”
“What if I fall in love with you?” I came to my senses then. “I mean, w-what if you fall in love with me too?”
“That won’t happen,” he said with conviction and I felt the stab of offense in my gut. Anything I said from there on would be petty, so I chose to shut my mouth until I could see past the offense.
He went on. “You’re stunningly beautiful,” he said, “but what I want is very clear in my head and heart. Fucking you has been my most explosive experience yet and I didn’t expect it. Therefore I’m willing to do whatever I can to earn more of those nights with you… and if it starts to get too dangerous for either of us, we walk away.”
I scoffed in response. “That easily?”
“Yes, that easily.”
“Do you even know what love is?”
“Do you?” he sent the question back to me. I didn’t know what to say. However, those two words seemed to hold more meaning than I could begin to comprehend. Perhaps he had been hurt before or had some bad experiences with love.
I didn’t want to care, so I shook my head to clear it and rounded up the conversation. “l still think it will be difficult for us to work together.”
“You didn’t respond to my offer,” he said.
“What offer?” I retorted, and he didn't bother responding. He knew that I knew exactly what he was talking about. I lowered my gaze from his. “We have to get back to work.”
He took a step closer to me, and his voice dropped to a whisper. “You don’t want it?”
It felt as though he had touched my skin with his hands. My blood began to simmer. “I can’t afford it,” I said to him.
He was silent for a few moments, and then I lifted my gaze to see him nod his head. “Okay,” he said, stepped to the side, and left me staring dumbfounded at nothing for the second time in the same hour in the locker room.
Chapter 6
CARSON
We returned back to work and acted like the strangers that I insisted we would be, and by the end of the shift, I knew that I could not continue to work in that way.
The term painfully aware came alive to me, and it was excruciating. I would avoid any touch or proximity to him at any cost but then be almost unable to take my eyes off his hands as they worked, at the reminder of the places they had touched on my body that even my own hands hadn’t reached.
The constant debating on the right second to turn for a much-needed glance at him, and the sound of his low laugh anytime he was complimented by customers on his looks constantly filtered across the room to me. He was indeed truly handsome, and his carriage intimidated me senseless.
When it was time to leave, we all headed into the locker room for a quick change. I stalled my time by scrolling through my phone so that I could wait for them to leave, but then Ryan immediately began to question my strange behavior. “Why aren’t you changing?” he asked.
“I will.” He immediately knew what was wrong. “Oh, he’s now in our midst,” he said aloud like the dimwit he was. I rolled my eyes at him.
“They’re just breasts though,” he finally had the decency to whisper to me. “Although yours are knockers. If they did anything for me I would be all over you.”
Xander walked past us then and when I was sure that he had left the room, I sent a kick flying toward him.
“Why don’t we all go for dinner and beer before heading home?” Ryan suggested.
Everyone came alive at the suggestion, especially Lucy. I held my peace and counted the minutes till I could escape. The moment we walked out of the cafe, I started to head in the opposite direction, but Ryan caught my hand and pulled me back. “Where do you think you're going Carson?” he called aloud.
All eyes turned to me. “I’m quite exhausted so I better just head straight to bed.”
“So are we all,” Ryan said. “Just one drink sweetheart,” he said and glued me to his lanky body. In that moment I regretted getting close to him. “I need your support tonight,” he whispered into my ear. “I’m going home with him.”
Xander was ahead of us, now changed into a button up monochrome-striped dress shirt, tucked into tailored pants. I still couldn't believe that he needed to work in a cafe.
Just like Ryan, I ran my eyes up and down his body, taking in the broadness of his shoulders, his lean hips, and his firm backside, thinking of how they would feel in my hands as they pumped into me soaked my underwear shamelessly.
“He’s not gay, Ryan,” I reminded him, but he was unfazed.
“I said that I’d pay even if I had to. Everyone one is always down for a good experience. I bet he has a thick one, long and juicy.”
“Go away,” I shrieked and pushed him away from me to his amusement. His filthy words, however, continued to ring in my head. How I regretted insisting that we turned off the lights on that night. All I could remember was the feel of him as I rode him, and as it pumped into me. It had indeed been wonderfully thick and long… and juicy.
I coughed then at my thoughts and looked up the street when they all turned back to ask if I was alright. I was slowly poisoning myself with thoughts of him. I definitely could not continue to work there and the thought of being on the search again greatly saddened me. I now eagerly looked forward to the beer.
Rubirosa’s pizza had a place for us when we arrived so we took our seats and got started on our beer.
Ryan immediately put his plan on going home with Xander in action. “So tell us about yourself,” he said excitedly. “Are you from New York?”
Xander’s simple smile strangely warmed my heart. “No, but I’ve been here for quite a while.”
“I’m from Chicago,” Ryan introduced himself. “I had to get away from the folks the moment I turned eighteen.”
“What did you do before coming to work in our shop?” Lucy asked, and I listened on with rapt attention.
“Just menial things,” he said. “I hop around a lot.”
Ryan squirmed in his seat. “I do like a man who’s adventurous,”
Xander’s low chuckle brought my gaze to his from above my sip from my beer can. “On the contrary, I’m quite uneventful,” he said.
“Well, we can always change that,” said Ryan in a suggestive tone, and I almost choked on my beer.
“Where are you from, Carson?” Xander finally asked catching me off guard.
“Somewhere that’s not New York,” I said, and he kept looking at me. “Connecticut,” I finally replied.
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
I was taken aback by the question and met his gaze dead-on. “That’s quite personal.”
“What’s personal about it?” Lucy snapped at me and my eyes widened at the hostility.
“She doesn’t,” Ryan answered. “She is as single as a Prin
gle. I am also single,” he added.
“And so am I,” Lucy added, and I didn't miss the way her arms brushed against his. The conversation of the table began to take its toll on me.
“I’m not single,” I casually dropped, and all eyes turned to me.
“What?” Ryan spat.
“I have a boyfriend.”
“Why have you never mentioned him?”
“You never asked.”
“Well, you act like you don't have one. You don't receive any calls or text anyone. What kind of a relationship is that? Or is it purely sexual?”
“It’s not,” I said and pushed his arm at the tease.
“At least someone is getting it in,” Ryan sighed and started eating the arrived pizza.
“What’s his name?” Xander suddenly asked, and I said the first thing that came to mind.
“David.”
“What does he do?”
I kept the interview going. “He works for an app company. Anything else you want to know?”
“I’m good,” he said with a smile and rose the moment his phone began to ring.
“Do you have a girlfriend?” I asked, and he shook his head before heading out to answer the call.
Exhaustion eventually pulled us out of the bistro.
“Let’s split a cab, Carson,” Xander said and my head shot up in alarm. Ryan looked disappointed while Lucy looked like she had swallowed a bottle.
“We’re not going the same way,” I said.
“Yes, we are. You live in Brooklyn, don’t you, Williamsburg.”
I stared at him, for the first time, fear creeping into my heart.
“How do you know that?” Ryan asked.
“You told me,” Xander said.
I immediately retorted, “No, I did not.”
“You probably can’t remember,” Ryan said, “You were a bit off today.”
I chose not to argue and when the others left, I turned to Xander, grateful for the late-night crowd around us. “I didn’t tell you where I lived. How did you find out?”
“It was a guess,” was all he said and something cold seeped into my chest. I was almost afraid to ask the next question.
“What else do you know about me?”
“Are you scared?” he asked. “There’s no need to be.”
“I’ll be the one to decide that,” I said, and turned around to walk away. Multiple times I turned back to see if he was following me and I finally breathed when I saw him get into a cab and ride away.
I rushed into Bethany’s apartment looking over my shoulder, and when she met me at the door with a bucket of Ben and Jerry’s in hand and a mask on her face, I jumped, a hand to my chest to keep my heart in place.
“What’s wrong with you?” she asked, and I shook my head in response.
I headed over to the fridge to grab a glass of water and then turned around to face her as she settled onto the couch. “Why are you still awake?”
“It’s Friday,” she said. “I have shows to binge watch. I got lasagna for us; yours is in the fridge.”
“Already ate. I went to Rubirosa with my co-workers.”
“Ooh, that must have been good. It’s been a while since I had their pizza,” she sighed. “No time, plus its always so damn crowded in there.”
“Hmm,” I responded and joined her in a binge of Stranger Things, however, I could barely see the screen. My head was swirling with thoughts at the dangerous complication that I might just have brought to my life.
“Bethany,” I said, and turned to her. “I’m worried about something.”
Her eyes remained on the television. “What?”
“I uh… I…hooked up with someone.”
Her spoon stopped in mid-air as she turned slowly to me. “What?”
“A few weeks ago.”
“The fuck!” she yelled.
“It’s not a big deal,” I said, uncomfortable. “Well, it shouldn't be.”
What the…how…wh—” she stumbled over her words before calming herself and putting down the tub. “Of course it’s a goddamn big deal. You are a fucking virgin. I mean were. Wait, you did do it all the way, right?”
I narrowed my eyes at the ridiculousness of her question, and she covered her mouth with barely contained excitement. “I need to call Ida for this. Fucking finally.”
I grabbed her hand and pulled her back to the seat before she could miss the point of the information. “That’s not the story,” I said. “There’s a bit of a concern.”
Her smile faded at the worry in my eyes, and she settled down. “A concern. What’s wrong?” Her gaze filtered down to my belly. “Don’t tell me…”
“It’s not that,” I said. “I met him again today and he knew too much about me.”
“What do you mean?”
“He knew that we live in Williamsburg, and I never mentioned anything of the sort to him.”
Her hand flew to her chest. “Oh my god, are we in danger?”
“I don't think so. He looks pretty normal, but… his sudden mention of it to me today just got to me.”
“Is he handsome?” she asked.
“Problematically so.”
“It was a one-time thing right, so how did you meet him again?”
“He started working at my cafe today.”
“Holy shit.” For the first few seconds after that, she was quiet and then she went to retrieve her phone from the bedroom. “Ida needs to hear this.”
I groaned but went along and soon Ida was briefed and put on speaker phone.
“What do you know about him?” she asked.
“Just his name—Xander.”
“Last name?”
“I don’t know that, but I can find out.”
“It seems as though he’s actually been following you,” Bethany said. “How did he know to come to your coffee house the first day you began there?”
I didn't have an answer.
“And the first time you met him,” Ida began…
Bethany raised her knees to her chin and stared worriedly at me. “He was staring at you. There are goosebumps on my arms. I think you should quit.”
“No,” Ida said. “He might just be really interested in her. Maybe he’s met you somewhere before, but you just can’t remember.”
“I doubt that,” I said. “He’s not that easy to dismiss.”
“I need to see this guy,” Ida said.
“Don’t go back, Carson,” Bethany said. “Just call in and quit.”
“No,” Ida argued. “As of now, he’s only asked for more nights with her. It doesn’t mean he wants to harm her or anything. Bethany, let’s have lunch at her place tomorrow and check him out for ourselves. If something is truly amiss, then she’ll quit, and we’ll report him to the cops.”
“Alright, I agree,” I said.
Bethany sighed. “Wow, your first time and you picked up a creep. You sure are special, sweetheart.”
“Was he at least good?” Ida asked.
“She’s nodding,” Bethany said.
I hoped the conversation wouldn't go any further, but Ida pushed on. “Don’t you have any details?”
“She needs to go through a few more men to loosen up,” Bethany teased, and I heartily accepted the tease.
I went to the closet to get my pillow and blankets, in a not-so-subtle hint that I was ready to make my bed on the sofa. Bethany took the phone into her bedroom to finish up with Ida.
The next day I welcomed my friends to the cafe a few hours into my evening shift. “Send him over," Bethany said but I was still too concerned.
“Don’t be,” Ida said. “If something seems weird, we’ll contact the cops.”
After placing their orders I headed over to the counter, prepared myself to make the request of him. "Hey," I said, and he turned around. "Could you help me out with table seven? I need to use the restroom."
He nodded, barely even sparing me a glance which put me further on edge. I walked into the hallway where the bathroom
s were to wait for the call from Ida. I remained there for ten minutes and the call never came. Knowing I would get into trouble if I spent any more time missing from the dining room, I exited the restroom and headed back.
Xander was back behind the counter and speaking to Ryan, while my friends where still seated at their table. I walked over to them and couldn’t miss the worried looks on their faces as they leaned in to speak to each other. Bethany was the first to notice my approach and when she did, she tapped Ida and they both sat up.
Peering briefly over my shoulder to ensure that I wasn't being watched, I widened my eyes at them for a response.
“He seems fine to me,” Ida said and Bethany nodded in agreement. My eyes roved from one girl to the next. “Are you both joking? Is that all?”
They looked as though they didn't know what else to say.
I was confused as the two friends that always seemed to have too much to say now seemed speechless. Ida stood up, and so did Bethany.
“I have to go,” Ida said.
Bethany said, “Me too. See you at home, alright?”
And then they both left me staring at their hurried steps.
New customers entering brought my attention back to the room, and I hurried back to the counter. Xander was on the phone, so I pretended to check the sales records for the evening thus far on the computer and tried my best to listen in on him, however, his tone was too low to overhear. Eventually, I turned to steal a glance at him and caught him staring boldly at me as he leaned against the counter. I held his stare for a moment, a frown across my forehead at the confusion he was bringing to my life.
There was a call then for a customer’s dinner order, so I retrieved it and went to serve it. On my way back I was so preoccupied with my thoughts that I almost ran into Ryan. He froze with the tray of piping hot coffee balanced on his hand and gazed at me with eyes widened in horror.
“I am so sorry,” I mouthed to him and hurried back to the counter to meet Lucy waiting for me with a salty expression on her face. I lowered my head and took my place back at the counter ready to take the next order.
The moment Lucy exited my vicinity, I pulled out my phone and sent a message to our group chat. What the hell happened here? I asked, and waited for the beep of a response to sound in my pocket. When ten minutes later it had still not come, I pulled the phone back out of my pocket and gazed speechlessly at the received but unanswered message.
Damaged Love Page 46
