by Love Belvin
There was an awkward span of silence as the doors opened. “Should I reschedule with them?”
“Yeah,” Rory added. “I got that cello chick coming through.”
Tossing my head with a shrug, I mumbled, “Do what you need to do to cancel. I don’t have a tentative time or date in mind. Y’all can continue this scheduling conversation. Tonya, I have to go.” I disconnected the call as I left the elevator.
After rounding the corner, I spotted my mother’s assistant, Kema.
She waved me on as she took off. “She’s this way.”
As we neared the waiting room, I could see my mother’s tight face etched with concern through the glass windows. Her eyes were narrowed, more hurt than angry. She ended a call as we entered the room and immediately passed the phone to Kema. Kema’s response was a silent check-in of my mother’s emotions.
When I didn’t get the usual glow in her eyes the moment they met me, I knew there was a problem. My mother’s demeanor had always lit up when I entered the room. This evening, it took her a few seconds to acknowledge me.
I headed straight her way with a three-word greeting.
“Who did it?”
∞9∞
With her fist to her mouth, her index finger over her top lip, my mother expelled a troubled breath, her brows pinched. She shook her head as she stared into the distance.
“Lia Rizzo and Iliza.”
“What about them?” I demanded.
My queen shook her head resignedly again. “I’ve been asking for Iliza since Iban’s accident and Lia’s been giving me soft no’s. Now that Sadik is back, I wanted to have pictures taken in the solarium with it being springtime. So, I reached out to Catena Rizzo, hoping she’d have a more mature take on the importance of Iliza spending time with both families. But…” She shook her head again, hesitating.
“But what?”
“I had Kema reach out to the Rizzo’s to arrange a call for tonight.”
“And?” I was past impatient.
“And Catena was there…with her son, Marco. He took the phone and said under no uncertain terms will Iliza be visiting our family until Iban is back and mentally evaluated.”
My forehead stretched as my head reared softly. “Marco Rizzo said that? Directly to you?”
She nodded. “This is getting to be too much on me,” she mumbled.
“What is?”
“Everything!” she trilled, sitting back in her seat. Those dark spots that developed beneath her eyes after my father’s heart attack had not improved.
Her natural glow now an unseen before dim. I turned to motion privacy to Rory and Kema. They quickly abandoned the room.
I took a seat next to her. “What’s everything, queen?”
I’d spoken to her nearly every day since the funeral and hadn’t picked up on this anxious energy.
“Iban’s still under. Every day I pray for his breakthrough. Your father’s not one-hundred percent. They want to keep him an extra day because of complications with his lungs. Now that Palmer is gone, he’s overwhelmed with work. And Earl doesn’t need the stress, neither does Iban.”
“And neither do you.” I wanted to be clear. “Don’t stress about Iban. He’s dealing with more variables than you can control. He’s receiving expert care with the best technology, and he has a wife to be his primary support as you are that for your husband. Don’t try to take all of this on.”
Her downcast expression deepened. Eventually, she patted my thigh and tried forging a smile. “Go see about your father. He’s been missing you…needing you.”
I nodded before standing to my feet. Leaving her like this wasn’t ideal, but I understood the lioness wanted her space to pother.
When I entered the hospital room, Rodney and Travis, two long term associates of my father’s both turned my way. They were on guard, which was good. One of the ideal features of this hospital was they catered to our unique needs, including having armed guards with my father, even in the surgery room. Security had to suit up and stand afar but was always present.
Both Rodney and Travis nodded their acknowledgments of me as I closed the door. My father peered up from his iPad then returned to it.
“Hey, baby. My son just walked in. I’ll hit you later.”
“Okay,” a feminine voice acquiesced. “Don’t forget. I’m bored.”
His eyes were on me when he replied, “I got you.”
Then he tapped the device and placed it on the side of the bed as he peered me directly in the eyes. They communicated displeasure. That aside, my father looked feeble. He was thinner, pale, and the opening of his gown exposed the wound of the incision down his chest covered in stubble. He was clearly shaven before being cut for surgery. Attached to his chest and arms were a gamut of patches and wires. I’d never seen Earl “Double E Bags” Ellis so vulnerable and compromised.
“Finally,” was his one-word rebuke.
A silent scof left my lungs. I approached his bed, my hands tucked into my pockets.
“It’s been a demanding two days since returning from the Caribbean with my family.”
“Too demanding to come see about your old man, I see.”
I stood over him, the nail of my thumb scraping beneath my bottom lip. “Never, but as you know, I do have a family now.”
“I see.” He nodded. “But shit is thick on this side, my G. I didn’t wanna bust up ya party with baby girl and my legacy, especially after the shit they seen—I swear to fuckin’ god when Iban’s back on his feet, I’mma put my foot up his ass for that shit he pulled. He fuckin’ put us out there, bruh!” Abruptly, his head reclined as he sucked in needed air.
My father’s eyes closed as he gave himself a minute to catch his lungs. “Shit’s been wild since I been in here. And when Palmer took that L…” his voice faltered. “Let’s just say I’m a lucky son of a bitch that I ain’t have to put a bullet in none of my men for trying me yet. But you know they will soon. It’s just a matter of time.”
He took another moment to breathe. “The first shipment from the Haitian boy’s connect coming in soon. I can’t fuck it up. Some shit go foul with that order, muthafuckas’ll see it as a sign of weakness. I gotta get outta here. And now these fuckin’ doctors scared to release me to the medical staff we hired for Elliswoods Palace! Top of the fuckin’ line medical people, but they scared, and shit.”
His gaze went out the window to the setting sun for a bit. “The kid, Daz, been steppin’ up. He told me we gotta squatter outside the warehouse.” His head rolled lethargically over his pillow. “I can’t shoot right now. Can’t risk hitting the wrong target. I doubt if the FEDs’ goofy asses gone be outside the warehouse doing just shit.” His eyes hit me. “Iban down. If he make it out this shit, he could be down for a while or forever. We don’t know how he gonna come out on the other side. My men need to see Ellis leadership. A face and energy they recognize and know to be thorough.”
I stood over him silently with my fist pressed into my hips, my suit jacket pushed back. Finally, my father recognized me. He unusually gave pause to my posture, something he hadn’t done much of my entire life.
“What the hell is up with you? I see some shit.” He regarded me with suspicion as I returned his gape. “Now that I think about it, you ain’t been up here since that shit with Iban.” His face folded slowly with suspicion.
My brows lifted. “Your point, sir?”
“My damn point?” His temper flared. “Sometimes, we need to prioritize things, son. I thought you knew.”
I took a deep breath as I answered, “I actually do. I have a son to protect, and his mother.”
“Shit. I expect you to. She’s the mother of my goddamn legacy.”
“A legacy that would not have survived much past conception if your son was a better fuckin’ shooter.”
His eyes bulged from his head in revelation. Seconds later, he ordered, “Everybody fuckin’ out!” As they filed out of the room, Double E Bag’s chest heaved and eyes were wild w
ith irritation. “The fuck is you on? You bring this shit to my sickbed?” he hissed with strained cords.
My heart leaped from my chest when my determined mind decided on the war. This war. The visit had turned into an out-of-body experience.
“You gave orders to kill the woman I told you I wanted to make my own.” My mouth went dry with anxiousness. “You knew I had settled on her when you sicced your dog on her. Not only did you cross me, but you gave him a false sense of entitlement. You made Iban feel he could bully her, level her.”
“I did no fuckin’ such thing—”
“Iban told every goddamn thing! He came to my fuckin’ home armed with intent of harming either her or my fuckin’ son!” I shouted. With my hands remaining safely on my waist, I explained. “You fuckin’ betrayed me!”
I saw the blood drain from my father’s face as he processed those words. “The fuck is you talkin’ about, youngin’? I ain’t neva been with the shits when it came to you!”
“You put that fuckin’ battery in his back to jeopardize the life of my son and lady, not once, but twice!” My body trembled, partly in fear for taking this tone with my commander and chief, and mostly from volcanic anger. “Are you going to lie to my face and say this isn’t true, sir?”
“She was a threat to us. To our family, our brand! I couldn’t risk that shit.”
“But you could risk the long coming piece of happiness I told you I’d found.” I scoffed again, moving closer to his bed. “You have a wife—and then some. Iban decided on his wife. But when Sadik finds his, he can’t be trusted for you to want to keep her alive.”
“I ain’t know she was pregnant—”
“IT DOESN’T FUCKIN’ MATTER!” My head felt near explosion.
The door pushed open, and immediately we yelled, “Get the fuck out,” at the same time, same cadence, reminding me of how much of a carbon copy I was to the man I loathed in the moment.
Travis closed the door right away. My eyes shot into my father once again. This time, I was out of breath, but still fully loaded.
“All my life, in spite of our differences, I served you with honor, respect, and dutiful obligation—even at the risk of my independent businesses and my liberties as a free man. I’ve always served you against my better judgment, going against my own aspirations of wealth-building, and my strong inclinations of charting the path I’d dreamed of for myself. And after damn near forty years of honoring you…respecting you against the raging man within me… When I finally come to you, sharing my heart. Bilan...” Quickly, I caught my temper.
“I didn’t know she was pregnant.”
“Neither did I, but that isn’t the point! Your actions were revealing. It told me you didn’t respect me as a man. You viewed me as a tool to further your agenda, your business. I’m not much different in your eyes or world than Iban. You use me to further your ambition.” My mouth tightened. “That shit is—”
“Bullshit!” he claimed.
“No! It’s your truth. It’s who you are. Nothing comes before your will and your way. We’re all just pawns on the board. And all these years, I thought if no one understood my ambition, my need for dominance, it would be you. My fuckin’ Nestor!”
His head dropped and rolled against his pillow again and my father groaned. “I don’t even fuckin’ know what that mean. All I do know is I love your lil’ mama. Your child is my only reason to live nowadays. Ain’t no fuckin’ way I’ll ever put them in danger. You know this, man!”
I felt my head shake, though I didn’t recall telling it to. “You don’t fuckin’ get it.”
“Get fuckin’ what?” he demanded, panting.
“Get how you revealed yourself and your value of me the day you ordered Bilan’s death.”
“You know who I am, Sadik. You know my world. I gotta move…strategically. It’s fucked up you don’t get it. Real fucked up you think I did the shit thinking I was being underhanded. You know I ‘on’t apologize for the moves I make. It wasn’t personal against baby girl.”
My lips turned up in a shrug. “Just like it was nothing personal against you that I had the Ab kid resuscitated after Ib’s weak ass gunplay, and worked on in this very hospital for over a month after your hit. How not only did my mother and I support Bilan here while he fought for his pathetic ass life, but my queen supported her in burying him underneath your manipulative ass nose. It’s what I arranged. It’s the type of compromise I provided for my wife.”
As revelation illuminated his eyes, I moved toward the door.
“I love that fuckin’ boy!” My father swore. “It ain’t fair how I favor him!”
“Yeah.” My smile was broken. “I once thought I had your favor. Turns out, I only had your most coveted interest in manipulation.”
I strolled out of the room, not leaving him a moment of rebuttal. Once the door closed behind me, I heard a series of alerting beeps from his room.
“This shit good as hell!” Tasche declared while gobbling a mouth full of food. The waiter walked around the table collecting our discarded plates. “Yo, I gotta get this again.”
As the waiter stood over her, I smiled. “She’s not done yet.”
“And what about you, ma’am?” he asked a spiritless Randi, whose head was ducked, attention to her phone.
Randi finally peered up, thick glued on eyelashes fanning her cheeks. “Oh…” Her eyes cut over to me.
I tried helping her out. “You want to pack that to go?”
Her regard bounced to her barely touched plate. “Ye-yeah…” She stammered. “I’ll take it home.”
“Okay. I’ll get that packed up for you,” he assured. “Can I bring out the dessert menu?”
“Ooh, yeah!” Tasche answered boisterously. “Let me see that joint.”
I snickered as I nodded my head to the waiter.
When he took off, Randi spoke up. “Sorry about that. My appetite been fucked up.”
My head bounced again. “I can only imagine. It’s okay. We’re just glad we caught up with you.”
It had taken a full two days since returning from St. Justin to get in touch with Randi. She agreed to meet us here for dinner at DiFillippo’s in Hackensack, near Garden State Plaza Mall. It had been the longest day for me. I visited three schools today for work and had missed my baby so bad, I asked Camille to meet me earlier and bring Sadik. I relieved her for the day and brought him to dinner tonight.
He was such a good baby, not fussing much at all. When I asked Rory to call for the reservation, I asked for a table off in the corner where we could have privacy and in case Sadik got a little noisy. Of course, I needed to flash the Ellis card for that request at a restaurant like this. I could have easily met Tasche and Randi at Michelle’s Diner, but Rory recommended coming here as her boss wouldn’t have been comfortable with the baby and me in Paterson. I thought it was ridiculous, but didn’t fight. Sadik and I hadn’t been right since that last night in St. Justin.
I reached down to my purse hanging on the back of the chair next to me. On the other side, Sadik talking to his hanging stuffed animals caught my attention again. He smiled, gums exposed.
“Damn, he so fuckin’ cute, yo,” Tasche gushed. “Let me hold him again. Auntie Tee want you to kick that game to me.”
I placed the envelope I was reaching for on the table in front of me then leaned over to safely pull Sadik from his car seat without hitting his face on the handlebar. Tasche met me halfway, around Randi, to get him. As she began talking to him once seated in her chair, I handed Randi a thick envelope.
“This is for you,” I started, but waited for her to pull her eyes from Sadik to hear me. She had been staring at him throughout the whole dinner, though she hadn’t addressed him or asked to hold him. All she said in acknowledgment of him was she couldn’t believe I had a baby. Randi’s eyes reached the envelope in my hand. “I put together a few dollars for you. Some of it is here in cash. The other is a check so you’re not walking around with all of it.”
“What’s this for?” she asked, opening the envelope.
“It’s for you to get your own place. Like you said, Brenda’s son is gonna be discharged next week. She’s going to need his room back.”
“How much is this?” She counted the cash, somewhat stunned, but more spirited than I’d seen her all night.
“Altogether, it’s five thousand. There’s a check in there for four. That’s only one thousand in cash.”
“Damn,” Tasche breathed, holding Sadik on the table in front of her. “That’s a down payment on some shit.”
“Not exactly, but it could be for a one-bedroom…a studio apartment, or to rent a room. You said they’re still holding your things at Ricky’s apartment. You need to collect them before they’re misplaced. This should help you get a place for you and your things and then look for work to maintain, then grow your personal space.”
Randi didn’t respond at first. She sat and counted the cash, though I had a strong suspicion she was processing my words.
“Ah-goo-goo,” Sadik babbled to Tasche, demanding her attention as she held his neck securely.
He gazed at her intently, almost as though he awaited her response. It instantly swelled my heart.
“I know! He told me, too, man,” Tasche played along. “And I told him next time he gotta beef with you, he gone have to see me.”
“Goo-Guh!” he replied.
Tasche gasped, head falling to the side. “Word? Then we gone have to handle him, my G. Then this what we gone do—”
“You ain’t have to do this.” Randi’s mumble broke my attention. She was still gawking at the money in her hand.
My forehead stretched, eyes narrowed. “I didn’t think I had to. I’m doing it for someone I deeply love and care about.” I reached for her arm. “I know it’s not enough, but we have to start somewhere. You need your own space. And you must still be grieving. I understand all about those days where you just want to be left alone to sort it all out.”
Randi didn’t respond right away, neither did she give much eye contact as Tasche and the baby continued their conversation. But eventually, she did look my son’s way in a manner of acknowledging him.
