by Love Belvin
“Ohhhhhhhh!” I cried out, nearly orgasming so soon.
Sadik didn’t stop. Almost as though he knew how on edge I was, he hammered into me with that scowl fixed into his face. The passing street lights illuminated his feline eyes, making him appear animalistic. I couldn’t take the delicious massage and his scolding at the same time; I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling the limo rock according to his rhythm.
Life was moving too fast. I was married, pregnant again, and under guard twenty-four-seven. These events were directly related to a man whose lifestyle was extraordinary. He had wealth, popularity, and the wit to manage any adversary. Except a former Latina mistress. After coming down from the shock of learning he was in touch with her weekly, I understood the nature of their relationship. But seeing her so emotionally hysterical over the man who centered my universe angered me beyond logical thinking. Sadik was mine. He belonged to me.
Had he been hers in a similar fashion? Had he hammered into her with the same dominance and fervor he was performing on me now?
My frame tightened, pelvis lifted into the plundering. And I exploded, screaming his name in the same wild hysterics as his old flame. I felt needy, foolish, and over mental and emotional capacity as he thrust inside of me with determined force. He pelted until my cries slowed, then pulled out of me. I lay back awkwardly across the bench, breathing out of control with just one eye open. Sadik dropped his pants and boxers to his ankles. He sat back on the bench with his glare fixed on me.
Tremors still coursed my body like the aftershock from the orgasm. Now, staring at his raging erection beading with pre-cum at the head, that sense of satiation disappeared. I wiggled on my elbows to sit up and crudely dropped to the floor. On my knees, I shuffled to him greedily and pulled him into my mouth. I coated his lengthy, veiny muscle inch by inch, wetting him for my strokes. Then my drawn hands cupped him, fisting him while working him over with my mouth.
I knew what Sadik liked, he’d taught me. Sometimes, we’d go close to an hour with me between his legs perfecting his preferences while I was pregnant. I’d apply great patience, being eager to learn how to gratify him. I took pride in twirling my tongue, applying pressure in one thumb against the raphe line of the underside of his thick shaft. Sadik grunted over my head, thighs flexed around me.
That encouraged my fisting and twirling until I broke the cadence to take him deep into my mouth. I dipped over him, slowing when his swollen head reached my throat at the back of my tongue. Holding my breath, I pushed down, taking him farther, then pulled him out and did it again. Once Sadik caught on to my rhythm, he pulled down with me at the back of my head. Up and down I went with his urging from his hands. That was until he held me down longer than usual while he reached past my throat. I gagged several times, once to the point of tearing, but I was determined to endure the punishment.
I could feel his chastising pushes of my head onto him. It didn’t matter to me. I was under the siege of guilt for my accusations. With a tear-stained face, I worked him over until his hands weakened, then dropped from my head. I readjusted myself on the floor and applied more fervor. Sadik was about to explode
“You think I’ve been disloyal to you?” he whimpered. My eyes shot up to him, but my dedication didn’t slow. “To my so-son?”
My wide eyes were on him, but my brain hiccupped. I twirled, hollowed my cheeks and fisted. Moments later, Sadik’s pelvis leaped then thrusted against my labor and I felt a warm creamy liquid at the back of my mouth and over my tongue. His head flew back and eyes closed as he released into me. My hands sped up and I swallowed when I could, rolling my tongue over him, jerking him as I observed him.
When Sadik scooted back in his seat just an inch, I knew he was done. I released him from my hands then popped him from my mouth as we gazed at one another. He too was out of breath. And like me, he was preoccupied with an unnamed emotion.
“You were mean,” my voice coarse, entire face wet of tears and saliva.
“You did it again,” his usual alto velvet was a throaty tenor.
“What?”
“You accused me of cheating on you, said you weren’t my mother. You used my handicap against me.”
It was the point he made to me in Antigua, on his father’s private island the day Danny arrived. Sadik believed judging him according to his parents’ mistakes was a form of discrimination. Maybe he was right. Or maybe he did have a handicap and was capable of the Ellis way of a lack of monogamy.
“It didn’t feel like a handicap when she was just as emotional as I am now about my husband.”
“And you damn sure didn’t give me the benefit of the doubt. You jumped to the obvious conclusion. The easy one. You doubted me as a man.”
A fresh hot tear raced down my face. A real one this time. I was struggling. I knew what my heart felt, but couldn’t ignore my gut that was telling me there was something to what Sofia said.
“Why would you think you’d go to prison after Iban?”
It was rapid, but I caught it. There was a flip of fear in Sadik’s kaleidoscopic pupils, but him being the wall of emotions he could be, his demeanor stonewalled. One side of his mouth lifted in a sinister leer, bearing strong resemblance to his older sibling. My frame tensed all over, mouth soured.
“Wrong fuckin’ question.”
“And what’s the right one?”
“Why didn’t I settle with her after those alleged pillow cries.”
I swallowed, feeling another tear slip. “Why didn’t you?” my murmur high pitched as we hit a bump in the road, causing me to leap on my knees.
“Because she wasn’t you. She could never make me desire fidelity and wholeness in a woman the way you do. One day, you’ll understand that and not give a fuck about extraneous matters that do not concern you.”
His position was unwavering, leaving me gutted.
∞15∞
The moment Camille placed him in my hand, Sadik sniffled, unhappy about his sleep being disturbed. I was hit with guilt, but not enough. After the night I had, the comfort of my baby felt like the perfect remedy.
“Thanks,” I whispered to Camille.
“No problem. Do you want me to feed him breakfast?”
I shook my head. “I’ll take care of it.”
“Okay. Text me when you need me, and I’ll come get him.”
“Alright,” I agreed, leaving her room at Elliswoods Palace.
Having a nanny was still an adjustment. Camille was a huge help. She was always available and loving to our son. Her schedule was unbelievably flexible and practically catered to ours. Sadik was right in pushing for one. He was accurate about his need for my exclusive attention, similar to our son. There were times he wanted me in his arms all night without disturbances of having to get up with the baby.
Similar to tonight. We’d returned to the compound close to one-thirty in the morning. I was still an emotional wreck, crying in the shower. When I asked to have the baby sent up, Sadik said no, I needed the rest. I waited until he was lost in deep sleep before creeping out of our suite to get my baby. It was after three, and the need to have him near still lingered. Now, with him snuggled into my breasts, I felt a peace like none other. I’d deal with the consequence of disobeying his father later. For the next few hours, my baby would be with me.
Camille and other staff were in a parlor on the lower level, in a different wing from Sadik’s suite. So, it took a great hike to get back. On the way down, I avoided the elevator and did so on the way back up, too. I could use the cardio from the stairs but decided to cut to the second level to break up the climb as I switched wings of the house.
The halls of Elliswoods Palace were their usual quiet and lit slightly dimmer for the hour. That’s why I was surprised when I traveled down the one where Iban and his family’s rooms were and saw a door open. Iesha’s little legs moved swiftly, closing the door. My steps halted and I watched her trek down to the corner. Concern waved over me and my face folded. No one came out after her. Why wa
s she even up at the odd hour? I took long lunges to follow her around the corner.
Iesha slipped into a room I wasn’t familiar with. That wasn’t unusual: I wasn’t familiar with the estate yet. She didn’t fully close the door, so I was able to peer through and saw her flick on a few lights and take a seat on the sofa, hugging her little legs to her chest. It was a lounge filled with beautiful paisley, yellow sofas with walnut finishing, high bright blue walls, and a plush area rug over dark wooden floors. I pushed through the door with my shoulder, not disturbing Sadik in my arms.
“Hey, you,” I called out on my way to the sofa.
Iesha lifted her head, exposing her tight eyes. “Oh, hey…” She blinked. “…I don’t even know what to call you, and I see Sadik’s sleeping.”
My gaze fell to my sleeping Black boy joy. “Yeah. He is.” I couldn’t help my smile.
“Your voice sounds different.” She observed.
That fact frazzled me momentarily. I couldn’t explain it was because I’d gotten into a fight with her uncle just hours ago. Moving to sit next to her on the plush sofa, I decided to redirect the conversation instead. “You can call me Bilan, Iesha. That’ll never be wrong.”
“But Mommy told me I can’t. She said you’re baby Deek’s mommy, and he’s my cousin. So, I have to call you…”
“Aunt Bilan isn’t necessary if you don’t feel it.”
“You won’t be mad?” I shook my head. “But Ivy calls you auntie.”
“And I like that very much.” I readjusted the baby so I could sit back comfortably like Iesha.
“But you won’t be mad if I don’t?”
I shook my head again. Iesha looked perplexed.
“You know what I want more than anything?”
“What?”
“To be cool with you again. I liked when we were friends.” I twisted my lips, brows furrowing. “No. I actually loved when we were friends.”
Iesha lifted a brow, distrusting. “You did?”
“Of course, I did. I told you, you were the first—besides your uncle—to welcome me into the family. You were so sweet and protective of me. I’m really sorry if by me having a baby you thought I betrayed you. I didn’t mean to, Iesha.”
Iesha’s eyes dropped to Sadik’s feet. She didn’t have a response, and I didn’t expect her to at her age. Iesha likely didn’t recall why she’d stopped “liking” me.
“Did Uncle Deek and I move too fast?” I asked. “Did you need more time before I got as close to him as I did and have a baby?”
She nodded, although I didn’t think she quite appreciated what she was admitting.
“Do you love your little cousin here?”
Her eyes roved up to Sadik, and Iesha nodded. “A lot. He’s cute and sweet.”
“He is, isn’t he? Now, imagine not having him around. Doesn’t he make the family happy, especially with all the craziness happening? We need little blessings like Sadik. You’re a blessing to us, too, you know?”
“I know,” she mumbled.
“You’re such a blessing that everyone would worry if they woke up and saw you weren’t in bed where you’re supposed to be.”
Her sleepy eyes met mine. “I can’t sleep. Ivy keeps snoring and farting.” She crossed her arms and pouted.
“Farting?” I giggled.
“Yeah. She let out a big one, and I had enough.” Iesha let out a little scoff.
She was adorable in her little pink bonnet and long sleeve gown.
“You wouldn’t have known she was snoring and farting if you were asleep yourself.” I tilted my head. “Right?”
Iesha hung her head. “I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
“Of that man coming to get me.”
“He won’t.”
“He almost did.”
“But he can’t here.”
Her face tightened. “How do you know?”
“Because your PaPa, dad, and uncle pay the best men around to protect you. That man may have gotten lucky and slipped into your school, but it won’t happen again, and it definitely won’t happen here. They’ll make sure of it.”
“But my daddy isn’t here anymore.”
“Do you think because he isn’t here, bad things like that can happen?”
She nodded her head. “Daddies protect. My daddy’s sick. He can’t protect us. That’s why that man tried to take me.”
“Awwww, Iesha, come here.” I waved her over to me. She didn’t hesitate to scoot over. “Your dad wouldn’t have been at your school even if he wasn’t in the hospital. That foolish man would have tried anyway, and it wouldn’t have worked because your parents and grandparents put you in a safe school that would have protected you some way or another. Your dad did that. He made sure he and your mom thought ahead for accidents like this. And trust me, there’s no hospital in the world that could keep your dad, PaPa, and uncle back if you were to disappear.” I squeezed her to me.
“You think so?”
“I know so.” I nodded, though she couldn’t see me. “You know, before meeting your uncle, I used to live by myself. I was scared a lot.”
She turned to face me. “Where was your dad?”
“My aabo—what we called our dad—died a few years ago. I was much older than you, but I think I felt what you’re feeling now. There’s nothing like a father’s protection.”
That wasn’t my truth, though. I’d never felt as protected by my father as I had Sadik. I’d seen my father harassed and heckled several times; those experiences were where my fear likely cultivated. Sadik would never be tried the way my father had. It wouldn’t tolerate it.
He did tonight…
“But you have what I didn’t,” I shared.
“What’s that?”
“You have a PaPa and uncle that love you very much, and who will protect you against the world. When your uncle brought me to this place I felt like a princess in a castle. No dragon or army can overtake Elliswoods Palace. Your PaPa built it to be sure of that. We’re here where no one can hurt or harm us. Look.” I lifted Sadik’s little leg and let it drop on my lap. “Even Sadik is so secure and feels so safe, he’s sleeping like a log.”
What started as a giggle ended in a yawn. “He’s knocked out.”
“He is. Those fears I used to have when I lived alone can’t be brought here.”
“Because of PaPa and Uncle Deek?”
I nodded. “Your Uncle would never let anyone harm me. Or his children, or his nieces who he adores.”
“Why you say children? You mean baby Deek, right?”
The girl was sharp. My face opened in a reserved smile. “Uncle Deek and I are having another baby.” I hated the lack of confidence in my voice.
Iesha’s eyes grew wide. “Another one?”
I nodded. “Another to love and lift the family,” I reminded her.
“But could this one be a girl, ‘cause Uncle Deek don’t play with us like he used to?”
That broke my heart, and not because I thought she meant to slight me or my children. It was because she was feeling the effects of the rift between her father and uncle and didn’t know it. Sadik hadn’t spent time with the girls like he once had.
“We can only hope for what we want.” I sat up. “C’mon. I hope your mom and sister aren’t worried sick about you.”
We stood and headed for the door. She held my hand all the way around the corner and down the marble hall to her room. When we stopped at her door, I knelt next to her, Sadik unbothered.
“I’m so glad I ran into you tonight,” I spoke honestly. “I really missed having you as a friend.”
“Can I tell you a secret?” I nodded. “It was hard not telling you how pretty you look at the table.”
“Pretty?”
She nodded with a smile. “You’re very pretty and nice. I didn’t like when you stopped visiting that time.” She was referring to my time in Macen Beach. “I’m happy you’re back.”
I had no more tears left from my bo
ut earlier with her uncle, but my heart cried of joy. This felt like unsullied love.
“Thank you, Iesha,” I croaked.
She opened the door and stepped inside the darkened room. “You should ask TiTi Stacy about that bug. She can help you with your throat with her teas.”
My face opened in realization and I nodded. “Okay.”
I stood to my feet as she closed the door. The goofy smile on my face was unfair, but it revealed my heart. I was grateful for that moment with Iesha. She may not have given me the prefix of auntie, but she sure felt like family to me.
“Let’s go to bed, Black boy joy,” I whispered to Sadik, who was still knocked out in my arm.
I lifted him to my shoulder and carried him that way. When I turned the corner for the east wing, a clear cut view of the south caught my eye. Monica was toeing up the stairs wearing a tight mini skirt and a low-cut tank exposing a generous portion of her cleavage while holding high heels in her hand. She was as quiet as a rose petal falling to the floor.
Adrenaline coursed my veins and my entire frame trembled as though in fear. But I wasn’t. I felt utter astonishment from her boldness. Where was baby Irene? Why wasn’t Monica here for Iesha’s slip away?
Just when I allowed myself to feel hope for the healing of this family, I was doused with the reality of just, in fact, who they are. The mess they created.
Excessive vibrating of both phones awakened me. My eyes strained open to the dim room, the rising morning sun crept between the heavy curtains. I reached over to the nightstand to grab both. It was Rory, calling on each line.
“Yeah?” I answered, taking her call from one line.
“911 changing the morning itinerary,” her commanding morning rasp made my face fold. “We need to move now. I’ll meet you in the yard.”
“Understood.” After disconnecting the call, I checked for the time. It was just before six in the morning, and I was due to rise soon anyway. Waking early to a call of that nature was never ideal.
After returning the phones to the nightstand, I rubbed my eyes, trying to fully rouse. A heavy petite sigh had my attention going to the right of me. Sadik was on his side between two pillows. His mother was on the other side of the pillow farthest from me with her hand draped across his little torso. Bilan’s lips were swollen and parted. Her freckles almost invisible on those molded cheekbones.
