by Mia Ford
“Look, all I’m saying is this guy goes from town to town, working,” she said. “That is his career. He doesn’t have a home base, he has been doing this a long time, and I doubt that he is magically ready to just settle down. I just don’t want you to fall for him. I know how sensitive you are right now. I just don’t want to see you get hurt. You know I love you like a sister.”
I nodded my head up and down, thinking about Cameron and about what Hailey was saying to me. For some reason, I understood everything that she was saying, but I still couldn’t imagine staying away from him. It just seemed too difficult. Grant had really taken a toll on me, but what she wasn’t realizing was that I wasn’t brokenhearted about it at all. I felt freer now than I ever had in my entire life. I felt free to feel or not feel anything I wanted for anyone. I felt free to have my heart broken or to break someone else’s heart. I also felt free to have an adult relationship where I knew that the end was near, but the time leading up to it could be absolutely amazing.
I wanted to feel that rush again, that rush you had when you were with someone and you wanted to be nowhere else. When your heart palpitated in your chest just thinking about them. All the sweet emotions before eventually they wore off, leaving you with just what you had built in the in-between. Maybe it was reckless, but it was exactly what she had set out to do before booking this trip. Only now, she was having second thoughts, realizing that my heart may indeed get dented.
“Look, Hailey,” I said, smiling. “I appreciate your concern, your care, and your love for me, but I assure you that I am in no way worried about the outcome of all of this. I do not think for one second that I will get attached enough to have my heart broken, but if I do, then so be it. Maybe it will be good for me. Maybe it will be the replacement heartbreak for the one I never felt for Grant. I am honestly not worried about any of it. I am having a good time, for the first time in my entire life. You have given me something that is priceless, a newfound freedom that puts me in control of my own heart, and I promise I am never going to waste it again.”
“Well,” she said, chuckling. “That was quite the speech. I am so happy that you feel that way. I wanted that for you for a very long time. Do you know what I think you should do?”
“What?”
“I think you should sleep with him, get everything you can out of it, and then don’t leave him your number,” she said, smiling. “Do what men, including him, have done to women for years. Take control of your sexuality, do what you want to do, and go into it with no thought of ever carrying it on past this vacation. Then, you are protecting yourself, and at the same time, getting that feeling of freedom out of your system, so you can go home and be more productive than ever.”
“I like that idea,” I said, thinking about it. “I think that is actually a brilliant idea.”
“Good,” she said, tossing me a sweater. “Then let’s get you ready for it.”
I smiled and watched her walk off through the shop, stopping and staring at myself in the mirror. I could do this. I could be the girl that took what she wanted and left. I could be in control of my emotions, right? In reality, I felt strong and powerful in that moment, but it was different when I was sitting in front of him, looking into his soft brown eyes. When he stuttered, or stammered, when he opened up in a last-ditch attempt to get me close to him, I pretty much folded inside, wanting to be close to him. Just during breakfast, I thought about my dream, about standing on the top of Denali with Cameron and sitting there before sunrise, listening to the silence with each other. I had taken more from my dream than just amazing sex. I had taken the desire to be alone with that man, just the two of us, far away from everything else. Really being with him on a level I wasn’t really sure I was ready for.
My thoughts were interrupted by Hailey, who was calling me over to look at a new pair of snow pants. I sighed and smiled, looking at myself in the mirror one last time before walking over to her and giving my opinion. While I was there in body, my mind was somewhere else, combing the quiet of the morning snow and searching for a reason behind my intense reaction to this man. Either he was going to be the answer to my freedom, or a shot fired in the dark, striking me right in the heart. Only time would tell.
Chapter 15
Christmas Day
Cameron
Bells rang out from the adjoining church just a mile or so down the road, waking me from my sleep. I laid in the bed staring out the window, watching the morning snow float slowly past, melting as it touched the warm glass of my room. It was Christmas morning, but for me, there was no excitement to open presents, no one waiting for me out in the living room, and no big feast prepared. It was no different than any other Christmas I had spent on the road, but for some reason, I felt cold on the inside. I turned over on my back and pulled my arms over my head, stretching long and hard. There was nothing better to do than go downstairs and start my Christmas morning off with a nice, stiff drink. It had become kind of a ritual for me on holidays, something to start my day on a better note than loneliness.
I got out of bed and got dressed in a pair of jeans, my tennis shoes that I barely ever wore, and a warm sweater. I brushed my teeth and tousled my hair, spraying on just a bit of cologne, just in case. When I got downstairs, there was a light humming of Christmas music over the speakers and just a few people in the restaurant drinking coffee and talking lightly. Those were usually the older folks, the ones that enjoyed Aspen during the holidays and had little to no family to go home for. I walked into the lounge and sat up at the bar, smiling at the bartender and ordering a beer.
“I’m sorry you have to work on Christmas,” I said, passing him a twenty for the beer. “Keep the change.”
“Thank you, sir,” he said with a smile. “I extend my apologies to you, as well.”
“Thank you,” I said, taking my beer and standing up.
I walked over to the window and watched as two or three people skirted down the mountain, taking advantage of the empty slopes on Christmas Day. The crowd would be back, bright and early the next day, ready to ski in their brand-new clothes and with their brand-new equipment. It was always crazy between Christmas and New Year’s, and today was one of the few days I got to relax. It was a shame I was feeling a bit melancholy. I didn’t have anyone to celebrate Christmas with, and though normally it was Glen and I going it alone, he had taken a last-minute flight back home for the holidays, missing his family and deciding it was important to spend more time with his mother and father since they were getting older. I couldn’t lie. I understood completely how he felt, but going home for me wasn’t something I really had any interest in doing. So, there I was, sitting at the bar in Aspen, spending Christmas with a cool bottle of beer and probably many more to come.
I drank some more of my drink and moved back over to the bar, pulling up a seat and looking at the muted television. A Christmas Story was on, and I smiled to myself, remembering how Bea looked when she first came to my beginners’ class for skiing. I didn’t even know it was her, she was bundled up so tightly, and then the laughter that came from her chest echoed through the whole mountain, making anyone in range smile at her light and love. I looked up at the bartender as I finished my beer.
“Will you have to work all day?” I asked.
“No, sir.”
“Please, call me Cameron,” I said, smiling.
“No, Cameron, I am the day shift,” he said. “It usually gets pretty busy in here when everyone is done with family and needs a drink. They have a night crew coming in for that. We all drew straws to see when we would work.”
“That stinks,” I said. “If you are going to work, you should at least be given a decent money shift.”
“Just part of the job.” He smiled. “What about you? What are your plans for the day?”
“Well, so far, I am planning on continuing to drink these beers and keep you company.” I laughed. “I travel, so I am usually never in my hometown for Christmas. I am used to it, but with my buddy being
gone, I have decided that this is as good a day as any to drink my way through the jingling bells.”
“If I didn’t have to work, I would join you.” He laughed.
“I appreciate the sentiment.” I smiled. “I may take a slight break, halfway through the day, and take to the slopes for a couple hours, but that really depends on how many whiskeys I decide to have between beers.”
“Well, here is your first,” he said, pouring me a shot. “This one is on the house. A Christmas gift from us to you.”
“I feel terrible. I left yours at home.” I laughed.
I drank the shot and set down the glass, closing my eyes and feeling the warmth flow through me. I guessed it was a little pathetic to be getting drunk by myself on Christmas, but I had nothing better to do with my time, so I thought, why not? Besides, was it really considered getting drunk alone when the bartender was there with you? I smiled at the thought of Glen surrounded by his family this morning, unwrapping some terrible socks and some even worse sweaters. As the thoughts ran through my head, I opened my eyes, feeling a hand lay softly on my shoulder.
I looked down at the pretty, red fingernails and smiled, smelling Bea’s sweet scent. I turned in my seat and looked at her. She was standing there with her beautiful hair curled into ringlets and pulled back with a red bow. She was wearing a mid-length white dress with bells on the hem, and her lips were painted crimson in color. She looked absolutely breathtaking. I reached out and took her hand, pulling it to my lips.
“Merry Christmas,” I said, smiling.
“Merry Christmas,” she replied, her cheeks glowing bright red.
I couldn’t remember the last time I looked at a woman and felt completely blown away by how beautiful they really were. This time, I could barely speak. Bea was a vision, standing there, ready to sit down and spend at least a moment of her Christmas by my side. She was a more than welcomed vision, and I was excited to see her standing there.
“May I buy you a drink?”
“I would love that,” she said, pulling out the stool and sitting down.
“Anything that the lady desires,” I said, winking at the bartender.
“I’ll have an Irish coffee,” she replied, turning toward me. “It doesn’t count if it’s in coffee, right?”
“I never saw a thing,” I responded with a deep laugh. “So, what brings you down to the lounge this Christmas morning?”
“I figured I’d find you around here somewhere,” she said, laughing.
“You know me too well already,” I replied with a smile, glancing up at the TV and seeing the little boy all dressed up in his snow gear. “Look, it’s you, the first time I ever talked to you.”
“Very funny,” she said, slapping me on the arm. “Wasn’t that the first time you ever saw me, too?”
“No, actually,” I said, taking a deep breath. “I saw you for the first time when you arrived here. I immediately tried to find you, knowing I just couldn’t go another day without speaking to you, but then I lost you. I went out to the courtyard, seeing you down there, but by the time I got there, you were gone.”
“Wait, so I was who you were looking for?”
“What?”
“After the courtyard, I came inside and went upstairs,” she replied. “As the elevator doors closed, I saw you walk in front of them, standing there looking for someone.”
“Yes.” I laughed. “I was looking for you.”
“Well that is very serendipitous, don’t you think?”
“Very much so,” I said, looking her in the eye and wanting badly to kiss her.
“How about a shot?” she asked.
“I like how this lady thinks,” I said, pulling myself out of the trance. “Three shots of whiskey. One for me, one for the lady, and one for you, kind sir.”
“I thank you, but I am not permitted to drink.” He smiled.
“Well, I’ll have to come back when you are off and buy you one, then,” I said, smiling.
“I would love that,” he said, laughing.
He poured us both a shot, and I took mine, impressed at how easily Bea swung hers back. Usually, the women that came to resorts like this were more of a shooter kind of person than whiskey. I smiled at her and cleared my throat, already feeling a bit better than when I had arrived. She wiped her mouth and turned to me, taking a sip of her coffee.
“So, why are you here and not with family?” she asked.
“Well, my father and mother are good people, but not the most loving of parents,” I said. “My father is a big business man, and my mother owns her own business as well, and I didn’t quite live up to the standards with my chosen career path.”
“But you own your business,” she pointed out.
“Very true,” I replied. “That is exactly the argument I’ve had ten times over. But with my father being a conglomerate owner, he doesn’t really consider a business actually a business until you’ve made your first million. Something I will probably never see.”
“Well, money isn’t everything,” she said, smiling.
“How about you?” I asked, sipping my beer. “Besides the whole, ex-douche bag thing, why aren’t you with family?”
“Well, I had thought I was spending Christmas at his boss’s house, so my family went away to the islands,” she replied. “They figured if there wasn’t anyone to celebrate with, why not take in the sun and sand?”
“They sound like brilliant people.” I laughed. “But seriously, their loss, our gain.”
“Why, thank you,” she said, smiling. “However, I did come down here to see if you wanted to come spend Christmas with Hailey and me. We actually were just getting ready to open presents and send down for a yummy, room service lunch. I believe I saw that Santa may have left you something under the tree. Besides, there is enough whiskey for three Christmases in our room. And the bartender is more than welcome when his shift is over. I’m pretty sure he’s met Hailey.”
I looked over at the bartender, who smiled and looked down, nodding his head yes. I thought about it for a second, but looking at Bea’s big, beautiful eyes folded me immediately. How could I ever say no to that face?
“Yes, I would love to,” I said.
We finished our drinks, and I made Brian, the bartender, promise us to come up in a couple of hours when his shift ended. When I got upstairs, Hailey greeted me with some red confetti and a glass of whiskey on the rocks. We sat around, opening silly gifts, wearing Santa hats, and watching the worst Christmas movies we could possibly find. This had actually turned out to be one of the best Christmases that I had ever had. Even more than that, it was the first time I cared about the people and the holiday. As the sun went down behind the mountain, and Brian joined us from downstairs, I sat back, watching the girls singing Christmas carols, swaying back and forth with their drinks, and decided that maybe I was missing out on something, being all alone all the time. Maybe, just maybe, Bea was worth keeping around.
Chapter 16
Bea
That had been the best Christmas I’d ever had. We laughed, we danced, we drank, and we cuddled in front of the fire, listening to Brian the bartender read us old Christmas stories from a book he brought with him. It was one of those nights that you hoped would last forever, and that you would probably try to recreate in the future, but never fully be able to catch the exact light that the original had. There were many things in my life that I was thankful for, from my job, to my ability to keep moving in tough situations, but this was the first time that I felt truly thankful for a group of people. Hailey had been my guardian angel, pulling me out of my house and forcing me to open myself up to new experiences. She had stood by the whole time, knowing that Grant was bad for me, voicing it when she could, but knowing that it didn’t matter how hard she pushed me. I wouldn’t see it until I was ready to see it. Her love for me was beyond friendship, and I truly thought of her as my sister.
Cameron had come up to celebrate with us, and although I was nervous about it at first, he
opened right up and was just as goofy as Hailey and me. He laughed, danced, and made a fool of himself, singing “I Saw Momma Kissing Santa Claus” with Brian in the middle of the suite floor. Hailey and I could not stop laughing, and I found it to be more than adorable.
When I first decided to ask him to come up and celebrate with us, I was nervous at what he would say. So, to calm those nerves and make sure he couldn’t say no, Hailey put me in one of her 1940s-inspired holiday dresses, curled my hair, and did my makeup. I was impressed and told her maybe investments weren’t her true calling. When I got downstairs, the look on his face was priceless. In the end, it worked out perfectly, and he didn’t even hesitate, making this Christmas unforgettable.
At the end of the night, or really early this morning, Brian was passed out on the couch, Hailey was passed out in her bed, and I didn’t even remember how I got into my bed. I did remember, though, that Cameron was a gentleman and had kissed my hand and stumbled out to go to his room to sleep. I was still laying in the bed, staring at the sunshine illuminating the snow outside my window, when a loud knock to the door shook my head.
“Hold on,” I said in a whisper, stumbling to find my robe.
I stumbled around my bedroom, my head pounding from the insane amount of wine and whiskey that I had consumed the night before. I grabbed the robe out of my bathroom and put it on, tying it tightly around me and looking in the mirror at the mess of curls and smeared makeup. My eyes got big, and I took a wash cloth and quickly dipped it in the water, rubbing my face and pulling my hair into a messy ponytail. I looked like a hungover Christmas Medusa. Finally, I just gave up, figuring whoever it was, they were going to get quite the eyeful when I opened the door.
I walked into the living room, looking over at the couch and giggling at Brian who was sprawled out, half hanging on the couch, the other half on the floor. I tripped over an empty wine bottle and grabbed my foot, hopping forward and grabbing the door handle. I cracked the door and peered out, thankfully seeing Cameron on the other side. I opened the door and grabbed him by the shirt, yanking him inside and closing the door behind us. I leaned back and closed my eyes, trying to stop the room from spinning, but smiling just the same.
