by J. Saman
I don’t know what to say to that except, “Thank you.”
“Are you still up in Seattle?” he asks, far too hopeful for my liking. Jason may have been in a bad place, but no apology or excuse can change what he did.
The fear and distrust he instilled in me has lasted far longer than our relationship did.
“Do you really think she’s going to tell you that?” Sophia asks with an incredulous note. “I think you should keep going, Jason. You said what you had to say and now it’s done.”
Jason’s expression falls like Sophia just knocked all the wind out of his sails.
Finally, he nods, but looks forlorn as his eyes sweep over me with such longing that I know if I stand here with him any longer, things could turn in a bad direction.
“Take care of yourself,” I say.
“You too,” he says with a sad smile before grabbing me quickly and pulling me in for a hug that stuns me paralyzed.
My heart jacks up instantly. My memory is assaulted with all that he’s capable of. His mouth comes down to whisper in my ear, and I can feel Sophia trying to pry him off of me, but Jason is large and strong, and she’s no match.
“I’ve missed you,” he mutters, sending the most nauseating, stomach-turning, chills throughout my body. “Still to this day I regret everything I did to mess it up with you, and wish we could go back. I’ll be in touch.”
I push him off, prying myself free of his grasp and then move past him quickly, practically at a sprint. Why didn’t I knee him in the bollocks? Why didn’t I smack him across the face? Dammit!
Sophia is hot on my heels, and as we approach her car, I yell over my shoulder, “Unlock it.”
She does with a loud double beep, and I catapult myself into her Mercedes SUV, slamming the door with ferocity behind me. My breaths are coming out in strong, hard pants, and I feel like I can’t get enough air.
I can’t get enough air.
“Breathe, Ivy,” Sophia soothes, rubbing my back. “You’re hyperventilating.” I can hear the worry in her voice but I can’t slow my response. “You’re safe. He’s gone, and he won’t hurt you again.”
“Dammit,” I half-yell, once I manage control of myself. “Five bloody minutes and I’m reduced to a weak cowering thing.” I’m so angry with myself right now. So furious at my reaction to him. Why didn’t I push him away sooner? Why didn’t I get up and keep walking?
Dammit!
“Ivy, stop this,” Sophia says as she pulls into traffic heading for the airport. “You’ll probably never see him again. That was a fluke thing. Go home. Return to your life.”
She’s right. I’ll go home and back to my life and the things I know.
But no matter how hard I try to shake it, Jason completely rattled me.
34
Luke
* * *
By the time I reach my building, I have a headache everywhere. I didn’t get out of my coding fest with Ryan until well after six, and I haven’t had much to eat or drink since early this morning. It was just one of those days.
That and I sat up all night outside on freaking stairs across from Ivy’s building, again.
I really need to quit doing that.
Hopefully now that Ivy agreed to a date I will.
That thought makes me smile as I punch in the code for the back door that will lead me to my apartment. The stairwell is well lit, which is the only way I am able to distinguish the female form slumped against my door at the top of the stairs. Her face is obscured, having found one of the few shadows in here, but I’d know her anywhere.
“Ivy?” I call out, but she doesn’t move and she doesn’t respond. “Ivy?” I try again a little louder, but still no movement and now my heart is racing as I take the stairs two at a time.
Is she hurt? Is she sick? What is she doing here?
It takes me less than two seconds to reach her, but it feels like two seconds too long.
My panic recedes marginally as I jostle her shoulders and she stirs with a groan. Her crystalline gray-blue eyes blink open, but the fatigue in them is evident and they quickly close again, as her lips curve up into a grin.
“What are you doing here?” I whisper.
“My flight landed, and I didn’t want to go home,” she says in that raspy, sleepy cadence of hers that drives me wild.
“You okay, honey?” I touch her cheek, looking her over in case I’m missing something.
She nods but doesn’t verbally respond, and something about that feels off.
“Do you want to come in, or continue sleeping in the hall?”
She giggles a little and points to my door, but instead of allowing her to stand, I scoop up her slender body into my arms, pulling her against me where she belongs.
“I’m not a child, Luke, I can walk.”
“But you’re tired, and I like carrying you.”
She doesn’t protest further, just sinks into me, resting her head against my chest over my heart.
“Your heart is racing,” she whispers almost to herself.
“I wasn’t expecting to find you passed out on my front step.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
I kiss the top of her head. “It’s fine, baby. Just gave me a start, is all. How come you didn’t want to go home? Not that I’m complaining or anything.”
“I just didn’t.”
I hate that answer. It’s way too vague for someone who’s normally very direct.
“Are you hungry? Do you want me to fix you some supper or just tuck you into bed?”
“Bed.”
“Guest room or mine?”
“Yours,” she says, and I’m smiling like an idiot. “Wipe that smile off your face, Lucas. I’m going to sleep. You’re not getting lucky.”
“Ivy, baby, anytime you’re in my bed, I’m lucky. Even if you’re just sleeping.”
“Luke Walker, my own personal sweet talker,” she snorts out a laugh. “Ha, that rhymes.”
I set her down on the edge of my bed before walking over to my dresser and grabbing a pair of boxer shorts and a t-shirt, both of which will be way too big on her.
“Here,” I say, handing her the clothes. “I’ll go get you a glass of water. Do you need anything else?”
She’s sitting on the edge of my bed, staring at the clothes in her hands, so I stand here, waiting, because something is clearly not right.
“I know your past. I know all of the ugly that ran it for so long, but how did you become you from that?” Her eyes make the journey up toward mine and my breath hitches. They’re filled with anguish. “How did you end up not hurting or stalking or threatening women?”
The hairs on the nape of my neck stand on end, and I take a small step toward her, desperate to grab hold of her and get to the bottom of her words. But I don’t do that, and after a moment of deliberation, I answer her with sarcasm.
“I do stalk you. As frequently as this morning, remember?”
She nods once, her gorgeous face fixed on mine. “And for some unexplained reason that never once frightened me. Yet you have this horribly violent past that could have so easily shaped your character in a different way. And then there are men who come from everything. Normal families, money, opportunity, and somehow manage to become something dark.”
“Ivy, what are you talking about? What happened?”
She shakes her head, and I know she’s not going to tell me, and that has my blood running cold. I have half a mind to call Sophia, but I know that will piss Ivy off, and we’re already on thin ice as it is.
“I just want to go to bed here. Is that okay?” Her voice is despondent. Isolated. It makes me want to tear the world to shreds, eliminating anything that could possibly hurt her.
“Of course. You can stay forever.” That gets a half-hearted grin as she stands up, clothes in hand and walks toward my bathroom without further comment.
By the time I return with her glass of water, she’s in bed with the lights out. I don’t say anything as I place the glass on
the nightstand and kiss her forehead. She doesn’t either, but I know she’s still awake based on the modulation of her breathing.
Her silence might be the most disconcerting thing of all.
I make myself something to eat, though I hardly touch it, and spend my evening bouncing back and forth between doing work in my office and checking on a sleeping Ivy. I can’t stop myself from studying her. Watching her sleep in my bed, in my home, and wondering what scared her enough to make her show up on my doorstep.
She doesn’t stir as I climb into bed well after eleven and pull her soundly into my chest, wrapping her tightly in my protective embrace.
Sleep comes for me quickly, mostly because I haven’t had her next to me in so long, and both my bed and I have missed her presence.
When I wake up for work, she’s already gone, a note left in her place informing me that she expects me to pick her up for our date at seven.
She can have whatever the hell she wants.
I shower and dress quickly, and by the time I make it into work, things are bustling, mostly because it’s Ryan’s younger brother’s first day.
Kyle was a criminal attorney in New York City until recently when Ryan somehow convinced him to move here and take on the role as our new corporate lawyer. Ryan hasn’t discussed it much, but I surmise something must have transpired for Kyle to make the drastic change, especially since he’s been brushing off Ryan’s propositions for a while now.
Kyle is standing with Claire, in front of her desk, as I walk down the hall toward my office. They’re having some sort of discussion, and to an outsider, one who isn’t as well acquainted with them as I am, it would seem casual. But it’s not. I can practically feel the sexual tension radiating from both of them, and that draws me back to their flirtatious interactions at Ryan and Kate’s wedding.
I know they’re best friends, but it seems like more. Maybe. Who the hell knows.
This could be fun.
“What’s up kids?” I call out, announcing my approach as I slap Kyle hard on the back.
Little shit.
“Dick,” he mutters, pushing my hand away. God, I love this kid. “That any way to greet your new lawyer?”
“Kyle, I’ve known you since you were in diapers.”
Claire snickers, but Kyle just blows it off. “Right, when was that, grandpa? You mean when I was a teenager?”
“It’s still amazing to me how much younger you are than Ryan,” I muse. “And how much shorter.”
“Shove it,” he says, but now he’s smiling. “I’m only four inches shorter, and Ryan is a freak of nature. People really shouldn’t be that tall.”
“He’s six-three,” Claire comments dryly.
“Which is freakishly tall, I maintain,” Kyle says, his hazel eyes and sandy brown hair glow under the florescent lights. “Even Luke, who is a couple of inches taller than me, is shorter than him.”
“You boys really have a thing when it comes to length.” Claire smirks at both of us. “Anyway, I’ve got work to do and all that good stuff. I’ll catch ya later, Kyle,” Claire throws him a wink. “Later, dickwad,” she says to me and saunters off, and I can only shake my head at the stupid idiot that is my best friend’s little brother.
“You didn’t.”
“What?” he asks absentmindedly, watching Claire’s ass walk away.
“Oh, shit. You fucking did,” I laugh my ass off, shaking my head again, because this is not going to end well. “Dude, do not let your brother know.”
“What?” Kyle feigns innocence, but his hazel eyes do not fool me. He’s not that good of a lawyer.
“I mean it. If Ryan finds out that you two hooked up, he’ll lose his shit. You may be his little brother, and he clearly loves you because he gave you his blood and whatnot, but Claire is like the sister he never had, and he’s fiercely protective over her. And,” I stick my finger up in the air remembering my next point, “he does not take well to inter-office fraternization.”
“We absolutely have not hooked up. We’re just good friends,” he maintains with a scowl. “But now that we’re on the subject, why is he so against that?”
“Because the big guy, Mr. Serious, does not like drama.” I wave my finger in the air, gesturing in the direction that Claire just went. “And office romance is drama. Especially with Claire.”
“It’s not even a thing. Friends. That’s all.”
“Right,” I say, oozing sarcasm. “But just so you know, she will rip off your balls, toss them up in the air, and hit them four hundred yards with a bat.” Kyle winces at the imagery, but he needs to know all the same. “She eats men like candy before spitting them out, so she doesn’t absorb the calories. Get what I’m saying here?”
“Got it. Like I said, not even a thing.”
He’s frowning, though, which tells me that it is a thing or was a thing, but hopefully, it’s not anymore.
“See ya around the funhouse,” I say, smacking his back again.
“Yeah, see ya.” He’s still staring off into space, probably thinking about his nuts, so I leave him to that because I have a shit ton of work to get to before my date with Ivy.
* * *
By the time I finish up, it’s a little after six. I’ve already made a reservation for eight-thirty for dinner, but first, I want to take Ivy to Bathtub Gin for a drink because it’s cozy and intimate.
I get a text that might put a kink in those plans as Ivy informs me that she’s stuck in a trauma and that I should just come get her at the hospital instead of her place.
I make my way to the hospital, through rush hour traffic and find a spot to park in, and now it’s well after seven. But I’m smiling because I have a date with my girl, which in my mind means she’s giving me another chance.
Locating the emergency department, I meander toward the waiting room, which used to be our standard pick-up slash meet-up place. But before I even reach the room, I spot her standing over by the bank of large windows in her regular clothes, typing something into her phone. She looks beautiful in her standard jeans and ice-blue blouse that will no doubt bring out the color of her eyes.
“I never would have pegged you for a chess girl.”
Ivy looks up, her cheeks flushing instantly. Busted!
“H-how did you know I was playing chess?”
I smile, walking closer to her. “Because I know you, darlin’.”
She smiles at that, but it’s reluctant. Almost like she doesn’t want to smile at the notion that I know her. I’ll win her over.
“So you say.”
“No. I do. I know you.” I smile, before I turn serious. “Sophia called me this morning and told me about yesterday with fuckface Jason. She called me at work, and well, I was worried about what he said to you about being in touch. So I hacked his phone. And computer.”
Should I have mentioned that last part to her? Probably not given the frown on her face. There is nothing on his phone about her anyway, yet, but it allowed me to fill half an hour with fun this morning.
“And let me tell you darlin’, that ex of yours is not only stupid, but he’s a total perv. I mean, how dumb do you have to be to open an email from an unknown sender and click on the link for a porn site? Clearly, our little friend Jason here has never heard of phishing emails.” I didn’t even get creative with it. I didn’t even make it from someone he knows. I sent that malware almost like a joke, never expecting in a million years he’d bite.
But he did and boom, instant access.
Illegal? You bet. But fuck it. No one can trace it back to me anyway.
“Oh.” Ivy scoffs a little. “Can you do that with my computer?”
I shrug, “I could, but I haven’t.” I roll my head to meet her worried eyes. “Why?” I bounce my eyebrows. “Nervous I’ll find something good on there? Something incriminating maybe?”
“No. I just don’t like the invasion of privacy, and it’s a HIPAA violation.”
I love what a goodie-goodie she is. Seriously, I’
ve never met anyone other than the Duchess who walks the straight and narrow so much.
“What are you hiding?”
“None of your business. And if you hack my computer, I’ll call the police.”
“You’d never know if I did it.”
She sighs out, exasperated. “Don’t you have anything else to do?”
“Nope.” I pop the p sound. “I get bored easily. You ready for dinner or do you want to just skip to dessert and go home?”
“If you go home, does that mean I get to as well?”
“With me?” I smirk. “That’s one way to pass the time.”
She rolls her eyes that look like blue fire against the color of her shirt. “Clearly, you know what I meant.”
“Suit yourself.” Neither of us moves to leave. “Ivy,” I whine. “I’m hungry.”
She laughs at me. “I’m in the middle of a rather challenging chess match.”
“Oh yeah?” I yank her phone from her grasp and move her piece for her. She reaches out, trying to grab it back from my hands, but quickly realizes she’s not going to get it and gives up in favor of watching me play for her. And when the other player moves, I continue, taking their rook in the process I might add.
“Oh my god,” she squeals, and I can’t hide my smile. “You are such a rat bastard.”
“I can’t help it if I’m better at chess than you are.”
“You are not,” she practically shrieks.
“Agree to disagree unless you want to go toe to toe with me, baby?”
“Maybe another time.” She shuts off her phone with a smug smile playing on her lips, thinking she just locked me out.
How cute.
“Let’s go get an ice cream. I’m fucking starving.”
“An ice cream?” she laughs. “What are you, eight? What sort of date is that? Didn’t we already do that once?”
“Yes, I’m eight. Now come on. I’ll even buy.” Ivy shakes her head, crossing her arms over her chest like she’s trying to take a stand or something. “Okay, dinner first, then dessert at my place.”
