by Mel Darbon
He talks under his breath making Paris glare at him.
“Shut up, Leo, there’s an announcement.”
We all listen.
“WE ARE SORRY TO ANNOUNCE THAT ALL SOUTHERN RAIL SERVICES HAVE BEEN CANCELLED DUE TO THE SEVERE WEATHER CONDITIONS. CUSTOMERS ARE ADVISED TO MAKE ALTERNATIVE ARRANGEMENTS.”
“See,” Leo says. “Told you, so let’s get out of here.”
“We can’t leave her here, I’m not going without her.” She snatches at Leo’s rucksack, trying to get it off him.
“Stop making a scene and let go of my bag, Paris.”
They stand face to face glaring at each other. Paris looks away first. She turns to me. “You’ll be okay, Rose?”
I nod cos I can’t talk. She stretches out her hand to try and hold mine. Leo grips her arm tight and pulls her through the door.
I don’t want her to stay, but I don’t want her to go.
I can’t stay in this cafe for ever.
I don’t know where to go.
All my trains have gone.
I’m stuck.
Paris and Leo stand outside the cafe window. They look cross at each other. Paris is waving her arm up in the air. Leo picks up his rucksack and walks off with Paris holding onto his coat. He pushes her off him. She watches him go. He keeps on walking and vanishes round the corner.
I hold my bag on my lap and rest my hand where Jack’s cards are. Jack wouldn’t leave me all by myself.
Paris comes back into the cafe dragging her rucksack behind her. She sits on her bag beside me. For a long time she doesn’t say anything. She sniffs a lot, so I give her a tissue.
“You need to blow your nose.”
“Ta.” She looks at me. Her eyes are red.
“You can’t stay here, Rose. I said to Leo, it wasn’t right abandoning you, with no trains. Come to Gaz’s place and keep warm, then you can party and crash at the house with us. It’s only up the road…you can get the train tomorrow.”
I shake my head. “Nothankyou. It’s ten bits before the two. That’s too early for a party.”
Paris smiles. “What, you serious? It’s never too early to party. Come on, you have to come – where are you going to go if you don’t?” She looks up at me so I can see into her eyes. “Please come.”
“Nothankyou… Leo doesn’t want me.”
“Yes, he does. Leo will LOVE you once he gets to know you.”
I shake my head. “Leo’s mean. Jack’s never mean to me.”
Paris bites her fingernail. “He’s not like that really; you see it’s all my fault, I get silly and say stupid things that make him angry, so I have to find Leo and say sorry. He’s nice really, I promise you he is.”
I try and work out what I am thinking in my head. I wanted Paris to go away before. But I didn’t want her to go. I want to go with her now…but I don’t…I have nowhere to sit and wait for the rest of the day and the night…I’m NOT going home to Henley-on-Thames. If I do, Dad will stop me finding Jack. I will never see him again. I want to find Jack. I don’t want to think of “never again”. It’s too sad. I have to be with Jack and Jack has to be with me. I have to go with Paris.
Paris looks at me like our dog when she wants a treat.
I stand up. “Will you take me back to Victoria Station in the morning, please?”
“Of course I will – so you’re coming with me?”
“Okayyes.”
She punches her hand in the air. “Go, Rose!” She puts her rucksack on her back. I get my stuff and follow Paris out of the cafe.
Outside she folds her arm in mine and walks me along the road. She keeps falling about and not walking in a straight line.
“I can’t walk my feet as fast as yours.”
“Sooorry.” Paris sing-songs along. “I’m excited! I love parties and I LOVE the snow. When I was little I used to stick my tongue out and catch the snowflakes on my tongue because I thought they were ice lollies from the sky.”
She puts her tongue out now. “Go on, you do it.”
“It’s too cold, my teeth have the shakes. And my bag is hurting my arm. Wherearewegoing?”
“Right, then right again…I think.” She bites her lip between her teeth. “There’s a kebab shop on the corner…” She crosses her arms and buries her hands under her armpits. She looks left and right. “Got it! Over there – where that taxi has stopped.” She points her finger past my nose. “See, by that yellow and red light. Come on!”
She grabs my bag and swings it along. I’m too tired to ask for it back. I stick my hands in my pockets and follow her snow footprints up to the house.
The door is wide open and the inside light shines onto the path. It’s covered in rubbish peeping through the snow. Some grown up people stand outside smoking. One of them is the tallest man ever. He’s only wearing a T-shirt and jeans. He has Popeye arms. And a spider painted on his head. It makes him scary.
“You’re such a stoner,” Paris shouts to spider man.
I step backwards. “Idontwanttocomehere.” I try and take my bag back from Paris but she won’t let me. She swings it over her shoulder and it hits her rucksack on her back. She falls backwards. She lies on the ground and giggles. Her legs kick in the air. “It’ll be f…fine. Don’t l…look so worried.”
“Iwanttogohome.”
The big man helps Paris up. He looks over his shoulder at me. “Hey mimbo, you coming in or what?”
An ice wind blows up the path making me shiver. “My name is Rose, not Mim-bo.”
He laughs, but I know it’s a wrong laugh. He picks my bag up.
“Nogivememybagback!”
He doesn’t hear me. I run after my bag into the house.
The house smells like Mum’s bonfire when she burns all the leaves. It makes my eyes sting. It’s dark in the hall. My bag is sitting on the bottom of the stairs. I hug it to me. When I look up I can see a girl through a doorway, with long, long hair in fuzzy blonde ropes. She’s dancing all by herself, her arms swaying above her head. Her arm shadows look like dancing snakes on the wall behind her. The girl opens her eyes and sees me. We stare at each other.
Paris barges past me to the girl. “We need to look for Leo, have you seen him?” she says to her.
“No, babe. He’s probably in the kitchen getting some gear from Lenni.”
“Cool, thanks hun. Hey, Lily, this is Rose. OMG! You’ve both got flower names – how cool is that? Rose is crashing the night here.”
“You’re a scream, girl, always bringing home strays. You like dancing, Rose?” She twists her arms around her body and jiggles her hips, making her red ballet skirt rustle. Her nose diamond sparkles and winks at me.
“I want a nose stud.”
Lily drops her arms and comes over to me. “I could do it for you, babe, I have a spare stud. I can do it with a needle and an ice cube.”
I hold my nose tight.
Paris laughs. “You look like a ghost. It doesn’t hurt, you should do it, it would look so amazing.” She drags me into the kitchen.
“Nothangyouverymuck.”
The kitchen is old-fashioned, like my grandma’s kitchen in her holiday cottage in Cornwall. But hers is clean. This table is covered in bottles and spilled drink. A broken glass lies in a puddle of red.
Paris pulls a long, fat cigarette out of someone’s mouth and takes a huge puff. After a bit smoke rolls out her nose in a curl. She waves the big cigarette at me. “Here, try it, babe, you’ll love it. Lol! You can take your hand off your nose now; no one’s going to pierce it. Go on, have a drag of this, everything will look beautiful.” She shuts her eyes and takes another big breath of smoke. She holds it in for ever before blowing it up to the ceiling.
“Smoking kills.”
She takes another big breath of it.
I want this place to be over. I can’t see anything beautiful. I want to get to tomorrow-day so I can get my train. I don’t want these people. I don’t want this kitchen. Or a party. It’s still day time. Even though the
snow clouds have made the sky dark. People should be at college… ’Cept I’m not. But it’s different cos I’m going to get Jack.
I make my mind up.
“I’m going back to Victoria Station, Paris, thankyouverymuch.”
“No, no, no, come on, we’ve got to find Leo.”
“Idon’twanttofindLeo. I wanttofindJack.”
I’m too stupid to do this. I hide my face in my hands. When I open my eyes again I want to be with Jack. Safe in my Henley-on-Thames. And not in this not-me place.
Someone folds their arms round me. Like Jack does. It doesn’t smell like Jack, so I move back.
“I don’t want a hug.”
Paris sniffs. “Sorry, I wanted to help.”
“Why did you help Rose?”
“I felt good helping you, like, I’d done something, you know…good.”
“Rose isn’t a stray dog, girl, you’ve got to stop and think.” Lily walks into the kitchen. She rests her hand on Paris’s shoulder. Then she talks to me. “Maybe you should ring your parents?”
I shake my head no. “I have to find my Jack. He needs me.” I can hear my voice getting shouty.
Lily frowns. “It’s okay, sweetie, it’s okay; we can take you to the station in the morning. Paris is right about something, you can’t sit all night by yourself at Victoria. You can chill in my room if you like?”
Her eyes are more blue than Jack’s. “Okayyesthankyou,” my mouth says before I mean to say it. I don’t want to stay in a room I don’t know.
In the background some rapping music starts. If my brother Ben plays it Dad shouts at him to turn it off. I think of home. And Mum. And my bedroom. Then a picture memory of Dad comes in my head.
“Where are you going, Rose?”
I pull my hat down over my ears and tuck my scarf ends into my coat. “To see Jack.”
“But you just saw him at college and then at the cafe afterwards. Can’t you live without him for longer than two hours?”
“I have lots of hours I don’t see him.”
“What about your homework tonight?”
“It’s Friday, Dad.”
“And?”
“Everyone goes out on a Friday.”
“Who’s everyone? Uncle Tom Cobley and all?”
“I don’t know him.”
“It’s an expression, Rose, it means – oh for goodness’ sake, it doesn’t matter what it means. When are you going to do your homework then? Remember you’re working at Waitrose tomorrow and then we’re seeing Grandma on Sunday.”
“I know that, Dad. I did all my homework in the cafe when I waited for Jack today.”
“He’s a bad influence on you; you used to take such care over your college work.”
“I’m top of the class after Lou.”
“And that’s another thing, you never used to answer me back until he came on the scene. You’ll be shouting at me next.”
“Ben shouts all the time and so do you.”
Dad frowns. He opens his mouth but no words come out. He looks very silly. My phone pings.
“Jack’s outside.” I get excited in my stomach. “Bye, Dad. BYE, MUM.”
“Bye, Rose,” Mum shouts from the kitchen, “I’ll see you at the back of the cinema at ten fifteen.”
“’kay!”
Dad looks even grumpier. As I shut the door I hear him say to Mum, “She needs to cool it with that boy.”
I don’t think Dad ever wanted Jack and Rose. I don’t want to see my dad. Cos then he’ll put a full stop to Jack. I have to stay here so I can get to Brighton tomorrow.
“Rose?” Lily waves her hand in front of my face. “I’m talking to you, where did you go?”
“In my head.”
She smiles. “Come on, I’ll take you up to my room.” She has to shout in my ear, cos the music’s got louder. It’s blocking out everyone’s words.
Paris takes my hand. “I’ll take her, I’m going upstairs to look for Leo anyway.”
“Don’t just dump her if you do find him. She looks worn out.”
“Course not. Come on, hun.”
“My bag!”
“It’s in the hall – you can grab it as we go past.”
Paris tries to pull me along behind her.
Lily stops her. “Let go of her, girl, she’s not a child.”
Paris drops my hand. “Sorry, babe, I’m a bit hyper.”
Lily shakes her head. “Go on, Rose, I’ll come up in a bit.”
I follow her. I see my bag and pick it up. We have to step over a lady and man kissing. Jack and me kiss like that in his bedroom at his house or under the willow tree on the park bench. Paris opens one door but Leo isn’t there. I’m glad. Some boys and girls are sat in a circle round a lamp. I think it’s a lava lamp. My mum had a lime-juice green one. Grandma found it in her attic and told me Mum had it at university.
“Hey, come and join us.”
I hold onto the back of Paris’s jacket, so I can be close up to her.
My ears are going to burst with all the shouts and loud music. It hammer-bangs through me. I want to find Lily’s room so I can hide. And just be with Jack in my head.
“Where is he?” Paris kicks the wall. “He’s got to be here somewhere…I know!” She bangs on a door with fuzzy windows. “LEO! Is that you?” She rattles the door handle and presses her nose against the glass. “Leo, are you in there?”
“Who’s Leo?” a man shouts back. “I’m trying to shit here.”
“Let’s try the attic,” Paris sighs, “that’s Lily’s room, so I don’t think he can be in there but he’s got to be here somewhere.”
My legs hurt and my bag is getting too heavy to carry up more stairs. But I don’t want to leave Paris. And she said she’s taking me to Lily’s room now.
I have to stop to get my breath at the top. I get a lot of in-fections on my chest. It makes my breath struggle sometimes going up hills and big stairs. Paris opens the bedroom door. Two people are on the bed. They only have clothes on their top bits and their legs are stuck together. I don’t want to look. Paris can’t stop looking. Her mouth is frozen in an O.
Then she screams. “You bastard! How could you?” Her face is squeezed up with hurt. “You PROMISED!”
“What the fuck?”
Leo jumps off the bed. “Paris, wait, I can explain, babe.” His hands cover up his man bits.
I look away.
“Just fuck off and leave me alone!” Her mouth makes a pain noise.
I cover my ears up. I don’t know what to do. “WehavetoGOParis.”
Leo tries to grab her with one hand but she slaps him away. His face looks ugly with angry.
Paris pushes past me and runs out the room and down the stairs.
I run after her.
Leo shouts, “You leave this house, we’re done!”
My bag bump, bump, bumps on the stairs.
Paris pushes everyone out the way and races out the front door.
I run up the path after her, slipping and sliding. I don’t think she knows I’m with her any more. I’m too out of my breath to shout to her to stop. My chest feels tight and burny. I keep running, I’m scared to get left on my own.
In front of me Paris drops down onto the steps of a big, big church with lots of towers. I run over to her. I can’t speak until I’ve got myself together again. I’m shaking all over me.
“Are we…going in here?”
Paris looks at me with surprise. “Rose.”
“It’s t…too freezing to s…sit here.” I wag my finger at her. “You’ll c…catch your death of cold.”
“So what? If I did die nobody would care.” She shuts her eyes.
I don’t like her saying that. It frightens me. I want my mum. She’d help Paris, cos that’s what she does.
I’m lost and iced up. I can’t move my fingers. I clap my hands together to wake them up. It hurts. I get a crying lump in my throat. “Paris, let’s find a warm place…pleasethankyou.”
She rests her he
ad on the metal fence, but doesn’t answer me. I hear music floating out from the church. I go and peek through the door. It’s the tallest room I’ve ever seen. Paintings shine like jewels on the walls. They are lit up by hundreds of candles. Two baby angels with tiny wings fly across the roof.
I take a few steps in. I feel very small. Above my head Jesus watches me from a red and gold cross. He looks kind and sad, both together. I want to smile and cry, all at the same time. An old man sits on a long chair with his head bent over. He’s whispering to himself. I think he’s saying a prayer to Jesus. I sit on a chair by myself and ask Jesus on the gold cross to get me safely to Jack.
“Rose! What are you doing in here? Let’s get going.”
“Shush!” The old man frowns at her.
Paris is hugging herself with her arms. Her lips are blue at the edges. “I’m starving, bloody come on,” she says very loudly.
“Language, please!” The old man stands up very tall. “Please show some respect. You are in a house of God.”
“House of miserable old sod, you mean. Come on, Rose, let’s get out of here.” She turns her back and leaves.
I take one last look at the baby angels and follow her out.
“That was mean,” I say.
“Don’t get all goody-two-shoes on me. Let’s go window-shopping now and then there’s a twenty-four-hour McDonald’s near the cathedral. We can chill there tonight, eat tons and keep warm. Let’s get a taxi.”
“Burgers make you fat.”
“Great!” She waves her hand in the air. A black car with a yellow light on top drives up. Someone shouts, “PARIS!” We both look round. Running towards us is Leo.
“Paris! Come on, babe, what you doing?”
Paris looks at me and back at Leo.
“Babe, this is fucked up, come here.”
“Wait there, Rose.” Paris goes over to him.
I don’t understand. Leo is badbadbad.
The taxi driver sticks his head out the window. “You getting in or what, love?”
He reaches his arm out the window and opens the door. I slide onto the seat, putting my bag next to me. Outside, Paris shakes her head and walks back over to the taxi. Leo stops her and holds her face in his hands.
“Hurry up!” the taxi man shouts out.
