“Nope,” he replies, lifting the bottle to his lips. “I’ve already made progress with you, and if I have to be up your arse to do so, then so be it.”
I still. I never said “up” my arse, but okay. “After I clean up I’m going back to bed.”
“No, you’re not. We’re going grocery shopping. Your cupboards are practically empty,” he says, giving me a once-over. “You need to eat.”
Does he think I’m too skinny? I look down at my stomach, which sure, is flatter than it usually is, but grieving will do that to you. I don’t even feel hungry. Food is usually always on my mind, but right now I feel no need to consume anything. Except maybe some alcohol. Maybe a food stop is a good idea, because I can stop at the bottle shop and get some vodka or something.
Mmmmm, vodka.
Maybe my appetite is coming back.
“Yeah, okay,” I agree, washing the few dishes in the sink. “Can you even go out in public without women going crazy over you?”
He shrugs. “It will be fine.”
I turn the tap off. I’ve seen him in magazines, on TV; he’s everywhere. I’ve seen him in the tabloids with different women, different stories appearing every time I check. I don’t know how much of that is true, but he seems to be playing the field. He’s the current it boy. He writes his own lyrics, plays his own music, and his voice is deep husky perfection. I’m sure it helps that on top of that talent, he’s extremely good-looking, but to me he’s the same old Dean. The one who used to play pranks on the teachers at school. The one I’d sometimes watch from afar.
My mind flashes back to the first time I met Dean Amore, back in high school.
I shift my bag on my shoulder, the heavy books inside weighing me down and making my arm ache. I look around for Ben, but he must be running late. He’s been busy recently and I haven’t spent much time with him. He’s probably been busy studying. That’s all I’ve been doing recently with exams coming up.
“Need some help there?” a husky voice asks from behind me. I turn to look at a boy I’ve seen around the school halls, but one I’ve never spoken to before. He’s tall, much taller than my five foot eight, with green eyes, brown hair, and dimples. His smooth tanned skin makes me want to reach out and touch it. He doesn’t look like he belongs here, in this school. He belongs in Hollywood, or some other magical faraway place. Maybe with the guitar that’s always attached to his side, that’s exactly where he’ll be heading.
“I’m okay, but thank you,” I tell him, readjusting the bag once more. “That’s what I get for being an overachiever.”
He laughs, flashing white straight teeth. He’s good-looking. Extremely so, and it’s hard for me not to notice. “Being ambitious isn’t a bad thing,” he says, leaning back against the building, his knee bent forward and foot resting on the cream bricks.
“Speaking from experience?” I ask, giving up and putting my bag on the ground. I move closer to him, also leaning against the wall.
He shrugs. “I have dreams.”
“I’m Sabina,” I say, offering him my hand. “I’ve seen you around but I’ve never spoken to you before.”
He looks down at my hand for a second before taking it, his large hand making mine look tiny and feminine. “Dean.”
“Great name,” I murmur, looking back over the courtyard. The guy is dreamy and charismatic, and to be honest I’m surprised and proud of myself for being able to string together a sentence without stuttering. Maybe it’s because the reason I’m standing here is Ben, and I know that Dean is just a random guy I happen to be having a random conversation with.
“Likewise.”
He likes my name?
I bring my attention back to him. “Are you waiting for a ride?”
“Something like that,” he replies, studying me.
Everyone in school is clearing out, and soon no one will be around. I don’t like being in places alone. It’s not that I’m paranoid, but I watch the news. The world isn’t what it used to be, and it’s better to be safe than sorry. I’m glad that Dean is here with me right now so I don’t have to stand alone, even if I only did just officially meet him for the first time.
And where the hell is Ben?
I look around again but can’t see him, just a few random students, and I’ve already missed my bus. I look back at Dean and find his eyes still on me. “Your ride is late too.”
“I drove here,” he says, lip twitching in amusement. “I just saw you standing alone and thought I’d keep you company.”
My eyes narrow slightly. “You always this much of a gentleman?”
“No,” he replies simply, brushing his hair off his forehead. “Do you always ask this many questions?”
“Yes,” I reply honestly, arching my brow. “What’s wrong with questions? Curiosity is a sign of intelligence.”
He looks down at my bag of books. “Yeah, I kinda got that.”
Our eyes connect and hold, and something sizzles between us. Attraction? I don’t know what it is, because I’ve never felt it before. It makes me feel a little uncomfortable if I’m being honest. There’s a strange tension between us and I don’t know if it’s good or bad. Probably bad, considering I’m dating someone. I clear my throat, but can’t seem to tear my gaze away even though I know I should.
Dean seems to consider something, then nods and says, “Listen, there’s something—”
“There you are,” Ben says, walking towards the two of us. I move my gaze from Dean to him, taking in his shaggy blond hair and baby-blue eyes. “Sorry I’m late, I had to stay back for detention.” He looks to Dean and lifts his chin. “What you doing here, cuz?”
Cuz?
Dean pushes off the wall. “Just didn’t want Sabina to stand here alone.” He slaps Ben on his shoulder as he passes, then heads to the car park without so much as a backwards glance.
“He’s your cousin?” I ask, eyes going wide. Great, I was just checking out my boyfriend’s family member.
Ben wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me into his body. “Yeah, you didn’t know that? You look beautiful today, by the way.” He touches my high ponytail of thick dark hair. “I like your hair up.”
“Thank you,” I say, glancing up at him. “And no, I didn’t know that.”
“Let’s go,” he says, nodding towards his car. Hand in hand we walk to it.
Ben opens his car door for me, and I throw in my heavy bag of books first, then slide inside. As we’re driving away, I see Dean standing by his car, eyes on his phone.
I watch him until it would become obvious if I continued, then turn to look at Ben, who reaches out and puts his hand on my thigh. I smile at the familiarity of it, then glance out of the window.
Everything in my life is as it should be.
*****
I shake my head, as if getting rid of that thought, and walk into my bedroom. I brush my hair again and tie it up, then slide my feet into a pair of black leather ankle boots. I don’t bother with make-up. I don’t think anything can save the dark circles under my eyes. Luckily I’ve been blessed with decent skin, so I don’t look so bad without foundation, but I still look a little pale and ghostlike. Shrugging, I grab my handbag and return to Dean. “Ready when you are.”
He nods and stands, putting his empty beer bottle in the recycling bin before heading to the door.
“Why are you drinking beer at 11:00 a.m.?” I ask, tilting my head to the side and studying him. He must have had the same idea as me. Getting drunk doesn’t solve any of life’s problems, but it sure as hell can solve today’s problems.
“It’s all you had to drink besides milk,” he says, smirking. “Which was off.”
“Oh,” I mutter as he opens the door for me. I haven’t exactly thought about being a great host when all I wanted to do was be alone for the unforeseeable future. My parents dropped by once before they had to fly back home, and I don’t think I was great company. In fact, I should probably call them and apologise for being an arsehole. We’re not that
close, but they still came to see if I was doing okay, but all I wanted was to be alone. Even under the circumstances, they are my parents and I shouldn’t have been so rude to them. They probably shouldn’t have left so soon too, but that’s a whole different story.
“Are you okay to drive or do you want me to?” I ask him.
He closes the door behind him, and I pull out my key to double lock it.
“I’m fine to drive,” he says, patiently waiting. “We’ll take my car.”
I turn around and see just what his car is. My jaw drops open. “Oh my God. It’s beautiful,” I whisper, rushing over to it and running my hand along the hood. The brand new black Range Rover is amazing. I suddenly feel like driving. “Can I drive?”
“No,” he says, opening the passenger door for me.
“Why not?” I ask, deflating. “I thought you’re here to try and make me happy. This will make me temporarily very happy.”
He ignores me and gets into the driver seat. I close my door and put my seat belt on, eying the interior. When he starts the engine, “Never be like you” by Flume fills the car, bringing me back to the reality of my life. I rub my chest, wondering why things have to be this way. I know bad things happen to good people. I know not everyone gets what they want in life. What I don’t know is how I’m meant to deal with losing someone so close to me. So many things I took for granted, so many times I acted a certain way and now wish I hadn’t. There were times when I thought I wasn’t even happy, but now? I wish for those times once more. Dean turns down the volume and I can feel his gaze on me. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” I nod, forcing a smile. “I can’t hide forever, right? I need to face what my life is now.”
I need to conquer it.
“You’ll get there,” he says, sounding confident. “You’ve always been strong, Sabina.”
I’m glad someone thinks so. He’s probably referring to the fact that because I don’t have a close relationship with my parents, I’ve basically done everything alone. When I turned eighteen, they basically told me it was time for me to move out, and that’s when I moved in with Ben.
I lick my suddenly dry lips. “Can we stop at the bottle shop?”
He glances at me, then back at the road. “Yeah, I guess so. What do you want to get? You aren’t going to get shit-faced tonight are you? Because I kind of told Kate we’d come over for breakfast tomorrow.”
My head snaps to him. Kate is Ben’s mother. My mother-in-law, or at least she was, and to be honest, she isn’t one of my favourite people. She’s not a nice person, and since Ben is no longer here, I shouldn’t really have to deal with her. Ben and I have no children; he was my only tie to Kate. She’s Dean’s aunt though, so I can’t really say any of that.
Shit.
“I don’t want to go,” I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest. “I don’t want to have a fucking family breakfast, Dean. Ben is gone, and I’m not going to sit there at his mother’s table and pretend everything is okay. She never even liked me.”
And I never liked her, although I was never rude or anything like that. I was raised to respect my elders, and I gave her much more respect than she deserved, because she was Ben’s mother.
“Don’t make me go alone, Sabina,” he says quietly, tone almost pleading. “I don’t want to go either, but I’ve avoided them enough. I don’t need another lecture from my own mother about the importance of family.”
I scrub my hand down my face, wondering when my life became so miserable. I’m not even in this family anymore. Okay, I sound like a bitch, but I just feel tired. Drained. Exhausted. And seeing Kate is not something I want to deal with. I can’t exactly throw Dean to the wolves when he’s been so good to me though. He even changed my bed sheets, putting a fresh white set on without a complaint.
“Fine,” I tell him, dragging the word out. “But I don’t want to hear any judgement when I leave the bottle shop with more alcohol than I could possibly consume.”
“Deal.”
I study his profile, wondering what brought him back to town. He’s famous now, and he doesn’t need to be here. His parents don’t live here anymore, they moved east after Dean made it big, so it’s only Ben’s mother, her husband, and their two sons who remain. I don’t even know if he’s close with his two cousins or not, but I don’t think he’s seen them in a while. I’d read in one of the gossip magazines that Dean is dating the actress Bella Reed, but I don’t know how much of that is true. I don’t feel like it’s my place to ask, even though I’m curious as hell.
I look straight ahead and lean my head back. This is my first time leaving the house in so long, and I’m going to buy food and booze with a sexy-as-sin famous musician and I still don’t feel happy.
What if it’s always like this?
The concerning part is that I don’t know if I’ll ever snap out of this funk. I don’t know who I am without Ben.
Chapter Three
“Is that hat meant to be your diabolical disguise?” I ask, smirking as we get out of the car.
He pulls it down low on his head. “No one will recognise me.”
“Yes, they will,” I say, brow furrowing. “You grew up here so everyone worships you. You’re the local treasure. They’ll definitely recognise you, Dean.”
“We’ll be quick,” he says, nodding to the grocery store. “Let’s go.”
I follow him inside, feeling amusement as I watch him grab a trolley and push it towards the first aisle.
“When’s the last time you went food shopping?” I ask him, scanning the fruit selection.
He clears his throat, then says, “I don’t know. Months, maybe.”
I make a tsk tsk sound. “How does it feel to be amongst the common folk? Us plebs?”
He throws me a look that clearly tells me to shut up, but all I do is flash him a grin, then start loading the trolley with various fruits and vegetables. A decent meal does sound good. Tara has dropped food off every day, trying to get me to eat, but all I did was consume the bare minimum. The looseness of my jeans tells me just how much I’ve been neglecting myself, and it’s time for me to get out of my slump and get my shit together. Dean is right, I can’t go on like this anymore. Other people lose someone they love every day, but they get through it.
And I will too.
We’re down the second aisle when I hear a woman say to her friend, “Oh my God, is that Dean Amore?”
My head snaps to Dean, and I catch his wince. He keeps pushing through the aisle, at a faster speed this time.
“Disguise fail,” I mutter under my breath.
“Fuck,” he whispers, turning around and looking behind him as the women start to follow him.
“Do you want to go to the car?” I ask him, quickly ducking behind a display of nappies. “I can finish up here alone.”
“No,” he says, shaking his head. “I have to get the shit I need to cook dinner tonight.”
My eyebrows hit my hairline. “You’re cooking dinner tonight? Will wonders never cease?”
“Well at least the fire in you is back,” he says in a dry tone, glancing up at the nappies stacked in a huge pile. “Great, next they’ll be saying I knocked someone up.”
I glance around. “There’s no paparazzi here, Dean. This isn’t the big city.”
However if those women take a photo, it could be plastered all over social media, which is kind of the same thing. “Or maybe you’re right. What do you want me to do?”
“You gonna save me?” he asks, his smile hitting his green eyes. “There’s nothing we can do, let’s just get what we need and bounce.”
We rush around the store, grabbing everything we think we’ll need. We’re in the ice-cream aisle when the women catch up with us.
“Oh my God, Dean, it is you!” one gushes, closing the space between them and touching his arm. “Can I take a photo with you? I love you and your music so much! Your picture is my phone wallpaper!”
She slides up next to him, like they’ve known
each other for years, completely invading his personal space.
Oh wow.
Is this what he has to go through every time he leaves the house? People acting like he’s community property? The other woman, a younger-looking brunette, steps to his other side. “Could I get your signature? My friends aren’t going to believe this….”
Dean looks uncomfortable, and fairly so. I try to step in and save him.
“Listen, ladies,” I say, stepping closer to Dean and slowly nudging them out of the way. “How about a quick photo, but you both need to stay quiet about him being here? His cousin just died and he’s trying to mourn in peace, without everyone knowing his whereabouts.”
Yes, a shitty card to play, but it’s also the truth.
“Who are you?” the older one asks, eyes narrowing.
Great, she probably thinks I’m his new girlfriend and is going to try and fight me or start a hate page on social media or something.
“I’m his lawyer,” I say, smiling evilly. “Any other questions?”
She shakes her head.
I take two photos, and then grab Dean by his bicep and pull him on out of there.
“My lawyer?” he asks, sounding amused. “You dropped out of law school.”
I roll my eyes. “I didn’t drop out, I changed my mind and chose a different degree.”
I ended up in business and finance, and now work in a bank. Law just wasn’t for me. Then again, neither is working at a bank, but it pays the bills and then some. We check out in peace and then rush to the car. Dean won’t let me help lift the bags into the back, because apparently he’s a Neanderthal, so I sit in the car waiting for him. He didn’t let me pay, either. I tried, but he won. I don’t like it when he wins. I watch as he puts the trolley away then slides into the driver seat.
“Let’s just order the groceries online next time,” I announce.
Dean throws his head back and laughs.
*****
“Is it always like that?” I ask him as we unpack the food together.
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