“I don’t think anything,” I say quickly, shrugging. “I was just being nosy and wondering if it was true or not. I don’t want to be keeping you from anyone.”
“You aren’t, Sabina,” he says in a soft tone that’s mixed with something else… anger? “I’m not with Bella. We’re just friends.”
Friends with benefits?
I don’t pry any more, I just nod and say, “Do you want some pancakes and bacon? It’s my turn to make something for you.”
“I’d love some,” he says, standing with me and following me to the kitchen. “You’re in a much better mood this morning.”
“I think your music woke me up in a good way,” I say, tying my hair up on my head in a messy bun. “I’m just going to try and enjoy the day. Besides, I only have you here for two more days, so I want to make the most of it.”
“Do you want me to play while you cook?” he asks, grinning wolfishly. “Might keep you in this mood all day.”
“Are you kidding me? I’d love that!” I say, smiling widely. My very own Dean Amore concert in my kitchen. Some people would kill for this moment. I’m lucky enough to know the amazing person he is firsthand, and that’s not even including his talent as a musician.
He grabs his guitar and sits down at the table while I whip up some breakfast. Not as fancy as what he’s used to, I’m sure, but I also know that he doesn’t mind.
And besides, I make a mean pancake, fancy or not.
*****
“I can’t believe you did this!” I say to him, staring at the beautiful boat before me. “I’ve always wanted to go snorkelling!”
After breakfast, Dean told me he was taking me somewhere, so to get ready, but he wouldn’t tell me where we were going. For a girl like me, that’s pretty much hell, because I like to be prepared and I like to be dressed for the occasion. I put on a pair of denim shorts and a cute black top, and did my hair and some light makeup. I put some lipstick in my bag so I can use it if need be, if I need to look a little dressier, but the outfit is pretty much a day-to-night one. Never did I imagine that he was going to take me on a boat though!
“I know,” he says, grinning.
I playfully slap at his bicep. “I didn’t bring my bikini. You should have just told me where we were going so I could have planned for this!”
“It’s all sorted, relax,” he says, helping me onto the boat and handing me a bag. “Tara packed everything for you.”
He looks extremely smug, as he should. He pulled off a great surprise and managed to nail it. Getting my stuff packed for me by Tara was an epic move. However, when I open the bag, I realise that it’s not my stuff at all. It’s all brand new amazing items in the bag. A black bikini, a new wide-brim hat, sunglasses, a towel, sun lotion, and a pair of flip-flops.
I glance up at him. “You didn’t?”
“How was I meant to bring Tara to pack your stuff? You’d have noticed! So I rang Tara, wired her some money, and told her to pick up everything you’d need for a day at the beach.”
“You wired her some money?” I say, torn between being grateful that he did something so thoughtful and wanting to scold him for doing something so unnecessary.
He wraps an arm around me and looks me in the eye. “I know you don’t like it, Sabina. But it makes me happy to do something nice for you, so can you just let it go? I have a lot of money, I’m not bragging, it’s just a fact, and if I can’t do something nice for the people I care about then what’s the point? It’s not like I bought you a new car or something.”
He’s right, but still. I take a deep breath and wrap my arms around him. “Thank you, Dean. I don’t think anyone has done something like this for me before.”
They haven’t. And I don’t really know how to react.
“You’re so good to me, Dean,” I say, smiling up at him. “Today is going to be the best day ever.”
“Yes, it is,” he says, touching the corner of my mouth with his thumb. “Because you’re already smiling.”
He drops his hand, winks at me, and walks to the other side of the boat.
But me?
I touch the side of my lip where his finger just was.
Chapter Eight
“What am I going to do when you fly back to LA?” I ask him, popping a green grape in my mouth. “I’m getting used to being spoilt. Soon I’ll be back at the bank hating life.”
He chuckles and steals one of my grapes. “You can always come and visit me.”
“Maybe at the end of the year,” I think out loud, shrugging. “If they let me take more time off after this.” I think about it and amend my statement. “Probably not.”
I lift my amazing new sunglasses away from my eyes and set them on top of my head. “Can I ask you something? The songs you write are mainly love songs. Is that something from experience? You’ve never brought a girl home with you before, but I’ve seen pictures of you with different women.”
“I’d only bring a girl home if I was marrying her,” he says, smirking. “I’ve dated around, yeah, but nothing too serious. Why all the questions, Sabina? You interviewing for a magazine now?”
I laugh, turning my body to face him. “I should. I’d make enough from that interview that I could quit the bank.”
He throws a grape at my head and it hits me on my forehead.
“Hey!” I yell, rubbing my forehead. “That’s going in the interview!”
He laughs and shakes his head at me.
The boat comes to a stop in the middle of nowhere, so I get off the hammock and look over the edge at the crystal-blue water.
“I’m so freaking excited!” I say, pulling my top and shorts off, leaving me in my bikini. I put it on before, but put my clothes back over it. Dean has seen me in a bikini before, so I don’t feel shy in front of him, and it’s not like I have anything he hasn’t seen better versions of before. I turn around to see what he’s doing, and find him already looking at me.
“Remind me to thank Tara,” I think I hear him say, but I’m not sure. He pulls his t-shirt off and his famous abs are all but in my face. It’s kind of hard to concentrate.
“Do you work out?” I blurt out. “Because all I see you do is eat.”
He grins, and runs his hand through his hair. “I work out when I’m home. This is a break for me.”
“Oh,” I say, turning to face the water again. I really need to stop asking him so many personal questions, but I just can’t help myself. I’m a curious person. “What if there are sharks in the water?”
“Swim fast,” he jokes, making me scowl.
He jumps into the water first while I linger on the boat a little, watching him. He beckons me to join him, so I put on the snorkelling mask and lower myself into the water from the ladder on the boat. Hands reach around my waist the second I enter the water, making me jump a little.
“I’ll save you from any sharks,” he says in my ear, sending shivers up my spine, then moves away. I turn around and swim after him, watching as he dives under. I do the same. Immersed in water, it’s like a whole other world down here. Fish swim past me and I try not to squirm. I take in everything, excitement and adrenaline filling me as I start to swim deeper, towards where Dean is.
Today really is the best day I’ve had in a very, very long time.
*****
After an hour of swimming, we’re back on the boat, enjoying the sunshine and just relaxing. Dean puts the radio on and we sing along to the songs that we know, him with his incredible voice and me with my below average one. He laughs at me as I rap a chorus, but then joins in on the next one. I feel… free, even if it’s just temporarily. That’s the only way I can think to explain it. I smile to the sky as I look up at the clouds, and wonder if Ben is looking down at me right now, also smiling.
“What are you smiling and thinking about?” Dean asks.
I tell him. “I was thinking how happy and free I feel right now, and then I was wondering if Ben is looking down on us right now, probably smiling, just like I am.”
&
nbsp; Dean goes quiet after that, so I turn to look at him. He’s lying back in his hammock, eyes closed, sunlight touching every inch of him. He’s in his black board shorts and nothing else, his hand resting on his ripped abs. How have I never noticed how chiselled they are before?
“Thank you for bringing me out here,” I tell him. “And for all the gifts you bought me, even though you shouldn’t have.” I purse my lips, then add, “And don’t think I don’t know how much they cost because I do. I like designer stuff, it’s my weakness.”
“I know,” he says, eyes still closed. “I’ve seen all your handbags, Sabina.”
I cringe a little. “We all have our vices.”
Like that justifies me spending more than some people’s monthly rent on a fucking handbag.
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” he says, chuckling softly. “I just knew you’d like that stuff, and with Tara picking it out it was a pretty foolproof plan.”
It really was. And more than that—it was thoughtful. He’s so thoughtful. He didn’t have to do any of this for me, he didn’t have to come and pull me out of bed and remind me to live again, but he did, and I’ll forever be grateful to him.
“You are too good to me,” I say, looking back up at the sky. “I wish I could do something for you, too.”
“You don’t have to,” he says quickly. “This was for you, Sabina. Don’t overthink it. What you do for me is give me peace of mind by letting me know you’ll be okay while I’m back in LA.”
“I’ll be fine,” I assure him. “You don’t have to worry about me, Dean. I just needed a little time, and to be honest it still hurts but I’m feeling a little more optimistic and hopeful now.”
“Good,” he says softly, something in his tone that I can’t pinpoint. “But I mean it, you ever want to visit, I’ll fly you over. You always have a place to stay at mine.”
“Thanks,” I whisper, my voice cracking. I don’t want to get emotional in front of him, but his words mean everything to me. I clear my throat, close my eyes, and just enjoy being alive.
I won’t be taking it for granted ever again.
*****
By the time we get home, I’m exhausted, and so is Dean.
“So do you want me to order us something to eat?” I ask him, yawning, once I walk back into the living room in my pyjamas after a hot shower. “Maybe a giant pepperoni pizza or something?”
“Yeah, I’ll order it. You look like you’re about to fall asleep on your feet.”
I drop to the couch and nod. “Okay. I’ll get it when it comes to the door though. We don’t need people knowing where you are.”
He ignores me and starts pressing buttons on his phone, probably looking for the number. I watch TV while he orders, then move closer to him on the couch and rest my head on his knee, my face turned to the screen. “I don’t want you to go.”
“Sabina—”
“I know that you have to. But I’m just saying, for the record, I like having you here,” I say, trying to explain how I’m feeling to him. “The place is going to be so lonely when you leave. I think Tara will come and stay here for a bit, but I can’t expect her to stop her life for me. I can’t expect you to, either. All I’m saying is… I’m going to miss you.”
The words come out in a rush, so I take a deep breath afterwards.
He runs his hand through my freshly blow-dried hair, and I close my eyes at the sensation of his fingers on my scalp. I haven’t had anyone touch me in weeks, other than hugs, which I do love, but this is something different.
“I’m going to miss you too,” he finally says, clearing his throat. “That’s why I told you to come and visit me. It would be nice to show you where I live, you know?”
“I can try,” I say, softly moaning as his fingers keep working their magic. “But I can’t make any promises.”
Technically, there’s nothing keeping me here anymore, except Tara. But there’s nothing for me anywhere else either… except adventure.
Hmmm.
Maybe I need to get away for a bit, do some travelling?
A plan starts to form, something that I can actually look forward to.
*****
The day comes for Dean to leave. I wake him up to a stack of waffles, bacon, and coffee, and sit on the bed in the guest room while he packs up his stuff.
“You know you’re going to be fine, right?” he says, sitting next to me. “And if not, I’m only a phone call away.”
“I know,” I say, eyes gentling on him. “I can’t thank you enough for coming to visit.” I can’t help but tease him by adding, “And showing me how the other half lives.”
His lip twitches and his arm comes around me. “You wouldn’t let me show you, if I remember correctly. I would’ve taken you overseas or something.”
I smile and roll my eyes. “Yeah, no thank you. What you did was more than enough; the boat ride was amazing. I had the best time, Dean. I can’t thank you enough.”
“The breakfast you made me was thanks enough,” he says, kissing the side of my head. “I better get going.”
“Will you message me when you get home safely?” I ask, walking with him to the door. He opens it, suitcase in hand, and I follow him out to his car.
“Yeah,” he says, “Of course.”
“You never let me drive your car.”
“I know,” he says, grinning. “Maybe next time.”
“Hmmmph.”
He chuckles and puts his suitcase in the back, then comes round to me. “Well, this is it, Sabina.”
We stare into each other’s eyes, and I shift on my feet before stepping forward and wrapping my arms around him, my cheek on his chest. I squeeze him tight, like it will make him stay, even though I know that’s not a possibility. He can’t stay, he doesn’t belong here anymore.
“Goodbye,” I say, pulling back and looking up at him. “I’m going to miss you, Dean Amore.”
He lowers his head, kisses my forehead, and cups my cheeks with his warm hands. My eyes close on their own accord, the emotion flowing through me something much stronger than I anticipated.
Another kiss, this time on my cheek, and then he lets go.
I step back, allowing him space to get into his car, then watch as he pulls out of my driveway. He waves once, our gazes locked, before he drives away.
I stand there for a few seconds, letting the reality of everything hit me.
It’s now time to get back to real life.
No more Dean trying to cheer me up at every turn.
And no more Ben.
Reality.
And fuck if it doesn’t suck.
*****
A few hours later, there’s a knock at my door. I open it, and a man stands there with a note and a set of keys. He hands them over to me and walks away without a word. I open the note:
Now you can drive it.
Love, Dean.
He gave me his fucking brand new Range Rover.
Holy shit.
His generosity knows no bounds.
I send him a message, telling him to call me when he lands, so we can discuss the giant elephant in the room. Or the car as it was, but I also thank him.
How can one man be so… everything?
That night, I sit and make a plan about my future. Now is the time for change, a time for me to do whatever I want to, and I’m not going to let it pass me by.
No, I’m going on a mother fucking adventure.
Chapter Nine
“I can’t believe you never came to visit me,” Dean says, scowling as he pays attention to the road in front of him. “A year.”
“How long are you going to complain about it?” I ask him, sighing. After he left the last time, I struggled. Not as badly as I was before Dean came, but I still did. I went back to work, and I hated it. I was stuck in a rut, and it was becoming a chore just to get out of bed in the morning. So I did something I probably shouldn’t have. I sold my house. And then I went travelling. All around the world. Nin
e months of exploring different countries, meeting new people, and having a different adventure every day. When I returned home to nothing but the car Dean gave me, which I’d kept at Tara’s, I rented an apartment and went back to my old job. It doesn’t suck as much as I thought it did, and I think it’s just because of my new state of mind. Perspective is everything.
“For fucking ever,” he says, with no heat in his tone. “I kept seeing pictures of you here, there and everywhere on your social media, and was wondering why the hell you hadn’t come to see me yet.”
“I didn’t make it out that way,” I say, looking out the window. “And besides, you were busy with your tour and everything. I didn’t want to inconvenience you. I’m home now, and you’re visiting again, and that’s all that matters, right?”
He stays silent.
He’s not happy with me, I can tell, and I don’t like him being in this mood because he hardly gets like this; he’s generally happy and optimistic.
“How long are you staying for this time?” I ask, trying to change the subject.
“A week.”
“I’ll see if I can take the week off,” I say, hoping we can spend some time together. I don’t want Dean to be angry with me, or think that I don’t care about him, but there’s a reason I didn’t go to see him, one that I don’t want to tell him about. When he left, I really missed him. I thought about him a lot, and more than anything I wanted him to come back. I didn’t want to read too much into it, or overthink it, so I kind of pushed it away. He’s Ben’s cousin, and he was good to me, so I was just missing his company, right?
Exactly.
Well, I don’t know.
I don’t want to know, especially when denial is treating me so well.
“So now you want to spend time with me?” he asks in a dry tone.
At least he hugged me when I showed up at Kate’s to pick him up. He spent a night with them before I came to get him, in the very car he gave to me. He hugged me, took the keys from me as I made small talk with my ex-mother-in-law, then got into the driver’s seat. We’re now on the way to my apartment, but the reunion isn’t going as well as I had hoped.
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