by Alyse Zaftig
She didn’t want him to pull away. When he held her, it was the only time she had a clear head and blocked everything else that was on her mind like none of it even existed.
It was now or never. She needed to know at least part of his thoughts on the craziness that was now her life.
“He offered me a DA position. It’s in Chicago.” He continued holding her, so she wasn’t sure if he’d heard her or not.
He finally pulled away, and she wasn’t sure what she read in his eyes.
“What did you say?” he asked.
Andrei was so still that she couldn’t even see him breathing.
“I haven’t given him an answer yet. He told me to think about it.”
“What’s there to think about? This is something that’s big for you.”
He moved away from here, and she instantly felt the distance between them increase more than just physically. It was like he had shut off a part of himself to talk to her.
“You should consider it,” he said. He’d gone back to fixing the salad, but now he avoided her eyes. His voice even sounded cold and distant.
“Why would you say that?”
“Because I know how much your work means to you. I’ve seen you in action, Victoria. You were made to be a District Attorney.”
“Everyone keeps telling me that.”
“You keep hearing it because it’s true.”
“I thought out of everyone, you’d be the one person to talk me out of it.”
“Is that what you want?”
“Maybe. I don’t know what I want, Andrei. That’s why I came here.”
“I’d never want to be the one to hurt you, and I’m not going to be the asshole who talks you out of your dream. I know how hard you’ve worked for this. I would never do hold you back.”
What if she wanted him to? Maybe she needed someone who wasn’t so damn supportive and pulled her the other way for a change. Why couldn’t he be the one to do that?
“Come with me.” The words left her lips before she’d even had time to process what that meant to either of them.
“What?” At least he finally looked at her that time. “What exactly are you asking me?”
“We could both go to Chicago…together.”
He ran his fingers through his hair. “Just up and leave everything?”
“I didn’t mean it like that. I just thought…”
He leaned over and grabbed her hand. “I’m not upset. In any other lifetime, I’d be happy to at least consider going with you, but I can’t leave New York.”
“I get it. Your family’s practice needs you. It’d be ridiculous for them to just let you move like that.”
“It’s not about my father’s law firm. I wish it were that simple.”
Her anxiety raced back as she tried to decipher his meaning. “I know we’ve barely been together long enough to make that kind of decision.”
“That’s not it either. Victoria, I have no doubt about us. That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Then just tell me. I’m a big girl, Andrei. I can take it.” When he didn’t say anything, she brought up one of the reason’s she worried about in the back of her mind but never voiced out loud. “Is it because I’m black and you’re white?”
She jumped when he dropped the salad for and it clanged to the ground. He was on her side of the counter before she even knew what was happening.
Andrei gripped her shoulders tightly and kissed her like a man possessed. It wasn’t gentle or soft. His lips and tongue invaded hers until thoughts weren’t even there to haunt her mind anymore. He consumed her, and she had no choice but to do the same to him.
When he pulled back, his face was filled with determination and some anger, but it didn’t feel directed at her.
“Don’t you ever think I don’t want you because of something as stupid as that,” he said. “Ever.”
She smiled as he kissed her again, and she tried to do as he demanded and push all thoughts of that out of her head for good. She already had too much to going on in there, and she’d find out soon enough if she had something else of his to worry about.
Chapter 12
Andrei
When Victoria said those words, he’d nearly lost it. That’d she’d even think it made him want to kiss that shit away and replace it with something more real: how much he wanted her. Erik was right. Nothing like that mattered.
Andrei had developed some strong feelings for Victoria, and it blew his mind just how much he cared about her. Was it love?
He’d been in love before, but it was nothing like this. His past relationships had been hard and draining. Being with Victoria felt easy and real.
If he wanted something more with her, he had to get past his damn stubbornness and come clean to her. He needed to tell her about the two people in his life who were his world. It wasn’t going to get easier. He also knew the longer he put it off, the more excuses he’d make for not saying anything. That would only make her angry with him, and her anger would break him.
“Victoria, I have something important to talk to you about.” He took her hand and led her to the couch. Dinner would have to wait, because his news couldn’t.
“Is it something bad?” she asked.
How did he answer that? To him, Asya and Nadia were the two best things he’d ever done, even if their mother made it difficult for him. “That depends on how you look at it. To me, it isn’t.” He sat down and pulled her close to him on the couch. He needed to touch her, in case it was one of the last times she’d let him. “There’s a reason why I can’t leave any time soon.”
“You’re making me nervous,” she said and gripped his hand tight. “Just tell me you aren’t secretly married or something.”
He couldn’t help letting out a chuckle, which relieved some of his tension. “I’m not married. I was, but we got a divorce.”
“Oh,” she said. “Good.” She swallowed hard, obviously waiting for the other shoe to drop.
He took a deep breath. “While we were married, we had two kids.”
Her eyes widened. “Kids?”
Andrei never took his eyes off of her as he spoke. “Two girls, actually. Asya, who’s seven, and Nadia, who’s ten.”
She stood up, disconnecting the warmth he’d depended on. “Kids? Two girls? You’re just telling me this now?”
“I wanted so badly to tell you.”
“Why didn’t you, Andrei? One kid is a pretty big deal, but you have two!” She paced back and forth in front of him.
“It never seemed like the right time. Everything between us has happened so fast.”
“I’m sure there was some time in there when you could’ve mentioned fathering children.”
He stood and took her hands, and he was grateful that she didn’t pull away. “That’s why I’m telling you now. I didn’t want this to go any farther until I told you.”
“So they don’t live with you?” she asked.
Her voice was calm, and he couldn’t read what she was thinking, so he answered the best he could.
“No. My ex-wife has primary custody. It wasn’t an easy relationship. We got together when we were young and stupid. We didn’t really split on good terms, so she took it out on me by keeping the kids. That’s why I can’t just go with you. If I leave town, I will never see them. She’s vindictive enough to make sure that never happens, and she’s been that way ever since the divorce six years ago.”
“I knew you were divorced. I found that out when I researched you before we met, but it said nothing about you having kids.”
“I protect them from anything related to my job. I do my best to make sure no one goes near them or has access to them. In case...”
“In case you actually defend the bad guys?”
He nodded since he couldn’t tell her the type of people he had to defend in the past. Bad was putting it lightly. His father had worked with some of the most ruthless bastards in the city. Some that weren’t exactly easy to work for wi
thout a guarantee they’d get off and who weren’t against using information about his children in case Andrei failed to win.
The risk to his family was one of the main reasons why he and his father bickered so much. Andrei wanted to deal with the people who weren’t a threat to his family. His father’s theory was that the worst ones had the deepest pockets, and if Rusak & Associates did their job the way they’d always done, they’d never lose a court case.
Andrei refused to risk it. That’s why he dealt with the ones who were being charged with less heinous crimes. Most of the suspects he represented were just stupid enough to get caught but not smart enough to consider ransoming their lawyer’s kids. Andrei would die before letting any of his clients use his children for leverage, even the so-called innocent ones.
“This is a lot to take in,” she said, sitting back down. “I don’t really know what to say to you. Hiding something like this... I have been nothing but straightforward with you since the beginning. Now you’re telling me you have children.”
“The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you, and I couldn’t stand it if you hated me for this.”
“I don’t hate you, but I’m upset. I think that’s reasonable.”
She sat so still that he knew she was still in shock. He’d probably be too if their roles were reversed. Knowing how he inherited his father’s quick temper, he probably wouldn’t be taking it as well as she was.
“Of course it is. I’m so sorry, Victoria.”
“I just wish you didn’t wait so long to tell me. It’s all just overwhelming, especially now.”
“Because of your promotion?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said. “That and there’s a lot going on that I have to deal with.”
He could tell she was holding something back in her answer, but he couldn’t push her to say any more. Not when he wasn’t sure how she was taking all of it.
“You don’t have to deal with any of this alone. I meant what I said. I want us to figure this thing out together. Don’t you?”
“I don’t know. I thought I wanted to find out what’s between us, but I’m just so confused.”
“Please don’t let this hold us back from doing that, from still discovering what we have.”
“I’m not the one keeping us from moving forward. You’re the one who waited to spill this out. Why now? Why tell me this tonight?”
“Because I want more than just sex with you. I care about you, and I want all of you, but I can’t demand that until you know what being with me involves.”
“You want all of me?” she asked, her voice going a little high, as if doubting his words.
“I want everything from you,” he said. He needed to touch her, feel her skin against his. His body craved that more than the air that he needed to breathe. He stood and inched closer to her. When she didn’t move, he pulled her tense body to his so he could kiss the side of her face. He whispered against her. “Baby, I’m so sorry. Can you forgive me? I know I should have told you. I promise to be nothing but honest with you from now on. I promise.”
She tensed up a little and then moved out of his reach again.
With each time she did that it was like she pulled a part of him with her. It killed him to see her act like she didn’t love him.
“No, Andrei. This is too big for you to just try to make me forget with a damn kiss. You have kids. Children I never knew about. I can’t believe I asked you to go with me to Chicago. What was I thinking?”
“I’m honored that you’d even ask that. Don’t you ever regret that.”
“I know better than this, but I got sucked in. Ever since Montego Bay, I’ve been consumed with this relationship, with you.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“It is when I don’t know who I am when I’m with you. I forget the real world, Andrei, and that’s not a good thing. Not for people like me who have to protect the people in that reality. The world still exists outside those doors, and you’ve made that clear tonight.”
“Calm down, Victoria.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t tell me to calm down. This isn’t a calm-down moment. It’s a freak-the-fuck-out moment. I just don’t think I have the energy to be as angry as I should.”
“Good. I don’t want you angry.”
“Of course you don’t. You want me to just accept it as if it’s nothing and be the good, understanding one in all of this.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“The idea of being a parent scares me.”
“You don’t have to worry about that anytime soon. I don’t want you to think I’m out looking for a second mother for them. That’s not why I’m with you.” He tried to take her hand, but she moved away again. He sat in a seat to give her the space she wanted. “I care about you so much.”
“Then why lie to me?”
“I didn’t set out to lie to you. I just didn’t tell you. There’s a difference.”
“Not telling me something that big is like lying. Don’t act like a lawyer with me. This isn’t a courtroom.”
“It’s starting to feel like one.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It’s just that we can talk about this like two adults and figure it out together without it turning into you versus me. There’s no winner and loser here. Sit down, and we can figure it out. I’m sure we can.” He gestured to the matching seat, which gave some space between them unlike the couch had. He hated not being closer to her, but he’d give her all the distance she needed. Even though he wanted to storm over there and kiss the anger away like he’d kissed that race nonsense out of her earlier.
“I can’t sit beside you right now,” she said. “I’m too upset.”
Their first fight and he didn’t know what to say to ease her mind. He ran his fingers through his hair.
When the evening began, she’d wanted him to think about Chicago and the possibility of going there with her. Now, it felt like she wouldn’t want him within a couple of inches of her. That irritated him more than he wanted it to because the woman in front of him was all he could ever hope to find in a partner. She was feisty, determined, gorgeous, and the total package. She made his cock ache without even being in the same room as him. She impacted him that much.
“Tell me what you want,” Andrei said. “Tell me what you need me to do, and I’ll do it.” He offered and knew he’d hate giving her that choice, but if he didn’t he knew she’d really grow to hate him then.
Maybe he’d been wrong about where he and Victoria were headed. He’d been wrong before. His ex-wife, Trish, had been wrong for him, but that had been a tumultuous relationship from the beginning. They fought angry and fucked angry. It wasn’t a healthy relationship and certainly not one he wanted his kids to see. Seeing how scared their daughters had been after a loud fight had been one of the key factors in his decision to move forward with the divorce. They’d tried marriage counseling, but it had been ugly. Andrei had had a series of low-key one night stands since his divorce, but nothing too serious. He broke things off if he thought that they were going somewhere. He was just too busy to deal with stuff like this…like Victoria refusing to work things out.
“Maybe we should take a break from each other,” she said. “This all has happened so fast. Maybe we need a few days to figure it out on our own first.”
How was separating going to help them work this shit out? He didn’t say it, because he wanted her to know this was her decision. Even though he fucking hated where it was leading.
“I don’t want that,” he said. “You have to know that’s the last thing I want.”
“I need it, Andrei. Give me a few days to find my head and get back into everything. Then we can talk.”
“A few days. That’s it.” She started to protest, but he held up his hand. “A few days, like you said. You’ll know by then. You have to.”
“You sound so sure,” she said.
“I am.”
The silence between
them stretched until it almost became a living thing that he could see. He wanted to chop it off with a damn axe as he waited for what she’d say next.
“All right,” Victoria finally said. “Just give me a few days, and then we can talk.”
He nodded even though he knew those few days were going to feel like lifetimes.
It wasn’t over, no matter what decision she came to. He wasn’t going to ever let Victoria Bellamy go, even if he had to storm in that fucking District Attorney’s office and drag her back to his place kicking and screaming. He’d give her a few days, and if she didn’t make the right decision, he was going to be there to remind her that there was only one decision to make, and he was it.
Chapter 13
Victoria
Victoria tried to get all her crying out before Deedee arrived the next morning, but she was still doing it when her friend rang her doorbell.
“Are you ready to go?” Deedee asked when she opened her door. Then she noticed her wet face. “Oh, honey.” She hugged Victoria tight. “Pregnancy isn’t that bad. I promise, and you may not even be pregnant.”
She didn’t have the energy to tell her friend that it was so much more than that. She also left out the fact that she’d gone to the nearest pharmacy and convenience store to buy three pregnancy tests.
She’d downed so much water and diet tea to pee on those damn sticks, all three of them. She was positive she wasn’t the first woman to cry on the closed toilet after reading the same three results. Positive. That was a joke in itself. Positive wasn’t a happy thing to celebrate when she wasn’t even sure where she stood with the baby’s father.
Andrei was a woman’s dream: rich, confident, and sexy. He was one hell of a good lawyer, going by his track record. She could have just accepted him having kids and stayed with him, but she couldn’t. What he’d done felt like betrayal in the worst way.
Her ex-boyfriend had betrayed her, too. Sure he cheated and blamed her for spending too much time on cases. It was a different type of betrayal, but what Andrei had done still hurt her.
