“Certainly he loves me!” Pink spots overshadowed Felicity’s rouge. “I’m his mother.”
“You gave him away!”
“Don’t you have any heart? Any compassion?”
“More than you, I think.”
“I demand to see him!”
“I suppose you should.” Hallie stepped aside, but her gaze held Felicity’s. “You’d better understand this, though. If Jackie wants to go with you, fine. But if he doesn’t—”
“That’s absurd! Of course he’ll come with me.”
“Not if he doesn’t want to.”
“The law—I have rights!”
Hallie shook her head. “With children you have responsibilities, not rights.”
Felicity’s light blue eyes narrowed. “Any judge in the country would give him to me.”
“Maybe not. The MacReynoldses would testify that you left him. The people I worked with all summer know you never wrote or came to see him. You just—vanished.”
“I was still distraught from your father’s death. I wasn’t in a normal state of mind.”
“Maybe you aren’t now, Maybe you’re distraught over Harry’s death.”
“I left Jackie with you, his own sister. I knew you’d take care of him.”
“I think it’s called desertion. Maybe abandonment. I don’t know what tale you told Milford, but he may not think too much of you if the whole story gets plastered all over the papers.”
“You’ve always hated me!”
“I did once. But that’s not what this is all about. This is about what’s best for Jackie.”
Felicity shot her a glance of pure hatred and sailed into the kitchen the instant Hallie opened the door. “Jackie, darling!” she cried, swooping down on him as he sat playing checkers with Meg. “Look, it’s Mama!”
She kissed and embraced him, but he sat as if made of wood. When she moved back, he stared at her wonderingly. “You’re not dead.”
“Of course not!” Her eyes shot daggers at Hallie. “Did your sister say that?”
“No. But you said you had to go somewhere to get well, somewhere I couldn’t go.”
Felicity colored. “I did, honey. But I’m fine now.”
“I thought you had to be dead.” Jackie’s simplicity was terrible. “You didn’t write to me. Luke does. Shaft does.”
His mother’s blush deepened. “I wanted to, angel, but I thought it would just make you miss me more.”
“I thought you were dead, like Daddy.”
“You can see I’m not, you funny little bunny!” Felicity’s attempt at gay laughter sounded brittle. “And I’m well now and have a beautiful home for you. There’s a basement where you can have an electric train with a town and farms and an e-normous yard with big trees where you could keep a pony.”
“A pony?”
“That’s right.” Felicity sent Hallie a smug look. “You can pick him out, Jackie, and give him his name and take care of him.”
“You gave me my name, Mama. But you—you didn’t take care of me!” Some of the baffled anguish Jackie must have felt when his mother left sounded in his voice, showed in his eyes and quivering lips. “Hallie did.”
“Yes, I know how she dragged you all over the country with a threshing crew!” Felicity shuddered. “All that dangerous machinery! It’s a wonder you weren’t killed.” For the first time, she acknowledged Meg’s existence with a wave of her hand. “Or you could have been crippled like your poor little friend here!”
“I’m not poor!” Meg’s eyes flashed. “And I’m going to walk again!”
“I do hope so, my dear.” Felicity’s tone was placating, but Meg swept on.
“We take care of Jackie! We all do. Laird won’t let a rattlesnake get near him. Shaft’s just like his grandfather, and I—I wish he was my brother!” Grudgingly, she added, “He is Hallie’s brother. So, Mrs.—whoever you are—I think Jackie’s better off with us than you.”
“You impudent girl! I’m his mother!”
Meg gave a short bitter laugh. “That doesn’t mean much unless you live it. My mother left me when I was four, and Daddy was in the war—it started quite a while before the Americans joined in, you know. I cried a lot then. I missed her something awful. That’s about the earliest thing I remember, asking Gran when she was coming back.” Meg’s face hardened. The contempt in her voice was so savage that Hallie winced for Felicity. “Do you want to know something, lady?”
“Not particularly.” Felicity adopted a superior air. “I’m sorry about your bad experience, but I have come back.” When no one spoke, she threw up her gloved hands. “For heaven’s sake! It’s only been six months!”
“I thought you were dead,” said Jackie.
“My mother did die,” Meg said. This was the first time Hallie had ever heard her mention her mother. Hallie had believed that Meg couldn’t remember that loss, but clearly it had left a wound that still ached beneath the hard scar tissue. “She got tuberculosis. Someone in the Glasgow hospital where she died found Gran’s address in her purse and wrote to us.” Felicity watched Meg as if hypnotized. “Do you think I cried?” Meg asked with derision that still echoed with pain. “Lady, I didn’t cry a bit. I’d already done that. As far as I was concerned, my mother died when she left me.”
Jackie jumped up to hug Meg. “Oh, Meggie! Don’t feel bad!”
“This isn’t fair!” Felicity rounded on Hallie. “I haven’t had a chance!”
Meg sobbed on Jackie’s small sturdy shoulder. Maybe she hadn’t cried when she learned of her mother’s death, but she was crying now. Hallie wanted to comfort her, but knew Meg wouldn’t accept her sympathy at this moment, maybe never. Anyway, Jackie seemed to be the person Meg needed. Probably she had never wept like this in front of her father.
Hallie drew Felicity into the front room, which was heated today for the gala. “I think you’d better go.” Felicity looked so dazed that Hallie felt a twinge of pity. “Listen. Jackie’s made himself a new family. I doubt that he’ll ever want to live with you again. He can’t trust you. But you could make friends.”
“Friends!”
“That could be a lot better than nothing—for both of you.”
The red mouth twisted. “And how do I make friends with my only son?”
“Write to him. Send him presents. Maybe when he’s older, he’d like to come stay with you for a month or so.” Felicity looked so appalled that Hallie searched for a way to make her understand. “You can be like his aunt.”
“While you’re his mother, I suppose?”
“No. I can’t be that. Until you left him with me, I wasn’t really his sister. But I am now.”
“I’ve got his room ready. Milford helped me pick out a lot of new toys.”
“Maybe you can have a baby,” Hallie said though she hoped not, unless Milford was a steady man fated to live a long time. “Or you could adopt a child.”
Felicity caught Hallie’s hands. “Let me take him home. I swear that if he’s not settled down and happy within a month that I’ll bring him back.”
“Ask him.”
“You know he’ll say no, especially after that stupid girl’s outburst.”
Hallie shrugged.
“What a Thanksgiving!” Felicity wailed. “It took Milford and me two days to drive to Hollister, and he’s ordered a special dinner in our hotel suite. How am I going to tell him—”
“You’ll think of something.”
Felicity cast her a furious look and rushed into the kitchen. Meg had quieted and was wiping her eyes. “Jackie!” Felicity cried. “Mama’s leaving, Good-bye!”
He kept his eyes on the floor. “G’bye.”
“Don’t you want to come with me?”
He put his hand in Meg’s. “I want to stay here.”
“Do you know that means you’ll probably never see me again?”
“I didn’t think I would.” Jackie looked miserable. “I thought you was dead, Mama.”
“At least kiss me
.”
Jackie endured her embrace, but he didn’t return it. She walked out quickly and didn’t look back. “I hope you’re satisfied!” she said to Hallie. “Milford and I would give him a lovely modern home and a college education. If he stays with you, he’ll likely be a hired hand breaking his back for board and thirty dollars a month.”
“He wants to be an engineer,” Hallie said. “And he’ll go to college if he wants to.” She hesitated. “I hope you will decide to try to be his friend.”
Felicity got in the Cadillac and slammed the door. “I’ll never be your friend!” she almost screamed. “And if you get pregnant by some threshing hand or that Garth MacLeod people have told me about, don’t crawl to me for help!”
She drove off as fast as the bumpy lane allowed. Hallie stayed on the porch till she stopped trembling from anger and tension. Then she went inside and got a cold wet cloth for Meg to press to her eyes.
“I was scared she’d make me go,” Jackie sniffled.
“No. She won’t do that. When she has time to think it over, she’ll be glad you’re happy here.”
Jackie still looked doubtful. Meg gave him a fierce hug. “Don’t worry, Jackie! No one’s going to take you away. Now go wash your face. The Donnellys will be here any minute.”
Indeed, at that very moment, the familiar chug could be heard. Hallie put more coal in the stove and began to set the big oval table in the front room.
That had been an awful row with Felicity, but Hallie was beginning to be glad it had happened. Jackie had a chance to choose today. He hadn’t been a helpless child to be disposed of like an inconvenient puppy. In a way, it cleaned the slate.
It was easier to understand Meg’s jealousy of Garth. She must be terrified of losing him, too. Even if Garth ever got over his distrust of women, Hallie was afraid Meg wouldn’t. Take the wild-goose view, thought Hallie, and went to welcome the Donnellys, a flame-haired tide, who swarmed into the house and filled it with laughter, greetings, and savory food.
XVII
When the men left for Texas it had seemed forever till Christmas, but with Thanksgiving over, the days flew. “We’ll only be able to stay a couple of days,” wrote Garth, “but we’ll be there unless a blizzard piles up ice and snow we can’t get through. It’ll be great to see my girl, Meg. I hope your legs are stronger and you’ll be able to walk before long.”
“I don’t know why I can’t,” Meg said angrily. “When I push the chair around, it doesn’t feel like I’m putting much weight on it. But when I try to take a step—” She bit her lip, and tears glinted in her eyes.
“You are better,” Hallie encouraged. “Keep your legs strong, and maybe all of sudden you’ll walk before you know it.”
Meg gave her a withering look, then sniffed and asked, “What’s that you’re making?”
“Coffee caramels in one pot, butterscotch in the other, and gingersnaps and another fruitcake in the oven.”
“Daddy always buys our Christmas candy.”
“Yes, but homemade is fun. Besides, I want to make up a nice box for the Donnellys and a big tin each for Shaft, Rory, and your father to take back to Texas. Wouldn’t you like to send Luke and his family a box of goodies?”
“Yes!” Meg cried, but then looked glum. “It’s not much fun if I can’t help make things.”
“Oh, I think you can. Candy takes an awful lot of stirring. You can sit on the stool to do that, and you can mix up batter if I bring the ingredients to you.”
Meg started to protest as she automatically did at any suggestion of Hallie’s, but then she thought it over. Her face brightened. “I can do a lot, can’t I? Will you let me look at your recipe book and pick out what to make for Daddy and Luke?”
Hallie passed it over. “One thing they’ll all like is sugared almonds. I had the Donnellys buy twenty pounds of them, and filberts and walnuts and peanuts, too.”
“Then we can make peanut brittle,” said Meg, scanning the pages. “I know Luke likes that. Can we make fudge?”
Hallie nodded. “Pfeffernusse are good, too. They’re crunchy ball-shaped German cookies that keep for weeks. We need to make them now to have them ready for Christmas.”
“I want to help!” Jackie begged.
“Wonderful! We’ve got peanuts to shell and nuts to grind. And when the pfeffernusse are baked, you can roll them in powdered sugar.”
The kitchen was full of good smells, and working together took away some of Meg’s prickliness. “Maybe I could send some candy to Miss Howell,” she said. “She’s been nice to write out my homework assignments and take so much trouble grading my papers.”
“We’re going to have a dozen kinds,” said Hallie. “When they’re all ready, you could make a box with some of each. I guess Rory has a sweet tooth. There are lots of nice empty chocolate boxes on the top shelf of his wardrobe. I shouldn’t think he’d mind if we use those, especially if he gets a big one.”
At different times, the three of them pored over the Sears catalog and sent off their orders. Hallie told Jackie he could spend eight dollars on presents—he had earned it by helping in the cookshack. He and Meg ordered Shaft a quality meerschaum pipe with a “genuine imported amber mouthpiece” in a silk-lined case with his name imprinted in gold.
“Let’s not have Milov Hurok on it,” Meg said. “Let’s just ask them to print ‘Shaft’ in the biggest letters they have.”
Jackie bounced in agreement and turned pages rapidly to the section he knew best; toys and games. “Let’s get toys for Rusty’s kids. They’re gonna feel bad that he’s not there.”
As Jackie would miss his own father? Though after the summer with the threshing crew, Robert Meredith’s death must seem long ago, the holiday was bound to call up memories; for, though very ill, Robert had still been alive last Christmas. Since then, Jackie had lost both parents.
He had said nothing to Hallie about his mother but one day she heard him say to Meg in a puzzled way, “I thought Mama was dead. She’s not. But I still feel like she is.”
Meg nodded. “That’s how I felt about my mother. I’m glad she never came back. There would have been no way to be sure she wouldn’t leave again.”
Jackie said solemnly, “Mamas hadn’t ought to go off, had they? Not unless they die and can’t help it, like Daddy did. Mrs. Donnelly wouldn’t never, ever leave Bridgie and Kathleen. Would she?”
“Of course not, Silly Billy!”
“I’m not Billy!”
“Then,” teased Meg, “of course not, Wacky Jackie!”
He collapsed in giggles. It was good that they could talk to each other about their mothers, though it made Hallie feel more than ever like an outsider. She was making out her catalog order: warm house slippers and a plaid flannel shirt for Shaft; lumberjack-style sweater jackets for Rory and Garth and Luke; a cozy bathrobe of blanket fabric for Meg and red felt ankle-high slippers with plush trim; and for Jackie a dump truck that dumped, a steam shovel that scooped up and unloaded dirt, a harmonica, a big box of crayons, and Billy Whiskers, Puss in Boots, Robin Hood, and several Peter Rabbit books. She also ordered him new clothes, letting him choose colors and styles.
“These aren’t my Christmas presents, are they?” he asked suspiciously.
“No,” Hallie assured him. “I always hated it when I got clothes for presents. Now, what kind of cap would you like?”
“One that comes down over my ears!”
“This corduroy one does. You need some mittens. And maybe you ought to have some lace-up boots for going after the mail.”
“That pair has a knife! Can I have them, Hallie? Can I?”
“May you.” The boots were $3.98—twice the cost of regular shoes—but she couldn’t refuse him. Besides his birthday came just a few days before Christmas. “You’ll have to promise to keep the knife folded up and in its pocket when you’re not using it.”
“Promise! Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye—”
“Jackie! Don’t say things like
that. It’s good enough to promise—and remember. You need some other shoes, too. Let’s measure your foot and send that along.”
He tugged her into the front room and whispered, “I want to get Meg something nice. Do I got some money left?”
He didn’t. The meerschaum pipe alone had cost six dollars. But he would learn about money soon enough. “You pick out what you think she’d like, and I’ll put it on my order,” Hallie said. “You can just point in the catalog, and I’ll write it down. That way it’ll be a surprise.”
His delighted grin faded into a worried look. “Hallie, we—we forgotted, Meg and me. We forgotted to order you something!”
Hallie braced against the stabbing pang, but she couldn’t check the bitter thought, Everyone but me, when I’ve stayed here and taken care of her. “Make my present,” she suggested. “I’d much rather have that.”
“If I have enough money, you could order you one.”
She bent to kiss him. It wasn’t often these days she had much chance to do that except at bedtime. “Honey, you haul kindling and coal. That’s the best kind of present. But if you want to put something under the tree, draw a nice picture or make something.”
“Are we gonna have a tree?”
She had supposed they would, without thinking of where it would come from. “Let’s ask Meg if they usually do. But first pick out what you want to get her.”
“I know!” Jackie beamed, flipping pages. “She keeps looking at this wristwatch and says she hopes her daddy gets it for her next birthday.”
Hallie restrained a gasp at the price. The six-jeweled white-gold case with a gold-filled expansion bracelet cost $12.75, almost two weeks of Hallie’s wages. “It’s pretty expensive, honey, but we can manage if you’ll let it be from both of us, and I cross off the robe and slippers I was getting her.”
“I wish I could buy it all by myself.”
“You could get her a necklace or perfume or—”
Jackie puckered his brow and sighed. “All right. Let’s give her the watch from both of us.”
The orders were mailed, and the three of them began to fill boxes with candy and sugared nuts. A five-pound box went to Luke, and Hallie sent a three-pound assortment to the MacReynoldses.
The Unplowed Sky Page 25
