Dena gave a bitter little laugh. ‘Oh, I know about that feeling right enough. My mam’s just as bad. She never gets out of bed unless she has to, so I have to do everything.’
‘Oh no, Mam isn’t lazy. She’s at the café from cock-crow.’
‘Yes, of course. I know that. I wasn’t meaning to imply otherwise. She’s a worker your mam and expects us girls to be too. She certainly makes sure we earn our wages for all she takes a share of our tips.’
Dena had tried to sound light-hearted but she’d clearly touched a nerve as Kenny bridled. ‘Mam’s had it tough. It’s not meanness what makes her hard on you girls, it’s because she needs to be. If you must know, her mother was a prossy and Mam spent time in a children’s home when she was young, so everything she has she’s had to earn for herself. And she’s beautiful, you must admit.’
‘Oh, yes, she is indeed. Belle is very attractive, almost as glamorous as Elizabeth Taylor with those lovely violet eyes of hers.’
‘And I don’t believe she does pinch your tips.’
Dena decided not to dispute that one. ‘I wasn’t really criticising her, Kenny, just sympathising. She’s a good employer and she’s been quite kind to me, letting me have time off and such.’
He appeared slightly mollified. ‘Aye, well, a woman has to watch out for herself in this world, eh? Mam has a job holding off the men, her being so good looking. Like vultures some of them.’
‘I can imagine.’ There was an awkward pause and Dena was careful to make no mention of Belle’s reputation for being flighty. Kenny might seem friendly enough on the surface but he was clearly a bit prickly underneath.
She frantically sought for something else to say, anxious to rectify her blunder and return to that feeling of mutual accord they’d enjoyed only moments earlier. ‘I just meant that I understand about mothers having favourites. Mine thought the sun shone out of our Pete’s backside, still does, even though he’s dead.’
Kenny said nothing to this as he counted out pennies for the bus fare.
When the conductor had handed over their tickets and moved on, Dena continued in a quieter voice. ‘I loved him though, our Pete. He were a right little monkey but he was my brother, you know?’
Kenny put a hand on her arm and gave it a little squeeze. ‘It must be hard for you.’
‘It is.’
‘What I don’t understand is how he came to fall in the canal in the first place. Was he marlicking about and acting daft?’
‘Something like that. I don’t like to talk about it, if you don’t mind. Look, let’s agree not to talk about our families any more, shall we? Let’s just enjoy ourselves.’
‘Right, you’re on. It’s your birthday and I want you to have a good time.’
Dena was so thrilled that he hadn’t forgotten after all, that she rewarded him with one of her famous smiles. Kenny thought his heart might stop there and then, she was so lovely.
They sat on the back row and first of all he held her hand, then slid his arm along the back of the seat and before she knew what was happening, somehow the arm was round her shoulders. He didn’t try anything on although he sat very close. Dena was so entranced by the warmth of his body pressed against her own that she almost wished he would.
Sometimes he would whisper some comment about the film in her ear, making her laugh with one of his jokes and tickling her cheek with his warm breath. She felt safe and protected, as if he really cared for her. She couldn’t remember ever feeling that way before. It was all so exciting!
In the interval Kenny bought her an ice cream and later as they walked back from the bus stop along Liverpool Road, he stopped under a lamp post and pulled something out of his pocket.
‘This is for you, Dena, for your birthday.’ It was a locket with a silver heart which opened. She could see it glinting in the lamplight as he laid it gently on her palm. ‘I wanted to give you something special because I’d like you to be my girl. I hope you’ll say yes, Dena. I like you a lot, I really do.’ For the first time she could remember, he dropped the cocky tone and sounded really quite unsure of herself.
‘Oh, Kenny, it’s lovely. It’s the most wonderful birthday present any girl could have.’ She let him fasten it around her neck, then impulsively reached up and kissed him on the cheek. They were both surprised by the gesture and looked into each other’s eyes, transfixed by the intimacy of the moment.
Dena might well have panicked and turned and run away but Kenny took her by the shoulders and kissed her again, properly this time, full on the mouth. It was a very gentle sort of kiss, quite chaste and proper but as she leaned against him, savouring every second, Dena knew that nothing would ever be the same again.
After she’d waved goodbye and run off down the street, Kenny smiled wryly to himself. ‘Got her,’ he thought. ‘All it took was a bit of charm.’
Chapter Nine
After that, they couldn’t bear to be apart. Dena saw Kenny night after night and although she meant to tell Alice what was going on, she never quite got around to it. Each Saturday he would walk her home from the market and sometimes he would take her up a back street.
‘You’re all mine, aren’t you Dena?’ he would murmur between long-drawn out kisses that made her gasp for breath. ‘I’m so lucky to have a girl like you.’
He kissed her till she was rosy with his kisses and her chin sore from rubbing against his. Dena found that she liked being kissed, needed this closeness quite desperately and would not have objected if he’d tried to go a bit further, but to her surprise and pleasure he behaved like the perfect gentleman. It was almost as if he was afraid to touch her, perhaps for fear of offending her.
Heaven knows what her mother would say if she ever discovered that she was walking out with Kenny Garside. To her shame, Dena made no attempt to stop her from taking the sleeping tablets that she relied upon so heavily. She didn’t actively encourage her to take them, nor did she object when the doctor prescribed more. And while Alice slept, Dena was free to slip out to meet Kenny round the back street, or down by the canal under the bridge.
He was exciting and Dena was desperate for a bit of fun in her life. Though he was still a show-off, of course.
‘Watch me, Dena,’ he called to her one night, and she looked up to find him walking on the parapet of the bridge high above the canal.
‘Stop that! Come down this minute. You’ll fall in and drown.’
An image of dark eyes hidden behind a balaclava rushed into her mind, of her young brother’s thrashing limbs, and that terrible, deathly silence when the sound of Pete’s cries had stopped and the pounding feet had gone. ‘Stop it, Kenny, it’s not funny!’ and she began to cry.
He came rushing back to hold her in his arms and kiss the tears away, instantly contrite. It made him feel big and powerful to see her distress, as if he were a real man. Ad of course one kiss led to another, and another after that, which was all to the good, he supposed. A step nearer to his goal.
But all of this kissy-kissy stuff did nothing for him at all. He tried not to let this trouble him but it was certainly true that she awakened urges in him he’d experienced with no one else. Just the thought of what he might do to her got him all excited, and his patience was being stretched to the limit. All he wanted was to get on with it and take her, make her his for good and all.
But Kenny was growing increasingly confused, not sure how to take things further. One minute he would think that he was on to a sure thing, the next she would shy away and he’d be right back where he started.
Girls were such a mystery. If she fancied him, why couldn’t she just open her legs and have done with it instead of all this messing about.
On Dena’s part she wondered how long she could hope to keep their friendship a secret. Kenny was getting serious, she could tell, which must mean he liked her, mustn’t it? And it was becoming much more difficult to control their feelings when they indulged in this kind of kissing and heavy petting. She just seemed to lose herself in t
he moment.
One evening, her head spinning from his kisses, she heard a clock start to chime and pushed him away. ‘Oh Lord, what time is it? I must go. I was late home the other night and got into terrible trouble. Mam’s still not well and might wake up and need me.’
Kenny put out a hand to stop her as she turned to run. ‘Just one more Dena,’ and she simply couldn’t resist him, melting back in to his arms at once.
Before she knew it his hand was sneaking up inside her blouse, squeezing her breasts. It was the first time he’d done this so that’s probably why it felt painful and uncomfortable, because he was awkward and shy.
Kenny felt a kick of excitement. She wasn’t even wearing a bra. Her breasts were bare and firm and velvety, the nipples rapidly hardening beneath his fingers. He’d never touched a woman so intimately before and it wasn’t nearly as unpleasant as he’d imagined it would be. He might try this again when they had more time. But did it make her want it, that was the question?
‘Oh, Dena, I want you so much. Let me, let me! Let’s do it quick, right now.’
‘Kenny Garside, don’t talk so daft!’ Somehow Dena managed to break free, laughing as she escaped his grasping fingers and pretending to be cross with him while secretly she was quite flattered that he wanted her so badly.
She was half-way down the road, a good couple of hundred yards away when he called after her, ‘You’re still my girl then?’
Dena whirled about and called right back to him. ‘Course I am, you daft ‘apporth. I don’t let just anyone do that, you know.’
He was still standing grinning in the middle of the road when she turned the corner and ran all the way down Water Street. But as she pushed open her front door and crept quietly inside, she was greeted by a familiar voice. ‘And where might you have you been till this time, madam?’
It was dreadful. Dena couldn’t ever remember seeing her mother this angry. She wasn’t sitting huddled in the chair feeling sorry for herself now. She was standing, feet astride, arms folded and with a face like thunder, although not for long. The minute Dena stepped over the threshold she pounced, grabbed her by one ear and shook her like a rabbit before dragging her over to a kitchen chair and pushing her into it.
‘You sly little madam. I would never have known if Mrs Emmett hadn’t poked her head round the door and happened to mention that she’d seen you walking out with your young man.’
Dena felt suddenly sick, as if she might throw up, and then came a great surge of anger. She seemed to have spent so much of her life running round looking after her mother, particularly in recent weeks, and what thanks had she ever got? Didn’t she deserve a bit of fun now and again? Her resentment produced a burst of rebellion. ‘Sneeze round here and half the town hears about it. Lot of fusty old gossips.’
‘Are you denying it then?’
Dena shook her head, ‘No, I’m not denying it.’
‘How long has it been going on then?’
‘Since my birthday if you must know! Not that you did anything for me on that day, so why should you care?’
The slap came hard and fast, sending her flying out of the chair, sprawling on to the hard flagged floor. On the way down she knocked her head on the corner of the table which made Dena see double for a moment and the room to spin around her. Alice grabbed her daughter’s arm and yanked her to her feet, only to fling her back into the chair.
‘Now shut your whimpering and listen to me, you little whore! I’ll not have no boys pawing over you. You might be fourteen but you’re still a child not a woman, and far too young for such dirty goings-on. If you bring trouble to my door – and you know what I’m talking about - I’ll whip the hide off you. Do you hear me, girl?’
Dena thought the entire neighbourhood could probably hear. She expected Mrs Emmett to appear at the door any second. ‘We didn’t do nothing. He never touched me! Not like that. I’m not stupid!’ Dena flushed with guilt, but it was only a small white lie, wasn’t it?
‘That’s a matter of opinion, and I’ve only your word for that. What’s his name? Who is he this boy?’
‘Aren’t I allowed to even have any friends now?’
‘I’m your mother! I’ll decide which friends you have. And you should ask permission before you go out anywhere.’
Dena hung her head in shame, knowing this to be true and perfectly reasonable. ‘I’m sorry, Mam, but you always seem to be asleep, or else tired out and in a bad mood. I accepted that first date because I needed a break and. . .’
‘A break? You needed a break? What about me? I can’t run away from this terrible tragedy you’ve inflicted on us. No wonder I’m always tired and in a bad mood after what you’ve done.’
‘But I didn’t . . .’
‘My father would have skinned me alive if I’d sneaked off, without telling him, to cavort with the opposite sex.’ Which of course was how she’d very nearly missed the boat altogether, never being allowed the chance to get to know any boys. But he was surely right. What good would it have done for her to make herself look cheap? None at all.
‘I’ve said I’m sorry.’
Alice glared at her daughter. ‘Being sorry isn’t good enough. Your own father was a saint, God rest his soul. He’ll be turning in his grave at such disgusting carryings-on.’
‘Oh, Mam, don’t say that. I never did . . .’
‘I’ll not have you ruin your reputation with such scandalous behaviour, nor mine neither. I’ll let you know when you’re old enough to start courting, and even then it will be with a good, respectable man, not some ne’er do well. Who was he then, some bloke you picked up?’
‘No! I didn’t pick up some bloke. It was only Kenny – Kenny Garside. He’s walked me home from the market once or twice, and when he heard it was my birthday, offered to take me to the flicks. We saw High Noon and it was lovely and since then we’ve seen each other a few times and . . .’
‘Kenny Garside?’ The tone of voice implied he might be the devil himself. ‘Right, that does it. You’ll have no more to do with that family. I always said they were rubbish. That Belle Garside is no better than she should be, a common little fancy piece. Always was, and her mother, well, we won’t go into that history. Didn’t I say I never wanted you to work in the market café in the first place. You should’ve listened to me and gone for a nice Saturday job at Kendals. But oh no, you must do as you think best. When did you ever listen to me, your own mother?’
‘But I like the market Mam and . . .’
‘I’m at my wit’s end over how to cope with you, girl. You’re growing increasingly wayward. You took no notice when I asked you to mind our Pete, did you? None at all. This house is like a pig sty with nothing as clean as it should be, and now you’re opening your legs for every Tom, Dick and Harry.’
‘I’m not, I’m not!’ Dena’s sobs of protest were entirely ignored.
‘Get to bed! It shames me just to look at you.’
Dena was devastated. If she slept that night she had no recollection of it. Her head ached from where she’d banged it against the table, and she sobbed until her throat was raw, her eyes hot and scratchy and there were no more tears left to shed.
It was all her own fault, of course it was. She ought to have owned up to what was happening, like Mam said, and asked her permission for that first date. If she were honest with herself, she’d avoided doing so because she’d been afraid of Alice’s reaction. Her mother had always been puritanical about love and stuff. How she’d ever got pregnant with two children was a mystery to Dena.
But then sex generally was a bit of a mystery to Dena. Mam had never got around to explaining the facts of life, probably never would, so her knowledge was pretty sketchy. She’d once asked for a book about it at the library when she’d found blood in her knickers, and even the librarian had been shocked. ‘Go home and talk to your mother, girl,’ had been her brisk advice.
But Dena had never plucked up the courage.
She’d managed to discover the b
asic essentials for herself, procured largely from scraps of information told by friends but was quite certain that she wasn’t in any danger. Kenny hadn’t ever put his tongue in her mouth, nor would she allow him to, so she couldn’t start a baby, could she?
But would Mam stick by her threat and stop her from seeing him? She could only do that by making her give up her job at the market café, which she’d also threatened to do.
Oh, that would be awful, terrible! Dena knew she would miss it so much. And not seeing Kenny again didn’t even bear thinking about.
Dena had never paid him much attention until now, always having dismissed him as a big show-off who liked to brag about all the girls lusting after him, far too full of himself. She’d always been aware of him watching her, of course, which had embarrassed and annoyed her at one time.
But now after their heart-to-heart chats, their many evenings out, and his lovely kisses, she wasn’t embarrassed or annoyed any more. He was her friend and she liked him a lot! She didn’t get the chance to have many friends with Mam being so demanding but Kenny Garside was exciting, dangerous even, and Dena desperately wanted to be his girl.
Yet in a way mam was right. She must be careful. She was only fourteen. Far too young to be having such feelings, even if it did seem right and perfectly innocent.
Dena felt suddenly ashamed: overwhelmed by a sense of selfishness because there were surely far more important matters to consider than losing her first boy friend. Setting her own disappointment to one side for a moment, how on earth would they manage if she did have to give up her job at the market? They’d have no money for food. None at all. That was much more serious than losing Kenny.
Dena finally fell asleep just as dawn was breaking, her last thought being that perhaps her mam would have calmed down by morning, then she could again apologise and everything would return to normal.
Putting on the Style Page 7
