I laughed at her lazy drawl and shook my head. But my amusement was short lived as I remembered the reason for my call.
“Willi, I need help.”
“Oh no, what’s up?” Willi’s tone changed to more alert. The big sister was on duty, and I was immediately relieved.
“Long story short, Levi kissed me and—“
“Wait, I thought this was an emergency! This is great! I was wondering when he was going to—“
“Willli, listen.” I waited till I was sure I had her attention. “I was not calling just to tell you he kissed me.”
“Okay, then…”
“I think Jack was watching the house, and if he was, then he saw Levi kiss me.”
“No way.”
“Believe me, I’m praying I’m wrong.”
“Okay, well, were they, um, big girl kisses?” Willi snickered on the other end, and I wanted to smack her. I was panicking here!
“Hey, it’s not like I’m wanting all the sordid details — wait, yes I do want them, just in a minute. The reason I’m asking is because well, was it obvious that Levi was smacking on you or could it be like, ‘oh, peck on the cheek for helping me out you kind stranger’ type thing?”
“Okay, so do you kiss handsome kind strangers? Because if you do, you have a larger problem than I do…” I trailed off, relaxing enough to tease.
“Ahem, no. I do not. You didn’t answer my question.”
“Yes.” I cleared my throat anxiously.
“Yes…”
“Yes, they were ‘big girl kisses’.” I blushed and rolled my eyes at her terminology, but it was Willi, so I expected her random thoughts.
“It’s none of his business who you kiss or not, you’re divorced for pity’s sake.” She mumbled as I heard a spoon clink on her end of the phone.
“Yeah, but I don’t think Jack will see it that way, not if he was watching the house… which makes me wonder… why was he watching the house, Willi? It freaks me out…”
“I know, Abbs, I know. It freaks me out too. Have you told Mom and Dad?”
“Nope, I didn’t know what to do, thus my calling you. I don’t want them to be scared. I mean, what if I’m wrong? What if it wasn’t his truck?”
“Have you ever seen that truck parked there before?”
“No.”
“Then let’s just assume it was him. Okay, worst case scenario, Abbs, he’s going to yell at you and call you all sorts of untrue names. But honestly, Abby, is that any different than it already was before he left? The only difference is that you no longer need to listen to him. Bottom line, he comes over uninvited, you call 911. Pronto.”
“Isn’t that a little extreme?”
“He’s forced your hand to be extreme. You’ve got little ones you need to protect… even if it’s just keeping them from hearing four letter words and anger spewed at their mother.”
“Should I tell Levi?”
“Levi, yeah, tell him, and we’ll see how long Jack lives to tell about it.” She chuckled on the other line.
“Good point.”
“But you do need to be honest with him, Abbs. He deserves to know, especially if this sneaking around thing gets any worse.”
“I gotcha.” I nodded and lay down on my bed, closing my eyes.
“Okay, so back to the important stuff.”
I laughed softly, knowing full well where Willi was leading with that question.
“So he kissed you, huh?”
“I think we’ve established that.”
“And they were ‘big girl kisses’?”
“Okay, what is with the ‘big girl kisses’ thing? What are we, twelve? Honestly Willi.” I scolded her, but my face still heated up when I thought about those kisses.
“What do you want me to say? Did he use his tongue Abby? For some reason that sounds, I don’t know, dirty.”
“True. Okay, I see your point.”
“So?”
“So what?” I teased back, knowing the curiosity was killing her.
“Fine! Be that way. I’ll just be sure I ask him when I meet him.”
“You wouldn’t.” I said with confidence.
“Oh, yes, I would. I’d love to see how he reacts under pressure. You know you can tell a lot about a man by how he—“
“Okay. What do you want to know?"
“That’s better. I just want to know what he said and when he kissed you, that’s all.”
“Willi?”
“Yes?” The anticipation was thick in her voice.
“He said he loved me.”
The line was silent for a moment, and I waited.
“Sorry I couldn’t speak, my smile was way too huge, plus I did a high five fist pump with no one here to help me out! You get your man!”
Willi’s voice was so loud I pulled the phone away from my ear and could still hear her clearly. Giggling, I placed the receiver closer to my ear.
“I feel the same way.”
“Did you tell him?”
“Yes.”
“Was this before or after the kisses?”
“Oh, um, both.”
“So romantic… does he have any brothers? Ya know, because it would be nice to share the love…”
“Yes, I’ll see what I can do.”
“Perfect.”
Again silence. The joyful moments were boxed in again with the cloud of suspicion and fear.
“I’m really happy for you, Abbs, but this thing with Jack, I don’t have a good feeling about it. I want you to call Mom and Dad. Then, if anything happens again, tell Levi, okay? He loves you, he needs to know.”
“Okay, thanks, Willi. I just needed someone to talk with about all this.”
“I’m always here, me and my mint chip fudge ice cream, or well it was. It’s gone now.”
“I’ll get you more when I see you.”
“Okay, sounds good. Love you, Abbs.”
“Love you too, Willi.”
Chapter Fifteen
My parents didn’t like the idea of Jack watching my house any more than Willi had. Thankfully they lived close, and my dad said he’d make it a point to drive by my house before and after work to make sure Jack wasn’t there, watching. The thought of him keeping surveillance creeped me out. How was it possible that a man I used to be married to, and had loved desperately, now made my skin crawl? A week came and went without any new suspicious activity, and I wondered if maybe I had mistaken the identity of the truck.
Levi called me each morning on his way to work to say “I love you,” and each day I fell a little further in love with that man. His kisses were still intense but were backed by a steely self-control. Never once did I question him losing control with me. Javan began to ask when ‘Weevi’ would be coming over to play. I saw God making us into a family with effortless motions.
Levi had to work that Saturday, till late, so I didn’t get to see him, but he had promised to come over Sunday afternoon. Levi attended church a town over, so he’d be a little late for dinner, but I didn’t care. I missed his smile and laugh. I missed his kisses.
The drive to church was bright and crisp. Chase and Javan gripped my hand as I walked into the foyer, each little boy skipping and giggling. I shook hands with the greeter and handed my bulletin to Javan to hold for me. As we walked down the hall to the nursery I saw two older women watch me with undisguised interest. Huh. Javan and Chase went to their Sunday school teachers and nursery helpers with joy, and I shook off the unsettling feeling the two older women had given me. I passed them again, but this time they bent near each other and whispered, still staring at me. The hair on my neck prickled. I walked on and into the sanctuary. The buzz of voices echoed as I passed the pews then a hush came over the sanctuary. I looked up to see a few hundred pairs of eyes watching me. Some expressions were concerned, others angry. A few people seemed to be curious while others looked away when I tried to make eye contact. I made it to my family’s pew and sat down carefully, wondering if I had a tear in my ski
rt showing off my panties.
“Mom, what is going on?” I leaned over and asked quietly.
“Honey, I don’t know, but something’s up.” She glanced around as she spoke, curious as to why I was the center of attention.
The rest of the service went by in normal fashion. But as we stood for the benediction, the pastor made an announcement.
“This week has been an important week for one of our members. We’d like to welcome back Jack Wains! He asked me to apologize for his absence and through several meetings this past week, he has demonstrated a heart renewed. Jack, welcome home.”
The congregation erupted into applause, but my blood ran cold. What? Jack? My ex-husband Jack? I knew it was a sin to judge, but there was no way he was repentant. My mother and father glanced at me with the same expression I knew my face held, shock, anger and betrayal.
The pastor released the congregation and I just sat there, numb. My mom patted my arm, and I glanced up, to see the pastor approaching me.
“Hi, Abby! It’s great to see you here, you know, after everything.”
Confused, I tilted my head to the side and tried to read his expression. I hadn’t missed a Sunday in months, and when I did, it was because I or the boys were sick. He wasn’t making any sense. The confusion must have been easily readable because the pastor continued, explaining himself.
“Jack met with me a few times this week. He’s a broken man, Abby, God’s really working in him. He told me everything.” He nodded as if trying to convey a hidden message.
“Everything…” I added, confused.
“It’s better said in private. I’d love to meet with you this week—“
“No, my parents can hear, they know it all. What are you talking about?” My fear gave way to anger as my suspicions grew.
With a sheepish glance at my parents, he whispered so only I could hear. “About the affair, that you were guilty of adultery and were… reluctant… to leave that man in your life. Jack told me everything, about how he was willing to adopt Chase even though—“
“What in the world are you talking about?” I almost yelled. When Jack had left me, I didn’t spread the word that he had cheated on me. I figured it wasn’t my place to gossip. Now I wish I would have published an ad in the newspaper. How could anyone be fooled so easily? A pastor even!
“Abby, I just want you to know that I won’t judge you. You’re welcome here, and we’ll get through this.” He patted my arm and walked off, leaving me stunned and fuming.
“Honey, what was that all about?” My mother’s voice came gently in my ear, breaking through my anger.
I explained everything the pastor had said to me, watching her lips form into a grim line.
“I can’t believe this.” She whispered.
“Me either, Mom.”
She repeated the message to Daddy and he looked like it was spoiling for a fight. I urged my parents to head home before they added to the scandal with a bar fight between my dad and ex-husband in the middle of church.
I needed to get out of there, but there was no way to the nursery except through the double doors. At a glance my worst fears were confirmed. There was Jack, waiting, with a full audience behind him in the foyer waiting for the show.
Lord, have mercy, have mercy and give me strength. Or just strike that man with lightning, God. That would be my first choice…
I took a deep breath and walked towards the door. Each step was a prayer for strength and for control of my angry tongue.
“Hi there, Abby, you look beautiful.” Jack spoke sweetly, and the hair on the back of my neck stood up.
“Hello, Jack.” I nodded and began to walk past. His hand gripped my forearm and squeezed, hard.
“Don’t go just yet, Abby. I’d like to speak with you.
I gazed pointedly at my wrist then back at him with cold eyes. Rather than releasing me he held me tighter, the circulation to my hand completely cut off.
“Jack, believe me when I say we have nothing, nothing, to discuss. Here or anywhere, now… Let. Me. Go.” I spoke the words quietly but with authority. His eyes were flinty as they searched mine for weakness, but after a moment he released me.
“Whenever you want to come back to God, Abby, we’ll both be waiting.” He spoke loudly so that everyone could hear. Anger welled up inside of me, and I walked away quickly before I made a fool of myself. Jack had played his hand well. He had taken my church away from me. It was clear by the disapproving glares and headshakes given to me as I went to collect the boys. We left the church without one person saying goodbye. As I drove home my eyes filled with tears.
Why God? How can your people be so blinded by a smooth liar? Nothing’s changed about him God, if it had, well it would be different…but God. My church! He went after my church! What’s worse is that all the good I’ve done there, the people I’ve helped or spoken with, been friends to for years, all now doubt me. One man and his poisonous lies negate everything I’ve done. How God, how does that happen?
The tears flowed down my face unbroken. Even Chase and Javan were silent in the back as they sensed the emotional atmosphere. When I pulled into my driveway I saw that Levi was already there, waiting. As much as I wanted to crumple into his arms, I knew that this was just one more reason why he deserved better than me. Someone else wouldn’t bring this kind burden to a relationship. And here I was, divorced with my ex-husband who had taken it upon himself to haunt me and strip everything important away.
I wiped my tears furiously away and got out of the car. Levi’s grin was wide as he rushed up to grab Javan once he was out of his car seat. He swung him around before hugging him and then went to grab Chase once he was free as well.
“Weevi! Weevi!” Javan called as Levi told him how much they were missed.
“Weevi? Mommy sad.” Javan spoke to Levi as I kept my back to them, fishing my purse from the car.
“What?” Levi asked, the tone of his voice serious yet gentle.
“Mommy cry, church was sad.”
That’s one way of looking at it…
“Abby?”
Levi spoke as his warm hand touched my shoulder, pulling me to turn around.
The gentle tone melted my resolve to be strong, and the tears began to spring fresh down my face.
“Abby! What happened?” He asked as I turned around and buried my face in his shirt, inhaling the scent of his aftershave.
His arms wound around me and held me tight for a moment before leading the boys and me to the house. I opened the door and went inside, straight to the bathroom to get a tissue. The house was heavily scented with the aroma of pot roast and potatoes with mushrooms, but even my favorite meal didn’t lift my spirits. The last trails of mascara wiped from my eyes, I splashed cold water on my face before heading out to the living room. Levi sat with the boys reading a book. His expression was concerned as he took in my watery eyes and ruby-red nose. I offered him a wobbly smile before going to set the table. The events of the morning were rehashing in my mind when Levi came in and stilled my hand from reaching up to grab plates.
“Abby, the boys are busy playing for a minute, would you please tell me what’s wrong?”
“You won’t believe what happened at church, Levi.” I began to tell him everything. Levi was quiet the whole time. Once I was finished, he wrapped me in his arms once again.
“I’m so sorry, Abby. And I’m sorry that I don’t want to hold you right now, which is what you need. I just want to go out and beat the truth out of that son of a — er, son of a gun and make him confess everything. Are you hurt? Let me see your wrist.” He released me, and my face broke into a small grin at knowing Levi wanted to beat Jack as much, if not more, than I.
If only…
But, as good as it would feel, it wouldn’t fix anything. Levi studied my wrist tenderly before pulling me close once again and kissing the top of my head.
“What do you think brought this on? It was so malicious and aimed at hurting you, it makes me thin
k that Jack was getting back at you for something.”
“Oh, no.”
Everything clicked into place at that moment. Levi kissing me last week with Jack’s truck looming in the distance. The pastor said he had met with Jack this past week. That would mean Jack went to him soon after seeing Levi and me…
“Oh no, what?” Levi pulled me away carefully so that he could see into my eyes.
“Well…” I explained how I thought I saw Jack’s truck that night, the night he had kissed me, and how it fit in with what the pastor said.
Levi was silent for a moment.
“What I don’t get, Abby, is why? Unless there’s something I’m missing, Jack left you for someone else, and he didn’t want any parental rights over the boys. I’m missing why he would even care…”
“I don’t know either. I told you how he came back that one day, wanting to start over, yada, yada, yada, but it wasn’t about being sorry or even wanting to try, it was about him being unhappy and wanting me to fix it.”
“Does Jack carry grudges?”
“I would think that’s apparent,” I mumbled, still trying to understand.
Levi was silent. His expression was one of deep thought. “Abby, I wonder if, maybe… You said that Jack wasn’t happy, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, Abby, what could be more wounding to a man’s pride than seeing the woman he jilted for another, happy and not missing him at all? I’d bet money that Jack expected you to miss him and be miserable without him. Since you aren’t, you’re happy and he’s well, not, it’s stinging his pride in a big way. He’s not about to let you have any happiness if he can’t. He’s selfish. He doesn’t want you, but he doesn’t want anyone else to want you either. If they do, then he was wrong about what he said and thought of you, and he probably hates being wrong.”
“That seems like a lot of work to go through just for pride’s sake.”
“Abby, never underestimate the worth of pride to a man, especially one like Jack. Pride is all he has left. You’d better believe he’d fight for it.”
“I see.”
The more I thought of it, the more it did make sense. Jack had always easily carried a grudge and struggled with pride. Now that he had nothing or no one to be accountable with, it was running his life.
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