Moira shut off the water and smiled, stepping out of the shower. “You’re a goddess.”
Kara stuck her head back in the room and winked. “I know. But I also know my best friend. Now hurry up already!”
Moira shook her head at Kara’s impatience. She’d always been like that, pushing Moira around for her own good. And really, she wouldn’t have it any other way. Kara had always been the stronger of them, more able to handle life. Odd that she’d be so happy as a submissive. But then, maybe that was why.
What was it Adrian had said last night?
Submissives were the stronger of the pair. They have to be, to take what we give them. To allow what we give them.
Moira smiled at the thought. Maybe it did fit her.
The smell of coffee wafted in a moment before Kara. “You done yet, woman? My stomach’s about to eat itself.”
Moira laughed and put on the top Kara had picked out before taking the coffee she held. “All right, all right. Let me down this coffee so I can think straight.”
Kara tapped her foot while Moira chugged her coffee, and then they were off, winding their way through the already busy streets. They rode the Riverfront Streetcar to its end, chatting aimlessly, then wandered arm in arm into Marigny, and up to Chartres Street, where the quaint little yellow two-story sat.
“So you really didn’t have sex last night?”
Moira shook her head and swallowed the last bite of her omelet. “No, we really didn’t. God, I love this place. If only they had beignets, it’d be heaven.”
Kara waved her hands and smeared some brie on her croissant. “We can always stop at Café Du Monde after. I love their coffee. I seriously can’t believe Adrian.”
Moira shrugged. Five minutes into their first session, she’d stopped trying to understand Adrian. “He was trying to explain psychological dominance without the distraction of sex. Or maybe without the reward of sex. Hm.”
Kara rolled her eyes. “I’m still going to have a word with him. You know you start analyzing things, and you never stop. He can’t let you think about it, or you’ll go crazy.”
Moira smiled to herself. “No, I think this worked pretty damn well.” Adrian had positioned her as far across the room as possible and forced her to dominate him and arouse him with only words. Words and her voice. It had taken her half the night, but she’d finally gotten comfortable with it. “Let’s say it was an enlightening experience.”
And I didn’t think about Justin once.
Until I fell asleep, anyway.
She could still almost hear Justin’s heavy tread in her mind.
“Hmph. Well, as long as you’re happy. Are you going back tonight?”
Moira blinked the memory away and nodded. “Yeah. He threatened to send Devon after me if I didn’t show.”
Kara grinned widely. “Maybe you shouldn’t then. Devon does look rather lovely.”
“And have him throw me over his shoulder and haul me back to Adrian’s? No, thank you. You might enjoy that, but it’s not my thing. You’re welcome to come with me, though.”
Kara gave her a look that said more than Moira was sure she understood, but it was gone before she had a chance to analyze it. “I think I might.”
Moira brushed off the oddness of the look. “Maybe you can hook up with your brewmaster again. What was his name?”
“Ian. And maybe.”
Kara’s “maybe” was both a yes and a no. She came to Adrian’s, but what Kara did after Adrian pulled Moira away, she wasn’t sure. Kara had waved with a secretive grin that Moira knew far too well, and watched them go.
Moira took a deep breath and focused on Adrian. “So, what are we working on tonight? More seduction and domination from across the room techniques?” There was an edge of sarcasm to her voice that she hoped was covering the nervousness she felt every time Adrian pulled her into a room by themselves.
Adrian grinned wordlessly, making her nerves ratchet up higher.
“Ma chère, we really must do something about this nervousness of yours. It simply won’t do.”
Moira snorted. “Yeah, good luck with that.”
Adrian sat, smiling. “I suspect I’ll have very good luck with that. Pourquoi are you nervous? I haven’t hurt you, or given you reason to think I will. And be honest with yourself.”
Honest? Moira took a deep breath, angry at herself for the answer. “Fine. If I’m honest, it’s got nothing to do with that. I’m nervous because I might actually enjoy myself. I’ve been afraid too long, and the answer to it all is something I dismissed out of hand as insane and strange and not for me. And I was wrong. And you sit there all smug and right, and I’m scared I’ll like the person you’re pushing me to become.” She took a deep breath and sat down, trying to keep her hands from shaking with all the adrenaline pumping through her. Honesty was scary.
Adrian gave her an amused look. “Bon. Honesty is a good thing, don’t you think? And now we’ve established that, kindly remove that lovely dress you’re wearing. And anything under it.”
“Wait, what? Why? I thought…”
Adrian tutted. “Trust, Moira. Tonight we’re gonna learn about pain and pleasure. You need to understand some things, if you’re gonna do this right.”
Moira folded her arms and narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean? What are we doing?”
“Do you trust me, ma chère?”
She stared at him, hating his calm charm, and fidgeted in her chair. Adrian only waited, his eyes never leaving her, until she couldn’t take it anymore. Moira shoved herself up out of the chair and unceremoniously yanked her dress up and over her head, tossing it to the floor.
Adrian smirked as the lacy underwear she’d specifically picked out followed. Moira glared and sat back down. “Satisfied?”
Adrian’s eyes did a slow tour of her body. “Non. Gratified, oui, but I couldn’t possibly be satisfied while a beautiful woman was naked in front of me, and I wasn’t either about to fuck her or just finished fucking her.” He gave a dramatic sigh and stood with a smirk. “Perhaps later, if we’re both very good. Or very bad.”
He stepped up to her and held out his hand, waiting for her to take it. Moira’s curiosity got the better of her. She took his hand and let him lead her over to the table of toys. Adrian kissed her hand and dropped it before taking off his jacket and rolling up his shirtsleeves. “Pick one.”
Moira glanced at him. “Why do I have to be naked for this?”
Adrian clucked his tongue and wrapped his hands over her shoulders. She shivered at the touch of his breath on her neck, and then shivered again as his lips grazed her skin. “Two reasons. First, because you need to be both comfortable and confident wearing absolutely nothing. You have a beautiful body, and you can’t dominate a scene if you’re worried about showing it off.”
Moira closed her eyes as Adrian’s hands began to knead at the knots in her shoulders. “Mmm. And the second?”
“You need to feel the toys you use. Which means, I’m afraid, that I’m going to use them on you.”
Moira froze, and her eyes flew open. Deep breaths. One slow breath, and then another. “Adrian. No. I can’t. Please.”
“Be calm, Moira. I will not tie you down. You will have complete control the entire time. But you can’t understand the line between pleasure and pain without having experienced it.”
“Adrian, I don’t think—”
“Do you trust me, Moira?”
She hesitated. Adrian pressed his body against hers and wrapped his hands around her shoulders. He’s not Justin. Justin never asked me to trust him.
“Yes.”
“Bon.” His head dipped until his lips found the skin of her neck again. “Pick one.”
Moira swallowed and counted slowly to five before picking up a suede flogger. Adrian’s hand traveled a slow trail down her arm before he took the flogger from her hand. Stepping away, he grasped her shoulders again and steered her toward the chair she’d sat in earlier. It had a midheight semici
rcular wooden frame and a wide body and arms with comfortable upholstery, but he didn’t have her sit. Instead, he spun the chair around so the back was facing them.
“Hands on the back of the chair, ma chère. Did you decide on a safe word?”
Moira took a deep breath and did what he said. She’d given her safe word a lot of thought, as he’d suggested, but one word kept coming back. “Chimera.”
“A beast born of many parts. I think it fits you. Now let’s get started, shall we?”
She closed her eyes and nodded. He’s not Justin. He’s not Justin. He might hurt me a little, but he’s not going to harm me.
“I will not harm you, Moira.” It was a little uncanny, the way he knew what she was thinking. “Take a deep breath and relax. Let’s talk about breathing techniques for a moment. Have you ever taken yoga or a martial art?”
Moira’s eyes opened. “I…yes. I have.”
“Then you know how to center yourself, and calm your mind and breathing. Do that, ma Maîtresse. Remember, you are in control.”
Moira nodded, forcing her breathing and heart to calm while Adrian ran his hand up and down her back.
“You have a beautiful back. When I begin with the flogger, I’ll focus on the upper back here, on both sides of the spine, and try to avoid the spine directly. I’ll also avoid anything but the lightest of strikes on the lower back here, around the kidneys.” His hand drifted lower, following his words. “Your delectable tchu will also get some of my attention, but I’m going to use less of the flogger, so I avoid what we call wrapping. Some subs like the sharp pain that comes from the tips of the flogger wrapping around the body, but in general you want to avoid that. The same goes for your breasts and thighs. There’s a particular technique to flogging a breast. Always from the bottom up, or the sides, so as not to cause any undue damage. Ready, ma chère?”
Moira blew out her breath slowly. “No. Yes. God. I don’t know about this, Adrian.” She took another deep breath and released it even more slowly. “Fine. Ready.” She hoped.
“Remember,” he whispered. “It all stops with your word. Allons-y.” The flogger dragged lightly down her back. “We’ll start slow. I want you to understand the flogger.” He let it slide down all the way to the curve of her ass, making Moira want to squirm. And then he dropped it on her shoulders again and repeated the movement. “Mais I also want you to understand that there can be pleasure with pain. Spread your legs.”
Adrian’s feet knocked against Moira’s, and she moved them without protest. The flogger’s light touch disappeared for a second before reappearing between her legs with the lightest of flicks.
Moira gasped at the slight bite of the suede fingers, and the rush of wetness her body responded with. “Oh God.”
Adrian chuckled. “Oui, ma chère.” The flogger landed between her legs again. “Gets those endorphins moving.”
She swallowed, her hands closing more tightly on the back of the chair. “So I see.”
“Don’t lock your knees.” Adrian returned his attention to her back. He repeated the light caress and then followed it with a less gentle flick. Moira gasped, her body twitching against the soft sting. He did it again, a little harder. Her body flinched more.
Adrian’s hands closed on her hips. “Hold yourself steady. Don’t anticipate, don’t flinch. Breathe and let your body relax.”
Relax. Right. While he’s whipping me.
“Give me a minute.” Moira let out a shaky breath and tried to remember her breathing exercises. Adrian’s thumbs rubbed circles on her hips, relaxing her and keying her up at the same time, before they dropped away from her. Anticipation jolted through her and Moira forced herself calm again.
Calm. Quiet. Centered. I can do this. “Okay.”
The sting, when it came, wasn’t bad. A small bite that made her suck in her breath. It came again, and she fought the urge to squirm. The flogger flicked between her legs again, before landing with a much harder burn across her back.
Moira gasped. But before she could even say his name, Adrian returned to light rotational flicks. He settled into a rhythm, and she began to relax with the steady flak flak flak up and down her back, buttocks and thighs. A not entirely unpleasant burn began to build up.
The pressure changed without warning, coming faster and harder. Moira’s teeth clenched.
Oh God. Breathe. Relax and breathe.
“Remember to breathe.”
The image of Justin standing over her, arm raised to strike out, invaded her mind. Moira’s hands clenched on the chair, and her body stiffened.
She shoved the image away, forcing herself to breathe. In and out. Calm. Slow. He wasn’t Justin. Moira’s jaw clenched tighter. She could do this. A gasp escaped and one knee buckled at a particularly hard strike. Fuck this, no she couldn’t. “Adrian, please, I can’t… Chimera, dammit. Chimera!”
The flogger hit the floor with a resounding thud. “Are you all right, ma chère?”
Moira squeezed her eyes shut. “No, dammit, I—” She stopped, biting her tongue, and took a deep breath. Her entire body shook as Justin’s memory invaded her mind again. “I’m fine. It just got to be too much.”
Adrian ran his hands up her buttocks and over her back, making her shiver. “And that is precisely why we have safe words. Do you simply need a moment, or do you feel you need to leave?”
Moira took another deep breath, letting it out slowly as Adrian pressed against her, his hands continuing to massage the new welts on her back. It felt good, a strange, erotic, sting. Already her moment of panic was fading. Even at his best, her ex had never been this caring with her, and Adrian’s hands were gentle and sensual.
And that was it, wasn’t it? Adrian wasn’t Justin. She wasn’t her father. And this… Flogging wouldn’t ever be something she enjoyed, but until it had gotten too much, it hadn’t been bad. She could begin to understand how a person might enjoy that. Especially when followed with the kind of attention she was getting now. “Mmm. Keep that up, and I’ll stay all night.” She sighed, relaxing. She’d no doubt have nightmares again tonight, but if it got rid of them in the long term? “But no more flogger, okay?”
“What about my crop, hmm?” Adrian’s low laugh rumbled through her as his body folded over hers. “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid we aren’t finished with the flogger.”
“Adrian, no. I get the point you wanted to make—”
He laughed again. “Calm yourself. I won’t be using it on you. I want you to use it on me. And then afterwards, I have other plans. Ones that involve far less clothing on my end of things. After all, I owe you a reward for that beating I subjected you to.”
His lips traced the line of her spine, and Moira smiled. “I think I can live with that.”
Chapter Six
Moira woke in a fit of panic. The darkness was too close, the air around her too thick. Sweat dripped down her neck, falling between heaving breasts. She fought to catch her breath as images from her nightmare refused to fade.
Justin’s body pinning her down. His hand covering her mouth. His laughter as he hit her.
She took a deep breath, inhaling the smells of the French Quarter. Spice and sweetness and good food. I’m home. I’m home, I’m okay. He’s not here.
She’d been glad that Adrian had insisted Devon drive her home after their session, glad she didn’t have to face New Orleans at night when her flashbacks had risen so strongly. But even anticipating the nightmares, she hadn’t expected them to be so vivid.
Moira wrapped her arms around her knees, trying hard to push away the memory of what came next. But the nightmare refused to leave, and all she could do was hold herself and rock, as the memories came too fast.
The words she could never forget. You bitch. You slut. You made me do this!
His weight, his fists.
The inescapable terror.
Moira launched herself out of her bed to pace her room. She was done with this. She was. Shit. Years of therapy, and she still couldn’
t stop seeing his face, or stop feeling the cut of his knife against her breast and side. Her hands instinctively went to her scars.
Snap out of it. You’ve dealt with this. You’re trying to have a life.
An inadvertent whimper escaped her at the thought.
Fuck this shit. Moira dug around in the dark and hit the favorite contacts screen on her phone. Kara picked up on the second ring.
“Moira? What is it? What’s wrong?”
Moira took a deep breath, hating herself for being needy. “I’m fine. Adrian’s session tonight just stirred up the nightmares. I’m sorry. I needed to hear someone’s voice.”
“Honey, you know you can always call me. Give me ten minutes and I’ll be there.”
“Kara, you don’t—”
“Stop it, Moira. I’m leaving now. Do you want me to stay on the phone?”
“No, it’s fine.” She glanced up and saw the clock in the other room. “Fuck, I can’t believe how late it is. Why did you even pick up?”
Moira could almost hear the eye-roll through the phone. She did hear the jingle of Kara’s keys and the sound of her apartment door closing. “Because you’re my best friend, and you’d pick up if I called too. So stop the self-effacement and tell me what happened.”
She held herself and paced the room. “I can wait until you get here.”
“Talk to me, hon. Keep me company while I walk.”
Moira sighed and sat in her bay window. “It was only the nightmare. You know.”
“You’re reliving it again, you mean. What did you guys do tonight? What brought it on?”
Kara had been there for a lot of the therapy. She knew the triggers, how to talk her down, all of it. “I hate that it’s been so long, and I’m still dealing with this.”
“I know. I hate it for you. But it is what it is, Moira, and you know what the doctors said.”
Moira laid her head back in the open window. “Yeah. That I’m stuck with crazy for the rest of my life.” She could hear the resentment in her voice and couldn’t stop it.
“Moira.”
“I know, I know. I really want it to be in the past. You know, actually in the past.”
Fleur de Nuit: Bourbon Street Bondage, Book 1 Page 5
