by Dijorn Moss
“Dinner is just about ready,” Nicole told her brother. “Are you staying for dinner?”
“I think I will.” Chauncey laughed inside at the absurdity of Nicole’s question.
Chauncey was not inclined to spend an evening with Tory, to hear about his wonderful life as a business lawyer who coached baseball on the weekend, while feeding the homeless and attending every service on Sunday. He made Chauncey sick, but Chauncey couldn’t deny his attraction to Rachel and his desire for his sister’s above-average pot roast.
Chauncey followed Nicole into the dining room, where the sound of Mary J. Blige bounced off the walls. Chauncey felt his sister’s choice in music was beyond inappropriate. For years Mary had been a symbol of depression and sexual promiscuity. Chauncey felt that by playing Mary J. Blige, his sister was inviting the spirit of promiscuity. Chauncey had a seat at the dining room table, which was decorated with an earth-toned tablecloth. Tory took a seat at the opposite end of the table, and Rachel sat next to Chauncey.
“So how was the men’s retreat?” Nicole asked Chauncey as she put an empty plate in front of him.
“It was great. A lot of lives were changed,” Chauncey replied.
“We have a men’s retreat at my church,” Tory offered.
“You should attend our retreats. They are off the chain. Is that what the kids say?” Chauncey looked around the table for confirmation.
“That’s not what the kids say,” Nicole replied as she took a seat.
“That sounds so powerful. A bunch of men getting together to worship God,” Rachel mused.
Chauncey liked the soft tone of Rachel’s voice. She sounded like a woman he could listen to for hours without getting bored. “It is definitely a powerful event, and as a deacon, you’re pleased whenever lives are changed.”
Nicole rolled her eyes at Chauncey, and Chauncey gave his baby sister a wink.
“That is awesome that you’re a deacon. Wow.” Rachel’s eyes conveyed amazement.
“The food should be ready.” Nicole got up and headed for the kitchen.
“I’ll help.” Rachel got up and followed Nicole into the kitchen.
Chauncey’s eyes followed Rachel into the kitchen. Chauncey felt Tory’s eyes follow him.
“Doesn’t the Bible say that if you look at a woman lustfully, you’ve sinned?” Tory said.
“I haven’t sinned. I’ve just admired God’s greatest creation.” Chauncey’s eyes stayed fixed on the kitchen.
“You should write for Hallmark.”
A few minutes later Nicole and Rachel emerged from the kitchen. Rachel carried a serving bowl filled with a chopped salad and a plate full of dinner rolls. Nicole followed behind Rachel with a steamy pot roast. Rachel sat the salad and rolls down next to an assortment of wines and wineglasses, then took her seat next to Chauncey.
“I hope you guys are hungry.” Nicole sat the pot roast down in the middle of the table.
Chauncey leaned in to take a whiff of the roast. “Sis, I know you put your foot in this roast.”
Tory reached across the table and grabbed a dinner roll and took a barbarian-like bite into the roll.
“Aren’t you going to pray before you eat?” Chauncey asked Tory, who was fully engaged in consuming his dinner roll.
“I pray without ceasing.” Tory put his roll on a napkin. “But I’ll go ahead and lead us in prayer if it pleases you.” Tory bowed his head like a knight. “God is great, and God is good.”
Chauncey could not help but let out a chuckle at Tory’s rudimentary prayer. He felt a sharp pain in his shin and knew that Nicole had just kicked him.
“Thank you for this food and amen,” Tory said.
“Father, I just want to come to you and thank you for these blessings and gifts. I know that you are Jehovah-Jireh, our provider. Bless those who are less fortunate and those little kids in Africa that have no food, Lord,” Chauncey said. “And those homeless kids by the Staples Center that have no shoes, Lord. And bless this food my sister, Nicole, prepared, and I pray that there’s not too much salt and garlic to cause us to become ill.” Chauncey felt another sharp kick to his shin and decided to conclude his prayer. “Amen.”
Chauncey put a napkin over his shirt. “I’m sorry, Tory. I just wanted to make sure we had enough on the prayer for it to get through. I mean, if you don’t have enough postage, your letter won’t get to its destination.”
“No problem,” Tory said as he started to eat.
Chauncey watched Nicole feed Tory some of her food, which Chauncey could not understand, because everyone had the same thing on their plate. Maybe it was Nicole’s way of showing affection, or maybe she had added something different to her food and she wanted Tory to try it.
In any case, Chauncey lost his appetite while he watched his sister act like a silly high school girl. He focused his attention on Rachel, who sat at the table with her head down. She ate her food like she did not want to be noticed or disturbed. She glanced up and greeted Chauncey’s stare with a smile.
“You have amazing skin,” Chauncey said.
“Thank you very much.” Rachel launched into a detailed account of the oils and lotions she used.
“So what church do you go to?” Chauncey asked Rachel.
“I don’t really go to church, but I do watch that guy who smiles a lot on TV. I like him!” Rachel replied.
“Oh, Lawd! Well, there’s nothing like being in the presence of God. There’s fullness of joy that you can’t get from home,” Chauncey said.
“But isn’t God everywhere?” Rachel asked.
Tory nearly choked on his food at Rachel’s valid point.
“So, Tory, I never got a chance to ask you what church you go to,” Chauncey said with a smirk.
“I go to the same church as Nicole.”
“Well, that’s unfortunate,” Chauncey replied.
“Chauncey.” Nicole cut her eyes at Chauncey.
Tory frowned. “How’s that? We study from the same Bible, and we believe that Jesus is our Lord and Savior.”
“We all have our unique way of worshipping God,” Nicole interjected.
“Yeah, but if it don’t line up with the Word, then it ain’t from God,” Chauncey argued.
“Look, you can believe what you want to believe, and I’ll believe what I believe,” Tory responded.
“I believe in the Bible. I don’t know what philosophy or doctrine you believe in, but it ain’t the Word,” Chauncey said.
“My mother always taught me that we’re all looking at the same building, just from different angles,” Rachel replied. “It’s the same God, just different viewpoints.”
“Your mom must love Chinese food, because that sounds like fortune-cookie wisdom to me,” Chauncey said.
Chauncey was certain his comment would offend Rachel, but instead she burst out in laughter. Her laughter provided instant warmth to Chauncey. In spite of her beliefs, Chauncey attraction to Rachel was not severed.
Tory took Nicole’s hand and kissed it. “You look real beautiful tonight, and dinner was excellent.”
“Thanks, sweetie. Why don’t you go into the living room and watch the game while I get dessert ready?”
“Sounds good.” Tory gave Nicole another kiss on the hand.
It did not, however, sound good to Chauncey, who tasted the sourness of his meal in his throat.
“Chauncey!” Nicole slapped the table and gave Chauncey a head gesture in the direction of the kitchen.
“Excuse me,” Chauncey said to Rachel, who gave him a smile before she went back to her meal.
He knew he’d struck a nerve with his sister. She wore aggravation on her face. Chauncey was reluctant, but he got up and followed his sister into the kitchen, where the sound of the football game coming from the living room would muffle their conversation.
“Do you ever wonder why you’re single?” Nicole asked.
“You could’ve told me that you were trying to fix me up,” Chauncey replied.
“I figured you needed help after the last date you told me about.”
“Any kids?”
“No,” Nicole said.
“Good credit score?” Chauncey asked, to which Nicole did a “so-so” hand gesture. “But she isn’t saved.” Chauncey looked back at Rachel, who had her head down again.
“Go slow. She’s had a rough life, and she wants to believe in God, but it’s hard for her. You could maybe get her to change her mind if you ease off the criticism.”
Chauncey’s head told him to stay far away from a nonbeliever. His heart did not want him to give up on Rachel so easily. “There’s something about her that I can’t deny.”
“You never know what God may have in store for both of you.”
“You may be right.” Chauncey glanced back at Rachel.
“Now, why are you trying to ruin things between me and Tory?” Nicole shoved the dishes into the sink.
“You can’t tell me he’s what God has for you! The man don’t even go to church.”
“He’s not perfect, but at least he’s honest.”
“There’s some honest atheists that are going straight to hell.”
Nicole grabbed the trash can from under the sink and took one of the plates she’d previously shoved into the sink. She slid the remaining food on the plate into the trash can before placing the plate back into the sink.
“If you would give people a chance, you’d be amazed at how wonderful and similar people are,” Nicole said.
“I just don’t think he’s right for you. I think your clock is ticking and you’re settling. I mean, I don’t know how else to put it.”
“You know what I think? I think you’re jealous of me,” Nicole said as she took a strawberry cheesecake out of the refrigerator.
“What do I have to be jealous of? You and nursery rhymes Tory?”
“You’re jealous that I found somebody, and you’re afraid that you’re going to lose me, because I’m all that you have left.”
“So long as I got King Jesus, I’m going to be okay. You want to wreck your life? Go ahead, but don’t say that I didn’t warn you.”
Nicole made a choking gesture toward Chauncey and grunted. “God, you can be so stubborn at times. Wake up, Chauncey. Life moves on. I loved Henry, and I was with him to the end, but it’s time to move on and for me to be happy. You can’t smother me because you’re afraid that you’re going to lose me, like you lost Henry.”
“You know what? You’re really lost and confused, and you’re not making any sense right now. I’m going to go,” Chauncey said before he let out a grunt.
Chauncey stormed out of the kitchen. Rachel hopped up from the dining-room table and tried to cut him off at the pass. “Hey, listen, I was wondering if we could go out sometime.”
Chauncey stopped dead in his tracks. “I would like that very much. How about you come with me to church on Sunday?”
“I was thinking more like a movie.”
Chauncey did not like to go to the movies, but Rachel’s appeal was too much for him to resist. “Sure!”
“Great! Let’s go Saturday.” Rachel went and grabbed her purse from her chair and came back with a cell phone in hand. “Give me your phone number.”
Chauncey exchanged phone numbers with Rachel and wondered if he could resist her appeal. She had already got Chauncey to go on a date to the movies. He wondered what else Rachel could persuade him to do.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Jamal
Two Months after the Retreat and Four Weeks until the Wedding . . .
As if playing a game of who could be quiet the longest, Chantel and Jamal sat in silence. Chantel was not known for being short on words, at least not from Jamal’s perspective, even she was speechless. But Jamal knew that Pastor Brown had plenty to say, and yet he sat in his office chair with his hand over his mouth and his index finger on his temple, reminiscent of Malcolm X. Pastor Brown’s smile bordered on curiosity and condescension.
“So, Pastor, how was your weekend?” Jamal asked.
“It was fine, but we’re not here for me. We’re here for you and Chantel.” Now Pastor Brown’s smile moved into full-blown sardonic mode.
“What, Pastor?” Jamal shrugged his shoulders.
“I just find it amazing how comfortable we are when it comes to talking about sex and even having sex, until we get here.” Pastor Brown pointed at his oak table. “And here is where we find a purpose for sex that supersedes animal cravings.”
Jamal felt a lot more relaxed after Pastor Brown addressed the elephant in the room. He had simultaneously looked forward to and dreaded the session on sex. A discussion with his pastor and his fiancée about his desired marital sex life did not bring comfort to Jamal. He likened the experience to that of a teenage couple engaged in a discussion with their parents about their desires to have sex. At the same time, Jamal doubted that he and Chantel could have a successful marriage if their sex life left little to be desired. Therefore, he had looked forward to the opportunity to address their sexual expectations in terms of God.
“I’m not going to lie to you. I’m not comfortable talking about sex with you,” Chantel said to Pastor Brown.
“Then don’t look at me. Look at the Bible, because that is where my advice is coming from.” Pastor Brown shrugged his shoulders.
“That’s my whole problem, Pastor.” Jamal started a balancing act with his hands. “Sex and the Bible don’t seem to go together. I mean, the Bible talks about living holy, and at least for me, sex is freaky. I can’t get in the mood for sex listening to Shirley Caesar.”
That statement sparked a chuckle from Pastor Brown, and Chantel shook her head in presumed embarrassment.
“Seriously, though, I’m just trying to keep it one hundred with you, Pastor,” Jamal continued. “What if I was into handcuffs and peanut butter? How would that be okay in the Bible?”
Chantel rolled both her head and her neck in shock. “I ain’t no porn star. Let’s get that straight. I’m not going to walk around in a French maid outfit or take pole-dancing classes.”
“I can’t think of one man who wouldn’t want a woman that can be a lady in public and a freak in the bedroom,” Jamal replied.
“That is very profound. Show me where that insight is located in the scriptures.” Pastor Brown pointed to the open Bible on his desk.
“Yeah, Jamal. Show me where that is in the Bible,” Chantel said as she picked up Pastor Brown’s Bible and started to turn the pages.
“It’s not in scripture, but there has to be a level of carnality in marriage. I mean, last time I checked, there’s no sex in heaven. Am I right?” Jamal asked Pastor Brown.
“There is a level of carnality, but you have to decide whether or not you are going to have God at the center of your marriage or the world.” Pastor Brown was silent for a minute. “I’ve seen a lot of marriages crumble because of selfishness and because the couples opened doors in their marriages that they couldn’t close.”
“That’s what I’m wondering, Pastor, what’s really off-limits. And can you be a married couple and still sin when it comes to sex?” Jamal thought he had asked Pastor Brown a tough question, but Pastor Brown seemed unfazed by it.
“Sex comes down to intimacy and, let’s admit it, vulnerability. People who only see sex as passion and pleasure miss the intent.”
Jamal hoped the way he contorted his face would convey his need for clarity from Pastor Brown.
“Let me ask you guys something. Would you have sex in a public place?” Pastor Brown asked.
Jamal and Chantel looked at each other and grumbled. Both of them had delved into exhibitionism on occasion.
“Wow. Okay, I’m just going to move on to my point.” Pastor Brown sat up in his chair. “God’s perfect will is for both husband and wife to desire only each other. Imagine if you made love to your spouse without thinking about an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend or a porn star or Meagan Good. Imagine how much more closer you would draw toward God and eac
h other if nothing stood in your way.”
Pastor Brown paused for a moment, and Jamal allowed his statements to tumble around in his head. Jamal could tell that Pastor Brown’s question had resonated with Chantel as well.
The pastor went on. “The point I’m trying to make is that ultimately it is up to you guys to determine the kind of sex life you will have, but if you open the door to the public and allow threesomes, adult movies, and everything else to become a necessity, then you’ll find yourself in more trouble than you can handle.”
“What about keeping the spice in the marriage?” Chantel asked.
“I say stick to the original recipe before someone steals your dish.” Pastor Brown couldn’t help but laugh. Chantel and Jamal joined in with a chuckle.
“Now that we got that settled, Chantel, how often do you plan to have sex with your husband in your marriage?” Pastor Brown asked.
“I don’t know.” Chantel shrugged her shoulders.
“Three, maybe four times a week.”
“A week!” Jamal said. “How about three or four times a day?”
“Oh, please.” Chantel rolled her eyes.
“How often have you guys engaged in fornication in the time you have been together?” the pastor asked.
Chantel let out a deep sigh and put her head down as she began to rub her neck. Jamal started to twiddle his thumbs and let out a whistle.
“Come on now. If you want this thing to be right, you have to be open and honest,” Pastor Brown urged.
“It’s complicated,” Chantel said.
“Love is never simple. People often see the complexities of love and marriage as a sign to abandon ship, when really they should be a sign that draws two people close together,” Pastor Brown said.
“But you got to understand, Pastor, Chantel started off as my best friend’s girlfriend, and then, after knowing each other for some time, we . . . we . . .” Jamal made a hand gesture in hopes that Pastor Brown would fill in the blank.
“Fornicated?” Pastor Brown said.
“Exactly!” Jamal snapped his fingers and pointed toward Pastor Brown. “And so much has happened as a result of that decision that I think it is hard for us to communicate and really forgive ourselves. I mean, my best friend would’ve never lost his cool that night, which led to him being killed, if it weren’t for him finding out about me and Chantel having sex. And that weighs on me heavy, Pastor. I don’t have a lot of regrets, but that’s one that I do have.”
