by J. M. Madden
Damn. They’d said some not so nice things about him.
“Why are you so bitter, Brock? You get worse every time I see you.”
The older brother snorted. “Maybe it’s because I see you, little brother.”
Lora sucked in a breath at the hurtful words and turned to look at Chad. His expression didn’t change, but she could imagine the hurt he had to be feeling.
“What the hell is your issue with me? We used to be better than this. We used to hang out together and be friends. What changed?”
Brock shook his head.
“Was it because I came back broken? Less of a man than I used to be?”
Brock blinked and seemed a little shocked that Chad believed that. He looked down at the glass in his hand and shook his head again, harder. “You’re not broken,” he said softly.
“Then I wish my brother was around. I’d have liked to have seen him this week.”
Chad pushed to his feet and held his right hand out to Lora. Without a word, she let him help her up out of the deep couch. They walked out of the room without a backward glance, but Chad paused in the hallway.
“I’m sorry about that. I don’t know what’s gotten into him. He’s usually not so rude.”
“It’s okay. Maybe he has stuff going on in his life too.”
“Hm. Maybe.”
Chad guided her into the kitchen. All four little girls had their heads bent over glittery craft projects and barely looked up to acknowledge them. Mercy did finally, and her eyes drifted over Chad’s lower legs, making Lora wonder if the other girls had been talking.
“Little Mercy has fit into the group like she’s always been here,” Francine gushed, running a hand over her daughter’s mussed hair. “You’ve done a wonderful job raising your little girl, Lora. She’s so polite.”
“Thank you. I appreciate hearing that.”
Cheyenne held a bundle of cloth out to Chad and he folded it under his arm, then caught Lora’s eye. “Would you step out here, please? I have something to show you.”
Lora lifted her brows in surprise, but followed after a last glance at the kitchen. Cheyenne caught her eye and gave her a big wink and a smile. Chad guided her down a hallway and into a mud-slash-laundry room, then out the back door.
Glancing back to make sure she followed, he led her across a wide deck and down a few steps to a flagstone path. Though the surrounding area was rocky and didn’t have a lot of vegetation, Francine had managed to make her backyard into a nice retreat. There were flower beds everywhere just beginning to bud, and bushes lined the smooth path. There was a building a little ways away and that was where Chad led her. As he opened the front doors, Lora realized it was a gazebo housing a huge hot tub. She looked at him in surprise. “I never expected to find this hidden out here.”
“Yeah, it’s camouflaged pretty well.” He handed her the bundle of cloth. “Cheyenne is about your size and she said you could borrow this.”
Lora let the bundle fall open and realized it was a bathing suit. Anxiety clutched her stomach and she automatically shook her head.
Chad took a step closer to her and leaned down, just a bit. “Before you say no, I want you to take a deep breath and know that I would never let anyone hurt you. I promise you I won’t turn around. I give you my word. Harper is on the hill watching the entire area, Flynn is in the barn and Mercy is in the house with Rachel and the family. Everybody is taken care of. You need to take a few minutes for yourself.”
He turned away from her then and gave her his back, standing at the front of the building.
Lora looked at the temptation. The water was steaming. She wondered if it was as hot as it looked. Reaching out, she ran her fingers through the water. Oh, it felt so good. She glanced at Chad’s broad back. She knew for a fact she could strip naked and dance the tango and he would not turn around. He’d given his word. The gazebo was enclosed, the shutters drawn. Tiny little LEDs cast enough light to see by, but that was all. Nobody would see her.
Screw it.
Before she could talk herself out of it, she stripped out of her clothes, dropping them onto a low bench along the wall. Cheyenne’s one piece slid up over her hips easily and fit her surprisingly well. A little gappy in the boob area, but there was nothing to be done for it. She then unwound the ace bandage from her wrist, dropping it on top of the clothes. Crossing to the stairs she slid a foot into the water, moaning at the warmth that welcomed her. Stepping all the way into the tub, she lowered herself into the water and pushed to the side. Shuddering with the sharp temperature but relishing it, she settled into the corner of the tub, her head resting on the back edge.
The heat sank into her bones, chasing away the chill of the past few months. It was the warmest she’d been in as long as she could remember. “This is heavenly, Chad.”
He chuckled quietly but didn’t turn around. “I thought you’d like it. My mother is a soaker too, bubble bath, the whole bit, so my dad built her this a few years ago. She likes to take midnight breaks, when the ranch is completely quiet.”
“Does your dad join her?”
“Mm, sometimes. When she can talk him into it.”
Lora swirled her hand through the water, restless.
“Chad,” she hesitated.
“Yes?”
He turned his head enough that she could see his face in profile, lit from behind by the house lights, but he kept his eyes down on the ground. As he’d promised he would.
“Are we safe here?” she whispered.
“Yes,” he answered firmly. “I wouldn’t have brought you out here if I thought otherwise.”
He faced the house, feet planted. Looking at him from behind, his back seemed so broad, his legs so long. She wanted to explore him, to take her time and touch every square inch of his body.
Lora knew though, that he would never make the first move. It would be up to her to do that.
And she didn’t know if she had the courage.
Cheyenne’s challenging words came back to her, and her resolve solidified.
“Chad?”
“Yes?”
“Can you turn around please?”
He’d been still before, but now it was if he were frozen in time. For several long seconds she didn’t even hear him breathe. But then he swiveled on one boot heel to face her.
Lora sank down into the water until only her shoulders were exposed. His gaze traveled over her as if he could see more, though.
“Would you join me?”
Lora actually heard him swallow from several feet away and it gave her courage that he was nervous.
“I don’t know if that’s such a great idea.”
“Please?”
He took a step forward across the deck, then a few more, until he stood at the side of the tub. “I’ll have to take the prosthetic off,” he admitted.
Lora hadn’t even thought about that. “Okay.” She was struck with something and she grinned. “Want me to turn around?”
She thought she’d been funny but he gave her the strangest look.
“If you keep giving me smiles like that, you can look at anything you want.”
Her laughter faded at the sincerity she saw in his shadowed face and her heart started to thud as his fingers reached for the snaps on his shirt. She was suddenly more fearful than when he’d expected her to get into the tub, but this was an edge-of-your-seat kind of fear. Thrilling. Exciting.
As he shrugged the shirt off his shoulders and dropped it to the bench, he paused for several long seconds. “I don’t want to scare you or rush you into any kind of situation you’re not comfortable with.”
She smiled, appreciating the consideration. “I’m good right now. I’m trying to be more willing to engage and enjoy life.”
He seemed to search her face in the subtle light before reaching for the snap of his jeans. Lora pushed herself back to the opposite side of the tub and rested her head against the cushion, letting her eyes drift closed. Every little sound he made en
couraged her to open her eyes, but she didn’t.
“I’m in.”
For a few more seconds she kept her eyes closed just to prove she could before rolling her head up to look at him.
The steaming water hit Chad right at the nipple line. His chest hair had darkened with water. Both of his long arms were stretched along the sides of the tub, much like he’d been sitting on the couch.
“Does the heat of the water bother your burns?” she asked.
He watched her as though he was waiting for an insult or something, a heavy frown on his face. “It does a bit. Not too bad. Bothers my leg more.”
She cocked her head. “Why does it bother your leg more?”
Chad scowled as if he regretted admitting the weakness. “Because I wear the prosthetic all the time, for the most part. The skin of the amputation itself is very sensitive.”
“Is the amputation painful?”
“Not really. Just feels like my leg now.”
Lora wanted to look beneath the surface of the water to try to see the amputation, but that would be rude. Besides, he seemed self-conscious about it or something. It had been seven years since he’d been injured. She would have thought he’d be more comfortable with it by now. But who was she to determine that?
Chad watched the emotions play across Lora’s face. Curiosity was there, but it didn’t seem to be malicious. Just inquisitive. All women were curious before they saw it, but in his experience, the disgust rolled in soon after.
He snorted. They were both hiding. It was ridiculous.
“I, uh, don’t have a very good history showing women my amputation. If I remember right, the last one walked out the door in tears of disgust.”
Lora narrowed her eyes. “Tears of disgust? Really?”
Chad shrugged. “That was how I took it. Things were moving along good until I stripped down and pulled my leg off. She saw it and burst into tears, scrambled out of bed and disappeared.”
Her mouth dropped open and anger sparked in her eyes. “That’s terrible.”
He gave her a self-deprecating smile. “It was her loss. She hadn’t gotten to the good part yet.”
Lora giggled in delight, her cheeks flushing, and it was the most enjoyment he’d ever seen her experience. He chuckled with her. Years later the scene was still vivid in his mind, but over time he’d forced himself to look at the humor in it.
He’d had to.
He took a deep breath. “I’ll show you if you’re interested.”
The enjoyment in her eyes dimmed, but it was replaced by resolve. She nodded.
Before he could change his mind he lifted his hips and raised his left knee out of the water.
Lora moved closer. One long fingered hand lifted, dripping warm water to cup what was left of his calf. She squeezed the tense muscle, then drifted her hand up to his knee and back down. Shaking her head, she tossed him a quizzical look. “I don’t understand why she would react that way. This is not disgusting. It’s not even stomach turning. It’s just skin and muscle and bone.”
Chad could have wept tears of gratitude at her no-nonsense words. Instead he clenched his jaw and looked away as he fought to control the wild emotion slamming through him. The touch of her fingers on the most sensitive part of him sent goose bumps racing across his body.
“Can you tell me about the mechanics of the amputation? Is this just one bone or…”
Clearing his throat, he turned back to her. “I didn’t directly step on the mine. Another Marine did. But I was part of the blast. The docs on the ground where I was had gotten really good at wound care. I was shipped to Landstuhl within hours, then to Walter Reed. I had a lot of burn issues, too. The leg was easy compared to the burns.”
Chad knew he was rambling, but he felt like he needed to give her as much info as he could while she was interested.
“Basically, they clean up the mess and cut above the injury site. The ends of the bones are trimmed and in my case, they grafted a small piece of bone between the ends of the tibia and fibia to stabilize them. Then they reattach the muscles to the end of the bone and wrap the skin around everything.”
Her fingers traced the scar of the reattachment and he paused. She looked up at him and he had to clear his throat. “After several weeks of healing they start to fit you for a prosthetic. I’ve got half a dozen legs at home, but I prefer the one I wear now.”
Lora released his leg and he let it withdraw beneath the water, but she didn’t retreat across the tub like he expected her to. She pushed to the shaped bench to his left, just a couple of feet away. The deep green of her eyes seemed languid here beneath the subtle lighting, but he didn’t see anything unsettled in her expression. She didn’t seem to be disturbed by his body.
Gratitude filled him.
“You are one of three women who have ever seen my leg and not been offended or repulsed,” he told her softly. “The other two are in that house.”
Her eyes flicked to the ranch house then back to him. “I appreciate you telling me. And showing me. That had to be hard.”
Chad tried to be unconcerned but he didn’t think he pulled it off.
“Now are you going to show me the good part?”
His gaze snapped to her face as his heart leapt in his chest, but before he could say anything she burst into tears. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” she gasped. She buried her face in her hands and wept.
Chad didn’t know what to do. He wanted to draw her into his arms and hold her tight to let her know that they were okay, but he didn’t know how she’d react. Instead, he reached out his bad hand and rested it on her shoulder. Lora wept all the harder and seemed to crumple in on herself, but then she turned and seemed to want him to hold her. Chad opened his arms, but stayed where he was. If she wanted comfort he would give it to her, but he wouldn’t force it on her.
Lora seemed to need it badly, because she kind of fell against him, burrowing her face into his neck. Chad cupped her shoulders as gently as he could, scared that she would feel trapped and pull away. But she stayed where she was, sobbing her heart out.
“Hey, you’re okay,” he murmured. “It’s okay, Lora.”
She shook her head against him. “I’m not okay. I want so much but I’m terrified. Of you and my need. I’m scared of men in general. But I want to be strong like Cheyenne. I want to live the life I’ve dreamed of for my daughter, but I can’t just shove everything aside.”
He leaned his head to the side to try to catch her eyes, but she avoided looking at him. “Hey, nobody’s asking you to shove everything aside. Certainly not in a night. You just met Cheyenne and let me tell you, she’s been working on this version of herself for several years. I think you’ve done excellent for tonight. I’ll hold you as long as you want me to, but that’s all. I got excited when you wanted to see my good part” She snorted and clutched him tighter around the neck. “But I knew you weren’t ready. You’ve already given me so much tonight.”
Tightening his hands on her shoulders for the briefest second, he relaxed back against the edge of the tub, still cradling her carefully. They stayed like that for a good while. Lora relaxed into his arms to the point that he thought she’d fallen asleep, but eventually she moved.
“I’m turning into a prune.”
She pulled back enough to look into his eyes, then very deliberately moved forward enough to brush her lips against the corner of his mouth.
Chad forced himself to hold as still as possible. But one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do was not turn his head that fraction of an inch to meet her lips. Body straining, he breathed through the need as she pushed to the other side of the tub.
Chad knew he had to get out first, but he was so hard it was uncomfortable to move. When he pushed out of the water, her eyes followed him, as if she were fascinated in spite of herself. He caught the widening of her eyes when she caught sight of his erection behind the soaked cotton of his briefs, but there was nothing he could do about it.
Lora nodded her head, submerged up to her chin in the water, her eyes wide. The tears were gone, but she still seemed fragile.
Chad patted himself dry, talking his body into calming down. He’d had Lora in his arms for the first time and it had been incredible, but torturous. Slamming the door on those thoughts, he shimmied out of his cold underwear. He’d have to go without until they got back to the house. Standing on his right leg he patted himself with the towel again and dragged his jeans up over his damp hips. Glancing over his shoulder, he caught Lora staring at his ass. He took a single hop to sit on the bench while he put his prosthetic on and grinned at her, letting her know he’d caught her looking. Seating his leg into the cup, he rolled his pant leg down and stood to put on his shirt. “You can look all you want.”
Even beneath the dim lights he could see the blush that stained her cheeks. And that was enough. Walking out to the opening of the gazebo, he gave her his back, arms crossed over his chest.
It took Lora a few minutes to get out and dried off, but he never moved from his position. He breathed in the still night and allowed his body to calm down.
“I’m ready to go back.”
They left their wet things in the laundry room. Lora had rolled the ace bandage to take with her. Before they entered the hallway to the kitchen, she touched his elbow. “I want to thank you for taking me out there. I needed it.”
Smiling, he reached out enough to stroke a finger down her cheek. “I needed it just as much,” he admitted. And it was true. He had.
Mercy was practically asleep on her feet. They’d been at his parent’s house for several hours now and Chad thought it prudent to head back up the mountain. Mama gave Lora a hug and pressed a kiss to Mercy’s head. Cheyenne wrapped her arms around Lora and held her for a minute, whispering something in her ear. When they parted, they both had wide smiles on their faces. Flynn and Rachel met them at the truck.
