go and it became flat.
George and Joey were spinning and singing as the wolves blurred past.
Jumbo edged the cloth above them as they spun below oblivious.
He looked at me.
Old things must pass away he said.
The cloth fell over them.
Goodbye he said.
And like a magic trick...
They were gone.
After the Spinning
George and Joey were gone and the circle was still.
The wolves lay at Lijah’s feet… a white carpet for the white wolf.
I stood by Jumbo’s side.
What about the Gassers I said.
They ringed the circle…spread out between the stones staring in.
Their silence thundered.
They cannot hurt you he said.
It is only clowns they take.
Go to them… and see what it is you fear.
I shook my head.
They cannot hurt you he said again.
He nudged me gently.
I did not want to go…
But my body turned and moved.
Their garb was rough and worn…like dirty circus canvas.
Scuffed boots and shredded gauntlets…
And those bulging gasmask eyes.
The tanks strained on their backs…
From biting leather straps.
Rough welds and peeling paint…
Where the swirling contents leeched.
My hand floated out and I pulled it back... from some dreadful want to touch the gassing hose.
They did not shift... so I crept closer then could not move away.
Their gravity was dense...
Emanating in their orbit.
I thought of buildings burning.
And then the Gassers spoke.
You Will Come
You will come…
When the warm wind blows.
You will come…
To us.
They chanted.
You will come…when the warm wind blows.
You will come…to us.
They stopped… and stared at me.
They spoke as one.
You do not know who you are they said.
You do not know who you are.
You do not know who we are they said.
You do not know who we are.
But you will see who you are they said.
But you will see who you are.
They began to scream.
And you will see who we are they said.
And you will see who we are.
They tore away their gasmasks.
And I saw that they were clowns.
Cooked Clowns
Their faces were George and Joey…
Repeating in a curve.
Vague though still familiar…
But now ashen and burnt out…
Like fire damaged dolls.
Their lips and bulbous noses…
Looked like the leather of new shoes.
They clacked charred teeth together…
And pointed at their eyes...
Eyes as dark as night-time in the winter of a war.
They began to chant again.
You will come...when the warm wind blows.
You will come...to us.
You will come...when the warm wind blows.
You will come...to us.
It felt like I was falling.
Lijah was moving me away…
He led me back inside the circle.
Remember this said Jumbo.
Goodbye
The air hung heavy…
Then a hammer blow rang out.
It thundered down against the stones.
We looked towards the hill.
Lijah pushed in close to Jumbo.
I will stay Old One he said.
Another blow and then another.
I will stay said Lijah again.
Jumbo shook his head and turned to me.
Thank you he said.
Thank you for your witness.
Another blow and then another.
I felt dread.
Go now said Jumbo…
Lijah will lead you home.
Come back with us I said…
You can live with me at my Nanas.
He smiled and placed his hands upon my head.
Another time he said.
I clutched at his hands as he drew them away.
My thumbs pressed into holes.
Please don’t go I said.
He shook his head.
You don’t have to I said.
You don’t have to go.
He bent his face to mine.
No one ever has to he said.
No one ever has to.
The hammering stopped.
Goodbye said Jumbo and walked out of the circle… the Gassers opening to his step.
Don’t let him go I cried to Lijah... and realised I was weeping.
On the hilltop the Nail Maker appeared again.
Hurry Up Old Man he shouted… we haven’t got all day.
He began to dance a jig.
Jumbo trudged across as the Nail Maker twirled…
Then he stopped... and pointed down.
NOW… he screamed.
The Gassers swarmed after Jumbo…
As Jumbo turned about to face them.
And then they tore him down.
Crown
Jumbo fell beneath the Gassers.
His red shoes kicking as they piled atop.
They dulled and then were covered.
Gassing hoses stabbed into the melee.
Again and again and again.
Save him I screamed…
But the wolves did not move.
We cannot said Lijah simply.
The Nail Maker spun upon the hill…
His arms outstretched and his cackling cutting high.
He dropped from sight then appeared again... running.
He was pushing a wheel barrow.
He hammered down into the seething mass…
Like giant beetles feeding.
They parted as he drove inside… then parted again.
A black flower opening.
He wheeled out Jumbo from their midst…
Legs hanging and head lolling to the side.
He looked painted grey and tattered... just a husk of that before.
He trundled him across the bumpy ground.
Hereheis he cried…Hereheis…
YourClumsyClownKing.
He paraded him before us.
Not quite so funny now he said.
I watched on terrified.
Watched on and did nothing.
Jumbo stirred…
Clawing lamely at the barrow edges and trying to open swollen eyes.
Sit down said the Nail Maker… yanking back his head.
He placed the barrow and walked around it.
Oh… he said… his pastry face shaking up close to Jumbo’s.
Is this what you want.
He unfolded a paper crown…and placed it on Jumbo’s head.
There he said.
That’s more like it.
He popped a party blower in his mouth and blew.
He removed it again and considered.
Soooo… he said… must be orf...
No point in… hanging around.
He bent and slapped his thigh… then wiped away an imaginary tear.
What he said…too soon?
Jumbo stirred again.
The Nail maker frowned… then CLICKED his fingers.
A Gasser came.
Would you mind awfully said the Nail Maker.
The Gasser uncoiled his hose and bent to Jumbo.
Night Night Sweet Prince said the Nail Maker.
Jumbo’s legs kicked… his face contorting in purple mist...
And then was still
>
The Gasser moved away.
The Nail Maker walked around the barrow… pursing his lips.
He flapped at Jumbo’s with a boney finger.
Arrr… he said.
He traced the contours of Jumbo’s face.
Honestly he said… what is all the fuss about.
He turned and shrugged.
Anyway he said…I think we’ll be off.
Let him get some shut eye before we...
He grimaced…and gestured with his thumb to the hill behind.
He shrugged indifference.
All goes to make a day.
He popped in the blower…
Then took it out again and waggled his fingers.
Toodle Pip… he said.
He popped it back in…then hauled the barrow and its crumpled contents up.
He pointed like a general to the hill.
Screeching and trailed by the Gassers…
He disappeared behind.
Clown Wolf
I stood and cried.
A coward.
Lijah led me from the circle and back across the bridge.
I wanted to turn but never did.
The day passed in silence and we walked until the night.
And then we walked some more.
The world shone differently…
But not like before...
When Jumbo walked beside me.
We stopped beside a stream.
I sat down.
Lijah settled by my side.
You could not have saved him he said.
And he did not want that.
Your part was to bear witness.
I could have done something I said.
I felt angry at myself.
I felt angry at the world.
You could have done something I said.
You could have saved him.
That is not our part he said.
I wanted to scream.
This is what must be said Lijah.
This is what must be for clowns to spin.
But the clowns had spun I said... they’d already spun.
He didn’t have to go.
But there will be others said Lijah…
And they will come because of him.
They will come because of Jumbo.
All I felt was sad…
And all I wanted was to go home.
We rested then moved on.
I thought of what Lijah had said.
What do you mean other clowns will come I said.
Other clowns will come he said...
As they always have.
Then you have done this before I said.
Of course he said…
I am the white wolf.
I am the Clown Wolf.
That is our part.
To do what I said.
To guide them he said.
To guide them to the Spinning Fields…
And to protect them on the way.
But you didn’t protect Jumbo I said.
You didn’t protect him.
You let the Nail Maker take him and now he’s gone.
He looked at me for a long time...
But said nothing.
Return
We passed by the station…
And I thought of George and Joey’s train.
I wondered if Bill was still driving it.
I didn’t see the village.
We trekked the valley and the hills… and finally reached the wood.
As we walked the wolves slipped away until only Lijah and I were left.
All I feel is sad
Clown Wolf Page 4
