by Melle Amade
Zan’s laugh is bitter. “You think I thought this was all going to end in some happily ever after? I’m not stupid, Aiden. I know you’ll be betrothed soon.”
My gaze rounds on Aiden. “Betrothed?”
“Right. Welcome to the shifter world, Shae,” Zan says.
I ignore her barb, because I need to hear what this is.
“We all have arranged marriages,” Zan continues. “Or didn’t your Ridder or your Heir or any of the people who are meant to train you and teach you things—maybe your mother—tell you any of these things? No. Everybody’s been hiding the truth.”
“Stop being mean,” I say. It feels as if my chest is caving in from lack of air, as if the whole world is a vacuum.
“By the time we’re eighteen, we’re all betrothed and given our spouses by determination of the Order,” Aiden says. “There was some screw-up hundreds of years ago and, like everything else, the Order decided they could make laws to control it so it never happened again. So now they get to pick who we all marry, and we only get to marry within our species. For fairly obvious reasons.” He looks pointedly at me. “We’ve all seen how being a nuvervel works.”
“So at least you’ll get to marry a raven,” Zan says to me. “But it’s not going to be Callum. Because most shifters, especially the titled ones, marry their first cousins.”
“Iona.” I breathe out like there’s a frost in my lungs. I finally understand.
“Precisely,” Zan says. “Iona was pissed because she has a right to him. It’s going to be announced by the Order tomorrow.”
My heart is sinking fast, and I’m desperately trying to come up for air as my gaze flies between Aiden and Zan. They’ve known this through their entire relationship.
My gaze goes to Aiden. “Who are you betrothed to?”
He looks at me, his jaw set. “My cousin Matilde. My father’s sister’s daughter. She lives in Holland at the Muiderslot, the original High Seat of Muiderkring West.”
“Matilde…” I murmur. This is what Zan was really saying the very first time I told her I liked Aiden. It wasn’t about her relationship with him. She was saying he’s off limits because he’s going to marry his first cousin! “You could’ve tried telling me a few things a little earlier on.”
“Like you could have heard it,” Zan says. “You would’ve freaked out. We weren’t even able to get your shifting under control until a couple of days ago.”
“You could have told me,” I say.
“Well, you know now,” Zan says. “Now you can stop dreaming about the Ridder and kissing on the Heir. Now you realize they are both out of bounds. To both of us. I’m done. With both of you.” Without pausing Zan walks out the door, leaving me reeling in a swamp of confusion.
How can we not be friends? How can you just remove someone from your life like that? It’s not possible. I want to fly after her, but there’s no point. There is no way I’m going to be able to talk her out of my betrayal.
“Shae,” Aiden says. “Shae, I’m sorry.”
“No.” I look him straight in the eye. “No, you’re not. You’re not sorry. If you had everything to do over again, you would do everything exactly the same way. Maybe you would have made sure she didn’t see.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” His fingers pull on the collar of his shirt like it’s hard to breathe.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does,” he says.
“Aiden, you’ve always been family first. It makes perfect sense you’re going to marry your cousin.” My blood runs like a frigid river. “Family first. Protect the High Seat. I understand. Because believe it or not, I feel the same way about my family.”
“Of course,” Aiden says, even though I’m not completely sure he gets it.
“You know I tried to have family made up of my friends,” I say. “But it’s not working. My friends are not my family. I only have one family, and I will do anything to protect them.”
There are no tears as I walk out of the manor. We might only be sixteen, but we’re not kids anymore. Not the way we used to be.
I make my way down the canyon; numb.
Arranged marriages.
Passief intolerance.
Controlled regional rulers.
Subjugated population.
Everything that creates these problems rests in one place—the Order. And the Order is ruled by one Berzerken. El Oso.
The Order will fall. No one is safe. No one is above the others. Zaragoza’s final words, ring like a prophecy in my head.
If what Iona said when we were all swearing fealty to Callum, then the Ravensgaard aren’t that keen to follow El Oso. I know he has a mass of Berzerkens, but the Ravensgaard are powerful.
What if El Oso no longer existed?
Patch and Polaris were just a couple of dumb thugs. They wouldn’t be able to lead the Berzerkens as a unified front. Lord Van Arend would be free to rule the Muiderkring. Lady Heather would be released back to her people in the east. The Order, with its antiquated ways, would disintegrate.
The shifter world would be reborn in a true democratic fashion.
A dark idea spins in my icy veins as I trudge down the canyon. There is a way to end this all. There is a way to give everyone a chance to be who they are and to follow what they want.
But do I dare?
The little poison flower killed the massive tree. That’s what Lady Heather said.
Tomorrow there will be one last ceremony before the Berzerkens leave town. I will never be so close to El Oso again. I will never have a better opportunity.
This is my chance.
But I must be willing to take it.
To save my family and let them live in freedom without the threat of execution on the whim of a fascist dictator, I have to dare.
The little poison flower killed the massive tree.
I must assassinate El Oso.
The thought leaves me breathless in the still canyon air.
Assassinate El Oso.
The Order will fall.
One shifter’s death could lead to so much freedom. Inside I am cold and the raven flies in circles around my bones.
The risk is worth it.
But I must be ready.
I have to have a clear strategy and precise moves; to know exactly what I’m going to do. I’ve mastered the art of shifting and can control the shift into a raven. But how is a single bird going to take out a giant beast of a bear?
I have between now and tomorrow morning to figure it out. Whatever he is searching for can’t be good for the rest of us. I’m sure of it. His level of self-interest only means further loss of freedom for the shifter population. His laws have ruined and controlled so many peoples’ lives. His fear and desire for regulation has driven shifter society into a totalitarian freak show that must end now.
Patch and Polaris might be tempted to try to resurrect it, but I don’t think they have the strength. I don’t think they have the following. We are the future. If El Oso were no longer here, Aiden and his father could truly claim control of Muiderkring West and break from the Order. Zan and Aiden could be together. He could run his life the way he wants it to be, make his own rules.
Despite me turning away from them, I wish I could get their help, but I don’t dare.
I don’t think they’d even agree with me at this stage. They might not like the Order, but they don’t hate it enough to commit the open revolt I plan to. Aiden might even be so interested in protecting his family that he might even turn me in.
I don’t know what happened to Lord Van Arend to make him sell out to the Order, but whatever it was, I don’t think he’s easily going to go back on it. El Oso has power over him.
But I won’t give him that power over me.
Dad’s still up when I get home. He’s in the living room whittling a piece of wood by the fire.
“Mom’s not going to like that mess.” I jut my chin towards the wood shavings that are falling on the floor.
&nbs
p; “Ever hear of a broom?” Dad asks.
“Funny,” I smirk.
“How is he?”
It takes me a moment to figure out who Dad is talking about. Lord Van Arend. The most endangered shifter we know. I shrug. “He’s been better,” I say. “I don’t think the stress of having the Order here is helping any.”
“They’ll be gone soon,” he says. “Then things will go back to normal.”
“I’m not sure what your idea of normal is, Dad, but I don’t think it’s normal for us to live in a fascist society with a group in power who might execute me or Henry or you at any time. Pretty sure that’s not normal.”
“I know. It’s why we tried to keep you sheltered, or your mother did and I did my own way.”
“But I don’t know if that was better or worse, Dad. The Order’s got crazy rules. You know Aiden’s betrothed?” I ask.
Dad looks up through his blond shaggy locks. “Thought you seemed a bit more upset than usual.”
I let out a big sigh and shake my head. “It’s not him, Dad. It’s not Aiden. That was just a high school crush.”
“Oh. It’s okay. It happens.” Dad shrugs.
“But, Dad, none of that even matters if we’re under the Order. Who’s in what sort of relationship and who’s going to have what betrothal? We don’t even know if we’re going to survive.”
“You don’t have to,” Dad says. “You never have to show anybody what you are on the inside. You just have to be the dove in your core. Whether they know consciously or not, it doesn’t matter.”
“Who I am shouldn’t be outlawed,” I say. “I want to be everything that I am, Dad. I want to be publicly out there. I don’t want to hide away because other people are afraid of me or don’t like me. I don’t want to shy away from who I am. I don’t think I should ever have to apologize for how I’m made.”
“I didn’t tell you to apologize,” Dad says. “I just said you don’t have to put yourself in harm’s way just to prove a point. You know, it’s one thing to stand up for your beliefs. But that won’t matter if you aren’t alive to talk about it.”
“I understand,” I say. “I just… You know I just feel like you’re telling me to live in the shadows. And I don’t know that I want that. I kinda like the sun.”
He stands, his large frame blocking out the firelight for a moment. He bends and kisses me on the forehead. “You don’t need to worry about being in the shade or in the sun when you have the sun inside you,” he says. “Get some rest. I’ll see you in the morning, and we’ll get the Order out of here and on their merry way.”
He moves and the heat of the fire flies into my face again. I soak it up. Dad’s poetic and makes it sound so easy. Big words. Great ideas. But the cold hard reality is anything but that. The truth is that the fastest way to get rid of the suffocating pressure of the Order is to get rid of the dictator who’s creating all the laws and controlling all the shifters.
El Oso must die.
Despite the fire, ice runs in my veins.
I’m convinced assassinating El Oso is the right choice. The only question is, how? He’s a bear and I’m a bird. How is this even going to be possible?
I grab my phone and flip on YouTube to watch some animals attacking videos. I look up ravens. But it’s not very helpful. They’re attacking mice and rabbits. There’s not a single damn video of ravens attacking bears. Guess ravens aren’t that stupid.
The fire is dying in the hearth when I start to give up. After hours and hours, there’s no luck. But then I see it.
The solution is not in the videos. It’s not in the ravens. It’s not even in the dove. The solution sits on the coffee table right next to the piece of wood my dad has been whittling.
His Bowie knife.
I stand and hold it up, running my finger carefully along the edge. If I strap this to my leg, there’s got to be a way I can make this work. I won’t rely on beaks and talons. I’m going to use a knife. I will bring this blade straight down the back of his neck and plunge it into his heart.
My human self will free the shifters.
20
It’s dark in the ruins of the Sanctuary when I arrive. The charred remains of our haven stand like black lumps in the shadows. The sun will be up soon, and I need to get started. I only have one more day, but at least I have a plan now. I see well in the dark, so I start to build, but it still takes me some time to make replicas of El Oso. I don’t know where he’s going to be, but it doesn’t matter. The Berzerkens can’t touch me. They’re ground animals, and I’m an air shifter.
The sky is dark gray with pale orange streaks of clouds across it by the time I get a straw man of El Oso mocked up out of gunnysacks and dirt. I try to think like a soldier, like a Ravensgaard. He will be flanked by Patch and Polaris. They don’t stand too close to them because El Oso doesn’t like people near him, but they’ll be within striking distance if I go down low. So, I should focus on the element of surprise. I’ve brought up three big gunnysacks from the chicken feed, and I fill those with whatever grass leaves and brush I can find, tying them off at the bottom. The straw men that I make are not as big as the Berzerkens, but they’ll do for now.
And Lady Heather, a small voice whispers in my head. Don’t forget Lady Heather. A small frown creases my face, because I’m not sure what to make of Lady Heather. She’s creepy but I’m not convinced she would stop me in an attack on El Oso. She’s his prisoner. She’s more like Princess Leia attached to Jabba the Hutt in those old Star Wars movies.
But Callum will be disappointed if I don’t take her into consideration. If I can strike them with surprise… I take a deep breath. It’s going to be hard to get the element of surprise when El Oso is on the platform in the middle of a bunch of shifters, and I fly in like a raving lunatic and stab the crap out of him.
I push the thought of Lady Heather out of my mind for now and set up the three Berzerkens in the center of the space that was once the main room of the Sanctuary.
It’s time to practice.
I stand right in front of the straw men for the easiest access, but then I realize that’s not going to work. There’s no element of surprise. I need to be off to the side, but I can’t be too far away. I can’t give them too much time to react. I’ve got to look just like any other raven flying around.
In this case, I’ll be standing out on a branch. So, I crouch on the branch, spring up, and shift into a raven.
Maybe they’ll think that I’m some lovesick raven trying to end this match between Callum and Iona. But that’s not what this is about. This is about freeing the people from bondage. And I’m prepared to do whatever it takes.
I fly hard at El Oso, peck out his eyes, then shift midair, take out my blade, but I miss when I stab him in the shoulder. The gunnysack falls over.
I do it again and again and again. Each time trying to blind him before I stab him.
The sun is just cresting over the canyon as I tumble to the ground one more time, rolling with the gunnysack caught in my Bowie knife.
My shoulder hits something hard as I roll. Something grabs my wrist, and my arm is forcefully wrenched as I’m yanked up. Roman’s angry brown eyes glare at me.
“What the hell are you doing?” he asks.
I jerk my arm back, just as furious that he’s interrupting my drills. “Training.”
Roman takes in the size of my gunnysacks and the multiple stabbings at the one in the center. His arms cross over his chest. “Training for what?” He peels each word out to me.
“Just training,” I say and stare him directly in the eye, daring him to ask me again. The Bowie knife flinches in my hand. Anger rises cold inside me. I try to shake it off. This is Roman. This is not the enemy. This is Roman. “What are you doing here?”
“I come up here a bit,” he says. “I like to be up here at sunrise.”
I push the anger back, trying to find some peaceful place where I can have a conversation with Roman, but it feels like ice gripping my heart. “I’v
e been coming up here since Dad told me about his family. My family.”
“It’s hard to get those images out of your head, isn’t it?” Roman says.
I nod.
His eyes rake the three gunnysack balls with the multiple stab wounds, and he looks at me. “Show me what you were training to do.”
I frown.
“I might have some pointers,” he says.
My frown deepens. He’s just trying to uncover my plan and stop me. Let him try. Nothing’s going to stop me. I will avenge my ancestors, protect my family, and free my friends.
I roll the bears back up and stand them. It’s probably not hard for Roman to figure out who they are. They look like those old plastic knock-me-down clowns. I don’t look at him; I just push them in place. Then I shift into the raven and go out to the branch. I’m going to do the whole thing. He’ll see the Bowie knife, but I don’t care.
He stands back against the side of the embankment where the waterfall used to flow, his arms crossed against his chest, his chin down, eyes half-mast. It’s still too early in the morning for him to need his glasses to protect them against the sunlight.
I give out a shriek as I take my raven form and fly towards El Oso, Patch, and Polaris. Roman needs to understand how strong I am. I execute perfectly. Peck one eyeball, then the other. I shift back, twirl midair, come straight down into El Oso’s back, and land on one knee.
It is a perfect execution.
“I don’t think you’re going to have enough time,” Roman says.
“Are you kidding me? Did you see how fast I was?” I ask.
“Yeah, I saw how fast you were,” Roman says. “And I’m telling you, you’re not going to have enough time. Don’t be fooled by the Berzerkens. They are fast. And what about Heather?”
I’m exhilarated by my execution and neck-deep in the conversation before I realize he’s done it. He’s discovered exactly what I’m going to do.
“I don’t think she’s going to stop me,” I say. “I know that’s a hunch, but…”
He rubs his chin for a second. “That is a hunch, but I think it’s a good one. I don’t think she’ll stop you either. I think she’s been trying to get away from him forever.”
