by Liz Lee
Again he traced his finger down her cheek. “You married me, Kacie Jo. And you’ve given me this child.” His hands moved to caress her stomach. “Don’t say you haven’t done anything.”
She turned to him feeling completely victorious. She’d made him whole, and he’d made her whole, too.
Slowly she unbuttoned his pants. “You keep talking and I’m going to forget what’s next.”
He helped her undo the next button. “Don’t worry about that, sweetheart. I’ll help remind you.”
He pressed her hand against his hard length as he spoke, and another jolt of pleasure washed over her. “What does that feel like to you?”
He raised his hips and shimmied out of the remainder of his clothes. “Pretty damn good.”
She laughed. “I know that. But what does it feel like? When you touch me like this, I feel this pressure inside. It’s a good pressure, but it’s this feeling like I’m going to explode. I want to feel you inside me. Do you feel anything like that?”
“Oh yeah.”
Slowly she slid her hand up. “Does this feel good?”
Before she could finish the question his response convinced her it did. She smiled and repeated the motion. His hips rose from the bed and she lowered her head. “And when you touch me with your mouth like this, I think I’ll die from wanting you.”
She touched him with her lips, reveled at his sharp intake of breath and slowly took him in her mouth. And then she simply followed instinct. Every time he moaned, pleasure shot to her center. When he finally pulled away, gasping, telling her if he didn’t get inside her right then it was going to be too late, she wanted it just as much as he did.
And then he was there, deep inside her, stroking her slowly then faster until nothing mattered but reaching that place where nothing existed but them and this.
When she felt his release, hers followed in one tremor after another, and she knew she would always love this man. She just prayed real life wouldn’t take him away.
Chapter Eleven
Sated, seduced, safe. Those three words ran through Donovan’s mind on the trip home. A sleepy Kacie Jo rested, much like she had on the way to the lake. But this time, her exhaustion came courtesy of a night of lovemaking instead of nerves.
As they took the road into town Donovan smiled. He’d never felt like this. Happy. Free. In one week Kacie Jo had changed his life. Conquered his demons. As if his thoughts woke her, she stretched her arms over her head yawning.
“You’re doing that on purpose,” he groaned, forcing his eyes to stay on the road.
“Maybe,” she teased.
She found the classic rock station on the radio and sang along with the tunes. Once again he was struck by how perfect she was for him. He realized then that he hadn’t told her the truth about how he felt. At least part of the truth—she didn’t need to know about the panic, especially now that she’d healed that part of him.
“You’re pretty amazing,” he said.
She laughed as if he were joking, and suddenly he had to make her understand.
“I feel we’ve done this all backwards, all crazy,” he said, “but we’re going to be okay.”
“Of course, we’re going to be okay,” she said, still only halfway paying attention.
He couldn’t do this and drive, couldn’t do this while she sang about dark, desert highways, so he pulled the car into the roadside park outside of town, more nervous now than he had been waiting for her to say “I do”.
She looked at him in question, and he held up a hand to let her know she’d understand all in a moment.
He turned to her, saw the worry in her eyes then set out to make sure she never wore the expression again.
“I love you, Kacie Jo. I don’t want to go into town without making sure you understand that. I think maybe I always loved you, but I didn’t realize it until this week. I love you with an intensity that steals my breath sometimes. I live for the times you laugh. I can’t wait to see what you do next. I close my eyes and imagine us together in thirty years, sitting on an old back porch drinking sweet tea and telling our kids to leave us alone. That’s the real deal, Kacie Jo. Not many people know that kind of love. I’m glad I do.”
Kacie Jo listened to Donovan’s words in utter speechlessness. Her thoughts collided on top of one another. Donovan Nelson loved her. He called what they shared the real deal.
Her fantasy was coming true. And this was even better. She hadn’t even realized how much she wanted to hear the words, how desperately she needed them. How afraid she was that they’d get home and he’d leave and she’d never have the family she’d always dreamed of.
Donovan brushed the tears she didn’t even realize were falling away with his fingertip as she told him what she’d wanted to say for so long. “I love you, too. I always have.”
This was the ultimate dream turned reality.
After a few seconds, he pulled her to him. This time when their lips touched, it felt like heaven. This was where they belonged, where they’d always belonged. Nothing was going to hurt them now.
Donovan touched Kacie Jo’s lips with his own and closed his eyes, committing this perfect moment to memory.
Now, as they re-entered the daily grind of living in Caldale, they needed this. A true foundation for marriage and family.
“Well.” He let the word ring through the car as he sat back against the seat.
She laughed and echoed his word. “Well.”
They both knew the words they’d exchanged were the staying kind. If she’d had any doubts about him, he hoped he’d put them to rest.
He started the car and pulled back onto the country road leading to Caldale and his future. And for the first time in over a year, Donovan felt complete.
Maybe God did answer some prayers after all.
When they pulled into Ike Jenkins’ drive, Donovan couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. This was his wife and they were having a baby. They’d created a miracle, and somehow they’d found love.
Kacie Jo rubbed her palms on her shorts, and he’d bet just about anything she was as nervous as he was. When they’d left Caldale, neither had been sure of what the future held.
Today, Donovan would finally stand before the best man he knew and take the heat for getting his daughter pregnant. Donovan knew he deserved some kind of censure, but he knew something else even more. He wouldn’t trade one action with Kacie Jo for anything. If they’d not shared that night, they wouldn’t have the miracle of love now.
He pulled the car to a stop and grabbed Kacie Jo’s hand. “Don’t worry.”
“I’m not worried,” she said biting her bottom lip.
“Right.”
He nodded his head toward her sweaty hands and she laughed. “Okay, so I’m a little worried.”
“I can handle it.” As he said the words, he knew they were true.
“I just don’t want him to think everything’s the same as when we left. I know he was disappointed in both of us. I don’t want him to be hurt.”
Donovan understood. He felt the same way. “And here I thought you were worried about whether or not he’d kill me.” He said the words in jest, but he knew where his daughter was concerned, Ike Jenkins was a protective father. With a child of his own on the way, Donovan completely understood.
“He’s not going to do that,” she said. “He loves you like a son, and you know it.”
The door in front of them opened and the man in question stood waiting.
Donovan held Kacie Jo’s hand as they walked up the sidewalk and the stairs to the front porch.
“Come give your daddy a hug,” Ike said as he held out his arms and Kacie Jo practically fell into them.
Donovan had always appreciated the way Ike openly showed his love for his children. He hoped his own child would feel free to hug him this same way.
He shook Ike’s offered hand and followed Ike and Kacie Jo into the house he’d practically grown up in. When they walked past the bookcase of Nat
ional Geographics and into Ike’s den, Donovan felt another sense of homecoming.
Nothing about the Jenkins' house had changed. Not the furniture or the rust carpet. Not the fireplace with its mantle covered in Indian pottery. Not the big easy chair situated dead center at the back of the room.
This was Ike Jenkins’ home, and Donovan knew he was lucky to be welcomed into the family.
When he would’ve sat down on the couch, would’ve taken Kacie Jo’s hand in his and talked to the man who now truly was his father, Ike stopped him then turned to his daughter.
“Kacie Jo, hon, why don’t you go get us a couple beers. Maybe a couple sandwiches, too.”
Everyone in the room heard the unspoken message: Daughter, make yourself scarce. Donovan figured his well deserved comeuppance had finally arrived. He’d taken Kacie Jo’s virginity and then left her high and dry, not to mention pregnant. The fact that he loved Kacie Jo meant little to the actions that had brought about the marriage.
Kacie Jo squeezed his hand and stood where she was. “Daddy.” Her word was a combination of plea and warning, and Ike didn’t look a bit pleased.
“Go on, Kacie Jo.” Donovan spoke the words low, but Ike heard them and understood. Nothing the man could say or do would make him sorry.
Of course, Kacie Jo didn’t leave right away. Instead, she turned from him to her father and back. Then she kissed him, making sure Ike understood how things stood, just in case he’d missed it before now.
Once she left the room, Ike started. “Seems you and Kacie Jo are getting along a little bit better than when you left.”
Donovan nodded, not trusting himself to speak yet.
“I’m glad for that.” Ike paused. Donovan felt like a kid sitting outside the principal’s office listening while his buddies took their licks.
“I guess you’re probably sitting there wondering what it is I’m going to say, and I guess that about serves you right, son.”
Donovan sat there silent. He wasn’t going to admit he completely agreed.
“I’m going to tell it straight, Donovan. I’ve always been proud of you, always considered you like my own. The fact that you’re now a legitimate part of my family doesn’t bother me a bit.” He stopped and narrowed his eyes at Donovan. “Not that I’m pleased at how it all came about, but then I figure there’s a man above with a plan and sometimes He’s got His own ideas.”
Donovan’s first response was relief, and if it looked like Ike was finished, he probably would have hugged the man.
As it was, he could tell Ike had more to say, and it was the more that worried him.
“Your momma called me this week. Wanted to know if you really married Kacie Jo. When I said yes, she didn’t cuss or anything, just said ‘I see’ like you go around getting hitched every day. You broke her heart not telling, son.”
One thing Donovan wasn’t going to defend was his relationship with his mother. Not to Ike. The man knew what she’d put him through.
Hell, Ike had been the one to ask him to stay over when he was eight and his mother brought home a new cowboy. This time, one who liked to hit kids.
“Your momma’s been working hard to make her life better since you left, Donovan. She bought the beauty shop and fixed it up nice. Now she employs four girls a lot like she was way back when, down on their luck, needing a break. She volunteers at the woman’s shelter and the elementary school. She’s trying to make up for the last thirty years.”
Most of what Ike said didn’t surprise him, but it didn’t exactly make him feel better either. He’d talked to his mother, but they just didn’t have much to say.
“A long time ago, I made a promise to your momma. It’s something I’ve regretted, but now that you’re a part of my family, I feel there are some things you need to know.”
Where was Kacie Jo with the beer and sandwiches? Donovan didn’t know why, but he was afraid of what Ike meant to say.
“Look, Ike, I appreciate this, but…”
The older man interrupted him. “But nothing. I can’t make excuses for her, but you need to understand exactly where your momma was coming from.”
Donovan really didn’t want to talk about this, didn’t want to hear, but Ike didn’t care.
“I still remember when Tammy Nelson blew into town. She was the prettiest girl in the high school with her blonde hair and blue eyes. Every boy in Caldale High fell in love with her the minute she walked in the doors.
“But none of us stood a chance. The day she met your daddy, she fell hard and fast. So did he. Your daddy and I enlisted the same day because we wanted to provide for the families we hoped to have. Some soldiers got lucky and did their duty stateside. But your father and I shipped out. He didn’t make it back. I don’t figure the rest is my story to tell. You need to go see your mother.”
Donovan hadn’t heard this story. He’d never known his mother knew who his father was. He’d pretty much figured it was some drunk cowboy on the circuit. He never imagined Ike knew, that others knew.
“Who was he?” The question escaped before he could stop it.
But Ike wouldn’t answer. “That’s your mother’s tale to tell. You have more questions about that, you’ll have to go talk to her.”
Donovan envisioned strolling up the rickety steps on the old Pepto Bismol pink trailer with its white racing stripes and knocking. Thought about sitting across from his mother and asking questions. About talking to her like she was anyone other than the woman who’d been somewhere in the background of his life for years. He didn’t think he could do it. He’d lived all these years without knowing the truth, and it hadn’t hurt him.
And even though he should feel sorry for the girl she’d been, he couldn’t. Anger and resentment didn’t leave much room for sympathy.
He refused to lie to Ike, so he sat there on the couch in silence.
He’d always known about Ike’s military career. Knew he spent much of his enlisted time overseas. But Ike didn’t speak of it. It was like he’d gone on an extended vacation and come back with amnesia. Once he and Grady had done a report over the Middle East for American History class, and Ike let them see his medals, but that was it.
He didn’t watch movies about war, didn’t read books. He simply avoided the topic all together. The same way he avoided talk about cancer, the disease that had stolen his wife.
“You know, when Kacie Jo told me she was pregnant, I knew the baby was yours and my heart broke for my baby girl. I didn’t figure you’d be back. When she told me she was marrying you, I wasn’t all that thrilled, either.”
Why was the man telling him all this? Why not just tell him the truth plain and simple, whatever the truth was?
“I’ve got a pretty good idea what drove you back to Caldale, Donovan. Whatever else you lived through in the last few years, I know you covered the war. I know what that does to a man. I’ve seen people destroyed by their memories. Based on what I heard, I figured I’d be adding you to that list. The last thing in the world I wanted was my daughter marrying a man whose soul was damaged by things he saw and did. And your soul was damaged.”
It wasn’t a question, but still, Donovan nodded. Ike was right. His soul was damaged by what he’d seen. What he’d done. But because of Kacie Jo, he’d found his way back to life.
“But now I see you and Kacie Jo, and I think you have a chance, and son, chances like this don’t come along all that often.”
“I know,” he said, hoping Ike knew the truth of the statement. What he and Kacie Jo shared was special, miraculous really.
Donovan could hear Kacie Jo in the kitchen, could tell she was waiting for the conversation to end. Hell, she was probably listening.
Donovan thought Ike was done. He thought wrong.
“If you keep what ails you inside, it’ll eventually get you. Maybe in your sleep, maybe one day while you’re in your backyard grilling burgers, you’ll snap.”
Donovan didn’t want to talk about it. He was good now, courtesy of one Kacie
Jo Nelson. “I’m fine, Ike. I really am. I didn’t fight. I reported what I saw. I talked to plenty of professionals when I came back. I just burned out.”
Ike didn’t buy it. “I talked to your friend, Sam. I heard all about that girl and then what happened after. A man lives through that, and the other deaths you reported, well, he’s going to have some God-awful nightmares. It’s not something you get over like the flu. It’s something you learn to live with like Diabetes.”
Donovan quit listening at the word nightmare. In his mind, he replayed the events of that day. The letter to Ali arrived the week before. Anaj knew they were going to kill her. Knew it and risked the letter anyway. The doctor said she couldn’t have babies. But she knew it wasn’t true. Knew it was just an excuse.
Her family had raised her to be strong and independent, but she’d had to marry for alliance. It all seemed so barbaric to him, but she laughed at his outrage. She’d been promised to her husband at birth.
The lavish wedding ceremony was everything royalty expected, and he’d reported on it.
She’d been gone a year when the letter came addressed to Ali, but Donovan knew the plea was as much to him.
It didn’t matter that they tried to save her. They’d seen the fire that killed her, heard her screams, heard all about the supposed accident. And they’d walked away knowing Anaj had been murdered.
It was bad enough that she’d been killed in such a vicious manner. But Donovan couldn’t escape his own role in her death.
Anaj’s new family had killed her for a number of reasons. Some political, others personal. But her fate had truly been sealed the day her husband found her watching the western news channel. Found her watching him.
And there was nothing he could do about it. Or the civil war that erupted days later.
Donovan forced his attention back to Ike’s words. He made himself listen and block out the memory. He could do that now. In Kacie Jo’s arms he found peace. And love. A way to forget.
Fortunately, she chose that moment to make her way back to the den with the beer and food.
