Bree tilted her head and contemplated him. “When did you get so worldly?”
“My parents taught me not to live with regret. My mother could have spent the past nineteen years hating what she’d been given, but she turned all it all around and is a happier person because of it.”
“Your mother sounds like an incredible woman,” Bree remarked, sipping the last of her coffee.
“She is.” Logan nodded. “You’ll get over this. It might take a while, but you’ll overcome it. You owe it to yourself to be happy.”
“Aren’t you angry with me?”
Logan bit down on his lip, swallowing hard. “I’m not angry, Bree. I’m just… I guess the word to use would be shocked. I don’t know why. It was all before me, but I never expected to be faced with something like this.”
“I think I’ve let you down.”
He reached across the table and ran his fingers over Bree’s hand. “You haven’t let me down,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m a guy. It hurt my ego, but I’m over the worst part of it.”
“Thank you. Now I need to figure out how I’ll fix things with Jenny.”
“Baby, that’s something you need to figure out for yourself. I’m not going anywhere, but I can’t tell you how to fix things.”
“I know, which sucks because I so need someone to come in and fix all the crap in my life right now.”
Logan got up and grabbed Bree’s hand. “Right now, I think a hot shower and some food will work wonders.”
Bree looked into his gorgeous eyes. Her heart thumped hard as her emotions began to consume her. If it hadn’t been for Logan, she would have done way more damage. Logan had saved her from making a complete mess of everything. He was right. Damage control would come in the form of an apology to Jenny. First, she needed to wash the tears, pain and shame away.
“I’ll be ten minutes max,” she said as they marched up the stairs.
“That’s okay. I’m sure I can survive ten minutes without you.” He laughed.
“Well, in you go. Make yourself at home.”
Bree kissed him outside the bedroom door. She then disappeared down the hall to the bathroom.
* * * *
As the water rained down on her, Bree cried harder than before. There was no pretense when she was on her own. She felt dirty, cheap, and hated herself more than she possibly could. How Logan had forgiven her she couldn’t understand. He’d been so angry when they’d returned from the restaurant. She’d never forget the look of disappointment she’d seen in his eyes.
She’d tried to be brave but something had happened when she’d lost control in the restaurant. She didn’t like the person she’d become. Jack had so much to be responsible for. One day, she vowed she would tear his world down. For now, she wanted to try to make amends with Jenny and regain some control of her college life.
Stepping out from the shower, she didn’t see Jenny standing nearby. “Oh my God!” Bree jumped. “You scared the hell out of me.”
Jenny folded her arms across her chest. Her eyes narrowed. Her face was unreadable. This wasn’t the Jenny that Bree had known and loved most of her life.
“Do you think I’m stupid, Bree?” she asked.
“No!” Bree replied.
“Wanna tell me yourself, or should I contact my father?”
Bree swallowed hard. She didn’t know if this was Jenny being clever, or if she knew the truth.
“What do you mean?”
“Do you honestly think I don’t know what’s been going on?” Jenny asked.
“Jenny, you’re not making sense.” Bree stepped closer to Jenny.
“Do you have any idea the number of women my father screwed over the past few years?” Jenny asked, sounding quite unlike the girl Bree grew up with. “I mean, I get it. He’s a good-looking man, gives the right kind of attention, but you… Seriously, Bree? You’re like my fucking sister. There are ground rules. Boundaries you don’t cross, and you went and broke every single one of them!”
“Jenny, please let me explain.”
“No, Bree, you don’t get to tell me shit.” Jenny raised her voice. “How many times did you see me cry while thinking my parents were splitting up? How many times did you tell me my father would never do shit on my mother? And yet, I find out in the worst possible way that you’re fucking my father. Oh my God, Bree, do you have any idea what you’ve done to me?”
Bree’s tears fell like rain. “I’m so sorry,” Bree muttered, reaching out for her best friend.
“No!” Jenny shook her head. “No, you’re not sorry. You’re just sorry you got caught. I’ll never forgive you. You’ve broken my heart, and there’s no way out of this. Not ever.”
“I tried to end it so many times.” Bree sobbed. “But he wouldn’t listen to me.”
“Oh, so now it’s my father’s fault? Nothing to do with you flaunting your tits and pussy, huh?”
Bree’s heart broke, then and there. “It wasn’t meant to be like this.”
“I don’t fucking care. Okay, you and me, this…” Jenny pointed at them both. “It’s done. It’s over. You’re dead to me.”
Bree reached out for Jenny. Before she realized what happened, Jenny hit her hard, sending her crashing back against the tiles of the wall.
“You get your stuff packed and out of my room.” Jenny looked down at Bree, the light of hate shining in her eyes.
The bathroom door closed. Bree sat on the ground, nursing a sore jaw and a bruised ego. She had no one else to blame but herself. For the briefest of moments, she danced with the idea of ending it all, but that wasn’t who she was. She might be many things, but a quitter? Never.
Rushing back to the room, she saw that an audience had gathered. The sight took her by surprise, since many of her peers should have been in class. She realized that Jenny had a cult-like mentality and wouldn’t stop until she got the message out to Bree, loud and clear.
She slipped inside her room to find Logan standing by the window. Several boxes sat on her bed.
“What’s going on?” he asked. “Someone left these in here.”
“Would you help me pack?” Her hands trembled.
“Oh!”
“Yup, I just got my dues. I wasn’t expecting it, but I guess news spreads pretty fast.”
Logan rushed over to Bree, hugging her to him. Regardless of what he said, nothing could take away the pain she was in.
Bree got dressed and didn’t waste any time in trying to pack up her belongings. Under normal circumstances, she would have refused. Deep in her heart, Bree was well aware that there was no salvaging her friendship with Jenny.
So much, so soon, and not a minute to lose!
“My parents are going to go nuts,” Bree muttered, setting several picture frames in the box on her desk.
“I don’t know what to say, Bree,” Logan said. “I’m sorry you have to go through this. From where I stand, you’ve been punished enough.”
“This?” Bree cried. “This isn’t punishment. That’s gonna come later. You don’t get it, do you, Logan? The whole Greek system thing—that’s got its own set of rules, and I’ll be shunned. Which, to be fair, is pretty much the standard when you break the rules.”
“So, you’ll what? Have to leave the house?” he asked, shaking his head, not understanding where Bree was coming from.
Holding a teddy bear in her hands, Bree looked at Logan. “My time here is more than likely up. I’ll be thrown out, shame brought to my name and God knows what else.”
“Oh.” Logan replied, finally getting it. “Where will you go?”
“For now, I’m going to put in a request for emergency housing. It will work. I’ll call my mom. Let her know things haven’t worked out in the house. She’ll make a few phone calls.”
“You know I’m here for you, right?”
“I know, baby, but you can’t pick up my shit after me, not like this.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying get to class.
Go focus on something that doesn’t revolve around me. I can sort myself out.”
“Bree—”
“Please, Logan, respect my wishes. I want to be alone.”
Logan nodded and kissed her cheek. “I’ll call you after practice tonight.”
“Sounds good.” Bree faked a smile. Once Logan left the room, she slumped to the floor and allowed her emotions to consume her.
* * * *
Bree walked the length and breadth of the campus, searching for something that would give her a little peace of mind. She never got it, not until she headed off campus and found herself on the steps of Saint Christopher’s thirty minutes later.
With a heavy heart and a mind full of burdens, Bree pushed the doors to the chapel open and went inside. She took a seat at the back of the church and sat in silence, staring at the altar, wondering what it took for a person to be damned to hell.
There were many things she rarely took into account. She’d become so accustomed to living a lie, pretending she was something she wasn’t. The ultimate price was losing the love and respect of the most important people in her life. Lost in her silent reflection, she never heard the voice of the man standing at the end of the pew.
He cleared his throat. “Excuse me, Miss, are you okay?” the priest asked.
Startled, Bree looked at him and nodded. “Yes. I’m sorry, I’ll go.”
“No, please sit,” he said, taking a seat next to her. “You would be surprised by the number of people who seek sanctuary here.”
Bree said nothing. She looked on ahead with tears in her eyes, listening to the stranger talk.
“People from all walks of life. Young like you, mothers, fathers, war veterans, people who had it all then lost it.” The priest spoke with such grace that Bree couldn’t help but make eye contact with him. “There comes a time when we find ourselves at a crossroads. Some of us choose the straight road. Others take a longer course of the journey, while others are full of confusion, unsure of where they’re meant to go. Sometimes, that path leads you to Christ.”
“What about those who have hurt those they love?” she asked.
“Even those,” the priest replied, smiling. “Is that what brought you here?”
Shaking her head, Bree didn’t know what to say. “I don’t know. I feel so lost and confused.”
“Life isn’t transparent, which is a beautiful thing, but it can also be seen as a curse.”
Bree nodded. “That I can agree with.”
“Have you ever sought refuge in prayer?” he asked.
“Honestly, no. I’ve never been the kind of person who was compelled to pray.”
“It’s never too late to try,” he said.
It was odd. Bree had never seen herself as the type of person to turn to God or prayer. Yet there she was, drawn to idea that seeking solace in the church was the very thing she needed.
“I’ve never prayed before,” she confessed. “I don’t know what I’m meant to say or do.”
The priest smiled at Bree. His gentle nature was comforting.
“There’s nothing to it. You just talk to Christ, and he will listen.”
Bree looked at the cross on the altar, her eyesight blurring.
“If it helps, I’ll pray with you,” the priest suggested.
“Okay, I’d like that,” Bree said.
The priest knelt beside her, resting his hands over the back of the bench.
Bree watched in awe. Taking into account everything he was doing, Bree knelt beside him, placing her hands together and closing her eyes.
The two never said anything else. Instead, they prayed in silence. Bree decided then and there that this would be the first of many visits to Saint Christopher’s.
Chapter Twenty-One
Bree had asked me to give her some space. At the time, it had sounded crazy, but I had to respect her wishes. I bit my tongue and didn’t judge her decision, trying to focus on my training and my pledging.
By the time the weekend came, I wasn’t in the mood for parties. Being Tommy’s lapdog, I couldn’t let him down, not after the whole mess with Bree and Jenny.
The pledge class had been called to the house for the first of our tests. Once I saw the liquor and the diaper, I could tell that something bad lay in store.
Drake’s face paled when Ethan pulled his name from the bag, announcing him as the night’s adult diaper tester.
I was well aware that hazing would be a part of the pledging process, but I didn’t like Ethan’s attempts at humiliating Drake. I never thought Ethan would stoop so low. How wrong I was!
Tommy shook his head, shrugging his shoulders before turning his back on Ethan.
“This can’t be allowed, can it?” I asked.
“Logan, his name was pulled out of the bag.” Tommy looked at me. “Drake is Ethan’s bid. He can do and say whatever he wants during the pledge process.”
“Well, this is fucked up!”
“Deal with it, Flipper,” Ethan remarked. “It’s all in the name of fun.”
Drake looked at me. For a guy who towered over Ethan, I found it hard not to question why he didn’t punch Ethan’s lights out then and there. I suspected Drake didn’t want to be pulled into the center of any battle and was content in shuffling along the sidelines.
“It’s okay,” he said.
“See?” Ethan said. “Tiny Tim has some balls after all.”
The other housemates laughed, clinking their beer bottles together in mock celebration as my pledge class and I watched in horror.
“Tiny Tim.” They chanted and clapped, waiting for Drake to undress.
“Tiny Tim, you have a two-minute piss break before you get to wear this lovely contraption for the night,” Ethan shouted, holding the giant diaper out for all to see. “Once the festivities commence, we not only suggest, but we implore you to take a leak whenever the need overcomes you. By morning, we want this full of your piss.”
Drake’s face grew pink. I was well aware that he didn’t want to do this, but he had no choice, not if he wanted to become a part of the fraternity. Removing the last of his clothes, Drake used his hands to cover his modesty.
“Your two minutes start now,” Ethan declared, and started a stopwatch.
Drake ran from the lounge and down the hall into the bathroom.
I scanned the room, unable to believe these people were willing participants and seemed to take it all in jest.
Drake returned, his eyes darting to the floor.
“Relieved?” Ethan smirked. “Now, get that pretty ass onto the table and I shall do the honors.”
“What the fuck?” I shouted.
“Flipper, do you want to take his place?” Ethan asked.
That shut me up.
Tommy placed a hand on my shoulder, gently squeezing it.
I studied Tommy’s face, but he was unreadable.
“Keep quiet. Go with the flow, and this ends without incident,” he whispered.
I looked away, unable to watch as Ethan placed the diaper on Drake.
Drake was in front of us, unable to make eye contact.
Several of the other pledges moved away.
Spence and I remained by his side, trying to offer some moral support.
“Man, this is just wrong!” Spence said. “What does it feel like?”
“Like a huge fucking diaper cupping my balls,” Drake replied.
I sighed and shook my head. I was such a shitty friend—I was relieved I had been spared the humiliation.
“Let the drinking commenceth!” Ethan declared, and the music blared.
All the pledges were led out to the yard, where five tables had been set up. We were told to stand around the tables, watched over by one of the brothers. Then, the drinking games began.
Every time the music stopped, we all had to down shots of vodka. This continued for hours. Most of us were unable to stand straight, talk, or even keep the liquor down. Every time one of us vomited, we were forced to drink another shot.
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My head throbbed. My vision blurred and my speech became incoherent mumbles. Bile rose to the back of my throat. I hated being there.
“Fuq…dis,” I murmured, unable to see straight.
Drake was nearby, downing the vodka.
Every time Tommy or Ethan inspected our performance, they mocked and chided us.
“Fucking pussies!” Ethan remarked.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I found myself on the ground, spilling the contents of my stomach before I finally passed out.
* * * *
When I awoke the following morning, the stench of vomit and stale booze hit the back of my nose. I recoiled in disgust. My head pounded so bad that the motion alone unsettled me and I was convinced I would vomit.
We were all still in the yard, lying in our own messes.
Drake was draped across one of the tables, the diaper still on.
I tried my best to get to my feet, and saw Ethan sitting in one of the deck chairs, smoking a cigar and smirking.
“Sleep well?” he asked.
I looked away from him and hobbled over to where Drake lay, checking to make sure he was okay. Asleep and snoring, he never noticed me.
Spence lay on his back, still holding a shot glass and out for the count.
This whole new world was bullshit. I couldn’t believe I’d fallen for the spiel and the deception of brotherhood. None of it was real or resembled any kind of bonding. To me, it was mean, callous, and downright dangerous.
Tommy was sipping freshly brewed coffee when I stepped into the kitchen. “How’s the head?” he asked, pouring me a cup.
“I’ve had worse,” I lied, and took the cup of coffee. “Do you have any idea how dangerous last night was?”
“No one died,” he said. “No one has ever been seriously hurt, not on my watch.”
“If I had known…”
“Known what? How you would be subjected to a little light hazing? Come on, Logan, you’re a smart guy. You’re bound to know that becoming a part of something like this isn’t for the weak. You all received bids because we see the men you can become.”
A Cross to Bear Page 20
