The sight of my parents together, united in making sure I was going to be okay, was odd for me. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the security their presence gave me.
“How about we leave the lovebirds alone for a little while?” my father suggested, giving my mother a knowing look. “We can get something to eat.”
“Sure,” my mother replied. She bent down, gave me a kiss and rubbed my cheek. “I’ll be back later.”
“Hey,” I called after them as they moved toward the door. They stopped and looked at me. “I love you, guys.”
A surprised expression spread across my father’s face.
I had never told him I loved him before. I guess the timing was right, considering everything I’d put them through. My mother, on the other hand, smiled at me. I was sincere, that much was evident.
Once they left, Bree and I were finally alone.
She didn’t let go of my hand. She glanced down at my leg and shook her head.
“I can’t believe that all this happened,” she remarked. “I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”
“But you didn’t lose me. I’ve always been here. I got too wrapped up in my own head to think straight. I’m so sorry I’ve put you and everyone through this.”
She rubbed the tears from her eyes, trying to hide the fact that she was crying. “I know, baby, which is why you need to be the old Logan again,” she said, trying to smile as she spoke. “How about I go fetch Spence? He’s literally climbing the walls out there.”
“Then get him in here.” I grinned, doing my best to lessen her anxiety.
Before too long, they sat on either side of me.
Spence’s face lit up once he saw I was awake and almost back to my old self, give or take my broken leg. “Dude, you scared the crap out of me,” he said, taking my hand in his and doing his little handshake thing that he seemed to never do right.
“I think we can all agree I was a first rate asshole,” I said. “But that part of me is gone. Now, I owe it to myself, to you guys, my folks, even Drake, to live my life. No more pissing it up against the wall, or drowning in my own misery.”
Spence glared at me and frowned. “Does that mean no more frat parties?”
“Man, you can go to as many of those as you want, but from here on in, I’m done with that world,” I stated. “As soon as I’m out of here, I will formally leave Gamma Alpha Pi, and put the whole Greek system behind me. It’s not the world I want to be a part of anymore.”
“Thank the fuck for that!” Spence said, sounding relieved.
My eyes opened wide. “What?”
Bree and I looked at him, waiting for his answer.
“I wanted out of that place so bad, but didn’t have the balls ever to say that,” he admitted. “I’m with you the whole nine yards, bro. I’m done with that world.”
For a moment, it was as if all of my birthdays had come at once. After everything we’d done and went through to become a part of the fraternity, we were both willing to move on. Starting afresh was exactly what we both needed. Relief filled me.
“You do know that what you’ve just said is like the best thing I’ve heard since I woke up?” I couldn’t hide my happiness.
“He means it,” Bree said. “This is the most he’s smiled all afternoon.”
“Then, we know what we have to do,” Spence said. “And, by that, I mean we need to get some cheeseburgers and fries up here because I am starving.”
“That, my friend, sounds like magic.” I chuckled.
* * * *
That evening, the three of us sat together, feasting on artery-clogging fried goods. It was like the light suddenly came on for me. I saw the friendship I had with Spence and the beautiful girl who loved me unconditionally, and realized I could have lost them both, if not my life.
In life, some of the hardest lessons are learned when we lose our way. Some things can make us question who we are, what we stand for, or even where we want to be, and can determine the rest of our lives.
I wasn’t not saying that what I did was right, but I learned that I couldn’t give up on my life when it was given to me with love. Even in the most unconventional way.
Who was I to throw away all of my hard work, or the love of a girl who overcame her own hurdles? I owed it to myself to live and to be happy. If that meant leaving a poisonous environment behind, then that was exactly what I was going to do.
* * * *
After six weeks and three different casts, I was finally on my way back home to Sitka. My father had given me the option of staying with him in Washington, but that would have been awkward for me. My mother being a nurse meant I would be in safe hands.
Saying goodbye to Bree was harder than I thought, but she planned to fly up to me by the end of June. She had things to sort out at home. Bree wanted to begin building bridges with her folks, which I was glad of. At the end of the day, we needed family more than we realized.
My father insisted on taking me home himself. For a moment, it was as if he was babysitting me. We sat in the back of the car, headed for the airport. Two hours later, we pulled up through the gates of a cemetery.
“Why?” I asked, shaking my head. The ball of tension twisted inside me.
“Because you need closure. You’re not going to get it up in Alaska, not when he’s lying here,” my father replied in a matter-of-fact tone.
He slid his hand into his pocket and pulled out an envelope, handing it to me.
My name was clearly written on the front of the envelope. I recognized the writing immediately.
“I don’t understand,” I muttered, frowning and staring at my name.
“It came in another envelope addressed to me. Ironically enough, it actually made its way onto my pile of mail.”
“Has anyone read it?”
My father shook his head. “No. When I saw the university stamp, I knew who it was from. The timing was pretty accurate, might I add.”
“I don’t know if I can read it.” The bile rose at the back of my throat.
“If you don’t, then you’ll never move forward, son, which is something I can assure you of.”
I looked back and forth between the letter and my father. A sigh escaped me. I wasn’t sure I was ready to read the truth, or have Drake’s voice play inside my head. Yet, I had to break the cycle to unlock the gates to my own happiness.
“I’ll leave you while you read. I’ll just step outside for a moment.”
My father patted me on the back of my hand as he used to do when I was a small child. He slipped out of the vehicle, the door closing behind him.
I was left alone with Drake and his final conversation with me.
Logan,
I don’t know where to begin. Maybe by now you realize what a coward I’ve been my whole life, hiding behind my false bravado. Heck, even I can’t explain the things I’ve done.
But one thing is for certain. Your friendship meant more to me than any other I’ve experienced in my life. I know it might seem redundant now, but you really were my backbone. I didn’t have the courage or strength to ask for help when I was at my lowest.
I know I’ve hurt you, my family, and my friends. I never meant to cause you all this pain, but you have to understand that I’ve been hurting for so long. To spend the rest of my life in that pain would have done more damage than good.
Some might say that what I have done is a selfish act, and in some cases, they are right. I knew what I was doing, and I had it all planned out for the longest time. But please believe me when I tell you that I am truly sorry for all the pain I have left in my absence.
You have to understand that waking up every day and living with the darkness inside me was becoming so monotonous that going through the motions no longer held the same appeal it once did.
Seeing you happy with Bree made me realize that I would never have that. No matter how much I wanted it. We both know my parents would never accept me being with another man, regardless of if it were for love or not.
So, in essence, being alive felt more like a prison sentence without parole.
Believe me, doing what I have planned to do has taken more guts than I realized. The idea alone gives me a sense of great peace, something I haven’t felt for a long time.
I can’t imagine the pain you might be feeling now. But I know you and know how you think, so I’d be hazarding a guess by assuming that you’re angry with me. And you have every right to be.
Logan, you and Spence were two of the greatest friends I’ve ever had. You gave me months of brotherhood that gave my life meaning, even if it was for a short time only.
So right now, wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, you have to promise me that you’ll live for you. You have so much potential. It floored me from our first meeting that I’m not even convinced you realize how good you are. Perhaps being the son of the president (I still can’t believe you kept that from me) might push you in the direction you need to go.
Just know that I am at peace. I am happy at last, and I’ll always watch over you. Hell, you can call me your guardian angel, although I’m not sure I can dig the whole angel thing. But in all seriousness, you have to be happy. You have to live the life you were destined for. This was my fate. I am thankful for the short time I got to feel the sun on my face, and now I’m at eternal rest.
So just remember, when chasing the stars, don’t forget to breathe. I love you, bro.
Drake
I read the last few lines of the letter over and over until I swore I would never be able to breathe again. For a moment, I laughed, then I cursed him. Ultimately, the weight in my chest made the dam burst from its walls and I caved. The tears spilled down my cheeks and my soul became lighter as I let go of my anguish.
My father opened the car door, moments later, and held his hand out to me. “Let’s take a walk, son. Say your farewell.”
He handed me my crutches and helped me from the car.
I hobbled to Drake’s grave and remained there for the longest while in silence, tears drenching my face.
Seeing his name on the headstone was like the final piece of the jigsaw. I accepted that he was gone and wouldn’t be coming back. It hurt, but I recognized the truth. I held his letter in my hand and smiled, knowing that somewhere out there he was looking down on me.
In my darkest hour, a ray of light appeared from the shadows, leading me back to the very place I was meant to be. I’d been given a second chance with life, and I owed it to Drake to live it to the fullest. His death may have been the conclusion to his story, but my legacy was only beginning.
Epilogue
Bree ran from the house, down the path and onto the jetty.
Logan grinned and watched her run toward him. Her little two-piece clung to her every curve, leaving very little to the imagination. I swung my legs forward, my feet skimming the water. I relished the sight of the woman I loved.
“How long does it take to put on a bathing suit?” he teased.
“Excuse me, but when it comes to my bathing attire, I like my color to match my mood.” She winked at him, shaking her hips in his face.
“So, tell me, Mrs. Belanger, what does hot pink say about your mood today?” he inquired with a huge grin on his face.
“Hmm.” Bree winked at him. “I’d say it’s frisky.”
“Oh, really?”
Bree nodded and jumped off the jetty into the refreshing water. She then brushed her hair back from her face as she surfaced.
“So how about it, Mr. Belanger, fancy getting naughty?”
“What? Our parents are within observing distance.”
He pretended to be horrified before jumping into the water. Swimming over to her, he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her.
“Isn’t it weird how we’re celebrating our first year of marriage, and our entire family has to invade our privacy?” Bree remarked. “But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“And that’s why I love you.”
“Well, of course, you do. Who else do you know that can give head like I do?”
Logan looked up at the sky, twisting his mouth as though he were in deep thought before he grinned. “Well, there was this one girl…”
Bree hit him on the side of the head, and soon chuckled along with him. “You’re a smartass when you want to be.”
“Yup, but a loveable smartass, right?”
With her arms laced around his neck, Bree brushed her nose against Logan’s. “I love you so much.”
“And I love you this much,” Logan said, grinning and releasing his erection from his swimming trunks, brushing it against her navel.
Lust filled the depths of Bree’s eyes.
Bree kissed Logan hard as they disappeared under the jetty, making love. She could never get enough of him, regardless of family being close by. Bree was completely lost in Logan. She made a promise to herself that their love and desire would became the foundation of a lifelong love affair.
From the moment Logan had been given his second chance, Bree had decided to make each moment count. No matter how little or grand a gesture of love was, she made sure that they would love unconditionally and without restraint.
She knew that in between all the heartache, the struggles, and the rehabilitation, they would grow in a way neither would have ever suspected. And though Bree was aware that friendships came and went, together they were united and ready to take on whatever fate decided. She had accepted that their crosses to bear were etched forever in their hearts. People and memories had been permanently embedded in their souls, forever a part of her and Logan’s lives.
Later, as she kissed Logan goodnight, she gazed out the window and watched a star fall from the sky. Its radiant light shimmered, and for a moment she wondered if it was a sign that their friend had kept his promise, forever watching over them.
Also available from Totally Bound Publishing:
Dark Desires: The Claiming
Julieanne Lynch
Excerpt
Chapter One
I remember the first time my father had given me a horse. I had been five years old, excited and in awe of such a majestic animal. My father had clearly stated that I had to know how to control a beast three times my size. I never truly understood the hidden symbolism in offering me such a gift. Not until it was too late to turn my back on all I knew and thought I loved.
Detached and often cold, my parents shielded me from the world. Being British only added to their detached attitude toward parenting. My brothers and I had been raised in an environment unlike anything the twenty-first century was prepared to accept. It was our way of life. A birthright and legacy that had been passed down through the lineage of our pure bloodline. Who was I to question the choices made for me? Not once in my life would I have guessed where my future lay.
Standing near the window, I watched the rain trickle down the pane. I followed the wet trail downward with my finger, where it disappeared along with the rest of the drops. A sigh escaped me as I closed my eyes. There was no way of avoiding the evening’s events. Some things in life left no room for error and this was one of them.
A knock at the door brought me out of my reverie. “Yes?”
The door opened and in walked my mother. A beautiful woman, she wore her age well. Behind the smile, however, lay her own hidden heartache and trepidation.
“I trust you have rested well, my darling,” she said, striding over to me. She stood beside me and ran her hand down my back.
I sucked in a deep breath. What more could I do? I was to be presented to the one who held my future in his hands.
“Don’t look so glum, sweetheart.” My mother offered me a sympathetic expression.
“I’m fine, Mother, honestly,” I lied.
“Come, we must prepare you.”
I didn’t reply. I switched on that part of my brain that went into autopilot, absentmindedly going through the motions.
My mother led me to the bathroom, where a bath had been drawn. My nanny, Olive,
stood nearby, waiting for me to undress.
“Do you wish for me to stay?” my mother asked.
I shook my head. “No, I shall be fine.”
“Very well.”
My mother’s relief at not having to spend another moment in my company was palpable. I could only imagine the wistful thoughts running through her head.
I removed my nightgown and stood naked in front of Olive. She refused to make eye contact with me. It wasn’t until I stepped into the water that she spoke to me.
“I dread tonight,” I said, my voice cracking with emotion.
“I know you do, Francesca,” Olive replied as she sponged water over my back.
Olive had been my nanny and all-round caregiver since before I could talk. She had given me love and attention when my parents had thrown up their brick walls. I brought my knees to my chest and tucked them in under my chin as I pondered the night ahead.
“Do you suppose it will be someone old?” I asked.
“I daren’t think about it,” she replied, her voice barely a whisper. “I’d much prefer to think they have chosen well.”
“Don’t you dare cry on me, Olive, or I shall die!”
“I shan’t, my darling. I promise.”
I sat in silence and tried my best to push the anxiety to the back of my mind. I dreaded so many things and desired nothing more than to be wrapped in Olive’s arms. To feel her warmth and protection. I pushed the fear to the side and fond memories floated inside my mind.
I smiled and turned to look at her. “Remember that one time when we went to the carnival in Leeds?” I asked. “We took the train up without Mother’s consent.”
“Yes, I remember.”
“That was such a good day. I could have happily stayed up there.”
“I know, Francesca.” She continued to run the sponge over my back.
“Do you suppose I shall have days like those ever again?”
Olive touched the side of my face, her eyes filling with tears. “I wish I had answers for you, but all I can offer you is my love.”
A Cross to Bear Page 31
