At the same time, Micah said, “Didn’t think I needed to run my personal life by my boss.”
Fiona stomped past us out onto the deck where another couple I hadn’t noticed was hovering by the barbeque. James chuckled, gave me and Micah another wink, and followed her out, Dr. Winston grumbling after him.
I turned to see Micah’s face sober, and leaned back against the edge of the table. “It’s not all as bad as that, is it, to be thought of as attached to me?”
He surprised me. “No, that wouldn’t be so bad. It’s that Fiona seems to think she has some proprietary claim on me, because I have Darwin’s heart. Hell, she even showed up to the same restaurant when I was on a first date. To say it was a disaster would be an understatement. Except for that, her ‘claim’ on me hasn’t really been an issue before because I wasn’t seriously interested in anyone.”
Aquamarine eyes flicked over me. “And then you came along.”
I refused to look away, needing an answer to a question that had haunted me the last two nights. “Do you love her?”
His jaw twitched and he just stared at me, intense and thoughtful all at once.
“Yes, in a way I do. At the same time, no, I don’t. She somehow fits in my life, but not the way she wants me to … it’s complicated.”
“Love isn’t complicated,” I said. “You either love someone, or you don’t.”
We continued to stare at each other.
Fight for me.
Eyes locked, I refused to back down. Micah was not Darwin; they were very different. But that was good; I knew the feelings I had for Micah weren’t because he was exactly like Darwin. Where Darwin had been cautious, Micah was confident; where Darwin had been subtle, Micah was blunt, speaking his mind.
“We’re going to have to figure this out,” he said. “But not tonight. We have some time.”
“I’d better go get the barbeque going. James is a … twat waffle when it comes to cooking.” He reached out and brushed his fingers under my chin, tipping my face up. “Give me time, Brielle. I don’t rush into anything. Not even when it feels this right.”
I didn’t answer him, just gave him a slow nod and a small smile.
He cleared his throat and then shook his head. Pausing, he opened his mouth, shut it, and then turned his back on me and walked out to the back deck with the others. At least I wasn’t the only one who was confused.
Alone in the house, the soft cry of a child waking caught my ears. I glanced to see Fiona on the deck, playing hostess, laughing and smiling with her friends, oblivious to the cries of her little boy.
I headed toward where the cry had come from, walked down the hallway, pausing in front of a blue painted door. A soft snuffling whimper tore at my heart, finalizing my decision. Pushing the door open, I peered in to see young Darwin standing up in his crib, his chubby cheeks stained with tears.
“Hi Darwin,” I whispered, walking to the crib. His violet blue eyes stared up at me, inspecting me, holding mine as if, almost as if he knew me. Which was silly, I’d only met him briefly.
“Belle.” He reached up, fingers grasping toward me.
Surprised, I leaned forward and scooped him up into my arms. His head dropped to my shoulder and he put his thumb in his mouth. Rocking from side to side, I rubbed his back, breathing in slowly, trying to work the air in my lungs around the hitch in my throat.
Humming softly, I rocked him in my arms, a pang of what could have been so close.
If Darwin hadn’t been hit by the truck.
If we’d been together all this time, the baby in my arms could have been ours. I imagined it for a moment. I’d meant it when I’d told Darwin he’d have been an amazing father—he was patient and kind—and I’d always wanted children.
But no, little Darwin here had already been on the way that night. When Darwin had found out that Fiona had been pregnant, he would have gone back to her. I knew that much about him; he wouldn’t have wanted his child to grow up without a father, as he had.
Tears slipped from my eyes as I rocked little Darwin, feeling his body loosen as he slumped back into sleep. Lowering him carefully, I placed him back in the crib. Backing out, I swiped the tears from my cheeks, did my best to not think about what could have been.
A skill I’d been working at for almost two years and still hadn’t mastered.
I closed the door and turned, bumping into James’ chest. “Oh, I’m sorry, he woke up and I just rocked him to sleep.”
James didn’t back up, just stared down at me. “Let him cry, the little bastard is whiny. He needs to toughen up.” He lifted his hand and thumped it on the door. Immediately, Darwin started to cry.
I made a move to go back into the little boy, but James put his arm out barring my way, his voice lowering as he glared at me. “I said, let him cry.”
I took a step back, anger surging up through me as I saw not James anymore, but Frank in front of me. Frank telling my mother to stop coddling me, to let me cry it out on my own. That I didn’t need my mother anymore, that it was long past the time I should have been crying over my father’s death.
Three quick strides and I was down the hallway and heading through the kitchen. “Fiona, Darwin is crying,” I called out ahead of me, my voice carrying over the laughter.
“Oh, dear. James, James.” She lifted her hand to her fiancé, who followed me out. “Get the baby, will you?”
“Your friend is just sensitive, he’s not crying. He’s just doing that little sleeping whimper thing you think is so cute.” James smiled, as he stepped past me, a smug twist of his lips. Like he’d beaten me at a stupid game.
What the hell, it wasn’t like I was going to make any friends. I turned and walked back through the kitchen and to Darwin’s door, where he was still crying.
I opened the door and his tear-streaked face turned to me, his arms lifted high. “Belle.”
I scooped him up and carried him with me out onto the deck, ignored James’ glare, and rocked the little boy against me.
No one had even missed me; well, maybe Micah had. Fiona was trying to get Dr. Winston and Micah to talk about some story she’d heard. Micah’s eyes darted to mine and he mouthed, “Save me.”
I shrugged and just continued to hold little Darwin, my heart tight with a tiny bloom of love for the boy. I had a sinking feeling that James was more like Frank than I’d first thought, and in all the worst ways. That did not bode well for little Darwin. Not well at all.
“Fiona, stop it, we aren’t going to get along, no matter how much you badger me,” Dr. Winston barked. She flinched, which only made Micah bristle. And she thought that having dinner together was a good idea? Then again, she had also thought that pushing my friendship with Darwin was a good idea.
Dinner went like that. In sputters and starts. Until Fiona turned her attention on me, finally seeing that I held her son.
“Oh, here, let me hold him so you can eat.” She took Darwin from my arms, sitting him up in her lap, which woke him up. He didn’t cry though, just blinked several times, before he saw Micah and smiled up at him.
Fiona bounced him on her knee. “What are you going to do now, Brielle? Are you going to keep travelling the world?”
I had a forkful of food halfway to my mouth, and I shoved it in to give me a moment to think. I swallowed and set my cutlery down. “I don’t know.”
“What do you mean, you don’t know?” Dr. Winston grumped. “You’re working with me now, Rachael, and that’s all there is to that.”
My eyebrows shot into my hairline and I swiveled in my chair. Rachael was my nana’s name. “Rachael?”
His head snapped up, his eyes widening, and he shoved himself back from the table, throwing his napkin down. “That’s it. I’m done. Take me home, boy.”
Dr. Winston didn’t wait for Micah to respond, just stormed out of the house.
Micah stood and followed his uncle out. “Damn, at least I know how to get rid of him next time. Brielle, I’ll come back for you.”
The weight of his words were heavy in the air and I did my best not to notice the intensity with which Fiona stared at the two of us, her eyes slowly narrowing.
Fiona’s other guests left shortly after, and James retreated into the house to watch T.V. Which left just me, Fiona, and little Darwin, who she put back into bed. He started to cry and she just shut the door. “James says he needs to toughen up.”
I bit my lip. I wasn’t a mother, I didn’t know. But I didn’t think a little boy who wasn’t feeling well needed to toughen up. She led me back to the kitchen where she started to clean up the mess from dinner.
“So, how did you and James meet?” I asked, as we washed the dishes side by side. Okay, I washed, she just leaned against the counter and let me.
She shrugged. “The usual way. Through mutual friends.”
“He seems kinda tough on little Darwin, don’t you think?”
Again, she shrugged. “No, he’s not. Besides, I don’t want to disagree with him. I don’t want him to get upset with me.”
A chill swept through me. “Why would he get upset with you? You’re his fiancée.”
She slumped against the sink. “I know you might not see it, but I don’t really have much to offer a man, other than my family’s connections and money. I just worry that if I say the wrong thing, James will leave me. Like Micah did.”
Bile, hot and rancid, spilled up my throat, but I managed to ask what I needed to. “Micah left you?”
Fiona closed her eyes, nodded slowly. “Yes. We’d only been on a few dates, and as much as I could see that he was falling for little Darwin, I didn’t think he was falling for me.”
I swallowed hard, a feeling of déjà vu sweeping over me. “You don’t have to tell me this.”
“I do, I just—I need to tell someone who won’t judge me,” she said softly, her eyes searching mine.
I looked away; she let out a little sigh. “So on our next date, what was supposed to be our last date, I took him to bed, told him I was on the pill.”
“And you weren’t.” Crap, her manipulation knew no ends. Maybe I could hate her.
“Why are you really telling me this?” That was the part that didn’t make sense, all this did was make her look bad.
Fiona bit her bottom lip and her chin quivered. “I’m telling you so he doesn’t hurt you too. Micah is not the nice guy you think he is. I got pregnant. Micah stayed. But then I lost the baby four months in.” Her hand went to her stomach.
“He left me after that. Said that it was best that he didn’t stay with me when the only reason he’d stayed before was because it was the right thing to do.”
Her eyes lifted to mine and I wasn’t sure if she was sad, or trying to convince me. “James and I are trying, but the doctors think maybe there was some damage done with the miscarriage. I didn’t understand what they were telling me, only that I wouldn’t be able to have more children.”
“Did you tell James?” I had to know.
She shook her head. “No. Not yet.”
I reeled. “You’re not going to tell him until after the wedding, are you?”
“I can’t; he’ll leave. And I can’t be alone, I just can’t! Brielle, you don’t understand, I’m not strong like you. Losing Darwin nearly killed me, would have if I hadn’t found out I was pregnant.” Her eyes were begging, her lips trembling with fear.
I backed away from her, strode from the house. Yeah, I might have been wrong, maybe I could hate Fiona. Her selfishness was like nothing I’d ever encountered before, and I couldn’t look at her, not for one more second. Without realizing it, I was jogging through the fields, heading toward the sycamore tree, needing to be close to Darwin, or at least, to be as close to him as I could. Away from Micah. Why hadn’t he told me about Fiona, about how close they’d come to being a family? Oh my god, what if she’d carried to term? I’d be facing yet another heartbreak at her hands. Was he the bad guy she thought he was, though? I didn’t think so, but I had to be sure. There was no way I could handle another heartbreak.
The grass danced in the breeze, tickled at my hands as I ran, the wind blowing my hair out behind me. Still a sentinel, as it had been when Darwin had first brought me here, the sycamore tree was unchanged in the two years I’d been gone.
I climbed into the tree, sitting on the branch Darwin had sat on, and looked out over the fields below the hill. Dotted with horses and fences, the view was serene and a sense of calm slowly filled me. Fiona didn’t come after me, not that I’d expected her to. I curled my fingers around a branch, my fingers stilling over an unnatural indentation.
Turning, I peered at the chipped bark, my heart pounding as my fingers traced the letters.
Darwin & Brielle
He hadn’t abbreviated our names, hadn’t tried to hide them. I gripped the tree, a wave of sheer pain washing over me, as if again, I was standing in the parking lot of the church, hearing Victor’s voice. Hearing Fiona scream. Feeling my heart shatter as understanding cascaded over me. I shoved a fist against my mouth, bit back on the cry that built in me, and settled for a shoulder-shaking sob.
The crunch of footsteps brought my head up, and a foolish, dreaming part of me whispered that it was Darwin walking up the hill to me. Which was true, and it wasn’t.
“Fiona said you’d gone for a walk. I figured you might come here,” Micah said, coming to stand at the base of the tree. “Mind if I climb up?”
I shook my head. “She tricked you into knocking her up, tricked you into asking her to marry you. Why didn’t you tell me that you two had such a history?”
He took a sharp breath. “It’s a bit of a story.”
“I’m listening.” Because I had to know. Why the hell would a smart guy like him get tangled up with Fiona? How had she managed to get her hooks into Micah too?
Without asking again, he pulled himself up into the tree and sat across from me. He licked his lips, seemed uncertain as to how to start. So I helped him out.
“You didn’t even really love her, did you?”
His eyes snapped up to mine. “You don’t know me well enough to say that.”
“I know Fiona well enough to know that even if she’s a freaking superstar in bed, she’s a manipulator. I may not know you well, but I know that you couldn’t possibly have loved someone like that. Darwin couldn’t, and I don’t think you could, either.”
He rubbed one hand over his lightly stubbled chin. “She was so broken when I met her, and I knew that, and that made me blind to the rest of her. But it was the boy I couldn’t get off my mind. I was drawn to him, as if he were my own, and not another man’s. From the second I met him, held him, he was my son. I can’t just leave, and leave him here alone.”
His eyes met mine and no words were needed. Little Darwin would need a buffer between him and James. The boy would need a safe place, and Micah could give him that.
I wrapped my arms around my middle. “Why are you out here? I mean, not here as in Kentucky, I mean here as in this tree, with me?”
He didn’t answer my question, but instead, put me on the spot. “Did you love him? Really love him? Or was it just an infatuation, an affair?”
“We never slept together,” I whispered, horrified that he thought I’d sleep with a married man, horrified of what I thought that said about me.
Micah laughed softly. “You think that because you didn’t sleep with him, it wasn’t an affair? I think the fact that you didn’t sleep together tells me that you really did love him, enough to not ruin his marriage.”
My face burned with his implications, but I refused to be ashamed. I was not ashamed of how much I loved Darwin. I lifted my chin. “Fine, by your definitions it was an affair. But I won’t apologize for it, for loving him. He was the best person to ever come into my life; he saved me, made me a stronger person, even when he died.”
His jaw flexed and his eyes traced my face, again seeming to search for something. “I’m in this tree because I can’t figure out how I feel ab
out you. When I met you, picked you up on the road, it was like I knew you. Like I’d known you my whole life.” He paused, eyes looking up into the branches of the tree. “Do I remind you of him?”
I rolled my shoulders. “You have things that you’ve said—done—that have Darwin written all over them. But you aren’t like him, not at all,” I said.
Again, he laughed. “Good thing, or you might wonder whose idea this is.”
He stretched across the gap between us and took my hand. His fingers wrapped around mine and … god, it was just like with Darwin, and yet totally different. Like I’d finally found where I belonged and with a single touch he could take all the hurt away. How was it possible? Did I care anymore why or how it was possible? No, not really. I’d hesitated with Darwin and that hesitation had cost us both.
My lips trembled. “So it’s not just me that’s feeling this?”
He closed his eyes, but his fingers tightened on mine. “How can I not?”
With the smallest of tugs, he pulled me forward across the ‘V’ in the tree, and into his arms. I leaned into him, my ear against his chest. “Darwin was going to leave her; he was coming for me when the semi hit him.”
Micah’s voice rumbled over me. “But he would have gone back when his son was born. I know that much. It’s why I’ve stayed as close to her as I have, despite what she tried to pull on me. The boy needs me.” His hand rubbed along my spine, soothing me, easing the loneliness in me. Darwin would always be my 98%, would always hold the biggest piece of my heart.
But Micah, he was close, so very close to that.
“We should go back.” Micah’s hand stilled on my back. “Fiona will get to worrying and before we know it, there’ll be a search party out for us.”
I raised myself up, placed a hand on either side of him, gripping the branch behind him for stability and bracing myself so I could look into his eyes. “I was too afraid before, with Darwin, to follow my own heart. I was afraid of hurting everyone else. I don’t want to make that mistake again. It cost me more than a good man, it cost me my heart.”
His eyes dilated and lips parted. Then he slid his hand around to the back of my head, and tugged me closer. “And what does your heart say now?”
Ninety-Eight (Contemporary Romance) Page 18
